I felt the blood throbbing at my temples, a headache slowly crept along the perimeter of my vision, and my mood was one of utter defeat. I had lost my temper, or rather had nearly lost my mind, and as I had raked crumbs of crumpled biscuit that had somehow escaped the trash can and found their home instead on my couch, carpet, and coffee table, I had uttered over and over, “I can’t keep doing this, I can’t keep doing this, I can’t keep doing this!”
Tears had welled up in my eyes, my heart had beat with frustration and anger, and I had even cried out a few, “oh God, help me’s.” I had somehow snapped in the midst of movement, and I had hit a wall in my flurry of daily routine. A well-meaning friend had even suggested, “you need a break, honey,” but all I had thought was, I can’t take a break. I’m a mother. This is what it is!
The fact was that I existed in a busy time of life. I was a mother of four, and three of them were six years old and under. I homeschooled, I ran a home, I ran a small skincare business, I wrote, I worked PRN as a nurse, and I did a little bit of everything in between. I seemed to be so busy all of the time, and most of the time I just ran along with it. But some days. Some days I had a mini mental breakdown.
But today the Lord also reminded me of something very important. As I went about my busy morning I mentally tallied up the things I wanted to complete that day. I prayed for God to help me manage my time wisely and to help me walk through my day with grace. In retrospect I might should have asked for a double portion of that last one, but His words did serve well later when they came back to my mind. His words echoed through my heart, and they were the reminder to help me step back from the cliff of my unraveling moment that occurred in the midst of my crazy, but beautiful life.
God had spoken to my heart,
your busy is your blessing.
Every single thing in my day that caused it to be busy was a wonderful gift.
Sometimes I was certain my young children existed to undo every single thing I did. If I cleaned it, they would mess it up. And I so happened to typically be one of those grumbling housekeepers. I would stomp back and forth picking up discarded socks and empty cups mumbling to myself under my breath. As I swept the floor a fifth time that day I would speak to the tiles, “no one knows how to do anything but me!” What I tended to forget was that each mess, although a nuisance, was a concrete representation of my full life. Crumbs were a reminder of fat, healthy babies, and dirty laundry an example of how well-provided for we are as a family.
When I was busy with my business I was blessed with a large team, a growing customer base, and a wonderful opportunity to provide for my family from home.
When I was busy with compiling and teaching school lessons to my girls, or heading out of the home for school activities with other homeschooling families I was being provided an amazing chance to educate my children at our kitchen table. I was able to teach them about Jesus, help them understand the things that were important in this life, and also be afforded time with them. Time was so fleeting when they were young. Busy, but worth it I say!
I was only given so much of it. Time that is. And though this time of my life, with very young children, was an extremely busy one, it was also a blessing. Every single hustle and bustle signified a full life, full home, and full heart. My busy was my blessing, and I could get along with that. It didn’t mean I wouldn’t have my moments of frazzle and frustration, but it did mean I didn’t have to stay there. I could move forward in the truth of how beautiful my life truly was. Biscuit crumbles and all.