“Then they said stop following us around, in a mean voice, but I wasn’t following them. I just wanted to be their friend.”
My daughters words fell heavy on my mommy heart, and I thought of how precious my child was to me. I wanted others to see her as the special, sweet child she was, but I knew that wouldn’t always be so. Life was hard, relationships were harder, and you couldn’t be friends with everyone. This was something I knew all too well, and as usual, when one of my daughters expressed the difficulties of relationships with their peers, I was transported back in time temporarily to my own youth.
I was always a bit of an odd child, an outcast, and had difficulties relating to other girls my age. I dealt with more than my fair share of bullying, and transversed through most of my high school years in a depressed, lackluster fog, just pushing through with hopes that one day things would improve. A sensitive young woman, I took the brunt of my anxieties to heart, and I wore my feelings on my sleeve even as I knew it was unwise to do so. I’d say I spent 90% of my youth with my heart broken in one way or another and my spirit feeling crushed. I just did.
Even as a twenty-something I carried the weight of others opinions on my shoulders, and college psychology courses made me wonder was it the lack of my biological father’s love that made me desire affection so fiercely. Who knew. I just had a tender spirit, and being different compounded the difficulties of that particular trait. For years.
Yesterday I stood reading a Christmas card I had gotten in the mail, and as I read the Bible verse from Luke on the back I felt my throat tighten and tears come to my eyes as the gratitude of God’s love weighed heavy upon me, and I was happy for it. He made me that way. He had made my heart sensitive to emotion, and though sometimes my emotions got the better of me, I knew they were a good thing. I could love deeply, and proceed cautiously when dealing with others pain. I could speak the love of Christ even in correction, and place myself in the shoes of someone else. I could love Jesus in a deep, passionate way, and grasp the hem of His garment as if He were walking by right here and now. He had made me that way.
“Momma,” my daughter asked, “have you ever been someone you’re not?”
“Yes, baby,” I answered honestly. “I think sometimes we all try to be who others want us to be. But don’t forget that you are special. However God made you is with purpose. He placed your personality within you, and anyone who truly loves you will love you for who you are. Who God made you to be.”
It took me about 35 years to figure that out, to realize that the things I thought were curses were actually gifts. Who I am is who God made me to be. And who my daughter is made to be. And who you are made to be. We are all unique, all with purpose, and all special for a specific reason in God’s kingdom. Embrace you. Embrace others. I’m teaching my daughters the same.
Dave Parsons says
I might of stated this before but the biggest struggles I have with people are those I see in church! Often times there seems to be a personality contest to see who can be the cutest, funniest, loudest while those of us who are less talkative and quiet are left in the corner! Sadly it does go on in churches! I hear them teach about the fruit of the spirit but I don’t see much fruit but instead an effort to see who can control what! Now this is not an indictment of all in church as there are those who truly try to include all! The pastor we have now practices including all the best of anyone I have ever seen! He truly glows with the love of Jesus! He is teaching all of us to give each person worth which Jesus already gives them! It is inspiring to hear of your struggles as I can relate in many ways! My heart always goes to the shy one that is shunned by those who have their own groups of accepted friends! At church I will try to seek out and speak to the shunned because I know how they feel! God puts so much worth and has a purpose for us all and sometimes we as humans overlook a diamond in the rough when God wants us to help them shine! Some of the greatest speakers I hear have come from a lonely and often rejected upbringing and for much of their early life felt unwanted but God saw something in them He could use and He does! So happy to see you are teaching your daughters as you are! God has a plan for them!
brieann.rn@gmail.com says
Thank you so much! It’s such a pleasure to have you as a reader and friend.
Dave Parsons says
Thank you! You too!