I think parenting is hard no matter how you slice it, but when you factor in the wide spectrum of personalities children can possess, that much to a parent’s distress is far different from their own, you have a clash of ideals. Children are a gift from God, but much like any cleverly wrapped present, you have no clue what you’re going to find when you open it. And with kids even what you see is not what you get. Parenting is a practice in patience for sure, but also a unique learning experience. Even when it is exasperating.
I can remember with my first daughter making my way hesitantly through her infant existence. As a new mom it was certainly challenging, but looking back I realize she was an “easy” baby. She’s also grown into a very simple to understand child thus far. I never had to baby proof my home when she was little, and though she could crawl, if you set her down in one place she was quite content to just stay there playing with a single toy. She’s a very loving young lady with a precious heart for those around her, and she’s obedient as much as she is gracious. Quick to smile, and even quicker to forgive, she’s an “easy” child to raise. She just is.
This morning as I sat on the sofa pulling on my socks I prayed for each of my girls in turn, and when I came to my middle child I laughed a bit as I prayed for her safety. I always do. I often joke with my husband that she must have an entire host of guardian angels surrounding her at all times as that’s the only explanation for zero emergency room visits in her almost four years of life. She’s my accident prone child, and if there’s something to trip over she would be the one to find it. Heck, she trips when there’s nothing there.
As I gazed at her gorgeous features while she slept, no doubt dreaming of something adorable, my heart melted at how much I loved her. I loved her so much! And it was a good thing. She was what you might term my challenging child, or my “difficult” one. Whether you called it independent, strong-willed, or highly spirited, she was indeed a personality all her own. She pushed every button I had, sometimes twice or more, and made me mutter things I would just rather not.
She was the child that would boldly defy you right to your face, but also give you the most passionate embrace you’d ever experienced. Her wheels were always turning for what exploration and mayhem should could conjure up next, but when she smiled I was sure the earth stopped spinning. I called her my star. My bright, shining star. She was so far away from the planet I had imagined her to be, but her brilliance radiated for light years.
This morning as I prayed specifically for this wonderful girl who made me pay for my raising I asked God to show me wisdom.
Show me how to parent her, Lord, in a way that would cultivate the special gifts you have planted in her. Help me to lead her closer to you, and to help her emerge as the young woman you have designed her to be.
The thing was I didn’t want her to be easy. I didn’t want her to be like her big sister, or even like me. I realized something about my girl. She wasn’t difficult, she was different. She wasn’t so much a challenge as she was a unique soul. All children are, some just more than others. I believe God places special personalities in each of His creations, and my job as a mother isn’t to squash her spirit, but to help it shine. It’s not my job to capture my little star and place her in a box, but rather to help her radiate God’s goodness in the way He has in mind.
It’s not because she’s the middle child, contrary to popular believe, but I think it’s because the Lord has a special calling on her life. He’s going to use her independent, strong spirit to do amazing things for His kingdom, and I just pray I can help her cultivate her gifts to bring glory to her creator. She’s not so much difficult as she is on a divine path for God’s glory, and I wonder how many of us loose our shine along the way trying to fit into a mold that’s easier for the world to handle?
So what I do is try to never let her forget how special she is. Sure, I set boundaries. There’s rules, consequences, and plenty of loving discipline, but there’s also a lot of hugs. When she seems to be bouncing back and forth through her day like some eighties’ video game I take the time to stop her, make eye contact, and tell her how loved she is despite my frequent, frequent correction. That’s where my pet name came in.
“I love you, my little bright and shining star. You’re very special to mommy.”
But I do that with my oldest too. I take tiny blocks of time alone with each one to sow feelings of love and appreciation for the unique spirits they possess. In the end there is no easy child or difficult child. Not really. There is simply different children with different gifts that God can use in different ways. My prayer is that I can lead them to discover their gifts, and never make them feel like they should change who He has made them to be.
Dave Parsons says
Your children are so blessed to have a mommy that is praying for them and trusting God to use them! God is the ultimate potter but He has you there under His direction to help those little pieces of clay learn life’s lessons according to the bible! I wouldn’t take anything for the memories of hearing my mother and father pray and pray hard! I remember playing in our old dirt yard on Bailey Avenue in Macon, Georgia when I was about 10 years old and hearing my mother “inside the house” praying! She prayed loud at times! I’m not saying prayer has to be loud or soft but it needs to be often as the scripture says pray without ceasing! I love the the movie War Room & that little praying lady reminds me so much of my mother! Pray on Brie and continue your race! There is a force out there that wants to steal those little ones away for not so good purposes but God! But God! But God has you there in their lives for such a time as this! I wish I could see and hear more about parents like you as I admit, I do get discouraged in my flesh & spirit when I see how God has been put on the back shelf in so many young families with children! My wife and I teach childrens church & we see so many troubled kids who are brought to church by loving christian grandparents or foster parents and you can sense the apathy in these kids lives! One little girl is from a terribly split troubled family but a neighbor has convinced her mother to let her bring her to church! The little girl, Rachel, asked for prayer yesterday for her “whole family!! I was behind the puppet stage and my heart just broke when I heard her prayer request! I think, oh God, please give us words to say to encourage this precious one to trust You! Thank God, thank God for parents who put Christ first in their families!
brieann.rn@gmail.com says
Thank you. Praying for Rachel now.