It Ain’t Easy Being Me.
That’s my theme song, an anthem for the overly sensitive. Yep, that’s me to a tee. It isn’t easy either.
When something bothers me it bothers me big time. In fact I typically stew over the situation, marinating in my own imagined plight. I try and I try to let it go, but I find myself with hurt feelings, regret, or thoughts of self-depreciation. None of which are enjoyable at all.
Even as a citizen who thinks this world is made up of far too many people with their feelings being hurt so easily, I realize that I’m one of those people. Oh dear.
For the overly sensitive, small things become magnified to bigger things in your own mind, and worry over things that deserve little concern becomes the norm. You might find you were bullied as a child, or you might be the subject of people’s ridicule even as an adult. If you are, no matter how minute, it will crush you.
Having married a fellow sensitive soul I realize there are people out there like me. The over-thinkers, the doubters, and the down-in-the-dumps, status-post confrontation folks.
Not certain if that’s you? Here’s five ways to know for sure.
1. When someone says something to you, other than something nice, especially is it’s something mean, and you can’t stop thinking about it. Oh my gosh! I hate being this way, and I want to stop. I try to stop. I try to think about something else. I pray about it. But still, if I have been on the receiving end of an unkind statement (or what I imagine to be unkind) I will think about it all day, and sometimes for days. I can’t help it.
I don’t want to be that woman with the hurt feelings. I want to be strong! I want to be that woman who doesn’t even care. But I’m not, and I do. I do care.
2. When you replay your confrontational conversation with someone over and over wondering if you said the right thing. So aside from being unable to let it go, and let it roll off my back like water off a duck, I also replay the entire convo. It’s like a NFL play-by-play.
Naturally I always think of all these really cool things I should have said at the time, but since my heart was racing like a nervous school girl I just stammered like an idiot.
*insert forehead slap
But here’s the kicker. If I do say something it’s usually brilliantly sarcastic. This will later cause me guilt and remorse, and I’ll wonder, Did I hurt their feelings? I probably shouldn’t have said that! Yep, my level of crazy goes beyond what you can fathom.
3. When five people say something complimentary, but you focus on the one negative thing. Ugh! Why, why do I do this? I can receive beautiful, heartfelt compliments from so many people about something I’ve said or done. One person can say something non-complimentary, and that’s the one I reflect upon.
Everyone loves a compliment, but the sensitive soul blossoms under the kind affirmation from another. Sadly this same compliment can be easily overturned by a harsh word. Even when the harsh word is deserved. Like a scolded puppy your tail goes between your legs, and you might just hide under the bed for the rest of the day.
The naysayer’s words are the ones that stick, and I will see it affecting my self-esteem poorly, even as I fight for it not to. Even as I try to say it doesn’t matter, that one person; for some reason it does. That’s where the spotlight shines in my mind. On the hurtful comment.
4. When someone doesn’t speak to you, and you wonder, “what did I do?” This would almost be laughable if it wasn’t so pitiful. It’s okay, you can laugh. Just don’t tell me you did.
For some reason I am very in-tune to possible mistakes I might make in relationships. Or I certainly try to be. I suppose it’s because I get my feelings hurt so easy. I just assume everyone else does too. In that line of thinking if I come across someone and they don’t speak I instantly have this irrational fear that I might have peeved them off in some way.
It’s ridiculous, but I’ll stew about it for an extended period of time until I eventually contact them asking “what’s wrong.”
That’s like the calling card of an overly sensitive person. We’re constantly asking people close to us “what’s wrong,” and nine times out of ten they look at us like we have two heads, or we deserve a pitiful, pat on our noggin. Then they’ll answer, “nothing.”
Then we spend the next half-hour wondering why they won’t tell us what’s bothering them.
Bless my husband’s heart.
5. When you see someone’s vague, angry Facebook status and worry you did something to make them mad. Ok, I really hate to admit this one. The thing is I will know it’s not about me. I’ll be quite certain in fact, but that doesn’t silence the needling in the back of my brain that says, “Brie, did you blog something today that they could have taken personally or the wrong way?”
Sigh.
If I do realize I am in the wrong, or I have said something to cause someone upset then I beat myself up to no end. In fact I probably am harder on myself about my mistakes than anyone else.
Next commences the nagging, persistent stew of worry that someone might not like me anymore. How about that?
I’ll say, Brie, not everyone will like you, you know.
Then I’ll respond, I know…
And whisper as an afterthought, but I wish they did.
I want to be that person who doesn’t give a hoot. I want to laugh it off, and forget about it. And eventually I do. It just takes a little bit longer than most of the human population.
It ain’t easy being me, but then I’m reminded that I’m exactly how God wants me to be. I have fought this for years, and I think I’ve gotten a little better over time, but still my sensitive personality persists. I have a tender heart some would say, and since I can’t pray it away I guess I’ll let God use it as He sees fit.
I am reminded, and you should be too, that God gives us all unique gifts and personalities that collectively make the world go round, and make the Church as it should be. So while being overly sensitive might hurt it also serves a purpose to hopefully make one more sensitive to the needs of those around them. Or at least I’m trying to be.
Tina Sampson says
Thank-you! I’m happy to know I’m not alone. I love your blog!
brieann.rn@gmail.com says
Thanks so much!
esperanzamlk says
Haha. I fit all five of them.
We are in the same team 🙂
brieann.rn@gmail.com says
Feels good to be part of a team. Lol!
Jessica Hathcock says
Love this!! I needed to know I wasn’t the only overly emotional one!!
brieann.rn@gmail.com says
Thank you. You’re in good company. Lol.
Angela says
Hi Brie,
I love this post! I too wear my heart on my sleeve. I have been working hard at letting things be. I am finally at the point where I have accepted that everyone will not appreciate me, no matter how understanding I try to be. I am finally accepting that everyone is different. I still dwell on things for a few hours or days, but I know that I must let it go. I guess it truly is a process.
brieann.rn@gmail.com says
Thanks for commenting. I too am a work in progress. It’s cool to see how God is refining me through it all.
Marlene Howell, RN says
I completely relate to every single thing you have written. I am a preacher’s wife in addition to being a nurse so I really get a double helping of worrying about whether I have offended someone. Strangely, as a nurse, seeing all the mental issues and maladies people suffer has helped me to not worry so much at times as to whether someone is upset with me. I have learned there is so much more going on in people’s lives that have nothing to do with me but because I am overly sensitive, I pick up on it. Sensitivity can be a blessing and sometimes a curse. As hard as the nursing profession can be emotionally, I believe those who are oversensitive are probably even better nurses as a result. Maybe a better description would be intuitive? It is hard sometimes, but I have learned over time to let go of things. I will still relive things that upset me…I am in amazement of folks who can be in an altercation and then just walk away as if everything was okay. One thing I have learned is most folks do not get offended by what I say nearly as much as I would have if the same thing had been said to me. We tend to view others as if they would have the same thoughts and reactions as we overly sensitive know we would. It can be a gift, if we learn to put our thoughts in the proper perspective. We overly sensitive folks are the same ones who pick up on the things that are affecting others when no one else notices and we can do much good with our talent. I guess it is like other talents…there are always burdens to bear no matter whether we are tough or tender hearted! 🙂
brieann.rn@gmail.com says
Thanks for sharing. I completely agree. ?