I’m tired. I mean I’m really tired. Am I as tired as I was when I was pregnant with my second child while chasing a two year old? No, not exactly. But back then I took naps. Not so much anymore.
In fact, I haven’t taken a nap since I was pregnant, and as my youngest daughter approaches two I realize this. Actually I discovered it yesterday right after I failed at nap time.
As I rocked my toddler, and she snoozed so peacefully in my arms, I thought, man, that looks awesome. And I decided to give it a try. It was a long time coming after all.
Just as I began to succumb, for the first time in years, I was roused awake quickly by the doorbell. Grrrr. My first thought was to let it go, and fall back into the beautiful arms of sleep, but then my eyes popped open with worry. What if my four year old decided to open the door?!
What if it was a crazed maniac, and they stole her right from our own front door, while I lay in bed sleeping, neglecting the poor, helpless child?! Agghh! Panic attack. And so was the end of my nap. I looked at my watch as I ran to check on my preschooler, and was amazed at the record nap I had taken. Four minutes y’all.
After I confirmed my eldest had not been kidnapped by a brutal pedophile who knocks on doors at random to lure little girls outside, I realized something. Mommas don’t get a nap. Ever. But then I wondered why.
Sure, this time it was the doorbell’s fault, but why had it taken me two years to give it a whirl? I agree my life is hectic, and it’s hard enough putting the kids down for a nap, much less myself. But do I ever stop to rest? Do you?
It’s not the kids, and it’s not the load I carry. Not really. This momma doesn’t refuse a nap because I don’t have time, but rather because I don’t think I do. After all, who can nap when there’s laundry to do, dishes to wash, or a checkbook to balance?!
Yesterday I was teaching a daily phonics lesson to my four year old, and she just couldn’t grasp the new letter we were going over. She began to get upset, and as she got an answer wrong she wailed, “I’ll never get this right?!” And then I watched in surprise as her lower lip began to quiver and she started to cry.
As I held her, consoling her, I wondered why she had gotten so upset. Why did she think she had to get it right on the first try, or all the time for that matter?
Then I realized that’s why Mommas don’t nap. That’s why we push and push. It’s why we place so much value on a tidy home and a trim waistline. It’s why we stress over our children’s nutritional value and what theme we should use at their next birthday party. And while all that stuff is really great, it can be exhausting. Sometimes it makes you want to cry because you don’t get it right the first time, or every time, or hardly at all.
While I love nothing more than a floor free of food and sticky mess I think I probably put more emphasis on it than need be. I’m sure my husband appreciates my housekeeping, and though he’d likely notice if I stopped, I know for a fact that it doesn’t rank towards the top in order of importance as far as he’s concerned. If he were here I’m pretty sure he’d opt for the nap over mopping the kitchen.
Always doing tasks, and making sure it’s all done? That’s just what moms do, but maybe sometimes we need to take a break. Sometimes I need to realize it’s okay to stop for a minute and just do nothing.
It’s okay to not get it right, or perfect, or even close. And even though magazines full of Hollywood moms, Pinterest, or worse, other moms I know do it one way, I don’t have to follow suit. I can use store-bought cake mix and Halloween costumes instead of laboring over making my own. Then I can use the excess time to sit on the couch and watch a grown-up show while eating gluten-laden snacks if I so choose.
By George, I can take a nap. I really can. And most importantly not feel guilty about it. That’s the hardest thing to get past really, the voice inside my head telling me all the things I should do instead.
I have decided I have to loosen up a bit, and not believe the mommy lie that I must complete every thing on my list by bedtime. It’s okay to ask for help, or get it wrong, or refuse to do it at all. It’s okay to sleep, and play, and actually enjoy being a mom and wife.
It is a job, and it’s a busy one, but perhaps the most demands on me are imposed by me. I’m my biggest critic, and most grueling boss (although the toddler is a close second).
I’ve decided it’s okay to not get it right. It’s okay to not be a super hero because just being a mom makes me super enough. And being super is exhausting. So hence the need for a nap!
Now, who’s with me?
Denise says
I call it the “quilty mom syndrome”, and it’s a difficult one to let go of. I love the end of the poem, “Babies Don’t Keep”:
The cleaning and scrubbing can wait till tomorrow
But children grow up as I’ve learned to my sorrow.
So quiet down cobwebs; Dust go to sleep!
I’m rocking my baby and babies don’t keep.
In the end, the only thing that matters is our faith and family. Enjoy our children, they really do grow up too quickly.
My husband could care less if I kept up with the housework to the degree that I do….When I put unrealistic demands upon myself, I am crabby and it reflects upon my family…something I never want, and I feel lousy.
We will never regret time spent with our children, but we will regret time NOT spent with them in order to maintain a “too clean” house.
If we are going to be critical of ourselves, why not critique ourselves on how well we “mother” our children! I can tell, from your blogs, that you do an awesome “job” Brie!
I have come to realize that my greatest calling in my life is raising four children to become responsible, caring people who recognize that this world isn’t about “me” but rather helping others. You, Brie, help so many through your blogs because you touch upon the “reality” of our persons..and that we all share a bond. Thank you for placing yourself “out there” for us to recognize ourselves and become more perfect like Him.
Blessings
brieann.rn@gmail.com says
Thanks so much for the great comment. I am blessed to have gained you not only as a blog reader, but as a long distance friend.
Denise says
Oh Brie…what a sweet and thoughtful sentiment…you have touched my heart and spirit. I am so thankful for your kind words.