I watch my children daily as they grow and learn about life and how best to maneuver through it. From an early age babies begin picking up on how the world works, and how best to have their needs met. While it’s often exasperating to a tired parent, toddlers seem to have a unique grasp of how to get what they want.
Many days I kind of wish I was a toddler again. Then I could follow my child’s lead in which behaviors get the most and best results.
Here’s what works for her.
1. Point and grunt. Or whine. It doesn’t matter if Mom is on the phone. Money is not an issue. Neither are rules like “you can’t have that. You’re too little.”
In life if someone tells you that you can’t have something you want for whatever reason or especially if they try to ignore you, take the cue from a toddler. Bug the piss out of them until they cave. It’s really that simple
2. Cry until you get what you want. Seriously, I think I could do this. I’m pretty emotional after all, and I usually hold back my tears, but I’m thinking maybe I should just let them pour.
What boss, bill collector, or policeman wouldn’t bend to my will if I screamed incomprehensible, blubbering pleas while my mascara ran down my face?
3. Perseverance! My toddler is a rock of determination. She doesn’t take no for an answer. I mean it. She doesn’t listen when I say no. If she wants it, she goes for it.
She also doesn’t let her size or inability to figure it out get in the way. She will get to the candy on top of the refrigerator. Some way, some how, it can be done. She’s an inspiration really.
4. Getting out of trouble. So basically if you’re going to do something you’re not supposed to do, the key is looking cute when you get caught. Flash your most adorable smile and turn on the charm. Pucker your lips and offer a kiss. Also, don’t underestimate the power of a well-placed hug. Gets me every time.
5. Confidence. I don’t care if you got a huge milk gut, your thighs rub together, or your butt is dimply. It doesn’t matter if your hair is all over the place and you have a huge booger hanging out of your nose. Life is fun so just go with it. Work it. Flash a big smile and own the fact that you’re a cutie patootie, no matter what.
6. Enjoying your food. I rush through my meals most of the time. I’m not sure if it’s a military thing or a mommy thing, but I could learn a lot from watching my toddler eat.
The key is to close your eyes while you chew and make “yum-yum” noises. Even if your food falls out upon your lap. Also it’s best to eat with your hands and test the texture of foods by squishing them in your clenched fists. Don’t forget the pleasure of enjoying food by placing it in an ear, nose, or your hair.
7. When you gotta go. Who doesn’t wish they could just pee whenever they want without the hassle of getting up from the bed or TV and going all the way to the bathroom. I can see the market for adult diapers.
And what about pooping in the tub? Sure saves the hassle of having to wipe, right?
8. Taste it. If you’re uncertain of what something is then what better way to discover its origin than by sticking it in your mouth.
Not sure if you want that gift from Grandma? Taste it. Is that a bug? Taste it. Chocolate or poop on your shirt? Taste it.
It could really revolutionize your life. Next time you meet a stranger just take their outstretched hand and pop their finger in your mouth. What a way to bond and forge friendships!
9. Hit or bite mean people. Oh. My. Gosh. Do you know how great your day could be if you could just grab a toy truck and bonk it over the head of the woman who cut line in the Walmart check-out?
What about that rude guy at work? Maybe you could just go up to his desk and bite the crap out of him. I bet he’d watch his snide comments after that.
10. Carry me. Too many of us work ourselves to exhaustion or try to do more than our bodies are capable of achieving in a given day.
When my toddler is tired she comes up to me and holds out her arms until I pick her up. Sometimes we all just need somebody to hold us and carry us for a while.
11. Power nap. This is the absolute best thing that a kid does. I think all workplaces should offer graham crackers, juice, and a kindermat. Imagine the increased productivity in America if we took a mandatory nap after lunch. Brilliant!
That’s right. There were eleven, not ten. I took a cue from my toddler and added another because I wanted to and being a nonconformist is fun. It’s ok. I’m making my sweetest smile so you can’t get mad that I snuck an extra lesson in on you. And now I’m going to take a nap! Can somebody hold me?
Sherry Evans says
Hey Brie, enjoys your blog as always but have been sooooo busy with the additions to our household one being a very precious toddler that I adore immensely. I got a good chuckle out of the toddler life lessons. Oh how this is soooo true they are adorable, persistent and consistent with those tips. I’ve missed talking to you keep up the writing it is so refreshing and enlightening.
brieann.rn@gmail.com says
Thanks so much. I also dropped you a line this weekend as you came to my mind and I prayed for you. Thanks again.