I have decided that I have a broken mirror in my home. It seems to be the only explanation I can come up with. Why else would I see the things I see when I look deeply into the reflection staring back at me? It must be broken.
It’s not broken every day. Somedays it works just fine. I’ll gaze into my mirror and see things as they truly are, but others days something is just not right.
On those not so right days my mirror has a tendency to make me look wider in the hips even when my pants seem to fit the same. It will accentuate a pouchy belly or make my butt look big even when the numbers on the scale don’t change.
My broken mirror will draw attention to my flaws. My clogged pores will resemble black holes, my split ends will be dancing off my head, and the nose I broke as a child will appear especially crooked on these days. My lips are too small! I’ll think in frustration and forgo the lipstick not wanting to draw attention to the line of a mouth I see frowning back at me.
Even my attributes will seem to be lacking. My normally vibrant, big hazel eyes will appear a squinty, dull brown. In fact, I usually can’t see anything good when my mirror acts up in this manner. Ugh.
Can I really blame what I see on a piece of reflective glass, or am I the broken one?
What about being a woman makes one a critic on self-assessment? How is it that others can see so much good in you, so much beauty, yet when faced with looking at yourself, you just don’t see it? Not at all.
Sometimes you may see it, but it’s usually only in retrospect. As you look at an old photo you may think incredulously, I can’t believe I thought I was fat then. If only?!
They say the fix for a broken mirror is to upgrade to a model that reflects God’s vision of you. I wish it were that simple, and I try to tell myself it can be. I remind myself of how it must make Him feel when I don’t appreciate and treasure the unique gift He made for Himself when He made me. It must hurt Him something fierce.
So I make the goal to view myself through God’s eyes, as a beautiful child of my King, but then I’m confronted with my broken mirror, and it all falls apart.
I wish I could just go buy a God mirror at Lowe’s or something, but thus far I haven’t found them in stock. So I guess I’ll just have to keep working on fixing me, or rather continue to allow God to heal my brokenness, the cracks that make it not always easy to love me for me.
It helps knowing He does. Love me for me I mean. And I can hold on to that. Like an anchor in the rock I can keep my ground by holding fast to His love. When my mirror fails me, or even when I fail me, I can count on one thing. His love will never fail me.
Does that mean that when I look in the mirror tomorrow it won’t be broken anymore? Probably not. But I’m hopeful that it will have fewer cracks than it had before.
Rachel says
I use to think that way. However, I finally decided to trust my spouse. I chose to believe that what I see doesn’t matter, and that what he sees is how I look. My faith in him has changed my whole outlook and life drastically. Regardless, you are gorgeous, and the only two people who can change that fact is your hubby and Jesus.
brieann.rn@gmail.com says
Thank you. It is amazing what a loving spouse can do to your perception, and so happy for how God can change my heart.