I suppose it all started when I served in the Navy, and somewhere along the way I married a serial curser. Like seriously, I’m certain that my ex-husband learned the F-bomb while he was in the womb. But I hate to blame anyone else for my own speech patterns. It just seems that it was easier to drop cuss words frequently when most of the people I worked with, hung out with, or lived with did the same.
I was a frequent curse word user, and they were commonly proclaimed in my descriptions of everyday life. Did you see the size of that f@&%ing bug, dude? It was huge? I didn’t even notice when I used them to tell you the truth.
I guess words are just words. That’s certainly what I thought at the time, and though I thought I might recall Bible verses about foul language, I’m sure I swept those aside with all the others I chose to ignore. I mean, it didn’t really mean not to cuss, right? As the years passed I found myself drawn back to God, and as my relationship with the Lord grew so did my convictions over certain areas of my life.
When I became reborn I decided to slow down on the cussing, and when I had my first child I especially put those words away. I certainly didn’t need a toddler running around saying d@&n, or going to church and hollering out s%@t. As time went by further and further I developed my very own opinion about cursing, and it’s kind of like my thoughts on alcohol consumption.
The thing is I can’t say categorically what’s right and what’s wrong on certain subjects. That’s not really my place. But I can say what’s right and wrong for me. Somewhere along the way if you listen real close God whispers the answers to you. When it comes to drinking alcohol it may be fine and dandy for someone else, but since I tend to want to overindulge it seems that for me, personally, drinking is a sin. So I abstain.
I’ve decided recently that cussing is the same way, and here’s why. When I decided to have those words no longer be a part of my vocabulary, (honestly, mostly because they’re not typically associated with Christianity), I figured that would be the end of it. I’d just stop, right? Well, it seems that I ending up reserving them for certain circumstances. When I dropped something. Bam! When I got angry in traffic. Yep! Basically, when anything didn’t go my way it seems that cuss words were my go-to descriptive words to display the ferocity of my anger. I’m telling you, nothing says I’m enraged like screaming the ‘F’ word. So in essence, when I raged, I cussed.
As I began to notice my choice of when to use these words that I had decided to forbid for myself I realized what they were signifying in my life. While they may have been simply words, for me they represented a me that lost control. They painted a picture of an angry woman who couldn’t control the things coming out of her mouth. They had become a sin in my life. I realized I was a cussing Christian, and I didn’t like it at all.
But they’re just words! I told myself, and perhaps to some people they can be just that. Yet for me they were a reminder of a person I no longer wished to be. Like I said before, I think God reveals layer by layer what parts of self can be thrown out, and I decided then and there, standing in my kitchen on the border of recovering rage, that I would stop cussing once and for all.
Yes. I would stop.
Then my eldest daughter dumped an entire container of onion powder on the meat she was helping me cook for dinner, and I slipped in a pile of pee on the kitchen floor.
Words! I wanted to say words. Ugly words, words that exemplified my frustration! My fragile, erratic hormones begged and pleaded with me to just let at least one obscenity fly!!
I can’t do this, Lord. I’m already failing. Why do I fall down over and over again?!
It was later that night, not right then, mind you, but later as I sat silently rocking my youngest daughter to sleep that I had a bit of a revelation. I realized that I had been a cussing Christian so long that I was sure it would be near impossible for me to break this habit. I did it before I could even catch myself, and my own failure and weakness at something that should be so easy to stop was very discouraging to say the least. I knew I couldn’t change in my own strength and power. My only option was to give it to God.
Take it from me, Lord. Take away this habit I am ready to be rid of.
Immediately I felt a peace and relief wash over me. It may seem like a small, silly thing to some, but like I said, it was something God had brought to me, for me, and I felt eager to change.
I paraphrase. I don’t claim to have obtained it yet, but one thing I do. I don’t look behind me at where I was once, getting mired down by my past, but I look ahead, eager to continue on the path of improvement that Christ leads me. Each person’s path is a little different, but thankfully the Lord communicates directions along the way. I’ll keep pressing on.
I’m a cussing Christian, but I can change. I have been through divorce in the past, but that doesn’t mean God won’t bless my current marriage that I seek to honor Him with now. I have fallen so many times, in so many ways, but with the Lord’s help I stand back up, I press forward, repenting of my sins, and I am changed.