Brie Gowen

Savor the Essence of Life

How to Hear the Voice of God Better

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Do you remember the Kevin Costner film from 1989 titled Field of Dreams? In the movie (based on a novel) an Iowa corn farmer is walking through his field when he sees a vision of a baseball field and hears a voice say, “build it and he will come.” Although everyone thinks he’s crazy, he is so certain that he’s supposed to build a baseball field in his cornfield so Shoeless Joe Jackson can come play there, that despite public opinion he plows down his corn and steps out in this unconventional calling. I won’t ruin the plot for you if you haven’t seen it, but let’s just say that his commitment to carry forth the word he’s given does more for his personal life and spiritual growth than something as simple as a baseball legend coming to visit.

The words uttered in that film, “build it and he will come,” resounded with me deeply when I recalled them yesterday and not because I loved that old movie so much, but rather due to the spiritual significance they spoke.

If we build it, He will come.

Our bodies are a temple for the Holy Spirit, and as such, when we consecrate that space for Him, He is faithful to meet us there. The problem with our temples is they become too crowded for His Spirit to comfortably reside there. Our minds are filled with worries, and our hearts filled with anxiety. We harbor guilt, anger, and unforgiveness on the shelves of our mind. We spend our time on television, social media, or our busy schedule more than we do laying a good foundation in our spirit. Hey, I’m guilty too, but if you desire to hear more from the Lord, I’ve found you must close out the distraction and noise of this world to be able to listen. His voice is a whisper.

  

I’ve taken to practicing a daily unloading of the world. Usually first thing in the morning while in the shower I will quiet my heart and mind, close my eyes, and picture that I am standing at the foot of a throne. In the highest seat is Jesus, and I mentally and emotionally unload my burdens. I pray in surrender and tell the Lord something like, “today I give you all my anxiety, worries, and uncertainty. I exchange them for your Spirit and peace.”

I’ve noticed a tremendous upswing in my day with this simple practice of surrender. In it, I am acknowledging His supreme power in my life. I’m admitting I cannot do it alone. Many times I will imagine myself walking in a field with Jesus, simply spending carefree time with my Savior. I will pray out loud something like, “thank you that I am in you, and you are in me, and we are one with the Father, seated in Heavenly places.” By repeating these powerful words of truth I am acknowledging scripture, believing that the troubles of this world mean little compared to His power, His kingdom, and His plans for me.

When we can pray, listen, and read the Word, the Lord will speak to our hearts. He will impart His plans, His knowledge, and His heart, but I’ve found the key to hearing that still, small voice is pushing out the noise that distracts us. And when I say noise, I don’t just mean the television or screaming children. I’m referring to the noise in our heads, the to-do lists, or the lies from the enemy that say how we perform in life is more important than who God made us to be. The lies that compare us to others, or worry about the opinion of others versus who God says we are. To hear from the Lord is to lay down your life, meaning you would give up anything and everything, including and foremost the things of this world.

There is no room in our bodies, hearts, and minds for anything other than God, but we continue to fill the spaces with it. The thing is, those things don’t satisfy, they just leak out leaving us feeling empty. If we build it, though, He will come. If we empty our houses, clean them of the things not of God, and open the doors in anticipation of His Spirit, He will come and make His home in us. And much like our friend Kevin Costner learned, He will bring us much greater things than we ever imagined.

Can You Love as Adamantly as You Disagree?

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I guess you’ve noticed my drop in posting lately. I’ve taken a step back from social media and public opinion so I could focus on the Lord and His next steps for our family. Despite whether I’ve been writing the past couple of weeks or not, though, my inbox has kept steady with communication from strangers who have come across my writing. This has always been the case, and for the most part I receive lovely encouragement from others. Sometimes I do not. Lately I’ve gotten more ALL-CAPS angry emails than usual, and it hasn’t surprised me a bit considering the state of our country presently. It’s the main reason I took a social media hiatus, but that doesn’t stop my ‘contact me’ box from remaining open.

This past week I received an email from a stranger who had stumbled across a blog post I wrote back in early June 2020 questioning how Jesus might perceive the phrase Black Lives Matter. I could recall it being a well-received post from the people close to me who knew my heart, but as the article swept across the Nation it received mixed reviews. Or perhaps it’s just the angriest voices that speak the loudest. Regardless, the email I received from a man I did not know in reference to this post started by calling me a “daughter of Satan.”

I could go on with the remainder of the insults therein. I could even post it here with his name, but that would be me retaliating for my offense, and that’s not actually what I’m doing here. I don’t take offense. It only makes me sad. Sad that someone who doesn’t even know me took the time to follow a few links to my webpage, contact form, and pen a rage-filled paragraph for me. I guess you could say I’m getting pretty used to it, though. The night before I was labeled by another stranger a “heretic” and guilty of “leading people astray.” I think I’ve had my salvation questioned more in the past few months than ever in my life. But let’s get to the point, shall we.

Let’s put Facebook posts and blog articles aside. I mean, everyone has opinions, and anyone is free to start their own webpage and proclaim them. But, it’s like my husband has told me numerous times, you’ll never influence people with words you share on the internet as much as you will by the life you lead each day. And this was certainly true. I have come to realize this year that opinions will change as we grow. I mean, when I was looking for the link to the recent article I shared above for BLM, I found another I had written in 2016. It was very different. In fact, I think the gentleman who called me a child of Satan probably would have applauded my previous work, but that is neither here or there. My point is, opinions change, people change. Who you vote for in one election may alter drastically in later years, but it’s not our politics that impact the lives around us for Jesus. It’s how we live each day.

My last day of work at the hospital I’ve been at in Orlando, I sat with the most adorable nursing assistant ever. I love her, and she makes me laugh out loud, literally, with her amazing sense of humor. She’s a great tech, and I enjoyed working with her. As we spoke about my upcoming move I brought up the subject of racial injustice. It was a topic newer to me, but one the Lord had really stoked in my spirit this year. Once I opened up the dialogue, and knowing my heart like she did, she began to release her emotions freely. She cried while she expressed her fears to me for her nineteen year old son. She shared personal stories of his interaction with law enforcement, and she recounted a situation of when he didn’t come home at curfew, and her and her mom got frantic with the worry he had been pulled over and shot. She talked about how happy she was that he loved to play video/computer games because it kept him mostly in his room, where she could be certain he was safe.

I couldn’t understand her feelings here. I mean, I wanted to. I sympathized with her concerns as a mother, but I couldn’t fully empathize with her plight. I didn’t have to. I was the mother of four, white daughters. So what I did instead was listen as she spilled her emotions. Then I told her, “I can’t even begin to imagine how this feels, but I can tell you this. This isn’t right. You should not have to feel this way! I love you, and I stand by you in this fight.”

The thing is, I had been working alongside this woman for two years. She knew I was a Christian. She heard me listen to worship music while I charted, but she also knew I loved Jesus by my actions. She saw it in the way I treated my patients for years, but now, on my last day, I made it apparent to her that I loved her like Jesus would have me to. I saw her, and I held her concerns of value. I loved her just by listening. I loved her by offering my support.

I think that too often in this life we complicate things that are really quite simple. Like the Pharisees in the day of Jesus we focus on things that perhaps we should not. When Jesus and His disciples walked through a field the Pharisees attacked them for picking grain and eating it on the Sabbath. They were hungry, and they took of the bounty God had given. But the religious sect focused on the law (no work, or harvesting grain on Sunday) rather than feeding the need of others. I think that today, instead of choosing to walk with Jesus in that field of wheat, we’re sitting on the sidelines checking the boxes that keep us in the category of Christian according to religion. If we can say we support the right causes, vote the right color, and call out the really big sins, then we’re good. If we can attend services on Sunday we can check the box, but we don’t have to do much beyond that. We can neglect those who need us most. We can keep our Christian friends happy, but forget that it’s the sick who need a physician the most. Those are the words of Jesus, not mine. It was His response when the church leaders of the day ridiculed Him for hanging out with the wrong crowd.

I will be transparent here and tell you that when I got that email I was hurt. What’s the best way to try and cut a lover of Jesus? By questioning their salvation, or their dedication to Him. It seems that this is how fellow believers have disagreed with me lately, by calling into question my Christianity. But do you know who has never questioned it? The lost. I have crossed paths with many people who don’t live a life dedicated to the Lord, but they never question that I do. They learn of my Christianity by the cross I wear around my neck, by the music I listen to, by the scripture I post on social media, or by the words I say. They learn of my dedication to Jesus by the way I live my life each day, by the way I treat others, respond to adversity, and most importantly, by how I love.

I read the Bible a lot. Despite some comments from others telling me I need to read my Bible, I actually do. Like, I read it for hours a day, daily. I love the Word, I crave it, and I find it gives me peace when this world seems crazy. In my study of scripture I’ve never found the parts that state a specific political affiliation is required. I’ve never seen the part where Jesus pinpointed the top three sins of all time. I’ve never found the part that tells us to ridicule those with different opinions, or those who sin differently than ourselves. I do recall something about us all falling short, and I definitely remember a time or two where He instructed us to love others like ourselves. Even to lay down our lives for a brother.

Lay down your life for a friend (John 15:13). I used to think that meant dying physically so someone else could live, much like a civilian hero or soldier on the battlefield. And perhaps it does. But I also think it means metaphorically laying down your life, like, being able to lay down what the world thinks, the reputation of man, the opinion of those besides the Father. It means hanging out with tax collectors even when the Pharisees snub their noses. It means offering healing to those that some might leave bleeding on the side of the road (shout out to the Samaritans). It means standing up for what is right, even if it’s not popular opinion. It means demanding change even as people question something that only God can know. Like your heart motives. To lay down your life means to sacrifice for others, just like Jesus modeled to us. It means to love people you’ve never met, take the punishment for something you didn’t personally do, or humble yourself, even to death, albeit death of your presumptions.

I read an excerpt from Jared Byas, Love Matters More, that said, “Somehow we’ve duped ourselves into thinking that what we believe is more important than how we believe. Perhaps it’s time to remember that love matters more than just believing in God in our heads and that love is a verb.”

I wonder what would happen if we loved as well as we disagree? What if we decided to love others as much as we love our own opinion? What if we laid down offense, laid down our lives, and simply loved instead? Could we admit we have been wrong, admit others have been wrong, or try to be better today than we were yesterday? Maybe we could even throw off the labels we wear. We could decide that it’s not Democrat or Republican, so much as listen and learn. It’s not just liberal or conservative, but kindness and kingdom-thinking. Then we could remember that leading others to Jesus is more important than standing on the right side of a political battle or internet argument. Then we could remember that it’s our fruit of the spirit that will make us known as followers of Him, and certainly not the angry words we throw to a stranger.

Is Satan Stealing Our Nation?

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I was praying this morning on the way to work, and I felt the Lord speaking to me about the condition of our Nation. I mean, how could He not. Unless you’ve been asleep under a rock, you’ve seen the devastation occurring. We giggle at the many memes joking about the craziness of the year 2020, but I think we laugh so we won’t cry. After all, who hasn’t considered the fact when someone brings up words like “end times.” Indeed, we are living in unprecedented times, and I wonder if we can truly see what is happening around us.

This morning as I prayed I had a vision of people on their knees. It was Saints of God, bowing in worship, and as they prayed light from Heaven beamed down into their bodies. It was as if the Holy Spirit was infusing His people with the power they needed, and the thought of this gave me hope. I prayed for revival, knowing that was what we needed, and then I received clarity on the battle to prevent awakening in our world. We were under attack, like never before, and if we were in end times, then we needed to have eyes to see and ears to hear! That is what I prayed for.

When COVID-19 first descended on our country, and it became apparent that the danger we faced was real, I could see a light peeking through the darkness. I know many of you saw it too. The light was shining from the life of others, as the Lord worked through His people to bring hope to a shocked world. We were witnesses to things we had never before encountered, and as we tried to make our way through the surreal fog of uncertainty, the essence of hope beamed like a beacon to persevere. People came together, communities stood tall, and voices rose. You could actually see faith in action, and while church buildings closed, the true church (the body of believers) came out of the woodwork to hold up the weak and weary. I was so proud.

It felt like revival was working its way through the country. Bibles were flying off store shelves and the Bible App reached record downloads. People who normally stayed away from entering a church building were showing up to watch services online, and the healing power of Jesus was reaching people it never had before. A pandemic was upon us, but in true, Awesome God fashion, the Lord was working it for good.

I remember thinking to myself, this is it. A great awakening is upon us.

But then the dastardly sandman slinked out of the grass, ready to close eyes however he could.

You began to see videos popping up on Facebook, and it was almost like the church of conspiracy theories was born. It stepped up its recruiting efforts in an unparalleled fashion, and it was like everyone I knew was suddenly “woke.” Isn’t it ironic how the medium the devil used to distract God’s people from His work, closing their eyes to what He really wanted them to do, was termed such a thing?

Everyone became suspicious. And while I’m a realist, aware of government intrusion, even I couldn’t believe the uproar. Helpers became hiders. People who had formerly been encouraging each other, suddenly began arguing amongst themselves. United people became fragmented factions, hurling ugly words over whether to stay at home or not. Masked men versus the unmasked, and vaccinators fighting with oil infusers. Ridiculous. Petty arguments over politics, and an ever-present stream of shock-factor videos that threatened to disappear if you didn’t watch right away!

While there was nothing wrong with awareness of media manipulation or political propaganda, the problem came with Satan using the work of evil men to further divide good people. The devil was taking something that should have been for the good of mankind and using it to drive a wedge between them. Tempers flared, and instead of us finding the strength we needed to persevere through difficult times in Jesus, we tried to find it in knowledge, as if uncovering conspiracy would make a very real virus suddenly disappear. Instead of finding unity in our fear of the unknown, we allowed evil to thin our patience, replacing it with anger at our neighbor, when really we were just angry with a situation we couldn’t control.

Basically, a time that could have been a win for the church, became an opportunity for losing our cool. What should have been a time of spiritual awakening, instead became a time of distracted slumber. Y’all, we fell for it hook, line, and sinker. I’m guilty too. In times where I could have shown compassion, I responded in frustration. Pride abounded, with each group certain of only one thing; they were right about absolutely everything. We forgot how to humble ourselves, and Satan lapped it up like the dog he is. Evil fed off our anger, and if we could see into the spiritual realm, I’m certain we would have seen demonic forces strengthened by the vapors of our fear and rage. A time when the Nation could have come together, when the church had the utmost opportunity to be a witness of love, we instead fought over whether Outback Steakhouse should open back up their dining room. It’s a laughable comment, until you realize it’s true. We lashed out when we could have loved instead. Fueled by fear and a lack of control, we found false security in fighting over petty indifferences. As if proving that a face mask does no good in public, that would somehow make everything fall into place.

I realize I’m getting too wordy, so please hang with me and I’ll try to tie this up. My point is, our Nation needs a wake up call, but every time God sends one, we fall for Satan’s lullaby! The Lord calls us to follow Him, but Satan whispers for us to hit the snooze button just one more time.

The remnant prayed for healing, and in His mercy the Lord heard their cries. He brought abundant blessing, cutting off Corona before it could carry out its full potential! But then do you know what we did?! The same people who had prayed for an end to the pandemic cursed it coming to an end. Instead of seeing God’s grace and answer to our prayers, they shouted, “I knew it was a hoax!”

That’s right. The Lord blessed His people with healing, but the devil whispered lies. The great deceiver laughed and laughed.

The Lord still allowed us to reap His blessing despite the blatant denial of His goodness. We began to see the cloud of COVID lift, case numbers go down, and communities opening back up. The light of the Lord’s favor was shining on our country once again. When the Lord blesses, the enemy will try and attack. Especially when the Lord is trying to show us His character, the enemy will come up with the next strategy to distract, divide, and blind.

Evil came to the forefront in a horrendous way, by act of murder. It started with Ahmaud Arbery and Breonna Porter, and came to an explosion with the tragic death of George Floyd. Satan wanted death and destruction, and he brought it by senseless violence. The Lord desires healing, truth, and justice, and He used the video evidence of the obvious murder of George Floyd to illuminate a very real problem in America. He utilized the work of Satan to try and bring some good from the devastation. He opened eyes to racism, that it still existed today, and He opened hearts to compassion and empathy for the marginalized, black community. People who had turned a deaf ear, buried their head in the sand, or simply been blinded by a spirit of apathy, suddenly could see what the black community had been screaming for years!

Once again we are faced with an option. Will we sleep, or will we wake up? Will we have eyes to see and ears to hear, or will we remain blind? Satan is tricky and he will use the cover of religion (over true relationship with Jesus) to keep God’s people asleep. Satan will use division, pride, and anything he possibly can. So, while we may think the devil simply uses bigotry and obvious racist behavior to serve his purposes, in reality he uses so much more. He can cause us to deny racism is an issue, or he can make us apathetic to the plight of others. He can keep us silent with fear of what others may think, or by injecting confusion into the issue.

False thoughts like these.

I don’t agree with violence and rioting, so therefore I can’t stand with Black Lives Matter.

But I believe all lives matter, therefore I can’t stand with Black Lives Matter.

I don’t think all cops are bad, so I can’t support the black community.

These are just a few examples of the confusion that seeps into our thinking, and we inadvertently allow the distractions to prevent us from carrying out God’s will for our world. We’ve gotta stop! We have to recognize the fact that it’s not flesh and blood we fight, but principalities and powers of darkness. We must walk in love, compassion, and humility, facing all pandemics, areas of injustice, and really, all issues with a kingdom mindset. We need eyes wide open, and we need to consider what is not only important to our society as a whole, but also to the souls of society. What brings salvation? Is it arguments over a difference of opinion, or is it a kind, humble heart that considers the feelings of another?

Do you know the biggest barrier to revival in our country? It’s us. In my vision I saw God pouring His Spirit into His children, but I’m afraid when we close our eyes to injustice, our hearts to compassion, and our lives to working together for good, we also close off the flow of His power and blessing. In the end, we all miss out. We all lose. But none so much as the lost who never get to see Jesus in us.

When Did We Become So Mean?

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I was recently scrolling on Facebook before bed when I came across a video of a woman fixing her very long hair. And while her hair was much, much longer than the average length of most females in today’s society, she didn’t deserve what I read. I suppose I’ll never learn to stay out of the comments section of viral posts or videos, and this clip was no exception. Yet even I was astounded by the amount of negativity therein, and I had to really look hard until I found a complimentary comment. It wasn’t just the fact that I had to search to find something kind. It was the point of how horrible every single comment was.

“Ugly!”

“That’s disgusting!”

“Hideous!!”

And still it continued, complete with puking emojis and GIFs.

“OMG! What the hell is wrong with her?!”

“That’s just gross!”

“Hell, no!”

I had a pretty good idea from watching that it was for religious reasons the woman in the video had her hair so long, but whether it was or whether it wasn’t, that’s not what bothered me so much. What bothered me was the disregard for human decency. I couldn’t figure out if people actually forgot that a real person with real feelings was behind the screen, or if they just really didn’t care. I mean, surely if they were face to face with this woman they wouldn’t tell her she was ugly and hideous. Would they?

As a longtime writer of articles that frequently went viral I had endured the awful comments from strangers. I wasn’t sure if they assumed the author would never see them, if they thought I was a fictional individual without emotion, or if perhaps they had no problem with me seeing their slurs.

“You’re a terrible mother!”

“I feel sorry for your husband!”

“Idiot!”

“This is the dumbest s@*t I’ve ever read!”

And even…

“I hope you kill yourself. Soon!”

I had learned long ago to take the disagreeing comments of strangers with a grain of salt, but would I be lying if I said it didn’t sometimes sting? Probably. As a sensitive soul it’s hard for me not to take negativity to heart, and as such I always look at others the same. So when I see someone in a video, viral post, or television broadcast being blasted on social media, I always wince. I place myself in their shoes. Their very real shoes.

I remember once seeing a video of a teen peeing themselves on life TV. A clip of it had been shared hundreds of thousands of times, for the amusement of others. Everyone laughed heartily. And I just thought, “that poor, young man.”

The thing is, most of the people laughing are pretty decent individuals, I’m sure. I think they just forget that behind the thing causing them entertainment is a real person. It’s not make-believe or a comedy skit. Nine times out of ten it’s just a person who had a bad day. And how would you feel had someone filmed you on your worst day? And then it spread virally to the world. And thousands of people laughed and mocked your misfortune? What if it was your child, or your spouse? Would it be as funny then?

Behind every Person of Walmart is an individual who gets to see their outfit choice plastered across the Internet for the enjoyment of others. I doubt they craved that fame.

It’s never okay to mock someone. Even if you disagree with them. Even if their outfit isn’t something you would wear. Even if the camera caught them at their worst moment in time. I just can’t for the life of me understand when and why we became a society where it’s socially acceptable to mock other’s pain, ridicule a stranger, or speak hatred and judgmental commentary towards them as if they don’t have a heart that hurts at your bitter words. When did being mean to someone you’ve never met and who hasn’t personally offended you become the normal thing to do to pass time while you’re waiting in the doctor’s office or in line at the bank?

When did we become so mean?

When did we start thinking it was okay to blast a stranger, mock pain, and disregard the feelings of others?

When did it become socially acceptable to find entertainment in misery?

When did we decide it was fine to verbally assault people we’ve never even met, or to act like their lifestyle is some personal offense to us that requires our negative commentary?

When did we get the idea that our opinions matter so much that we absolutely spew every awful thing that pops into our heads?

Where did filters go? What happened to thinking before you speak? Or what about the old adage, “if you can’t say something nice, don’t say anything at all?!”

It seems to me that we’ve become a very self-centered generation that absolutely must be heard, and if we disagree with someone, we’ll say it, with little to no regard for how our harsh words might negatively affect someone. Have we really become so unconcerned with the feelings of others that we don’t care? Have we lost all empathy and compassion?! A glance through the comments section on Facebook would certainly make you think that.

We argue with strangers, as if there’s a trophy given at the end for the wittiest insult. There’s several online communities I’m a part of where I refuse to speak due to the callousness of other commenters I’ve seen. I don’t wish to be the victim of their wrath.

And perhaps that’s where the problem lies. Perhaps the kind people don’t speak anymore. They’ve shrunk into the shadows, guarding their hearts, and shaking their heads as ugliness abounds. Perhaps if the kind people would just step out and stand up for the little guys, the victims of attack, maybe then the mean people would seem less.

What if more of us vowed to think before we type, to consider humanity before we laugh at the expense of real people who never asked to be made into a viral mockery for the amusement of the masses? Maybe we could remember compassion, empathy, and the fact that real bravery is not cutting down someone you don’t even know. Perhaps instead of speaking hate we could try a little love. I know it’s a lot to ask, but I’ve always been a hopeful type. And I hope it’s not too late for us to begin caring about people again.

Social Media Fear Factor

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Don’t you just love Facebook groups? I’m a part of several of them. I join based on my interests and needs. For example, as a travel nurse, I’m part of a couple of travel nurse groups. And as a fulltime RV Family, I’m part of a few RV groups. I’m even part of a group specifically for travel nurses who travel in RVs! These groups are great for answering questions, gaining information, and feeling a camaraderie among people with similar interests. I enjoy reading all the posts. No matter what kind of group you’re in, be it a Mommy Group or people who love World of Warcraft, you’ll find you spend a good deal of social media time perusing these groups. Well, here’s a couple of things I’ve noticed.

  1. Most people only speak a negative encounter or complaint.

  2. The negative encounters or complaints are the ones that draw us in.

Maybe it’s just me, but as an anxious person when I am bombarded by negativity it affects me. In fact, the devil tries to use these instances to bring fear into my life. One day on Facebook and you’ll be convinced that your children are going to be targeted for sexual trafficking in Walmart, you’ll get mugged if you go into a big city, and you’ll develop a debilitating illness from eating anything that’s non-organic. It’s like scrolling through campfire tales of urban legends, and you’re paranoid anytime someone flashes their headlights at you that a killer is in your backseat about to stab you to death. The only difference is a large part of the stories on social media are fact, not fiction, but just like watching the news, it seems like only the bad stories make the highlight real. Negativity sells, so social media shares promote a sad story or scary encounter quicker than something lighthearted and uplifted. Human nature, I’m afraid.

But in this super-surge of bad you’re left feeling disheartened. You can’t really help that. It ends up affecting how you live your life, and while there’s nothing wrong with being aware and cautious, I do have issue with living in fear. Cause that’s not really living. The tendency of social media to mostly carry negative material can unintentionally cause you to be fearful, not just cautious.

In my groups I’m a part of, if I only paid attention to the negative occurrences (because that’s what we tend to do, and because they’re more plentiful) I would be scared to death of accepting travel assignments that could be canceled at the drop of a hat, or I’d never travel in an RV since they have so many things that break down and incur costly repairs. I wouldn’t let my children play in the front yard unless I was standing at their guard, and I’d never venture to explore new and exciting places. I wouldn’t welcome new friends since they might be serial killers, and I’d never eat shredded lettuce out of a bag, despite the convenience.

As a pregnant woman I would have feared every worst scenario possible in the delivery room, and as a mom I would fear every vaccine my child was offered. For a long time I’ve noticed the trend of news networks to peddle fear like an eager ice cream man, but now I see it more and more on social media as well. The scary posts of being followed in Walmart with a thousand shares, meant with good intentions of awareness, but often received in the worst way. Unaware we lap up the scary stuff, we pull our coat up over our face, we pull our children closer, and we allow the circumstances of this world to cripple us.

Walking in faith means pushing back fear. So while there’s nothing wrong with being a smart cookie, sometimes most times all the time you have to trust your life to Jesus. You walk wisely, but you walk boldly. You recognize that fear is from the enemy, freedom is without fear, and where love exists, fear does not. We’re accosted with scary things in this world, but thankfully we aren’t ruled by fear. A scroll through social media could cause you to forget that.

The Nursery I Needed, But Ended Up Hating

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I still remember a simple, nugget of advice given to me years ago, and really, I wish I could have listened to it more then, rather than taking years for it to sink in. I was pregnant with my third daughter, and almost immediately I began having anxiety of where I would put this child. We were currently living in a small, three bedroom home with our two daughters, plus the part-time custody of my stepdaughter. The thought of squeezing another body into that space made me nervous, and I began talking my husband into the idea that we needed a bigger home.

“Do you have an empty dresser drawer? That’s all the space a baby needs.”

This was the comment from an older, wise woman in my church. It was her response when hearing my desire for a larger, at least four bedroom home. She had tried to explain the fact that I need not worry so much. Babies were small and didn’t need as much space as we thought. I smiled sweetly but ignored her advice.

Babies needed a nursery! Kids needed their own room! We all needed more space! For all our stuff! Babies required even more stuff. So the hunt was on for a bigger house, and by the time I was eight months pregnant we found it. A dream home with an upstairs and plenty of space for all our stuff! My oversized furniture could finally fit, my bookshelves of trinkets could spread their wings, and each child would have ample space of their own.

I learned a lot living the short two and a half years in that home that went by so quickly. For starters, the nursery was never used. The baby bed sat empty, with my nursing infant never going upstairs and leaving the comfort of our bedroom. It was a place to keep her many dresses and tons of tiny shoes, but she never graced the space. She spent her time in my arms, cuddling, rocking, and growing so quickly. A darling, antique dresser with crystal knobs sat in her room, stuffed full of outfits she never got to wear. I often thought about the drawer comment.

The rest of the upstairs served us about the same. My daughters’ own bathroom was rarely used. In the bedtime rush at night it just seemed quicker to bathe them downstairs. New, wrought iron, twin beds sat perfectly made with fluffy, matching, girly comforters that were rarely disturbed. Turns out our young daughters didn’t want to sleep upstairs so far away from us. We tried, but they always ended up back downstairs with us, either in our bed, or on makeshift pallets we created on the floor. We ended up purchasing a king bed to fit us all. Perhaps that purchase initially would have been cheaper than the extra square footage that ended up sitting empty.

In the years we spent in a larger home the entire upstairs served as a toy box and closet at best. It’s purpose was simply storage, not housing, and we all enjoyed being together so much that we spent the majority of our time in one room. It ended up feeling like such a waste of space! The extra room and nursery space I had desired only ended up holding furniture we never used. Any of her infant necessities we housed in our master bedroom where everyone slept eventually.

So what brought up thoughts for me of ensuring the perfect nursery space for my third daughter? I was recently scrolling through a social media site when I came across this picture.

My first thought? Stunning. Quickly followed by unrealistic. Gorgeous. Overboard. Beautiful. Too much.

This post isn’t a stab at anyone’s decor choices. It’s simply a question of motive and how it effects us.

Yesterday I looked up at the shelf above the TV in our rental cabin. Some of my husband’s items he didn’t want the children to touch rested there. Beside them sat a forbidden and forgotten bag of leftover Easter candy. Next to that some school papers, drawings, and a book or two. It was a chaotic menagerie of our scattered things. I laughed to myself. I laughed because I didn’t care. The unflattering way it all sat upon a shelf caused me zero stress, as it should be, but not as it had always been.

In our old house we had a mantel above the fireplace, and like other shelves, spaces, and areas in the home, I desired order, lovely decor, and a sense of perfection. It would drive me bonkers when my husband came home and emptied his pockets out on the entertainment center. We had a designated place for keys! Or when he utilized the mantel to place items up and out of reach. I would clean the area off, dusting and making it picture perfect, but it never stayed that way. Much like the rest of my home.

There was never enough time to dust all my shelves, to put away all the clothes, to clean the upstairs playroom, or to organize the overflowing toys. All the adorable, ruffled outfits for my girls that I loved to take pictures of and share on Facebook; they made their drawers difficult to close. Rubbermaid totes stacked up in the shed, full of so many little outfits that I couldn’t even find what I needed when the season came around. So many toys that the chore of cleaning their room was overwhelming to my young girls, and putting away their own laundry a mishap in the making.

I began to resent the “necessary” nursery I had created for our youngest. It was just another room to clean, another space for them to mess up. I enjoyed spending quality time with my girls, and I enjoyed teaching them at home. The extra time required to organize, clean, and keep tidy all our things was too stressful for me, and yesterday as I realized I didn’t have a mantel of knick knacks to keep straight I realized I was glad for that. In the end did a picture perfect nursery create true happiness? While decorating and making beautiful spaces in a home was a wonderful thing that made you feel happy and productive, if it was just done to share on social media then really where did our priorities lie? I’m not speaking from a place of judgment, but from a place where I’ve been. I’ve been guilty of creating something strictly out of the purpose of pridefully showing it to others. So I’m speaking to myself as much as anyone.

The second, and most important factor is how our desires to cover our surroundings materialistically effect us overall. Is it causing more stress than it’s worth? It’s a good question to ask yourself, and for me it was more stress than it was worth. I was doing too much, too much that didn’t matter, and I was letting the things that didn’t matter cause me angst. I was fooled into believing it mattered. It mattered what my children looked like, what people thought, and how I projected myself and our family. But what I began to discover was that the things I thought we needed, we really didn’t. What I assumed was important, was not. What I spent my energy on was only exhausting me further, and from it I was gaining nothing.

So now-a-days we find ourselves in a society where the outside, window-dressing is given much clout. We get the more expensive curtains that will show well on Instagram, we have the cake baked that will take a picture well for Facebook, and we decorate a nursery in a way that appears as if it fell from the pages of a magazine. As if a baby cares about chiffon. We buy the name brand clothing so our kids will fit in at school, we take token, Holiday pictures, newborn photo shoots, and half-Birthday sessions because that’s what everyone else is doing. Hey, I’m guilty as charged. I’m just wondering why we create a new normal because it’s what everyone else does, even if deep down we abhor the stress of it all? Keeping up with the Social Media Joneses has taken on a whole new life of its own in the past ten years. Half the time we don’t even realize we’re filtering life to the extreme and basing self-worth on something as nonessential as a thumbs up, like, or following.

My New Year’s resolution was to let go of my desire to please others, my subconscious happiness based on other’s approval, and my insistence on filling my life with things that didn’t matter. My purpose was to be more purposeful, less materialistic, less stressed, more patient, more loving, and more focused on the people I care about, not what surrounds us.

In closing there’s nothing wrong with a stunningly decorated home. There’s nothing wrong with a gorgeous nursery, stylish wardrobe, or a collection of your favorite things. There’s only a problem with motive and how it effects us. We need to do the things we do for ourselves and the people we love, not for faceless followers who wouldn’t recognize us in the local grocery store. And if ever the unnecessary choices you make begin to cause more stress than anything, more angst, and take priority over the people you love, then perhaps they’re not worth worrying about at all.

Do what brings you joy. The rest is inconsequential.

What We Face Raising Children That Our Parents Did Not

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I sat with my five year old in a doctor’s office waiting room, and as she handed me her pink, VTech camera to go play with a plastic, farm house I smiled. I looked across from me and saw a young boy around her age happily enthralled with an electronic tablet, his mother with head bent focusing on her phone. The pull to grab mine out of my purse was there. I looked back to my daughter as she returned to me, already bored with the barn, and she reached quickly for her camera. It didn’t just take pictures. It had filters, voice modulators, and tons of games too.

Just as quickly I suggested, “how about I read you a book?” Then I pointed at the books along the wall.

I smiled victoriously as she picked out one of my favorites by Dr. Seuss, but that seemed short-lived as we later left the doctor’s office. I grimaced as I watched my child blindly go forward in the parking lot, her eyes glued to an “educational” game on her kiddy device.

This. This was a struggle unique to our generation, and one that would probably only grow more difficult for future ones. I was a mom maneuvering my way through a technological age. On one hand I was blessed to have the opportunities to teach my children easier, but on the other I struggled with finding the balance for them, a balance that even adults struggled with.

A couple of months ago I had given my seven and five year olds our old cell phones. They didn’t have cell service on them, nor social media. So basically they were snazzy cameras and a way to watch videos or play games on WiFi, but still. But still, I watched them become absorbed into the devices. Even though we limited their time on them, they seemed to always be asking for them. We ended up making the phones conveniently disappear, and as I watched my daughter try and record YouTube videos with her VTech, walking unaware into traffic, I figured the same needed to happen with the pink camera. They just weren’t at a maturity level to deal with the pull technology took on their little brains. Even as a forty year old woman I had to tell myself to shut off my Facebook and put mine down at times. Just being honest.

My parents didn’t have to worry with this sort of thing! When I was five I remember being quite taken with a cassette recorder, but when given the opportunity I would have rather been in the pool. When I was around eleven or twelve I was indeed obsessed with my Nintendo, Friday the 13th game, but I also would spend sunup to sundown running through the woods. I loved me some Saturday morning cartoons, but otherwise I was mending frogs, riding the tires off my bike, and having sleepovers with my buddies where we actually talked verbally to one another instead of Snapping photos back and forth. I experienced cliques and bullying in high school, for sure, but there’s many a day I thank the Lord that social media didn’t exist when I was a teen. The level of cruelty and malevolence that can take place behind the safety of a screen is unparalleled. My parents didn’t have to deal with this, and many days I wish I didn’t either.

As a mom today you’re torn between utilizing the positive attributes of technology, or wanting to bury every single cell phone, iPad, and laptop, and go off the grid. I mean, you have to admit that a DVD player in the minivan is handy on a seven hour road trip, and for supermarket meltdowns nothing saves your sanity like a Surprise Egg video, but then you have to admit too that it’s a slippery slope not letting technology be your babysitter. Sometimes it’s easier to let your teen get on social media and socialize with her friends rather than deal with the moody brooding, but the zombie look in her eyes as her fingers swiftly move across the screen makes you wonder, can this be a good thing?!!

So here I am trying my best. I’m trying to figure out when to tell my teenage stepdaughter to put the phone away even though “all her friends are doing it,” and when to keep it out of my young daughters’ hands as much as possible. I’m fighting to not let the convenience of technology steal my parenting from me. I’m trying to be a better example by letting go of the things that keep me distracted and on my phone when they need me.

It’s not always easy to see the lines. I remember when I was a kid my friend’s mom worried we would catch AIDS from mosquitoes (an unnecessary concern). Today you have to worry about your twelve year old running off with a sexual predator she met online (a legitimate concern, even if you don’t want to admit it). My folks worried about me sneaking out my window, and I remember my dad nailing it shut. Today we search our kids’ browser history, but just like I figured out a way to get outside unknown, so do kids today. Nowadays, though, it just so happens they can get into plenty of trouble right in their own room, from their unsupervised screen time.

We are in a new realm of parenting. It’s foreign, uncharted territory, and it’s scary. Now, more than ever, we need to be praying for guidance as we lead our children through a technological world that tries to harm them. Now, more than ever, we need to be listening to the Lord’s leading for our families, and listening to our children’s silent cries for help in a world where real social interaction and active play elude them. We need to be the advocates for our children in a confusing, distracting world. We need to be the anchor that keeps them balanced in a social media world that tries to carry them away in a fictional cloud of what’s important. We need to be the compass that guides them to what really matters, like face-to-face relationships, and teaches them that kindness can still prevail in a trolling, keyboard-warrior world.

We have our work cut out for us, parents, but I believe we can do it. So sure, if you want to share this with your friends, do, but then put your phone down! Pick up a book, pull your kid into your lap, before it’s too late, and dive back in time to a world before cells phones and social media guided our existence.

3 Questions to Ask Yourself Before Airing Your Dirty Laundry on Facebook

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Social media is a great place to connect with friends, keep up to date on community news, and meet new people. Some folks enjoy sharing pictures of their children while other people use the platform to share selfies. Lots of people gain recipes, style tips, and information about real developing news stories (if you can wade past the fake ones). Facebook in particular can be a place of inspiration and prayer networking, but it can also be an outlet for ugly emotional outbursts and too much drama. 

We’re all probably guilty of speaking too quickly when posting an update, and it’s hard not to with the loaded question of “what’s on your mind,” but perhaps some forethought could benefit everyone. 

So here’s 3 questions to ask yourself before airing your dirty laundry on Facebook.

1. Why? Seriously. It’s a simple question. So simple that it’s the most easily ignored. 

Why am I posting this? I’m angry. I’m hurt. I’ve been pushed, so now I want to push back. Well, what purpose does that truly serve?

Will hurting someone else make me feel better? Will pointing out the faults of another suddenly make my own issues disappear?

It’s easy to react in anger and lash out vehemently, but when it comes down to it, what purpose does it serve? Ugly people are going to be ugly no matter what. Seeing that they’ve hurt you is not suddenly going to bring them to repentance. If they’re just plain mean it will probably only fuel their cruel nature to see that their actions bother you enough to tell all of your friends’ list about it. 

Would I have the nerve to say this in person? It’s easy to hide behind a computer screen. If your words wouldn’t feel comfortable coming out of your mouth at a table with friends then it shouldn’t come out on a status update either. 

But when it comes down to it, why is all you have to ask. Why? Is speaking hurtful things going to make your own hurt vanish? If the answer is no then perhaps it’s not worth your time.  

2. Will I regret this later? I can’t count the number of times I have decided to speak out of my emotions and within moments regretted it. I’ve probably deleted a dozen Facebook posts over the past year. It’s easy to rant out of frustration, but don’t let your emotions rule you. 

Do I really want to say something so vile about another person?

If you’re speaking about your child’s other parent, ask yourself if you’d want your kid to see your words. If not then it’s a safe bet that you shouldn’t post it. 

Do I really mean that?

My children are a perfect example. Some days they drive me crazy, and I think some awful words in my head, but I keep them there in my mind. Why? Because I don’t mean it, and I don’t want to hurt them. 

Words are more powerful than anything, and they can cut like a knife. Ask yourself if you seriously wish to forever wound someone with your words. And if the answer is yes then I would ask you to revert back to question #1, why. Why do you wish to hurt someone when it serves no purpose other than to drag yourself further down?

3. Does this truly represent me? It’s so easy to share your personal business on Facebook when you’re angry and you wish to speak loudly your frustrations over other’s mistakes. If you have been wrongfully accused it’s even easier to want to feel vindicated from the blame, but take a moment to consider how your words look to others. 

Most people will immediately bristle at that last sentence, and state strongly, “I don’t care what people think!” Well, that’s good. I mean, overall you shouldn’t care, but we all know life isn’t that simple. In a way you do have to care. If you’re a Christian then you especially need to be concerned. 

I can’t speak for everyone, I can only speak for me. Personally, as a Christian I realize my witness is important. My words and actions represent my position as a member of God’s family. They need to be seasoned with patience, love, and the light of Jesus. 

Ouch! I miss the mark frequently on that one, but I strive for consistent improvement. 

Even if you don’t consider yourself a representative of God’s kingdom, you still stand for something. Your actions reflect on your family, your job, and even your reputation as a kind, dependable human being. 

Always ask yourself if the words you speak would serve as a good example of who you are overall. If not then keep them to yourself. Cool down. Spend some time in thoughtful consideration before you share every single emotional outburst that crosses your mind. 

After some time you may see that your words would really serve no useful purpose. They might hurt your enemies, but in the long run they would hurt you more. 

The biggest person in the room is the one who can hold their tongue. The most respected, strong individual is the one who can remain silent in the face of unjust treatment, and trust in the fact that what goes around always comes around. That’s the truth. 

So don’t let the devil use your mouth for his handiwork, but instead let Jesus shine through your life. And if none of that makes any sense to you then just consider that perhaps it’s inappropriate and many people may not want to read your dirty laundry in the first place. 

As always, this is spoken with love, not judgement. 

Happy posting. 

Three Ways Social Media Lies to You

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I’m not going to write a post and pretend like this has nothing to do with me. It does. This is just as much a reminder to myself as it is to anyone who reads these words. The thing is I think when something is important it’s worth repeating because it’s typically the blatantly obvious stuff that seeps into our subconscious, and somewhere along the line we accidentally fall victim to bold-faced lies about who we are and the world around us. 

No arena today does this better than social media. Almost everyone is involved in some part, and it’s quite easy to get sucked into a false world where acquaintances are friends, and even enemies appear to be friends. Faulty perceptions persist, and folks speak a little more freely behind the comfort of their computer screen. Myself included. 

Personally, I enjoy social media platforms. I think they’re fun, and I think they’re a great way to reconnect with old friends, or stay connected to long-distance friends. It serves as a wonderful area to spread prayer requests or other important news. Sometimes we’re probably all guilty of over-sharing, but isn’t it wonderful also to know you’re not alone in certain problems you may encounter. For these reasons I love Facebook, and Instagram is really fun too. 

So when is social media not the greatest thing since sliced bread? Well, apart from consuming more of our time than is healthy for personal relationships, it also tends to arrive on our newsfeeds absolutely shrouded in falsehoods. There are certain lies social media tells us that can have a detrimental effect on our person. 

Here’s just three. 

1. Everyone’s life is perfect. So when do you take a picture of your kid? When they’re throwing a fit? How many shots do you take looking for that perfect pose where everyone is smiling angelically? Do you hesitate to post a picture that shows a dirty living room in the background?

Deep down we have to admit that most of us post the highlights of our life. We share the moments of celebration, the job promotions, and the understandable bragging posts of our kid’s accomplishments. Not many folks share, “well, Billy got an ‘F’ on his report card,” or other honest things that disappoint. We share how good God is when things are going right, but not many people say, “I’m so bloated and pissed off today I want to shoot my spouse.” 

We share exciting news, but frequently keep to ourselves how we over-drafted our checking account or screamed at our kid for simply doing something very kid-like. 

Everyone has bad days, but most social media posts show only the good stuff, the picture-worthy stuff, and the stuff that makes us look better. And since all we see come across our newsfeeds are vacation photos and yummy meals we assume everyone else is always going to the beach, and they cook like a gourmet chef to boot. 

We know better, but somehow forget in the avalanche of perfection before us. After all, no one shares a photo with the caption, “hey, I gained thirty pounds over the holidays,” or a picture of the dinner they just burned. Nope. Everyone is losing weight and making the perfect roast while Timmy brings home all ‘A’s’ and the husband buys flowers for no reason at all. 

You inadvertently wonder, “why doesn’t my husband buy me flowers?” You feel jealous over that woman’s perfectly dressed children who are always smiling, and you wish you could afford a vacation some time this year. On social media couples are always smiling, gardens are without weeds, and birthday cakes get better and better each year. 

You’re left thinking, “man, I wish my life was that good.” You don’t mean to think that way, but seeing so much greatness becomes a competition unaware. 

2. People are perfect. Did you see that selfie? Her make-up is flawless! Does she ever have a problem with her roots showing? She must have a live-in slylist. Why do my pictures never come out so complimentary?! I wish I was more photogenic. Or worse, I wish my body looked like that! Yet instead of being inspired to do something for ourselves, to make ourselves feel better, we’re left deflated and disheartened. 

We see an onslaught of perfect, pouty lips, and hair that is just right. Does anyone take a bad picture anymore?!

Now you know darn well that every selfie you see is just like one you’d take yourself. In other words, that perfect picture before you is take number twenty-seven of a series, and it’s been edited out the wazoo. It has a very complimentary filter applied, and it could have been altered using apps that reduce wrinkles and dark circles too. 

So why do we alter our photos? We do it so they’ll look better. Like everyone else’s does. Again, we know the reality, but we get so caught up in what society says is normal and beautiful that we strive to share a better version of ourselves rather than an honest one. 

We use wraps to make our waists smaller, filters or apps to enhance, and discard photos that seem too real. “My nose looks crooked, my teeth are yellow, and I have a double-chin.”

The truth is no one looks good all the time. Everyone wakes up looking like death, and some angles are simply unflattering. You just don’t see those. They get deleted. 

3. I am less perfect than those around me. Follow with me now. I’m trying to follow this false perfection theme that social media secretly instills. The truth is that no one is perfect, but it’s easy to forget that looking through Instagram. You can easily get tangled up in the lie that obtaining pretty close to perfect is possible just by watching the other guy. 

Before you realize it you’re basing a portion of your self-worth on what social media says, and you will always fall short by this comparison. You’ll post a photo and check back frequently waiting to see who gives it a thumbs-up. You know you’re more than how many likes your post receives yet you may feel downtrodden when not that many come your way. 

So-and-so always gets like 200 likes on a picture, and I just got 40. What does that mean? Rather than accepting it for what it is (aka, pointless) you may actually think it has something to do with you. “I knew I should have used Valencia instead of Sierra!”

Am I funny? Am I pretty? Am I well-liked by my peers? The last place to receive these answers is social media, yet that is where we often look. 

Everyone’s life seems so happy and blessed. Their marriages are filled with love, their kids are brilliant, and their house is so much bigger than mine. Facebook has become the new way to keep up with Joneses, and for too many young people without a true sense of who they are, it’s a way to measure their worth. It’s a place to worry about what others think, and a yardstick by which to compare your own happiness. It’s not reality; it’s a false reality. It’s a big fat lie that refreshes every few minutes placing the most popular version of perfection at the very top. 

When it comes down to it we can use social media, or we can allow it to use us. We can keep it real, or we can try in vain to keep up. We can be happy with our life, or we can wish for someone else’s. We can make our own rules, or let it rule us. At the end of the day social media is what you make it. It can be a blessing, or it can be a curse. Really, it’s all up to how you see it as it comes across your newsfeed.