I don’t know where you’re at with your Christian walk. Maybe you’re a seasoned believer, but this post might settle some misgivings. Perhaps you’re a new believer and this post will give you hope. Or you could even be someone who doesn’t follow Jesus, but I’m hoping my story will show you some good points to this business that’s changed my life. Regardless, if you’ve come across this blog then my goal in sharing is for everyone to see that it’s nowhere near as difficult as we make it! Life, I mean. Nine times out of ten we’re the ones making it crazy hard, but it’s not. Here, let me tell you what I mean.
For me, I’ve gotten to this place in my life where I love God more than anything. Maybe that sounds crazy, but I do. More than my husband, more than my children, and even more than myself. Naturally when you love someone so much you desire to please them and devote your life to them. You really want to live your life the way God wants, and that’s where the hiccup can happen. In fact, it’s where the enemy can start scheming to throw you off track. Somewhere in the middle of trying to discern God’s will you get all distracted by the logistics.
“Am I hearing God’s voice correctly?!”
Ugh. It’s like the biggest question Christians ask themselves.
“I want to take this job, but is that what God wants for my life. Am I hearing Him right?”
“I want to marry this guy, but is He the one God has for me? Am I hearing God right?”
“What is God’s will for my life?!!”
In all the questioning I’ve noticed a central theme. I and my.
This morning I woke early to drive and look at another RV. I say another because we’ve looked at a lot! In fact, just yesterday we had gotten home late after looking at fifth wheels an hour away. Today we were scheduled to look at a few more a couple hours away, and sensing my husband’s weariness I had offered to check this one out on my own. In my endless searching of the web I had discovered another gem, and I just wanted to check it out to see if it was the one.
I had been praying for God to help us find the perfect RV for us, a moving-home capable of transporting us from job to job across the country as we traveled for my work and our own enjoyment. We needed something we could live in, not just a weekend jaunt here and there. We needed something that could be a home, and even though we’d sold most of our possessions in anticipation of an RV lifestyle, we still needed drawers for clothes and cabinets for dishes. We needed shelves for school books and a closet to hang my scrubs. I wanted a comfy mattress, and a space for the kids to call their own. I wanted a bathroom bigger than a port-a-potty, and enough counter space to cook like I loved. But in all our wants there also rested reality. We needed something affordable. We didn’t want a payment. This was about saving money, not creating more debt!
“Help us find the perfect RV, Lord,” I had prayed.
And this morning as I sought Him in the solitude of my truck I asked for His wisdom.
“Help me know if this one is the one!”
I thought about all the times I sought His counsel on specific situations, I thought about all the times I felt like I had received an answer, and I thought about all the times I had been wrong! Man. Sometimes it seemed like I couldn’t hear His voice at all. It was like my emotions got in the way. Recently I had been asked by a casting director to be in a reality TV show. I’ll be honest; it made me stoked. I felt like it was the right thing to do. I prayed for signs and felt like God gave them to me to proceed. But then after I had told her yes I started to feel apprehension. My mind spun. Was that apprehension fear or was it God warning me not to go forward? I didn’t know!
When talking to my husband about this particular situation he had said, “I don’t know what’s the right thing to do. Why don’t you just ask God to intervene. If it’s supposed to happen then have Him work it out. Go ahead and move forward, but pray that if it’s not His will that it won’t work.”
I thought about that conversation this morning as I thought about our future RV. I had not heard from that director in a week, and I still didn’t know if I was supposed to be on TV, but I knew I served a mighty God. If she never called me back I’d be fine. I thought about the times I had done one thing, but then God had done something else. It was fine and dandy to seek God in prayer asking for His guidance, but I didn’t need to sweat it so much if I was always hearing His answer right. I figured that when I got so focused on my ability to hear His voice, I couldn’t see His hand. It became a thing where I placed the outcome of life on my ability to discern His will when in reality if I was putting my total trust in Him it didn’t matter whether I heard that still, small voice of my heart right or not. He worked it all for my good regardless.
I served such a great God that even if I slipped up, fouled up, and fell down He still held my life in His hand. As long as I continued to seek His face first, trusting His plan for me it would prosper no matter what. That was His promise. He straightened my paths, so if I took a wrong turn He could redirect better than any Google Maps could do. By focusing on my ability to correctly hear His voice I was placing the power in my hands, and that’s not where it resided. When I decided to surrender my life to Him I also surrendered control, but simultaneously I also surrendered worry, fear, and anxiety. I didn’t have to worry if I was making decisions in line with His will. He was bigger than that. No mistake I made could derail His plan for me. As long as I lived my life according to His word then He could handle the rest. So yes, He gave me wisdom for day to day decisions, and those decisions were in my free-will hands, but no decision I made could usurp His will for me.
I could relax about it already! My Dad had this!
So as I prayed this morning I let the anxiety fall away. Whether this RV was the one or not, He would work it out. He had proven Himself to me time and time again. When I had reached the end of what I knew to do He had picked up from there. He had orchestrated our life thus far since we put it in His hands, and I was just fine with that. I could let go and enjoy life more. I could rest in Him. I still would seek Him for His wisdom, but I didn’t need to place too much merit on my ability to discern that wisdom. He could handle it all perfectly, and that fact gave me peace for my life.