One, two, three…
I counted silently to myself, I looked ashamed in the mirror at my own pained expression, and I prayed out loud, “please give me patience, Lord.”
This child was not like her sibling. She was different, and from the moment her particular character started to shine, I knew I was in for a challenge.
She was the independent one.
She was the one who tested my limits.
She was the one who I loved more than life itself, the one who when I gazed at her beauty I wanted to melt into a useless puddle on the floor. But she was also the one who made me imagine shaking her silly!
She was the child who blatantly disobeyed, who already knew how to manipulate, and who lied boldly while looking you in the eye.
I was so proud of her perseverance, and her determination made me know she would go far.
I didn’t worry about her as much. Outgoing, charismatic. Everyone was drawn to her. From the moment she was a tiny infant I knew the Lord had something very special in store for her, but some days none of that mattered.
Some days she drove me to my limit, she drove me to the edge, and then she pushed me right over into the abyss.
Other days I was certain I had failed her, that it was my fault. Certainly something I had done, or perhaps neglected to do, was the cause of her rebellion. She wasn’t like her sister at all, and I wondered when I had dropped the ball.
And even other times she seemed so accomplished at enamoring others with her charm that I worried if maybe it was just me. Maybe I was the difficult one.
As I stood at the bathroom sink, door briefly closed, trying my best to recollect my composure, I continued my petition to heaven.
Help me, Lord. Help me to parent her the way that you would desire me to do.
She was different, but she was also beautifully unique.
She was demanding, but she also knew what she wanted in life.
She was argumenative, but so bright and articulate in her debates.
She was defiant, but also determined.
So she was different, but she was also the young woman God has created her to be. And I was challenged to raise her in the best way I could, cultivating her particular characteristics as well as I was able.
If I didn’t kill her first.