I was thinking the other day about when my husband and I were expecting our first child together. One thing we did frequently was eat dinner together in bed. Basically towards the end of my third trimester I was so exhausted and sore that all I wanted to do after work was go lay in the bed. And of course eat. So we did both. A lot.
At the time I was frustrated at how I felt, but now I look back at that time with fond remembrance. And while I did delight in my first pregnancy and enjoyed doing it with the man I loved, I think back now and wish I had complained less and savored more.
The thing was I thought I was tired. I was certain that the way I felt then was the most tired I had ever been in my life; even worse than sleep deprivation in my military experiences. I realize now that I didn’t have a clue. I just thought I knew what exhaustion was.
People told me back then that how I felt was practice for when the baby came, that the sleepless nights you experienced with a newborn would really show you what fatigue meant. Well, even after a daughter who woke to nurse every two hours around the clock until she was nine months old, I still think pregnancy exhaustion is the most grueling. But that’s just my opinion.
Regardless, back then, with my first pregnancy I just knew I was sleepy. So I napped. A lot. I got so frustrated that all I wanted to do was nap! I did not know that one day I would look back fondly on my daily ritual of afternoon dozing. Sigh.
I thought I knew what sleepy was.
Even with my second pregnancy I was amazed at my fatigue. I worked outside of the home less, but something about chasing a toddler really wore me out. All I wanted to do was nap! So I did. I napped with my toddler every day.
Remember, back then I thought I knew what sleepy was.
The other day another mother of a small child suggested an educational outing for the kids, but offered that we could wait if I wanted until my second trimester was well into swing. She concluded, “I just figured you didn’t feel like doing anything right now.”
Boy, was she right! But I still happily agreed to the trip whenever she wanted to go. The truth was I didn’t feel like doing anything, but the hard fact was that I had to do things. I had to take care of a rambunctious toddler and homeschool a preschooler. I had to clean, cook, and whatever else came along just like before. Now I simply had pregnancy fatigue added to the mix.
I just thought I had known what tired was before, but once again I am being reeducated as motherhood seems to do to us women. There are no naps. I could take it easy I suppose, but you can only slow down so much when you’re chasing little ones.
I think back on the time alone with my husband eating pizza in bed, and I smile. I am glad we had that experience together, and though I might not have appreciated it as much then, now I do.
Now we have new experiences, new challenges, and a new gift growing in my belly making me the most tired I’ve ever been in my life. The most tired. I’m sure of it!
But on second thought I better hold off on that assessment. After all there’s really no telling what the future holds!