Brie Gowen

Savor the Essence of Life

Do You Want Equality, or Retribution?

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I’m going to be very honest with you. I didn’t want to write this post. I woke up with it fitfully on my brain; I had dreamed of it. Then even as I would try to fall back asleep, I would wake with it flitting through my mind. I tried to explore a couple of topics I wanted to write about, but this one kept getting in the way. So I’ve decided to put it down and see what happens. Just know that anything I feel led to say here is with love, but I am also human, so if I flub my words I do ask for your grace. 

Recently my husband and I watched a great movie called The Free State of Jones. If you haven’t seen it I suggest you check it out. If you don’t know the history of your nation then you really should take the time to learn it. History is how we face our past mistakes and then learn from them. The best way to commune with others is by trying to walk a mile in their shoes, and though you can’t always make the same hard trek they have, you can lay a sympathetic hand on their shoulder and say, “I’m sorry, friend.”

As Ben and I watched this film we were naturally affected by how this huge piece of history ties into our lives. As children of God, and more importantly lovers of Jesus, our main goal in life is to approach other children of the King in a way that pleases our Father. That’s not always easy in this life, but when you see what a wretch you are personally and how God redeemed you, it just makes sense. 

At one point, though, my husband said something bothersome. Bothersome because it was true. 

“It’s like the Civil War is happening all over again.” He said sadly. “We’re not going forwards, we’re going backwards.”

His words come back to me this week as I watch anger around me. I see people speak certain things, and I can almost picture the rage dripping off their tongues. They’re angry, and anger is good. Righteous indignation can move mountains, and it can get points across where mere meek words are unable. But anger is also a double-edged sword, and many times it can cut the people who wish to stand boldly with you. So as they lay bleeding on the sidelines in shock and awe they wonder, what did I do exactly?

So many wrongs lay in the past that they absolutely cannot be made right. They can’t! Saying sorry doesn’t work, and although raising your children to think differently than perhaps your grandparents did goes a long way, it will not bring healing. Only Jesus can do that. Equality is a goal, and I see it moving forward, but sometimes I wonder if that’s what everyone really wants. Sometimes I think people don’t so much want equality. Instead they want retribution. They want payback for their pain, and I just can’t help but think that’s not the answer. 

When your anger becomes a feeling of “I have been wronged, and now I need justice by any means necessary,” there isn’t healing. There isn’t forgiveness. There isn’t a forward momentum, no matter what may be assumed. There’s only regression. There’s only hate. There’s only division. 

In my reading of God’s word I’ve found forgiveness brings healing, but I also know that isn’t easy. In instances where I have been personally wronged and rejected (and no, I’m not trying to make an exact comparison) I have found that the longer I project anger towards my enemy the longer I hurt. But when I allow God to heal my pain and show me the good people in my life I am able to go forward in joy. I also discovered I can’t change some people’s hearts no matter how mad I get, but God can take care of it. 

This is hard. Sigh. I’m not trying to say that injustice doesn’t exist, and I’m not trying to sweep it under the rug. What I am trying to do is encourage everyone to look inside your heart, pray, and ask the Lord, “do I seek equality, or do I seek retribution? Am I desiring your healing, or am I wanting an eye for an eye, and hurt for my hurt? Is that what you desire for me, or do you wish to heal this land?”

Sometimes we all can focus so much on ourselves that we lose sight of God’s bigger purposes. Where is He taking us? What does He have in mind? I don’t believe it’s division, to fall backwards, or to slay our friends who just want to try and understand our pain. 

This morning this verse came to mind. 

Philippians 2:3-4 ESV 

Do nothing from rivalry or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others.

I just wonder if God might more readily be able to bring healing to our land if we can stop saying me & I? This is where I am hurt, or this is how you’re offending me. What if we could focus on how our brothers are hurting, or how our sister might need encouragement today. What if we died to self, forgave our enemies, and laid down our anger that has become like a shackle around our neck?

What if we could seek equality and justice without seeking revenge or retribution? What if instead of asking “how are you gonna make this right” we asked “what can we do to move forward in healing?” Is it time to seek forgiveness rather than searching for a needle of injustice in a haystack of life? 

The thing is if you want to seek negativity you will always find it. If you want to gather together angry voices they won’t be hard to find. What’s harder is letting go of past pain, asking for God’s restoration, and moving forward in a state of forgiveness. It’s not easy to be the bigger person, but in my experience it feels so good. 

I hope my husband is wrong. I hope we’re not falling backwards to a place where people will hate me and judge me because my skin is white. I wish my fellow man could see past my pigment to the soul that will be with me for all eternity. It has no color, only love. I wish we could see with soul eyes. Is that too much to ask?

Why You Shouldn’t Cover All Your Bases as a Christian.

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I’ll just go ahead and warn you that some of you reading this will disagree with me. Some of you won’t like what I have to say, and that’s ago. We can agree to disagree, and that’s the fabulous thing about opinion posts. They’re my opinion, but one I feel led to share. So here goes. 

Recently I was starting an IV on a patient. It was a difficult stick to say the least, and as I looked at her arm I whispered, “Lord guide my hand.”

The patient answered back quickly, “oh yes, Jesus! I pray she gets it.”

I missed the vein. I decided to try again, and it was at this point my patient told me she was of American Indian descent. Then she proceeded to pray to her ancestors. She asked them to guide my hand and help me obtain venous access. 

I still missed, but it did get me to thinking about something. She wanted me to get that IV bad. I wasn’t the first person who had tried and failed, and in her desperation she was grasping at any and all straws. She was covering all her bases. Jesus, her ancestors; you name it. So many of us do this!

I am aware of different cultural practices, and as a nurse and as a human being I respect all personal belief systems of those I encounter. I won’t condemn their practices in any way, but as a Christian I have my own convictions I like to share, and in speaking to fellow Christians I will advise against the practice of “covering all your bases.” In other words, if you have proclaimed your belief in Jesus and made the decision to follow Him then the rest of this post is especially for you. 

You can’t spread your faith around to try and get the most bang for your buck. You can’t say you believe God’s got your back, but then seek answers elsewhere. You can’t pray to the Lord to speak His will for your future, but then place any merit on horoscopes you read with hopes that the stars can tell you some good news. You might as well put all your stock in a fortune cookie if you think a paragraph in a beauty magazine has any power in your life. 
I personally believe that God is jealous for you, and if you give Him your heart He wants it for real. Not just a little bit, not a piece here and there. He wants all of you. He wants your faith in its entirety, so if you seek the Lord’s favor in prayer then leave it at that. 

So many times when we are desperate in life we reach for answers any place we can find them, but this should not be so. 

Your pastor cannot save you. Neither can your spouse. Being a mother doesn’t make you whole, and your career will never complete your life. The work you do for your community will earn you no heavenly accolades without the relationship with Jesus that is required to be saved, and if you place your trust in man you’re going to end up dissapointed. 

Healing crystals can’t fix what’s ailing you, and reaching out to the spirit world or your spirit guide won’t give you the answers you require. You can’t find the strength you need to carry you in life within yourself, and no matter how long, hard, or deep you “soul search” the love you hold for yourself will never be enough to make you feel complete. 

I once knew a guy who dabbled in several different religions. He could as easily be seen performing the sign of the cross one minute, but praying to his statue of Buddha the next. He suffered from mental anguish most of his life, and he projected his pain onto others. He tried to cover all his bases in his pursuit of happiness, but always seemed to fall short. I spoke to him once about it when he landed in my hospital bed, and he seemed agreeable when I told him there was but one way to enter the kingdom of God. Jesus. 

You can treat life like a buffet if you wish, taking a taste of this and that, but you will never have a full stomach until you get something with substance. Jesus. In fact, if you try and spread yourself out amongst the world, taking bits and pieces of what sounds good, you’ll actually end up with a tummy ache. And heartache. And emptiness in the end.

John 14:6

Jesus answered, “I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me.

But, even if you do consider yourself a follower of Jesus, and especially then, you must follow Him with your entire heart. It is what He requires. 

Matthew 22:37

Jesus replied: “‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’

As Christians especially we must stop dividing our heart, soul, and mind to the world, but surrender it all to the Lord. When you can do this you’ll find complete contentment, the answer to prayer, and a fullness in your life than can’t be discovered elsewhere. 

The other things? They’re actually pulling you away from God. 


How Do You Know God is Real?

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I remember when I was reborn at the age of nineteen I had a Christian mentor who helped me navigate my life as a new follow of Jesus, and one thing in particular stuck out to me at the time, and still does twenty years later. I recall hesitantly asking her if she ever had doubts about God’s existence, and she quickly and without pause answered honestly “yes.” I remember letting out all my breath in a rush of relief as she continued, “every Christian experiences moments of doubt.”

My friend’s words helped me so much at that moment, and I often think back on them in those unwelcome, and thankfully infrequent instances where doubt creeps into my heart. Like this morning.

I think it started with a television show I had watched last night, and as I stood in the shower this morning I thought about the poor girl who had been murdered by terrorists on the screen. My heart broke for her, and I am completely aware it’s silly, but in the series she had admitted to believing you ceased to exist when you died, and I found myself thinking about how her character would not be in Heaven. Before you think I’m emotionally unstable just understand that I realized it was a fictional character, but it did bring to mind that real people like that young woman existed. That is what really broke my heart; how a drama series on FX made me remember that not everyone is saved.

As I asked God about the eternity of people I did not know a swirling series of questions entered my mind, and the inability to completely fathom the decisions, power, and emotions of my creator must have opened my heart to the hugeness of it all. Naturally when things are so vast and difficult to understand a sense of incredibility enters your mind, then a whisper of doubt.

Is God real?

As I find myself in a more mature relationship with the Lord nowadays, when I’m accosted by doubt I shut it down quick, but the fact that it invades in the first place always makes me feel a twinge of guilt for which I utter, “sorry Lord.”

I remember on the mission field when a nonbeliever asked me point blank how I knew God was real I answered quickly, “I just do.” It’s a feeling that can’t be put into words really, but if I were to try I would say it’s this deep certainty akin to breathing. You just take your next breath because it’s innate and natural to do so. Believing in the God who formed you in your mother’s womb is much the same. Belief becomes an existence, a trait woven within you, just as important as the action of believing. You just know that you know that you know. Maybe that’s why He’s called I Am, because He just is.

I could look at all the miracles He’s performed in my life such as healing me from Epilepsy. My EEG was abnormal every six months for twelve years, then poof, it was fine.

I could point to the knowledge He gave me in certain situations, like the time I felt an urgency to go speak to a stranger at the river, who later admitted he was about to committ suicide before I walked up. In fact I have a journal filled with all the times He whispered things to my spirit about others I wouldn’t have known had He not given it to me. To see someone crying and know the exact, specific cause of their tears is an amazing thing. But those gifts aren’t the sole reason I believe.

I could look at my life and see the proof. I could see that when I follow Him things just work out. Like they work out tremendously. And when I don’t, well, they don’t. When I have run from God my circumstances were the pits. But it goes beyond circumstance. It’s a heart issue.

I guess that’s a large part of how I know God is real, because when He’s with me I am complete. I know He’s always with me, but I can think of times in the past I didn’t acknowledge that. In those times I felt very alone. The future was dismal, the present depressing and void, the past always a painful regret. It seems to me that we humans are made kinda like an empty cup that only Jesus can fill, and when you put anything else inside you still feel empty.

I suppose that’s how I know God is real. When I fill my cup with Him I am complete, and any other time I am not. It’s apparent to me that I was designed for a love relationship with the Lord, and when I’m not in that relationship it’s like I’m a shell of what I should be. Yet when I’m seeking His face, resting in His presence, and communing with Him in faithful belief I finally feel at peace. I finally feel like I am living my destiny. I was made for this, and that’s how I know God is real. That’s how I banish doubt.

In this world we’ll experience doubt, but thankfully we don’t have to live there. We can embrace what we know deep inside of us to be true, and we can live happily and fully in that truth.

 

For the Busy Woman: How to Find Time With God

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Last week I enjoyed some time apart from some of the stressors of every day life, and although I took along my four month old baby to the beach, it was a major parenting vacation anyway. I was able to take a Spring Break from homeschooling and recharge my life by allowing myself some rest and relaxation without worrying about schedules or having supper on the table. It was nice and something most women need, and one of the best parts for me was walking along the beach simply soaking in the feeling of God’s love for me. With just one baby to care for I even found myself able to spend some quiet time alone, a rare occurrence indeed. 

After returning home I fell quickly into my typical grind, working a couple of twelve hour shifts at the hospital, fixing never ending cups of milk, and stepping over treacherous toys underfoot. This morning as I sat rocking my baby I thought about my extra time I was afforded with the Lord the previous week, and while it was wonderful, the fact was I didn’t typically have an overabundance of stillness in my life. I am a busy momma, and seeking out time to focus on my relationship with Jesus could be considered tough territory. Thankfully it doesn’t have to be. 

Our God is definitely a mighty God who is worthy of our rapt attention, but any busy woman can tell you that time apart with the Lord isn’t always easily found. But I wonder if we make it harder than it needs to be?

As I’ve grown closer in my personal relationship with Jesus I find that I walk with Him as a friend. He’s my brother. He’s the one who doesn’t judge me for my failures, and in all honesty died because of them. And when you decide you wish to see God more face to face like Moses did, you work on your relationship. Though I don’t see Him in a burning bush I do see Him in other ways. 

Much like the fact that I work hard to stay close to my spouse, so too do I work hard to be near the Lord. My husband and I are rarely given time alone together yet our marriage stays strong because we communicate at every opportunity. I send him little texts throughout the day. I try to capture snapshots of things I’m doing with the children so he can share in the joy. I tell him my deepest concerns, and even my silly, irrational fears. Because I love him I keep the line of communication open. It’s what keeps us close even though our busy circumstances in life would try to drive a wedge between us. 

But another thing I do in my marriage is keep my eyes open at all times. I know my husband loves me, but I never want to take his affection for granted. So I notice the little things, the tiny, almost meaningless ways he shows me that he cares. 

The gas tank filled. 

Groceries picked up. 

My favorite candy sitting as a surprise on the counter when I wake up. 

When you accept Jesus as the lover of your soul you also strive to maintain that relationship so that even when life is chaotic you still share it with the one you love. 

Prayer time shouldn’t be an orchestrated event where we must always be on reverent, bended knee. I fully support a reverence and honor bestowed the Lord Almighty, but if religion hampers relationship then rethinking your approach might be beneficial. 

The fact is that God loves you, and He wants time with you. He wants you to be comfortable enough in your love relationship with Him that you pray without ceasing throughout the day. 

Worried? He wants to know. 

Afraid? Same difference. 

Are you in celebration? Praise Jesus then. Let that be the first thing from your thankful lips. 

Converse with Jesus like He were right beside you, for in essence He is. His Holy Spirit resides within you. 

Be a woman after His own heart, one so steadfast in her pursual that your circumstances don’t matter. Let Him be the first thing on your mind when you wake, and the last when you lay your head down at night. 

 
Don’t be blind to God all around. See His signature in the purple-pink sunset as you drive home after a long day. Feel His presence in the wind as it kisses your face. See His wink at green lights all the way to work when you’re running late. 

See the might of His hand in the mountains that cannot be moved, or the gentleness of His Spirit in your baby’s sleeping face. 

Each and every time you witness His love for you in a perfect blue sky, or even in a gray one that promises renewing rains of refreshing, I want you to say, “thank you.”

Thank you Lord for loving me. 

Thank you for loving me especially. 

Time isn’t always a friend of busy women, but we can use it much wiser than we do. And although quiet, still time with the Lord is especially precious, don’t allow your relationship with Jesus to become stale as you wait for a free moment. Cherish Him in the midst of your chaos. Speak your heart to Him at every passing moment. Praise Him for His patience even when you cannot find patience yourself. 

The Lord is always ready and welcoming of our attention to His face, and we shouldn’t wait for the seemingly perfect opportunity to seek it, but rather chase Him with passion as we run throughout our day. This will continuously draw us closer to this Savior who accompanied us throughout each and every moment, and when we do find that beautiful, quiet time together it will be even richer and more blessed than before. 

The One Thing We Forgot to Mention About the Transgender Bathroom Debate

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For a couple of days I have seen the “debates” across social media concerning transgender people and which bathroom they’ll be using, and while I have my own opinion on it I have yet to speak it at all. I’ve instead sat back silently for a bit and watched with raised eyebrow, not in judgement, mind you, but kind of in a depressing watch and see mode. Because when words flash emotionally, quickly, and passionately across the Internet it becomes not so much a debate as a misuse of power and truth. 

Every single day I put on the armor of God, and if you read the verses concerning this battle garb you’ll notice that it is available for your protection as a believer in Christ. I love that shield of faith that protects me from the enemy’s poisonous arrows. Even the sword of the spirit, although a defensive weapon of truth, is to be used a certain way. 

Ephesians 6:12

For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms.

But what I’ve been seeing this week, and just about anytime these kind of arguments arise on social media, is that sword of the spirit, God’s truth being used to cut up those around us. So instead of following the instructions in Galations to “restore with a spirit of gentleness” we come out guns blazing, head-butting with our helmet of salvation and kicking tail with our gospel of peace. Isn’t that ironic?!

I believe in God’s truth. I believe in the Bible and its instruction, but I also believe that God is love. God loves me a lot. This I know. But I also know He loves transgender, gay, and lesbian alike. He loves the recently deceased artist named Prince, and he even loves Hillary Clinton. Crazy I know. 

And the thing is as His ambassador here on earth, given the great position of spreading His gospel, I am instructed to love my neighbors as He does. Even if they don’t believe, dress, or pee sitting down like me. 

Now, does that mean as a Christian I’m a pushover? Heck no! Can I stand up for truth, righteous, and the rights of myself and my family. Yes, yes, double yes!

We are instructed by these same verses in Ephesians to stand firm against the enemy and his schemes, but we are also reminded of where the real battle exists. And in that knowledge we cannot tear apart our fellow man who does not see clearly. We should not ridicule or demean others, as that’s not how you build up God’s kingdom. 

We shouldn’t tear apart other believers when opinions differ. We cannot allow division among God’s house. We should carry ourselves in an atmosphere of Christ, standing firm in truth, but not browbeating everyone in our path. 

This is one of the hardest things to do as a lover of Jesus. When someone does something that is an affront to our Savior we want to get even, but Christ would say, “forgive them Father, for they know not what they do.”

Galations 5:22-23

But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law.

I’m not saying that when corruption runs rampant that you sit silent. I’m not saying you twiddle your thumbs when persecution persists. Stand firm, wear your armor. Just remember who you’re really fighting. It’s not Target.  

As you go to battle for the Lord take care to run your actions through the filter of the fruit of the spirit. Do you approach others with patience and kindness, even as you speak truth with a convicting yet gentle reproach? Are you exercising in self-control or flying off the handle with misguided passion? If your words ridicule or wound a human then they should be redirected. Your contempt should be for sin, not a guy who wears dresses. 

So if I say anything at all in regards to this transgender bathroom debate it would be this. Speak your words like Christ was right beside you. Carry not hate in your heart towards man. Instead direct your passions toward living your entire life in truth for one sin is no greater than another. 

Speak life. Live as an example. Show love. And pray that when you put on your armor that the Lord equip you to use it wisely against your true enemies, not to wound your brothers and sisters. 

You’re the Reason People Hate Christians

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I recently was reading through a post on a public Facebook forum to which I belong, and I found myself drawn to the comments. After years of social media use I should know to stay out of that pit, but I fell in unaware. And that was when I saw it. Out of the woodwork came a commenter ridiculing the poster, and all in the name of Jesus. 

Indeed, the commenter took the time to not only share her personal opinion on the poster having a tattoo, but also decided to share that God is adamantly against tattoos. I guess because the two of them chat about it on a normal basis. 

Listen, I won’t debate in this blog whether I agree with tattooing. I won’t quote scripture that speaks against it, just as I won’t use other verses to state why Christians shouldn’t judge someone for it. Personally, I’m a Christian and I have tattoos, one being an ichthus, but I also got them in a time of my life that is far different from who I am now. If faced with the decision at this time I likely wouldn’t get them again, but that doesn’t mean I think you can’t have them either. I honestly don’t know. I’ll ask God about it when I sit at His feet in person.  

But this post isn’t about tattoos. I repeat, this post isn’t about tattoos. 

This post is about how Christians represent themselves to others and how they approach stating their opinion. 

When this woman decided to comment publicly to a stranger that his choice to get a tattoo was wrong because God didn’t want him to do so, she succeeded, but not in the way she intended. She succeeded not in changing his mind about tattoos, but in causing a division between herself and another child of God. 

I have no idea whether this guy was a believer in Christ or not, but I do know that if he wasn’t, he sure wouldn’t be drawn to Jesus by this lady’s approach. 

First, I do believe that as Christians God gives us wisdom and guidelines with which to discern right from wrong. He gives us His Word as a map of sorts by which we can live our lives pleasing to Him. When His people fall outside His Word we are called as followers of Christ to help bring them back to God’s instruction for their life, and in that sense we are given the authority to righteously judge. 

So we are instructed to abide by God’s Word and to help our brother not to stumble, but we are also called not to cast a stone unless we are without sin. We are instructed not to “judge” incorrectly. 

If you base someone’s self-worth on their actions or appearance, you are wrong. Everyone has worth because of Jesus. They just might not be walking in their inheritance. 

John 7:24

Stop judging by mere appearances, but instead judge correctly.

What happens when we judge incorrectly is that we push people farther from God. Instead of embracing them with love and acceptance like Jesus would do, then instructing them in brotherly kindness according to the Father’s will, we jump straight to telling folks how they’re wrong. When you do this, people just shut down. They don’t hear “God is love;” they just hear “I’m not worthy of God’s love.”

We battle in this world against principalities of darkness, and when we ridicule others for their mistakes in our eyes, Satan takes that opportunity to make the individual feel condemnation rather than God’s conviction. 

And this is why people hate Christians. If you do this, then you are part of the problem. You’re why people hate Christians. 

You cannot instruct a stranger on what they’re doing wrong. It just won’t work. A relationship must be present to help make instruction possible and fruitful. Do you really think you’ll bring Salvation through a Facebook rant? I guess it’s possible, but not likely. 

You cannot point out personal wrongdoing in a public manner. It’s not fair, and it will never be received well. Pride and hurt feelings will interfere with hearing truth every time. 

You cannot make a judgement call on someone’s personal decisions unless you are without sin yourself, and unless you are correcting them with the right intent. What I mean by this is if you’re piously pointing out a problem without the purpose of bringing someone closer in their personal relationship with Jesus then your motivations are wrong, and you have sinned. 

This is such a difficult subject and a very slippery slope. We are called to judge our brothers and sisters, but only with the intent and purpose of helping them achieve a better walk with Christ or eternity with Him. If we’re not covering our intentions with selfless love then they will most likely fall on deaf ears, and the only outcome achieved will be to push people away from the hem of His garment. Plus they’ll hate us for it. 


Growing Up Atheist

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I smiled as I thought about my five year old daughter, and it was at that moment I realized I was feeling better. I had been experiencing some pain in my body related to my pregnancy, and had voiced my frustration to my husband in earshot of our eldest. She had cuddled up beside me as I spoke, silently holding my bulging midsection as best as her tiny arms could manage. 

Suddenly she had spoken to me with certainty and very matter of fact, “I prayed for you, Momma. When you wake up tomorrow you won’t be hurting anymore.” Then she had trotted off happily. 

I was proud for my little lady, at all times, I suppose, but something about her childlike faith touched me at a place deep within, and I was then reminded of myself at age five. 

  
I can still recall a program that came on television during my kindergarten age days. It was aimed towards children, and it told the story of creation. At the time we were living in Los Angeles, California, in a small apartment, although it was much better than the motels we had been staying in prior. I watched the screen captivated by the images of a little man with a hammer, and I listened raptly to learn about how this figure, who I would later compare to Mario or Luigi, constructed the entire world with a ball peen hammer for no reason other than his own desires, or perhaps boredom. 

I watched with curiosity, but also apprehension. In my little heart this story just didn’t feel right, and I watched wondering, if the hammer guy didn’t make all this stuff, then who did?

I had heard mention of this invisible guy called God, and I speculated if he was responsible. I had never seen him, and we didn’t talk about him much at all. My mom had taken me to a place once or twice where they read us stories about how much this God loved us, but my dad had given her a hard time about taking me. 

“What, are you gonna follow all the rest of the sheep?!” He had asked incredulously, and had laughed and taunted her some more. 

We didn’t go back after that, but as I watched the miniature carpenter making a turtle on TV I pondered about the God who apparently was always thinking of me. 

Later in my life that God I wondered about would scoop up my mom and me, and He would place us in other circumstances, ones where we didn’t have to worry about disappearing dads and dwindling bank accounts. In this new life He would introduce us to trusting others, friendly folks, and a world where church every Sunday was the norm. 

In this new life I would hear more about that God who made me, without a little hammer, but rather with His mighty hand. And it would just sound right. More importantly it would feel right. 

But it would be years before I truly learned what the creator of the universe was capable of in my heart. 

I realize now that we were created with a purpose, and like an empty container we will always feel void until we are filled with the love of Jesus. We will always feel not quite right until we can walk with purpose in a relationship with the Lord, saturated in His Holy Spirit, healed by His forgiveness and unconditional affections. 

I spent the first part of my life not even knowing Him, but knowing something was amiss. Then I spent the next decade or more only partaking in a portion of the blessings He had in mind for me. It wasn’t until I came to understand how to commune with Him personally that I could reap the full reward of relationship. 

I am hoping to save my daughters the hardship of separation from Christ, and my goal is to show them what they are capable of if they follow Him with their whole heart. 

As I sit comfortably in the healing power of the Lord, and I reflect on the heartfelt prayers of my girl, I am pleased for how their little spirits soak Him up like a sponge. I am happy for the opportunity they have to experience Jesus. I know in this world they will be faced with trouble, but I am at peace with their futures having a foundation built on Christ. 

How to Handle It When Others Oppose You

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As a writer I decided long ago to open up my heart and pour it out so that others could see. In that decision I also allowed an open door for people to disagree with me, misunderstand me, and sometimes downright ridicule me. And today as I came upon a few unkind comments directed at my person I found myself deflated. 

Never mind that in the same morning I had also read nice comments, or even that a friend in person had complimented my writing. In my head the ones that opposed me floated to the surface, and I suppose that was just my human nature. 

Even in my personal life when those I loved said things that hurt me, their comments were the ones that stuck with me the most. I ruminated on the negative allowing it to penetrate my soul, and in this reaction I had the frequent tendency to allow the poorly thought-out words of others to bring me down. 

But this morning as I reflected on the specific unkind comments I had seen I felt the Lord’s voice speak to my heart. 

What is this in the face of glory?

What is this? That was a good question. While it was hastily thrown words, and words do hurt, when compared to the glory of God what value did they really have?

I realize as a Christian people will oppose me. They may even hate me. As a human being I will be disagreed with, misunderstood, and mistreated. Although I will strive to do my best to represent the Lord in all I do and say, sometimes I’ll fall flat. Other times people will just be the way they are regardless of my intentions. And while this all is very disappointing, the important part is that it doesn’t change a thing between me and Jesus.

So the answer is that it means nothing. Not when held beside glory. 

And then I realized that much of life that disturbs me can be measured with the same yardstick. 

When things in life don’t go my way…

What is this in the face of glory?

When things don’t go right, my day is all jacked up, or I can’t seem to get it all together. What is it compared to glory? Everything around me can fall apart, but if I have Jesus then I have peace. I have stability. I have the promise of eternity. And what is running late in a traffic jam when held up beside the fact of eternal life?

When I am afraid…

What is it in the face of glory?

Pointless, meaningless, useless, powerless. Fear of death, the fear of losing my job, my children, my spouse, or my life. Fear is made void in the face of Jesus. His perfect power cancels out fear. Will it still appear and rear its ugly head? Yes, quite often. But when held beside glory, it is nothing. 

When I am uncertain…

What is it in the face of glory?

It is written in the Book of Life. There is no unknown to the Lord, and peace comes with the recognition of His sovereignty. 

When trouble comes my way…

What is it in the face of glory?

Recognition of God’s goodness opens my eyes to the many blessings He has bestowed upon me, and even in my times of hardship I realize I am good. I am great, in fact, for even in the midst of trouble I have the promise of salvation. And no one can take that from me. 

John 16:33

“I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.”

In this life people will oppose me. The world will hurt me. My circumstances will disappoint me. And my heart will cry out in anguish. 

But what is this in the face of glory?

What God’s Been Telling Me Today

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I’m selling a house. Let’s rephrase that; I’m pregnant with two kids, four and under, underfoot, and I’m selling a house. I’m a woman who likes to have all her ducks in a row, who loves order and efficency, and I’m selling my house. I’m a gal who desires to know a situation beginning to end with perfect certainty, and I’m selling a house. To say I’m a bit stressed or overwhelmed might be an understatement. 

But praise my God because He is good, and His hand has been, and is still, all over my situation. And all day He’s been whispering His truth into my ear. 

I remember when I put my house on the market two weeks ago my dad asked, “so what’s your plan?” And that’s a fair question. It’s been the question asked by a few others, myself included. But if you’re a typical American who works hard to live then you’ll understand that those answers don’t always come easy. Plans are just plans, and like a pie crust promise they can be easily broken. 

“I want a plan!” I desired to scream when my dad asked. I needed a plan, and I suppose I had the idea of one, but certainly nothing set in stone.

When selling a home one thing is certain, and that’s the fact that the entire process is uncertain. You can pick houses you like, but until you sell your own it’s a waiting game. And you never know how long it will take. I’ve had one on the market for over a year before, but this time around it only took two weeks. 

Once a contract is accepted things still aren’t certain. There’s still plenty of questions. 

What if the home inspection brings up something unforeseen?

What if I can’t afford the repairs?

What if the buyers back out?

What if there’s a problem with my loan?

What if the house I want is gone before I get an offer in?

What if?!

Yet all day He’s been whispering what I already know, but what I still needed to hear. Especially what I needed to hear. 

Philippians 4:6-7

 Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

Life is full of uncertainty. All. The. Time. Your health or that of your children isn’t certain. Neither is your job. Buying a house sure isn’t. We cannot know the problems that will come, but we also may never realize the ones that never cross our path. The uncertainty of it all can make your head spin. You could spend each day worrying about the next, but what good would that really do?

Worrying about tomorrow’s inspection won’t fix problems I cannot see, but prayer can fix all things. Trust can carry us farther than worry ever can, and the power of faith trumps an uncertain world every single time. 

I will trust in Him. He’s never failed before. Whatever may come I know who’s in control, and there’s a beautiful peace in that. 

I’ll make plans, pliable ones, but my future will always rest in His perfect will. 

I have enough to do with packing and wrangling small children. So I’ll let Him handle the rest. 

  

The Unexpected Thing That Happened When I Stopped Going to Church 

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This post came to mind after a recent conversation with a friend. “How do you stay close to God?” She asked. 

After the birth of my first child I found myself in a whirlwind of change. Naturally. Parenthood has a tendency to do that, but it my case it also accompanied a period of renewal for me. Though my body was bone tired, my spirit was energized. My first year of parenthood also happened to be a wonderful time for me as a child of God, and I found myself drawing closer into His welcoming embrace. 

Despite the cultivation of my spiritual relationship, I found myself mildly disappointed in my role as a mother. It wasn’t that I disliked being a parent. No. In fact I adored being a mom, and I felt a deep calling to give it my all. My sense of being disheartened came because I couldn’t do it more.  I worked a lot, and I desired to be home more, but it simply wasn’t financially feasible. I prayed about it constantly. 

Over three years ago I felt my prayers answered, and an opportunity arose to continue to bring home a full-time income with benefits, but only work part-time. My husband and I prayed about it, and we spoke to our pastor. Everyone was in agreement that this decision would benefit our family. It would allow me to be with my children more and serve my spouse more readily at home. It was a God-honoring choice for our family. 

But it also meant I would stop going to church. 

You see, this position happened to take place on the weekends, and it meant I would work on Sunday. Every. Single. Sunday. The whole Sabbath day. 

Pros and cons were weighed, and in the end we all decided it was for the best. I was excited, but a part of me worried. I was finally back in God’s will, and I was in a close relationship with the Lord. I didn’t want to see that suffer. Now that I would no longer receive nourishment for my soul on Sunday mornings I was concerned it might damage my spiritual growth. 

And this was what my friend asked me about. She was considering the same, weekend option. “How do you manage? How do you stay close with God?”

I was actually pleased when she stated she noticed it appeared from my writing that my relationship with Jesus had grown over the years, and since I too believed that to be true, I was glad she saw it. I had quit going to church on Sunday, and after over three years of missing Sunday services my relationship with God had grown exponentially. So how did I manage that?!

I think I learned something that sadly so many of us miss: a relationship with Jesus isn’t based on church attendance. 

That statement might ruffle some feathers. It certainly isn’t good for the church roster, but I believe it is true enough to repeat. A relationship with Jesus isn’t based on church attendance. And I’ll tell you why. 

Too often we assume that if we go to church every Sunday that we are set. And that’s all we do. There are some fantastic preachers out there, mine included, but if you’re counting on them to get you to heaven then you’re sorely mistaken. A relationship with the Lord can’t sustain itself, and it can’t thrive on a lesson learned in a hour one day a week. 

When I began working Sundays I was so worried my spiritual life would suffer that I decided to fight for it. I was off Monday through Friday, and I spent every free moment I had seeking His face. I prayed continually, and now speak to Jesus all day long throughout my waking moments. In fact I converse with Him right when my eyes open, even in the middle of the night. I made the choice to listen to His voice, and I spend as much time as I can manage in quiet time allowing Him to speak to my heart. 

I read the Bible frequently, and now His word is an everyday lamp for my feet. It gives me comfort in all things. I listened to recorded sermons during the week, and I surrounded myself with worship and praise music. I learned to depend on my relationship with God, and it became a lifestyle, not just a place I went a couple of hours on Sunday. 

I do go to a Bible study during the week, as I think it’s incredibly important and beneficial to commune with fellow believers. I also listen to sermons and teachings from pastors and preachers much more learned in scriptural truth than myself. I need that, and for that reason I think organized religion and church attendance is detrimental to the spiritual growth of a believer. I definitely think it’s needed for Christ followers. But the past four years have taught me that there’s more that you must have if you really want to thrive. 

Being pulled away from the church building, by decisions of my own, taught me that Jesus doesn’t live strictly in my church’s sanctuary. He lives in my heart. And building and sustaining a lasting relationship with Him requires commitment, diligence, and time. Not simply weekly attendance. Instead I attended to my communion with Him. 

So how do I do it? The way we all as children of God must do it. Time, wherever I may find it, time. Commitment, however I may achieve it, commitment. Determination, to obtain and maintain a close, personal relationship, determination. I haven’t perfected any of the above, but I continually strive to do it better. 

Now I pray continuously that the Lord will help me find a way back to my Sunday mornings at church. Honestly, I miss them. But for now I know I am where God wants me to be for my family. So I just continue to also be where I need to be with Him.