Brie Gowen

Savor the Essence of Life

To the Moms in the Midst of a Pandemic

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To All My Mom Friends,

You are doing great! Do you hear me? Great. Cut yourself some slack. None of the parenting books or websites ever prepared us for what we would face as mothers and fathers in 2020.

As a nurse serving on the frontlines of the COVID-19 pandemic, in a hard hit area, I’ve gotten a lot of messages from fellow mothers with questions and concerns. They always start with, “I’m sorry, I know you’re busy,” or “I’m sorry, I know you probably get a lot of these messages.”

First off, no apologies allowed. I’m honored to be asked, and the fact that you’re seeking and asking questions means you’re a phenomenal parent. Don’t feel guilty for being a conscientious mother who cares. You should be applauded.

Mothering is hard. It’s hard when they’re growing in your belly and you can’t see if they’re ok. It’s hard when they’re newborns and wake you up every two hours, so small, perfect, and incredibly needy. It’s hard when they’re older, craving independence, yet still needing your guidance. It’s hard whether you work full time or you stay home full time, as I’ve done both. The point is, it’s hard all the time, but I don’t think the worst of sleepless nights or the grumpiest of preteen moods could prepare us for the season we are in right now. It’s unprecedented. It’s unprecedented for healthcare, government, and the school system. It’s unprecedented for us.

As a mother we are responsible for the well-being, be it physical, mental, or emotional, of our offspring. That’s a challenge on any given day, but factor in a novel virus, well, that makes it an emotional rollercoaster. This pandemic has made us worry about our own health, the health of our aging parents, and the health of our checking accounts. Balance on top of that the worries inherent in motherhood, and you’re like the Leaning Tower of Pisa. Where is Super Man to straighten that up?! Extra points for the middle aged moms who get the reference.

My point is, who wouldn’t question themselves during this time in our country? I mean, does anyone really know all the facts, the whole story, and all the legit answers?! But who questions themselves the most? Moms, of course. We not only want to parent the kiddos. We want to knock it out of the park. We want to not screw them up for life. And definitely not have them infected by a virus that we still don’t really understand.

Yesterday I took my seven year old and nine year old to the grocery store. It’s the first time they’ve been since March. I cleaned the shopping cart and put them inside it with little masks and instructions not to touch anything! I couldn’t keep them locked away forever, but I could be wise.

I knew some people would judge me for taking them out in public when I didn’t have to.

I knew other people would judge me for putting masks on them. They would say I was living in fear, but that wasn’t the case at all. I was living as a mom, in the middle of a pandemic, the best way I knew how.

As a nurse mom, working at the hospital bedside, I understood the seriousness of this virus, and that is why other moms asked me for advice. At the end of the day, though, I realized we’re all the same. I may have seen tragedy related to this virus that I can’t forget, and that tragedy affects my parenting decisions, but in the end we are all doing the best we can in an uncertain, ever-changing situation. Here are some tips I’ve tried to adopt and pass along. They are kingdom minded thought processes that guide my actions.

First, drop the mom guilt. Don’t feel too bad for your child. This is something you’re going through as well. At least my daughters don’t have to keep people alive. Lol. I’m just saying, it’s ok if you don’t get this right, because who really knows what that is. Feel like you overreacted about something? It’s cool. Just start fresh tomorrow. His mercies are new every morning.

Two, understand this is just a season. This isn’t forever. This sucks, but we will get through it. There will always be next summer. There will be another dance recital, ballgame, or birthday party. If it makes you feel more at peace to be the “mean mom” then be the best mean mom on the block. Say no. They will live.

Next, let’s talk about the things they legit are missing. Graduation was a big one for some of my friends. Prom. Senior year events. Like I said before, this really sucks, but it is a season. This whole existence in these failing, human bodies here on earth is a season. We are here today and gone tomorrow. So when we stand before Jesus can we be content with our actions? Did we carry ourselves in a kind, caring manner? Did we model for our children compassion, teaching them to care more for the health of others than themselves? Did we place too much importance on worldly, temporal things, or did we value relationships and actions of love?

In a world where personal freedom ranks higher in our home than compassionate servanthood to our fellow man, we might need to re-evaluate our perspective. We want to be more concerned about the state of our children’s souls, the souls of their friends, than we are the perfect pictures of an event they won’t remember in the long run. Let’s build their spirits, rather than their resumes. Told you this would be kingdom-minded content.

I think we’re in a fluid situation. Heck, I think we’re in end times. I think we have to get to a place where we can take things one day at a time. The Lord told me recently that this stuff going on in our world is too heavy. We can’t carry the weight of tomorrows, just the weight of today. We have to daily seek the Lord for what is right on that given day.

Do you feel comfortable taking them to a busy store? Great. You do what feels comfortable for your family. Just be wise. Be humble. Be kind. Be selfless.

Do you feel like public school isn’t safe right now? You’re not alone. Welcome to homeschooling. You can do this!

Do you worry about their socialization? It’s ok. I worry about my own. I miss talking to strangers and showing them the love of Jesus. This is just a season. Children are resilient, and we will all get through this.

Are you overly worried? Hang in there, my friend. I would encourage you not to trust in horses and chariots, but trust in the Lord who saves. Let Him place a hedge of protection around your family.

Are you not concerned at all, and you feel like this thing has been blown way out of proportion? That’s okay, too. No one said we must always agree. Just please understand if my family is hesitant to get out and run through the games at Chuck E. Cheese with y’all right now. We’re still wiping everything down with Lysol and washing our hands. We’re both just moms trying to make our way through a crazy world. I pray we can hang out when all this ends.

Here’s the thing. No one likes 2020, but we still have a ways to go. Let’s cut each other some slack. Let’s cut ourselves some slack. Let’s cut our kids some slack. Life is too short to sweat the small stuff, the big stuff, or even the unprecedented stuff. Let’s just do the best we can for each day and let God sort out the rest.

Praying for us all,

A fellow mom doing the best she can

Making it Not Meaningless

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God is doing something in me. I’m not yet sure what that is, but it’s something. Do you ever feel that way?

Three years ago my husband and I had reached an odd place in life. We found ourselves for the first time feeling anxious, downtrodden, and like things just weren’t right. We didn’t know what it was, but we knew who we could turn to in times of trouble. With that in mind we both took a greater interest in scripture. I mean, we had liked the Bible before, but at this stage in our life it became a deep need. We were thirsty, and God’s Word became our water. We were feeling empty, and His Bread of Life became our sustenance. We loved life, but we knew there was more than what we were doing to live it. I suppose that empty, strange time taught me that feeling like you’re lacking isn’t necessarily a bad thing. Perhaps it’s just God forcing you to seek a solution.

Towards the end of 2017 we realized that God had big change in mind. We sold everything we owned. We left our dream house behind. We left family we loved. And most importantly, we left what was known and comfortable. I mean, being in your comfort zone isn’t the best thing in life, but it can sure feel that way when God leads you towards the unknown. Uncertainty is scary, but I discovered that’s where you go to find your faith.

Today as I talked to the Lord about what was rumbling around in my head lately, I felt the leading to read Ecclesiastes. Ugh. I had always found it such a depressing read. Meaningless?! The guy just droned on and on about how life sucked. Or that’s the way I remembered it anyway. Funny how your perception can change.

Today I found myself nodding along. I had sought wisdom, gone to college, gotten that degree and dependable job my dad had suggested. I had enjoyed my toil, finding pleasure in helping others in healthcare. Certainly nothing wrong with that. I had worked hard, built my credit score, and got the house I always wanted. I had beautiful baby girls and all the fancy frills that went along with it. I had obtained the perfect life, and I was happy!

Then I had let go of all the things I had worked so hard for. Not because they weren’t enjoyable gifts. I let them go because I knew there was more. If the past month during a pandemic has taught me anything, it’s that there’s more for us here on earth. When you watch the world (as you know it) fall apart, you’re reminded how little you actually fish for men. When existence on this side of Heaven is questioned, you recognize that a kingdom mindset is the only one that really matters. It’s the one that’s not meaningless.

What an unpopular opinion that one is, you know? Society today knows little else than to toil. We have been raised to believe that is what gives us value in our lives. How hard we can work to achieve stability and station. Nothing like a nationwide lockdown to show things in a different light, eh?

Over the past couple of years I have discovered how to put my trust completely and totally in Jesus. We asked Him where to work, where to live, and how to go through each day. Where do we sow our time, our money, our focus, Lord? And as we asked, He answered.

This afternoon I found myself feeling like even though I had yanked myself from the familiar to the unknown, it still wasn’t quite far enough. It’s like once you’ve touched the hem of His garment, the rest seems fairly mundane. As I walked further from the pleasures of the world, I felt Him whisper, “just a little bit more.”

What is God doing in me right now? I’m not sure. I do know each day He leads me closer, and He shows me what’s important in life. I know the Lord wants His children to be happy. I mean, I bought my daughters some electronic tablets during this quarantine. I know it’s not the best thing in this world for their little minds, but I do know it gives them joy too. My Heavenly Father smiles at me enjoying life, enjoying my gifts, enjoying myself. That’s not meaningless. I suppose it’s just good to remember that the happy gifts aren’t always the lasting gifts. The lasting gifts are relationships, appreciation of the people in my life, and fulfilling the role God has for me in this life.

I felt like God told me today, “it’s not for you to have the knowledge of good and evil. It’s for you to have the knowledge of my love. Life without my love is meaningless.”

So, what’s God doing in my life right now? I’m not completely sure. But I imagine it has something to do with helping more people gain the knowledge of His love.

Who Do You Say I Am? A Guide to Victory in Pandemic.

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Easter is quickly approaching, and it seems we’ll still be under social distancing at that time. I know for many Christians they may have never spent an Easter Sunday not in church, and I was reminded this morning of an Easter Sunday I spent at the hospital bedside years ago. I recall being disappointed that I wasn’t in the house of God that holiday, and it was then that the Lord spoke something very strongly to my heart.

He said, my resurrection lives in you.

With all the happenings globally as of late, I am reminded of His Spirit at work in us. And with all the common reactions to this pandemic, I am reminded of some lyrics I heard in a song recently.

It said, God isn’t hard to find.

I suppose that seems way off base to many people, especially lately. After all, so many times God seems silent. When tragedy strikes, like now, He can especially seem distant. But when I heard those lyrics the other morning I was hit by the truth of it. You see, God isn’t hard to find. It’s just hard for us to do the locating. We’re too distracted by the world to realize that He is here with us all along.

It’s not hard to see the fear out there. It’s not hard to feel it yourself. I realized after a four day stretch at the hospital bedside that I was overwhelmed with the very realness of all this. I was inundated with COVID-19 statistics, the ever-changing instructions for how to deal with it all. Uncertain and evolving information from the CDC and those in power above me made my head spin. I discovered pretty quickly that I had to be intentional in my time with Jesus, because everything else vying for my focus was pretty intense. Not only were the worries of having enough food to eat there, or how the economy would suffer, but also the real threat of taking home a dangerous illness to my family.

This morning, and last night, I was drawn to the book of Matthew. I read it before bed, but also again this morning,

Matthew 16:15-16 (NIV)

15 “But what about you?” he asked. “Who do you say I am?”

16 Simon Peter answered, “You are the Messiah, the Son of the living God.”

As Easter approaches I’m reminded of the days leading up to the Crucifixion. Jesus enters Jerusalem with much fanfare and praise, the crowds singing and proclaiming Him a king. Yet five days later the same words of “King of the Jews,” were used to find Him guilty and sentenced to death. Public opinion was a shifty one, indeed, and it’s in Matthew 16 we see Jesus gently leading Peter to the realization that it’s not what the crowd says that matters.

Who do you say I am?

This is becoming a question that Jesus asks us all. Who is the Lord to us during such a time as this? Is He an angry God, distant, pouring a plague on His people, only to forget them as they suffer? Or is He the Messiah, the Savior of the world?

In the midst of COVID-19 and the fallout of this pandemic, it’s hard not to be afraid. We see the news, the growing numbers of infected, and of course, the personal stories and accounts coming from those working in the thick of this illness. Some of us see dwindling bank balances and empty cupboards. Others see plummeting stocks, or death up close and personal. I’m reminded again of our dear disciple Peter. He knew, before it all went down, that Jesus was the Son of God. He spoke it out loud in faith, yet we all remember what happened before the cock crowed three times. He denied Jesus. It’s a disappointing turn of events in scripture, yet Jesus still fulfilled what He spoke in Matthew 16. He still built the church on the rock that was Peter. That’s good news for us!

When Jesus spoke about building the church, with a mere man who He knew would deny Him down the road, He spoke this.

The gates of Hell will not overcome it!

Today, we face the straining of Hell coming against us. A spirit of death and sickness come in a virus form, and a spirit of fear tries to make us deny (or forget) the power of our God, but Jesus promises that evil does not win. It can not overcome us!

Another verse comes to me as I write this post.

Psalm 121:1-2 (NIV)

I lift up my eyes to the hills– where does my help come from? My help comes from the Lord, the maker of heaven and earth.

As believers, we can find God. It’s not hard, after all. He is here in us. He has not forgotten us, and actually has promised our victory. He doesn’t want us in fear, denying the power He gives us to overcome problems, but He does still provide us victory, knowing we will have our doubts. Today, I would remind you to ask of yourself the same question that Jesus asked Peter.

Who do you say I am?

Is He the rising infection rates or empty store shelves? Is He the dwindling economy or uncertain future? Is He the depressing news reports or scary Facebook posts? No! None of this is a surprise or uncertain to our God. He is the Messiah, the Savior of the world, the Great I Am, and He will! Be encouraged.

Three Things God Has Done for Me

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I was recently reading a devotional, and in it the author encouraged the reader to make a list of three things God has done in your life. Initially, I laughed to myself. Only three! I mean, God has done more in my life than I could possibly fit on paper. Even a whole notebook. He woke me up in the morning, gave me hot water to shower with, and who could forget about coffee?! Talk about the best invention ever! And that’s just the first hour of my day. How in the world I could just pick three, I didn’t know, but I felt led to try. As I quieted my mind, these three bullets came to me, and I thought I would share them with you.

1. He healed me. Ok, so I could start with how God miraculously healed me of epilepsy. How after a decade-long battle of neurologist visits, medications three times a day, abnormal EEG’s, and debilitating migraines, He took the disease completely, totally, and immediately from me. I could talk about that, but no, it’s more than just a seizure disorder.

I could tell you how He took the pain from my knees, the pain that had been there since my twenties, the messed up knees that a doctor had told me when I was twelve years old would eventually “go out on me.” I could tell you how I carried that curse and constant pain into my forties, but the day I asked for His healing, they never hurt me again. But this is about more than not needing a knee replacement after all.

I could testify to physical healing, of myself, and of my children. But if there’s one thing I’ve learned, it’s that God isn’t limited to just one kind of healing. He certainly had healed my physical body, but He had also healed the rest of me. If I looked on the outside like I used to feel on the inside, I would resemble an old China doll. The lines of harsh reality had riddled my fragile shell like cracks in aged porcelain. One wrong move and I probably would have shattered to pieces. But God.

My life before the love of Christ was broken. Torn by the pain of rejection, I felt lacking. Twisted by the lies that I was only as good as the people who had left me in life, I felt worth little more than nothing. I felt empty. We’re not made to feel that way, and as such I wasted many years trying to fill myself with anything I could. Anything that would give me some substance, make me feel worthwhile. I sought the approval of man, and I numbed my pain with empty indulgence. I tried to be better, basing my worth on what I could achieve in life. It never felt like enough. It wasn’t until I found the love of Jesus that I could be healed from all the hurt this world had piled upon me.

He healed me from the pain of sin, and He gave me eternal life. He healed me from my past, and He gave me a future. He healed me from rejection, and He adopted me as His own. He healed me from the bondage of slavery, and He gave me real freedom to live life fully and joyfully.

2. He gave me a new identity. I have had several last names in my life. I had the one I was born with, and later, my adoptive dad’s last name. I had my first husband’s last name, and now I have my second husband’s name. I have held many titles in life, some of them I’d rather forget, but others that I’m proud to go by to this day. I love holding the role of wife, mother, nurse, and friend. I’m a writer, a Navy veteran, an encourager, and a singer at times. I’ve been known to be a goofball, a crybaby, and even an outcast. I have been labeled things that make me cringe, and I’ve been called names that made me cry. But do you know what all these things have in common?

They are meaningless.

They are meaningless when held alongside my identity in Christ. Often times in life we can falsely build our worth and self esteem on the titles we possess or roles we play. We think we’re what our last name is, what job we perform, or how well we perform it. We assume we’re what we do, the mistakes we’ve made, or even the things we’ve failed to achieve. We fall to lies that we’re held back by who our family is, genetics, our financial circumstances, where we live, the way it’s always been, or our lot in life. We never reach the potential God has for us because we believe in a false identity. The identity of this world.

When I came to know the Lord, I realized my true identity was in Him. I was His child. I was created in His image, with a destiny in mind. I was forethought, artfully designed, on purpose, with each detail precisely constructed in love. I was worth dying for, and I was worth pursuing. I was a child of the King, protected, holy, worthy, righteous, and redeemed. I was His. I was not alone. I was loved.

3. He gave me a purpose beyond myself. Once I found myself healed and whole, loved and set free, I felt an urgency to share this miraculous happening. It’s like, if you suddenly had the best cup of coffee in your life. It would be all you could talk about. You’d make sure your spouse, your best friend, and all your coworkers knew how to find this divine cup of joe. This is where I found myself.

Each day, as my spirit draws closer to the Lord, I become more certain of the plans He has for me. Knowing my identity in Him, I am able to throw off the minuscule concerns of this world that have no eternal perspective. I am able to shed the busyness, the ridiculous distractions that vie for my attention, and in essence, pull me further from His truth. I think that’s the first step to finding God’s purpose for your life. You have to be able to let go of all that entangles you, trying to take first chair over His kingdom.

As you can release the treasures of this world, and can begin building eternal equity instead, you can find true purpose. You can find true peace. True joy, even.

When you can let go of the things of this world, the titles and roles that you think complete you, and instead find real fulfillment through your heritage and the inheritance of your Heavenly Father, you will discover your true path in life. Consider this world a practice run. The real thing is what awaits us.

When I realized this profound, yet simple truth, I found purpose. I found a purpose beyond myself and my front yard. I found a way to be full, to the brim, and an understanding that because of Him, I am never lacking. And in this fullness of life, I make each day about pouring out that love on others. The more I give, the more I get. I never realized that before.

So, now I would encourage you. Sit down, clear your mind, and ask yourself, “what has God done for me?” You might just discover along the way, what you can do for Him.

The Waiting Season

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I sat on the sofa sipping my morning coffee, fuzzy blanket pulled up snugly, the warmth from the heater turned up full blast, and I gazed out the window while I prayed. A veil of melancholy hung on my shoulders, certainly lighter than the colorful throw on my lap, but there nonetheless. Waiting was hard. It discouraged you, made you feel uncertain, powerless to change your situation. The waiting. That’s why I felt like I did. As I gazed towards the overcast sky, that certainly mirrored my mood, I saw the top of the tree outside my living room. It had buds.

New growth, I thought.

The Holy Spirit whispered, “you are entering a new growth season.”

The weather couldn’t make up its mind, you know? Warm, cool, hot, cold. All of the above. Shorts one day and a toboggan the next had tricked my tree into thinking it was spring. I could certainly relate. Promises of wonderful things ahead can come, just over the horizon, a glimpse you see. Warm, shining on your face, the hope of radiant light and a more agreeable season. But then it slips out of sight.

You realize you’re in the waiting season.

Waiting for that joyful warmth on your face.

Almost. Not yet.

You open your emotions to the coming of it. Anticipation blooms. Then nothing.

You’re in the waiting season.

Waiting for spring, waiting for the light, waiting for a lifeline, for answers, for solutions, for next steps, for guidance, direction, the answer to urgently whispered prayers.

A most peculiar thing happens in the waiting places. You grow. Your endurance, your strength, your dependence on Jesus, your faith. They all grow. You bloom. In the waiting season you enter into a new growth season too, reaching levels in your relationship with the Lord you never knew possible. Hope springs, and joy comes in the morning. It also comes in the waiting places.

God says, “I am taking you to new heights with me. I am growing you to be the one I always knew you could be, to do the things I have always had planned for you.”

Your waiting season is also a new growth season.

In your waiting, God can open doors no man can shut.

Isaiah 43:19

See, I am doing a new thing!

    Now it springs up; do you not perceive it?

I am making a way in the wilderness

    and streams in the wasteland.

I looked up at the new buds ready to burst forth on the tree outside my window. Waiting was hard, but I was grateful for it. Waiting changes you. It strengthens you. It makes you new. I looked down at the dead leaves on the ground. Remnants of last season, blowing away in the wind even as I watched. In a waiting season the old you dies, it falls away, and Jesus brings new growth.

I’m in a waiting season. I am in a season of new growth. Hallelujah. I am grateful. I am growing. I am being made new.

How to Claim God’s Best for You This Year

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Do you ever feel like God brings a dream to your heart, gives you a desire, or speaks a special plan into your life, but then for whatever reason it just falls away? It’s like there’s so much excitement, so much certainty, but then it just kind of disintegrates. You’re left with a deflated balloon where a vision once existed, and just as the helium seeps from the Mylar, so too does the wind from your own sails. Hope is a wonderful thing, but can easily slip from your fingers. Sometimes the only action to bring it back is boldness. You have to claim what’s yours.

The other morning I was driving to work and praying. A few months before I had felt the Lord strongly speak a specific prayer word to me about my husband. The first week or two I had fervently prayed these words for my spouse. God had given it to me, I believed He would bring it to pass, and I followed through in obedience praying it for my partner. But I noticed this particular morning, after some time had passed without any payout on my deposit, I was questioning if I was praying the right thing.

What if this is just what I want?

God, I want your will for my husband.

And at that moment I felt that strong certainty again. God spoke to my heart as a reminder.

If I give it to you, it’s for a reason.

I knew then (once again) that God had placed this prayer on my heart for a reason, and with renewed passion I prayed it for my spouse. I didn’t know the future, but God did. My job was to move forward in what He placed on my heart.

The next day, driving and praying once again, my writing came to my mind. That morning I had reviewed my blog statistics for the past five years. Looking at it on a bar graph of traffic I noticed each successive year brought more readers to my website. It wasn’t a huge leap each year, but it was growth, little by little, like gradual stair steps.

Slow and steady wins the race, I thought.

Again God,

I spoke that to you too.

And He had. Six years prior He had given me a crazy notion to start writing, something I had never done before, and something I wasn’t very good at. Over the years I had experienced up and down emotions about it. It was time consuming and disappointing when it didn’t have the outcome I anticipated. It wasn’t where I wanted it to be, and it might never get there. I wasn’t famous, I still had unpublished books sitting on the shelf of my heart, and the way I thought it should go hadn’t quite happened.

But this I knew. God had put it on my heart. Strongly. So every time I got disheartened I reminded myself that God told me to do it. Now my job was to do it. Once again, I didn’t know the future, but God did. I couldn’t always see from Point A to Point B or know all the whys and hows, but I could go forward believing things would work out for my good.

So many times God can place something on your heart, but when the going gets tough, you give up. You doubt yourself, you don’t know if you heard God’s voice, or if you’re really doing His will, but it seems to me that’s us putting our future too much in our hands, when they should really be in His.

He wouldn’t have given it to you if He didn’t want you to move forward.

We don’t have to worry so much how we’ll get there, how it will work out, or if we’ll succeed. We just have to move forward, and He will take care of the rest. We just have to boldly claim our promises from God.

When fear comes and the devil tries to discourage you with doubt you say, “God, I know you placed this on my heart, and I know you wouldn’t have done it if you didn’t want this for me. So I’m walking forward.”

When the Lord told my husband and me to sell all our stuff and travel the country in an RV we didn’t know what all He wanted us to do with that. We knew it was a ministry, but we didn’t know the specifics. Heck, we still don’t, but we know God wanted us to go, so we went. Sometimes often times one step leads to another.

You may not see how He’ll do it.

You may not believe He can accomplish His purposes through you.

You may think you’ve messed everything all up!

But if He places something in your heart then your job is to move forward with that. Quiet your mind and ask Him what His desires are for your life. Take His answer, hold it tight, and boldly do it.

That’s how you claim God’s best for your life this year.

When God Stretches You

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This morning I sat drinking coffee with my husband’s grandmother, and as I sat across from her on the couch covered in a comfy blanket she thanked me for fixing her a mug of joe.

“They just don’t like me doing these things anymore. I’m sorry.” She said.

“It’s alright,” I answered. “I don’t mind at all.” And I smiled genuinely at her.

I could only imagine how difficult it must be for her now. As she had gotten older she had started to seriously forget things, fall, and accidentally harm herself (such as significant coffee burns). She had started living with family a while now, but this was the second time in two days she had mentioned to me how hard it was for her to not be doing things around the house as much. Last night I had told her that she had spent a lot of time in years past serving others, and now it was simply her time to rest and allow others to do for her.

“You served us for years.” I said. “The best turkey I’ve ever had came from your house!”

“Really?” She asked incredulously, but with a satisfied smile.

So when she mentioned it again this morning I thought of seasons.

Last week I had been rocked to the core by God’s truth through song. After a particularly long day at work the lyrics from a praise song reached into my heart and squeezed it tightly.

Though the seasons change… your love remains.

The season for us had certainly changed as of late. I had transitioned from working part-time to working full-time again. My husband had transitioned from working overtime to homeschooling full-time. We had gone from two vehicles to one, from a two-story house full of stuff to a pickup truck barely full of possessions, from 2200 square feet of living space to around 600 square feet, from one small, familiar town to a larger, unfamiliar city, from the same, comfortable job I’d held the last ten years to a new job, in a new hospital, with new bosses and new ways of doing things. For me, I had gone from having a set routine to flying by the seat of my pants, and for a gal who loved planning and having ducks in a row, it was for sure a challenge. God was stretching me!

I can recall before we left crying on my couch one morning after I got off the phone. I had accepted a job outside of Orlando after a bit of research about the area, but as I actually went through the process of securing housing it had not been as easy or as affordable as I thought. We were on fumes financially and temporary housing was costing about $800-$1000 more a month than I had budgeted for. Not $800 total, mind you, but $800 more. And that would be on top of our existing mortgage. And it would be very small. Even smaller than the eventual RV we were purchasing. Small and expensive. Great! It wasn’t going according to plan! So I cried.

After my tears fell I got back on the faith wagon, knowing God had our backs. We knew He was leading us on this journey, and I knew I had to trust He’d get us where we needed to be. But y’all, when we walked into that tiny, extended stay hotel I was taken off guard. Even smaller and seedier than I had imagined. Immediately I started pulling out our few, personal items to make it feel like home. If you’re a regular blog reader then you know God led us to a more affordable, larger, and safer home within the next week. It was laughable, really!! I had spent so much time researching, Googling, and making phone calls to try and secure us somewhere nice to live, but in the end I had come up empty. I suppose that’s where God finds you; the empty places. When I gave up on what I could do, and when I trusted Him despite the dismal situation we found ourselves in, He stepped in and led us to something that exceeded our best expectations.

I was in a new season of learning to trust God more. I was learning to fear not. I was learning to lean not on my own understanding. The planner was learning to surrender, and the liner of ducks was learning to rest. It was stretching yet satisfying. It was amazing to watch God deliver every single time as promised. Even if it didn’t seem like it at first. Some seasons are like a desert, but God promises streams. So you just have to walk in that.

This morning as I told my grandma that thanks weren’t necessary for the coffee, and that i understood how hard it was for her to not make it for herself, we talked about seasons.

“I guess this is a new season God has you in right now. As you work through not being able to do as much for yourself the Lord is teaching you new things about trusting in Him for change.” I suggested.

With a twinkle in her eye and contemplative look on her face she replied, “I think you’re absolutely right.”

I felt a kinship to her at that moment, not just as family by marriage, but as children of a Mighty Father God. Although my season of change was nothing like hers, and not as difficult as hers in my humble opinion, I felt like God was stretching us both. He was teaching us both something new, and a deeper way we could rely on Him, trust Him, and most importantly, rest in Him.

Isn’t it funny how we can make the act of rest such hard work?

Do You Find Yourself in the Wilderness? 

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Do you currently find yourself in the wilderness?

You’re in good company. 


The past six months of my life have been different from the previous few years. For many years now I’ve found myself traveling through lush pastures with flowing springs. I have found a contentment, joy, and abundant life living with Christ. I have enjoyed my children, my husband, and our many, many blessings over the past few years. I enjoy those things still, but I’ve found myself clinging tightly to them and my faith in Jesus as I pass through a desert place in life. I want to face palm at past me wondering why other people can’t find peace in life. As I sashayed through flowery fields I wondered why everyone could not smell the roses like me. Talk about a humbling fall. 

So I feel like the past couple of months especially I’ve been transversing through a bit of a dry spell, a valley, if you will. I’ve felt lonely at times, as if I had to really strain to hear God’s voice. It’s been a trying time with many attacks from Satan, and though my husband and I have grown even closer through it, and our faith has strengthened, I’d be lying if I said it was fun. It’s not. The wilderness is never a carefree, enjoyable time. Sure there’s always the joy that comes with being a child of God, but sometimes that’s shadowed by how difficult it is to walk through a storm in life. 

The weird thing about walking through a valley is how it seems up and down. It’s like, sometimes you catch a glimpse of the mountain, it gives you that extra burst of adrenaline, and you walk a little faster with your head held high. Other days you wake up and you feel like a Farside cartoon, just dry bones stretched out across the harsh desert floor. Today I found myself in a funk, and wishing to reignite my spirit with hope I dug into God’s word. I’ve been reading through the Gospels lately, and when I began reading Mark these verses leapt off the page 

Mark 1 (NIV)

12 At once the Spirit sent him out into the wilderness, 13 and he was in the wilderness forty days, being tempted[a] by Satan. He was with the wild animals, and angels attended him.

What I love about scripture is how it can speak to you at different times in your life, and though I’ve read this before, today I noticed something I had not in prior reading. Here in the beginning of Mark we see Jesus being baptized by his cousin, John. We have all imagined how it must have been when the skies opened and God spoke, “you are my son whom I love; with you I am well pleased.”

Wow. That is awesome. God speaks to His son and tells Him how proud He is. But check out that verse right after. 

At once the spirit sent him out into the wilderness. 

It hit me like a ton of bricks today! I have felt like I’m in the wilderness, but I’m in good company. If God sent His own son into the wilderness to be tempted, this son in whom He was well pleased, then shouldn’t I be grateful that I find myself in the same kind of place? God leads us to the places where we might grow best to know Him, and really that’s what I’ve been praying for many years. You can’t stay in the green pastures and grow deeper with God. You have to walk in the wilderness so He can give you His strength. That’s where His angels will attend to us, and as Satan attacks that is where we will grow in faith and a deeper relationship with the Lord. 

I can’t explain the change in my spirit after being reminded of something so simple. It’s hard to see the hand of Jesus when you’re away from the shore. When the rains pelt down and blur your vision it’s difficult to see Him standing on the water. Yet there He stands, calling us to His side, ready to calm the skies at the sound of His voice. 

So, do you find yourself in the wilderness today?

Just remember, you’re in good company. 

Here’s the Hope in the Midst of What’s Going on in Our Country Right Now

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I was speaking to my husband last night concerning the state of our country. This topic has been on my mind for months, but has cumulated over the past couple of weeks, and has come to a head over the past 48 hours. In the midst of Donald Trump assuming office of POTUS it’s basically exploded, and I’m almost overcome and overwhelmed by the happenings and reactions of the people I share this great United States with. I am only 39 years old, but in my life I have never seen a reaction to an election like I have seen with this one. I’ve never seen such strong emotions and passionate reactions. This is history in the making, and so many people are distressed, downtrodden, and depressed by what’s going on. It would be absolutely feasible under the circumstances to accept a spirit of defeat. That’s what I told my husband last night, but here’s specifically why I have not. 

Over the past few years I’ve watched our country change. I’ve seen certain ideals fall to the wayside, priorities change, opinions morph, and points of view materialize into such a strong force that they’re almost concrete. In my opinion I have seen the devil at work sowing seeds of discontent and spreading lies among God’s people. I’ve watched eyes shut adamantly to obvious truth, and backs turn in defiance to God’s word. In fact, though I don’t claim to have it all figured out by any means, I do believe a large part of our country is deceived. I believe we are victims of Satan’s trickery, and we have fallen unaware into his traps. We place importance on non-issues, become quite heated on areas of injustice that don’t actually exist, and get so carried away by a “cause” that we ignore the very real problems in front of us. 
I could go into detail about the falsities I think the enemy uses to spread dissension, but I’ll simply leave it at this for brevity sake. I have never, ever seen a multitude of so many blinded by Satan using them to separate God’s people. It’s astonishing, sad, and could almost leave children of God feeling rather hopeless. Those who seek truth might tend to want to run inside their homes, hold their family close, and pray for Jesus to come soon. Heck, I’ve wanted to do that. But I believe God has been telling me He’s not done yet. 

You see, God created us with a purpose in mind, and a purpose for this earth. Though sin came in long, long ago and mucked it up, I do not believe that God has given up on His original design. He wants His creation free, and drawing closer to Him, but to get from point A to point B there’s a lot that needs to happen. He’s been orchestrating it for many years, and I think we might just be entering a new season of God’s miraculous work. I think He is drawing His people back to Him, and I believe a Great Harvest is on the horizon. 

What happens when God is doing something great? His enemy, Satan offers a counterattack. When God moves, Satan moves, and I think we might just be witness to an amazing battle. Though we cannot see into the spiritual realm, we can see what’s going on in front of us in the natural. And you have to agree that things are taking a turn they never have before. Records are being made, people are rising up like never before, and passions are blaring. Like anytime God is working to do something wonderful and marvelous, this is a time when the devil and his armies will work overtime to try and usurp what the Lord is accomplishing. I am feeling in my spirit like the reason things look so bleak, divided, and rage-filled is because great things lie ahead. It is always darkest just before dawn. 

As a Christian, these are tumultuous times, but I also believe they are encouraging times. As a Christian you know who wins the war, and seeing His mighty hand at work is inspiring. I happen to think these are growing pains before us. I believe there is always much groaning before God shows His majesty and splendor in the face of wickedness. I think a great awakening is coming, and I believe we can take hope in the idea that evil is striking so hard because the enemy camp is full of fear. Satan’s boots are trembling at the good work God is laying right here and now. 

So what’s our job in all this? We must seek His face first. We do not seek just to be right, be heard, or be justified. Though those things have a place and time, to seek His face and will is utmost. That must take priority over all else. We also must keep the faith that He who is in us is greater than he who is in the world. We must remember that Jesus came to save the world. And guess what? We are more than conquerors. It’s important to remain hopeful and full of God’s love that it may flow out to those around us. After all, it’s His love that has, still does, and will save us when we believe in His name. I understand how easy it could be to succumb to a feeling of defeat at these times, but I would challenge you to see His hand in it all. Perhaps even be excited for what the future holds. 

How Do You Know God is Real?

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I remember when I was reborn at the age of nineteen I had a Christian mentor who helped me navigate my life as a new follow of Jesus, and one thing in particular stuck out to me at the time, and still does twenty years later. I recall hesitantly asking her if she ever had doubts about God’s existence, and she quickly and without pause answered honestly “yes.” I remember letting out all my breath in a rush of relief as she continued, “every Christian experiences moments of doubt.”

My friend’s words helped me so much at that moment, and I often think back on them in those unwelcome, and thankfully infrequent instances where doubt creeps into my heart. Like this morning.

I think it started with a television show I had watched last night, and as I stood in the shower this morning I thought about the poor girl who had been murdered by terrorists on the screen. My heart broke for her, and I am completely aware it’s silly, but in the series she had admitted to believing you ceased to exist when you died, and I found myself thinking about how her character would not be in Heaven. Before you think I’m emotionally unstable just understand that I realized it was a fictional character, but it did bring to mind that real people like that young woman existed. That is what really broke my heart; how a drama series on FX made me remember that not everyone is saved.

As I asked God about the eternity of people I did not know a swirling series of questions entered my mind, and the inability to completely fathom the decisions, power, and emotions of my creator must have opened my heart to the hugeness of it all. Naturally when things are so vast and difficult to understand a sense of incredibility enters your mind, then a whisper of doubt.

Is God real?

As I find myself in a more mature relationship with the Lord nowadays, when I’m accosted by doubt I shut it down quick, but the fact that it invades in the first place always makes me feel a twinge of guilt for which I utter, “sorry Lord.”

I remember on the mission field when a nonbeliever asked me point blank how I knew God was real I answered quickly, “I just do.” It’s a feeling that can’t be put into words really, but if I were to try I would say it’s this deep certainty akin to breathing. You just take your next breath because it’s innate and natural to do so. Believing in the God who formed you in your mother’s womb is much the same. Belief becomes an existence, a trait woven within you, just as important as the action of believing. You just know that you know that you know. Maybe that’s why He’s called I Am, because He just is.

I could look at all the miracles He’s performed in my life such as healing me from Epilepsy. My EEG was abnormal every six months for twelve years, then poof, it was fine.

I could point to the knowledge He gave me in certain situations, like the time I felt an urgency to go speak to a stranger at the river, who later admitted he was about to committ suicide before I walked up. In fact I have a journal filled with all the times He whispered things to my spirit about others I wouldn’t have known had He not given it to me. To see someone crying and know the exact, specific cause of their tears is an amazing thing. But those gifts aren’t the sole reason I believe.

I could look at my life and see the proof. I could see that when I follow Him things just work out. Like they work out tremendously. And when I don’t, well, they don’t. When I have run from God my circumstances were the pits. But it goes beyond circumstance. It’s a heart issue.

I guess that’s a large part of how I know God is real, because when He’s with me I am complete. I know He’s always with me, but I can think of times in the past I didn’t acknowledge that. In those times I felt very alone. The future was dismal, the present depressing and void, the past always a painful regret. It seems to me that we humans are made kinda like an empty cup that only Jesus can fill, and when you put anything else inside you still feel empty.

I suppose that’s how I know God is real. When I fill my cup with Him I am complete, and any other time I am not. It’s apparent to me that I was designed for a love relationship with the Lord, and when I’m not in that relationship it’s like I’m a shell of what I should be. Yet when I’m seeking His face, resting in His presence, and communing with Him in faithful belief I finally feel at peace. I finally feel like I am living my destiny. I was made for this, and that’s how I know God is real. That’s how I banish doubt.

In this world we’ll experience doubt, but thankfully we don’t have to live there. We can embrace what we know deep inside of us to be true, and we can live happily and fully in that truth.