Brie Gowen

Savor the Essence of Life

Help Me to Lay It Down

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When I wake up some mornings and remnants of a bad dream are lingering. 

Help me, Lord, to lay it down at your feet. 

My expectations of myself as a mother. 

Help me to lay it down. 

My worries for those I love, my concerns for my spouse, or my fears for my children. 

Help me to lay it down. 

My tight schedule. 

My desires to do more, and be more to each and every person, even as I know I can’t. 


Help me to lay it down. 

My problem with anger. 

My pride. 

My judgement. 

Help me to lay it down. At your feet. 

My financial burdens. 

My fear. 

My goals, my dreams, my unfulfilled visions of the future. 

My plans, my ways, my inadeqaucies. My, my, my. 

But no. 

Yours, yours, yours. 

Help me to lay it down. 

Help me to see that my control only leads to anxiety, whereas my release leads to peace. 

My sadness, my grief, my guilt. All the ways I’ve fallen short and continue to fall. 

Lord, I don’t claim to have obtained it yet. But one thing I do. I press on, not looking behind, but looking ahead to that which you have called me in your name. 

Until I get there, Lord, until I make it home, help me to lay it down. Help me to surrender my everything to you. 

Family history, chains that try and bind me, be it addiction or depression. 

Help me to lay it down. 

Help me to remember that I am weak, that I will fail, that I cannot be perfect, no matter how much I want it. Help to understand that although I cannot always succeed, that with you I am capable. I’m more than a conqueror. I am a child of God. 

Help me to not be defeated by my own limits, but to be inspired, invigorated, and set free by the fact that I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength. 

When I pray, and I don’t feel like you hear me. 

When I pray, and I don’t think I get an answer. 

When my faith is wavering. 

Help me to lay it down. 

Today. 

Help me to lay it all down. 

Tomorrow. 

Help me remember to lay it all down. 

Forever and ever. 

Lay it all down. 

In peace and surrender. 

Lay it all down. 

Sometimes I Cry Over Loss That Hasn’t Even Happened

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I have been a ball of emotions today, and as I watched a video on Facebook of a man I did not know I cried fresh tears to follow the old tracks of the ones spent earlier in the day. I wept for a man dying of cancer that I had never met, but as worship music emitted from the video playing on my phone I also cried over the goodness and truth that God was And is always in control. 

This weekend a high school friend’s young son was hurt very seriously in a car accident. I watched the updates of his condition on Facebook, and I prayed along with hundreds upon hundreds of others for his healing in Jesus name. But I also wept. I cried for this baby boy (albeit a big boy) that I had never actually met. My mommy heart connected with her mommy heart across the pages of social media, and our spirits reached out to one another in petition to God. She didn’t know I was with her in spirit, but I was. 

Later, even after learning that the accident wasn’t fatal, I began to read personal accounts of the wreck, and I cried again. I cried for her son’s condition. I cried over something that had not even happened to my own children, yet I cried like it had. I wept because I knew it could. It could just as easily be my daughter on a ventilator, and my soul interceded with empathy as a mother. I cried for her strength, and I marveled at her faith in the face of adversity. 

Pray for Ethan


This incident came on the heels of remembering National tragedy, and as I listened to an interview with a woman whose husband had died in the World Trade Center more hot tears pushed their way out of my eyes. She spoke of their last conversation, and in very personal details shared their final goodbye. At every word my emotion rose more and more inside my throat, and I cried for the loss of my husband who still existed in the very next room. My husband was alive, but as I wept for a stranger’s loss I felt her grief as if it were my own. I knew that it very well could be one day. 

In the video of this teacher battling cancer his wife, I assume, cuddled up behind him, and my heart broke at the very real situation that could befall me or my family at any time, but then I watched with him as his students sang the most beautiful praise and worship song, one I was very familiar with. 

Holy Spirit, You are welcome here

Come flood this place and fill the atmosphere

Your glory, God, is what our hearts long for

To be overcome by Your presence, Lord

Your presence, Lord

It occurred to me as tears cascaded down my face that this world can be very overwhelming. It can be uncertain, and the thing you cherish most can be taken from you in an instant. But there was one constant that always remained. There was this center of gravity that always kept me grounded when worry tried to pull me into despair, or kept me anchored when grief was all-consuming. It was Jesus. His Holy Spirit overcame it all, and that knowledge that He would never leave or forsake me also gave me peace. Knowing the eternity ahead of me, feeling His presence, and trusting in my Savior also caused me tears, but they were tears of joy. 

I knew that every drop of grief I had every spent was numbered, collected in a bottle, and precious to the one who knew me best. So even when I cried for things that had not even happened He held my hand in His, He heard my every thought, and He was with me. He was with the woman who had lost her spouse on 9/11, and He was with her still. He was with my friend as she cried His name at the accident scene, and He was with her still as she faced the days ahead at the hospital. 

I still cry, but I cry for God’s goodness. It is unchanging, and joy always comes in the morning. Holy Spirit, you are welcome here. In our grieving, in our laughter, in our mourning, in our praise, and in our peace. In our prayers for others, and in our thanksgiving, may you flood our hearts with more of you. 

Why Do the Good Die Young?

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This post has been on the tip of my brain for over a week, but I kept pushing it off. Some subjects are too hard to write about. Heck, some subjects are too hard to think about, and this was definitely the latter. A part of me likes to stay secluded in the apparent safety of my own little world, but access to social media confronts the senses. You see a woman your age in sustained mourning for a child taken by cancer, or you see a community mourn a young woman whose battle for life finally ended. You see these things and you’re reminded of a truth you don’t want to admit. Too often the good die young. 

Last night I fell asleep with the knowledge of another tragedy that had befallen someone I did not know, but whose path had crossed mine due to shared networks. The unfair and heartbreaking circumstances honestly made me as a mother want to bury my head in the sand of my own heart, and I fell asleep feeling quite helpless beyond the sincere prayers I had uttered for the grieving. 

Human hearts are tender, and it’s hard to fathom the inexplicable. After all, little boys are supposed to grow into fine young men, and then to husbands and fathers. Young women are supposed to grow old beside their husbands, and certainly not have their flame extinguished in the midst of their prime. So when these things don’t happen even those on the outskirts of tragedy are left shell shocked. In our faith we grapple for comfort and understanding, we utter prayers of comfort, and yes, even whispered prayers of “why.”

This morning I lay in the cool darkness of my early morning bedroom beside my infant daughter, and as I nursed her back to sleep my thoughts went to places of question. 

Why Lord? I don’t understand why babies have to die. 

Just as quickly as the honest thought escaped my brain I felt the Lord answer me. 

My heart breaks also. I hurt for their hurt. 

I knew this was true. I knew who captured every tear. 

Psalm 56:8 (NLT)

You keep track of all my sorrows. You have collected all my tears in your bottle. You have recorded each one in your book.

You can’t understand, but you can trust. 

John 16:33 (NLT)

“I have told you all this so that you may have peace in me. Here on earth you will have many trials and sorrows. But take heart, because I have overcome the world.”

And so I said, I trust you. When I don’t know why, I trust you. When I cannot explain things like why moms die before they’re old and gray, or even why sweet babies get called to heaven early, I trust. 
When I am unable to fix a situation, quell grief and hurt, or even do much more than wring the hands of my aching soul, I trust. I trust that He can comfort where I fall short, and He can bring peace when all I can bring to the table is tears. 

Sometimes I do wish I could catch a glimpse of heaven just so I could paint the picture of its glory for all those who grieve. If I could just catch a bit of its beauty in a butterfly net and pour it like a salve on hurting hearts, oh how I would. To capture the feeling of healing, to gather the peace like a river, to bring comfort to those who need comforting; that is what I would do. 

Yet if I know anything it’s that I know nothing, but I can cling to this. 

Jesus. 

He had said this morning, “but you can trust me,” and I suppose sometimes that’s all we can do. We can’t find answers, solutions to problems, or even a light at the end of the tunnel. But you can know it’s there. Like a thin thread we can grasp for that final straw of faith, faith to save us all. Faith that calms fear. Faith that holds hurt. Faith that tells you all is well even when it doesn’t feel that way.  Faith that tells you it’s ok to hurt, but one that also whispers, one day you won’t. 

One day you won’t. 



How Do You Know God is Real?

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I remember when I was reborn at the age of nineteen I had a Christian mentor who helped me navigate my life as a new follow of Jesus, and one thing in particular stuck out to me at the time, and still does twenty years later. I recall hesitantly asking her if she ever had doubts about God’s existence, and she quickly and without pause answered honestly “yes.” I remember letting out all my breath in a rush of relief as she continued, “every Christian experiences moments of doubt.”

My friend’s words helped me so much at that moment, and I often think back on them in those unwelcome, and thankfully infrequent instances where doubt creeps into my heart. Like this morning.

I think it started with a television show I had watched last night, and as I stood in the shower this morning I thought about the poor girl who had been murdered by terrorists on the screen. My heart broke for her, and I am completely aware it’s silly, but in the series she had admitted to believing you ceased to exist when you died, and I found myself thinking about how her character would not be in Heaven. Before you think I’m emotionally unstable just understand that I realized it was a fictional character, but it did bring to mind that real people like that young woman existed. That is what really broke my heart; how a drama series on FX made me remember that not everyone is saved.

As I asked God about the eternity of people I did not know a swirling series of questions entered my mind, and the inability to completely fathom the decisions, power, and emotions of my creator must have opened my heart to the hugeness of it all. Naturally when things are so vast and difficult to understand a sense of incredibility enters your mind, then a whisper of doubt.

Is God real?

As I find myself in a more mature relationship with the Lord nowadays, when I’m accosted by doubt I shut it down quick, but the fact that it invades in the first place always makes me feel a twinge of guilt for which I utter, “sorry Lord.”

I remember on the mission field when a nonbeliever asked me point blank how I knew God was real I answered quickly, “I just do.” It’s a feeling that can’t be put into words really, but if I were to try I would say it’s this deep certainty akin to breathing. You just take your next breath because it’s innate and natural to do so. Believing in the God who formed you in your mother’s womb is much the same. Belief becomes an existence, a trait woven within you, just as important as the action of believing. You just know that you know that you know. Maybe that’s why He’s called I Am, because He just is.

I could look at all the miracles He’s performed in my life such as healing me from Epilepsy. My EEG was abnormal every six months for twelve years, then poof, it was fine.

I could point to the knowledge He gave me in certain situations, like the time I felt an urgency to go speak to a stranger at the river, who later admitted he was about to committ suicide before I walked up. In fact I have a journal filled with all the times He whispered things to my spirit about others I wouldn’t have known had He not given it to me. To see someone crying and know the exact, specific cause of their tears is an amazing thing. But those gifts aren’t the sole reason I believe.

I could look at my life and see the proof. I could see that when I follow Him things just work out. Like they work out tremendously. And when I don’t, well, they don’t. When I have run from God my circumstances were the pits. But it goes beyond circumstance. It’s a heart issue.

I guess that’s a large part of how I know God is real, because when He’s with me I am complete. I know He’s always with me, but I can think of times in the past I didn’t acknowledge that. In those times I felt very alone. The future was dismal, the present depressing and void, the past always a painful regret. It seems to me that we humans are made kinda like an empty cup that only Jesus can fill, and when you put anything else inside you still feel empty.

I suppose that’s how I know God is real. When I fill my cup with Him I am complete, and any other time I am not. It’s apparent to me that I was designed for a love relationship with the Lord, and when I’m not in that relationship it’s like I’m a shell of what I should be. Yet when I’m seeking His face, resting in His presence, and communing with Him in faithful belief I finally feel at peace. I finally feel like I am living my destiny. I was made for this, and that’s how I know God is real. That’s how I banish doubt.

In this world we’ll experience doubt, but thankfully we don’t have to live there. We can embrace what we know deep inside of us to be true, and we can live happily and fully in that truth.

 

Something for the Broken-hearted 

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Do you ever come to a broken moment in life? Someone says something hurtful, sometimes intentionally, but other times not. Or perhaps you feel so very stretched thin that you wonder if the world has been using a rolling pin on you. Maybe you’ve reached the end of your rope with a given situation in life, and you feel helpless to change it. You might even feel trapped.

You are not alone.

Maybe it’s mistakes you’ve made that you cannot possibly undo. Perhaps it’s your past that haunts you. It could even be things you have said that you did not mean, or even the things you neglected to say. It could be regret, shame, and a feeling of defeat that weighs so heavily on your shoulders.

Again I say, you are not alone.

In this world we will have sorrow, but Jesus has overcome this world. No matter what you have done in life, what hopeless situation you find yourself in, or how utterly helpless you feel, the Lord can work with it. No job is too messy, too big, or even too small. He cares about the most intimate details, but can overcome the most colossal of mountains in the very same breath.

Perhaps the Lord would whisper to you today, I am doing something new. I’ve brought you to this broken place to show you just how much I can do!

God can make beauty out of dust, and He can certainly turn around life for us. He can turn mourning into joy.
Ecclesiastes 3:11

He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the human heart; yet no one can fathom what God has done from beginning to end.

You cannot see what He is working behind the scenes in your life, but if you can hold on, hang on, and trust Him, He will deliver you. He’ll make beauty out of ashes and do more than you can fathom or even imagine.

Why I Don’t Think This World Has Gone to Hell in a Handbasket

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Everywhere I look today I see despair. On every friend’s Facebook page I see either anger or sadness.

Black Lives Matter.

White Lives Matter.

All Lives Matter.

We’re Doomed.

I fear for my children.

I hate to bring my children up in this world.

Aghhh.

Stop. Breathe. Cry out to Jesus, not Facebook.

I am in no way trying to minimize what is going on in our country right now. Lives, precious lives, be it that of a young black man, or that of brave police officers; lives have been taken unfairly and too soon. There’s no debate there. It grieves my soul, and it causes me to fall on my knees in prayerful petition. But I do not fall on them in despair.

I do not fall on them in fear.

My God is bigger than that.

He is bigger than terrorism. He is bigger than presidential candidates. Even ones who seem above the law.

Does that mean I fall over in surrender like some fainting goat?!
Heck no. I’m digging in my heels, not burying my head in the sand. I’m going to vote, and I’m praying hard. This country is not where I wish it to be, but I’m not giving up on her yet.

What I see a lot when bad things happen in our midst is a spirit of defeat and fear. Don’t fall for it! Don’t let Satan use you to further the idea that the situation is hopeless. The fact is if you believe in God’s word then you believe in hope at ALL times. Not just when Reagan is in office or when peace reigns.

There are some Biblical truths we are missing today, and it would benefit us, each and every one, to take them to heart. Hold them close, draw strength from them, renew our faith so that we may battle the REAL enemy we face here. It’s not flesh and blood you know.

1 Peter 5:7 NLT

Give all your worries and cares to God, for he cares about you.

Romans 15:13 ESV 

May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, so that by the power of the Holy Spirit you may abound in hope.

Isaiah 40:31 ESV 

But they who wait for the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles; they shall run and not be weary; they shall walk and not faint.

Don’t misunderstand me here, dear brothers and sisters. I am not saying bury your head in the sand, nor am I saying wring your hands in your lap while whispering, God’s got this. Indeed I’m saying quite the opposite. I want you to stand up with your eyes open. I want you to speak for truth. I want you to put on the armor of God, get a firm position with the sword of the spirit and the shield of faith. I want you to love your brother, love your enemy, and love your country. I want you to see the evil that abounds, BUT do not become consumed by it. Do not let fear surround you and make you think we have lost this battle.

The initial battle begins in the mind and spirit, and if you are allowing yourself to be consumed with fear and despair you’re not fulfilling your God-given ability to stand firm for justice and truth.

We’re not doomed, our country is NOT going to hell in a handbasket, and this is still a great place to thrive and raise your children. When fear and despair tell you the future is hopeless you need to fight back with God’s truth.

Proverbs 23:18 ESV 

Surely there is a future, and your hope will not be cut off.

My God is bigger than racism. He is bigger than hate. He rules above any political party, and faith wins every time.

Perhaps I sound like a blithering, Bible-thumper to you, but I tell you this, I do not sound afraid. I have not succumbed to hopelessness and despair. I am victorious through Jesus Christ.

So where does that put me in all this going on around me? I’m not blind to it. I am saddened. It breaks my heart to see division in God’s house. I am grieving the loss in Dallas and Louisiana too. My soul cries out to Jesus for His intervention, and I am mindful of my words and actions towards those who are hurting. I’m praying hard, I’m speaking truth, but I am also believing that we have a future. I have to. The God of hope commands it.

I get it, I do, and I’ve felt that same despair. That’s only human. But don’t let it rule your heart. All I’m saying is this. Please don’t despair, my friends. Don’t fall into hopelessness. Grieve, yes. With open eyes speak truth, but don’t speak hate out of anguish. Let faith and hope abound. Be a light to those around you. Love your enemies, comfort those who mourn, and stand firm in expectation of God’s sovereign hand.

Job 14:7-9 ESV

For there is hope for a tree, if it be cut down, that it will sprout again, and that its shoots will not cease. Though its root grow old in the earth, and its stump die in the soil, yet at the scent of water it will bud and put out branches like a young plant.


How to Spend Today Productively

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How many of you are exactly where you want to be? Like how many of you have met every goal you’ve created and see no room for future growth?

*insert chirping crickets

Nobody?

I would venture to guess that we all have desires beyond the immediate that we see. Some of us may be downright dissatisfied with where we are in life at the present, and while I’m a big fan of blossoming where you’re planted, I’m also a supporter of not remaining rooted in your second best simply because it’s comfortable. 

I’m of the belief that God has specific callings for us all, and we often miss out on His best for us because we don’t believe it can happen to us. Or we become so weighted down by discontent and despair that we remain motionless, stuck in our own mire of complacency.  

Today my five year old daughter took a day trip with her daddy. She’s been anticipating it, and yesterday she asked me, “do you know why today is special?”

Of course I didn’t, but she was quick to reply, “today is special because I can spend the whole day preparing for tomorrow.”

I think sometimes we can know our Heavenly Father has great things planned for our future, but when it’s not happening now we get discouraged. Our even when we cannot see we lose hope. But I believe that God would desire for us to anticipate His gifts, to be in celebration for what He has in store. To be in preparation for His blessing. Preparation that is filled with faith and hope for our future. 

How many of us do this?

*insert crickets chirping

2 Corinthians 5:7

For we walk by faith, not by sight. 

Live today in anticipation of God’s tomorrow for you. Prepare today for the Lord’s calling He has coming for you. Be confident, encouraged, and purposeful towards your future. Seek His face, and work intently to reach His best for you. The Lord will open doors for your dreams, but you have to step out into the hall to see them. 

What My Husband Taught Me About Giving

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I’ve always been one for giving, you know? I’ve always felt like giving to those less fortunate than yourself is a good thing to do. In theory it’s really the best way to be, but putting it into practice isn’t always easy. 

I’ve been on the receiving end of charity, and I’ve been the kid without Christmas presents, or the one wearing clothes that the other kids make fun of. I’ve had a bicycle donated to me so that I’d have a gift on my birthday, and I’ve been beyond excited for “new” clothes from the thrift store. 

I’ve also been the one to pay someone’s bills when they could not, to pick up the tab on someone’s meal who was hungry, or even to help pay a college kid’s tuition. I’ve seen my giving appreciated through a veil of tears, and I’ve also seen it taken greedily without even so much as a “thank you.” I’ve been paid back, and I’ve been stuck in a lurch. I’ve been fooled, taken advantage of, but also received the joy of changing someone’s circumstances for the better. 

I think sometimes the hardest part about giving may be not knowing if the gift will be used properly. We want to feel like the person will be a good steward, or learn their lesson and not get in a bind a second time. Just being transparently honest. 

And often times, I just don’t have it to give. 

Not long ago my husband came home and told me he had given money to a man in need. It was an elderly man that I jokingly told people my husband had adopted. The guy had no family, no car, and a shack of a home that looked like a strong wind could blow it over. My husband frequently gave the guy a ride or took him to lunch. 

As my husband relayed the story to me that night, it seemed like this fella had gotten into trouble with his meager finances. His bills were overdue and he needed help. So my husband gave it, and when he told me the amount I’m sure my gaping mouth betrayed me.

At the time I wanted to scream, “why?!” We were moving, I was pregnant, and I would be out of work soon. We had repairs to make on the house, and well, we weren’t made out of money. Truth be told; I wanted that money. I wanted it for my family, and I really didn’t feel like we had it to give. 

He must have read my mind (after all, he’s good at that), because he looked me in the eye and said, “I just felt like it was the right thing to do.” His serious expression would have convinced me alone, but then he added something peculiar. When he had asked the man how much he needed it turned out to be exactly what my husband had in his pocket. Exact. 

I didn’t say another word about the large sum I knew we wouldn’t see back from this man, but I wasn’t surprised really when I discovered we didn’t even miss it. Money that I was sure we needed was somehow replaced. Our bills seemed smaller than usual, or raises were received. Even unexpected money came to us from other avenues. Certainly more than he had given. 

Luke 6:38

Give, and it will be given to you. A good measure, pressed down, shaken together and running over, will be poured into your lap. For with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.

This morning an issue arose where someone we knew was in need. They came to me for help, and though my disability check for maternity leave is dwindling fast, I knew we would give it. I texted my husband anyway to ask his opinion, and he answered as I knew he would. 

“We don’t really have it. But we need to give it anyway.”

So we did. Without any thought to if we would receive it back. Without judgement of what had occurred to make our gift necessary. We gave it simply because it was the right thing to do, and we knew this. I had not always believed it possible, but somehow my husband’s faith had rubbed off on me over time. 

We didn’t give it with the intention of receiving it back, but rather with the knowledge that God would provide for our needs if we honored Him always. And I can’t say I was really surprised at all when I checked my mailbox today and opened an unexpected check for more than double the amount we had given. 

Sometimes you just do something because you know it’s right. Sometimes you just proceed in faith because that’s the best way to give. Sometimes you let go and let God because His promises are true. Sometimes you learn more through giving than you do receiving. 

Perhaps that’s the way it’s supposed to be. 


The Day the Car Wouldn’t Start

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“Why are you in such a bad mood?” My husband asked. 

I retorted, “I’m not!” 

Although, between you and I, I think my tone implied otherwise. 

“Yes, you are!” He continued. “You have been since you woke up!”

And I had been. So I answered back curtly, “I guess I’m not happy about forking out that much cash for a new unit! And I’m tired of never getting anything accomplished around here! I’m attached to the baby nonstop!”

I huffed as I folded laundry, and I realized even as the words fell out of my mouth that they were silly. It was an outpouring of unrelated annoyances that I had decided to gripe about all at once. Much as I had let the laundry pile up, I had also let my frustrations add onto one another. But that’s easy to do, you know? Just as easily as dirty clothes accumulate, so too do aggravating circumstances that are beyond our control. 

The quote from the HVAC repairman for a new central unit was just the icing on the cake for me, it seems, and as the exact horrendous figure rang in my ears I felt weighted down by it all. 

How could we afford that much?! I wondered. Even though I was able to calm my outer words from showing my worry, on the inside they still existed. So I folded and I stewed. 

But problems never end like that, do they? They usually compound themselves first. 

After laundry was folded and put away, a hungry baby fed again, and myself somewhat put together, we readied our brood for a trek into town. I tracked down shoes for each of the children and my husband went to crank our minivan. I stopped midway through tying a shoe, paused by the awful sound of an engine attempting to turn over. 

It wouldn’t crank. 

And again the sound came. And again. It wasn’t cranking. 

And like that it piled up once more. 

Another expense?! I wondered in defeat. How will we manage that too?!

My husband came back inside where I waited eagerly for his words. He cut his eyes my way, and though I noted concern on his brow, he mumbled, “I think it’s just cold. Let’s give it a minute.”

“Ok.” I whispered. But I wasn’t so sure. My dad had taught me about cars from a young age, and I knew the difference in the sounds made between a dead battery, a cold engine, or worse, and it sounded like the latter. I retreated to the living room, collapsed wearily on the sofa, and began to do the only thing I knew to do. I prayed. 

Please, Lord. Please let it crank. Please don’t let it be something bad. We can’t take much more. 

My husband then called to me, “here goes nothing, say a prayer,” as he headed back to the carport. 

“That’s what I’ve been doing!” I answered. 

He must have read the anxiety in my voice for he paused and said, “it’s gonna be fine, you know? It’s gonna crank. I just know it.”

Then he headed outside, but not before adding, “we just weren’t supposed to leave yet. That’s all.”

I sat silently in the living room and thought about his words. He was certain that God would answer his prayer, and as I rose and watched him sitting in the driver’s seat, I could tell he was believing God right at that moment. And I realized that I believed too. 

I believed in that moment that our van would crank. I believed that we’d be able to pay for a new central unit to heat and cool our home. I believed God would give me strength in the areas that were stressing me out during this season of my life, and I believed He would break the chains of doubt that told me otherwise. 

I believed He was bigger than my worry. I believed He was more powerful than my fears. I believed He would not forsake me. Even if the van didn’t crank. 

Deuteronomy 31:6

Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the Lord your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you.”

I believed. And suddenly the silence was broken by the strong roar of a powerful engine that started on the first turn of the key, without sputter, and without fail. 

The rest of the day seemed to fall into place easily, and much like the turnover of a trusty engine, things just worked out as they should. 

God’s Plan for Your Life

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This morning I stood in the shower praying for this and that, and I found my mind drawn to a specific situation in my life. It wasn’t going according to plan, and since it seemed to be going according to plan for others, I wondered if it was God’s will for me. 

Is this what you want for me, Lord?

I mean, it seemed to be going well for people I watched around me, and since I wasn’t measuring up to the same results as they did I wondered if I had really heard God right. 

I know you said this was your will for me, Lord, but is it still?!

And then I began to think about other aspects of my life thus far. Or perhaps, more appropriately, God brought to my mind those things. 

It occurred to me, for not the first time I can tell you, that I wasn’t like everyone else. I had my own path it seemed.  

My story of salvation? It was far different than most of my Southern friends. Raised initially in an atheistic environment, not discovering the real intricacies of a relationship with Jesus until I was twenty, and even then running away. A prodigal daughter slinking back sheepishly to God, and being amazed that He loved me despite all my dirty sins. I certainly didn’t have some pretty packaged story of how I accepted the Lord as my Savior; my story was almost unspeakable. 

My perfect love story? Far from perfect, and miles from ordinary. Being promised the man I would marry, yet not marrying him until a decade or more later. Divorce to boot. Eek! My happily ever after came much later than most of my peers. 

It took me almost ten years to earn an Associate’s degree, for goodness sake, and while many of my high school classmates had kids graduating, I was still conceiving!

It occurred to me as I stood in the early morning, hot shower spray that God’s plan for my life was built strictly for me, and it certainly wouldn’t mirror that of those around me. 

My story of success was my own, and it couldn’t be confined within the definition of how others achieved their dreams. 

I couldn’t measure my performance based on another’s model as God had a yardstick He used strictly for me. God had a plan for my life, and that plan didn’t fit into the same mold as anyone I could see. 

Jeremiah 29:11

For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

God’s promises hadn’t changed from the time of my birth. He always had His best for me. It simply rested on if I decided to see that or not, if I decided to believe it was true. 

The fact remains that God has a specific story in mind for us all, and it’s unlike any story we’ve ever known. It isn’t like that of those around you, as its specially written with you in mind. 

The key is trusting the author of creation, and being open to His plan for you.