Brie Gowen

Savor the Essence of Life

To the Mom Shaming Your Kid on Facebook

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I fell asleep last night with peace in my heart and a bit of pride for the fact that my son was smiling as he kissed me goodnight, even though he had been crying when we first laid down to say our bedtime prayers. I mean, I knew the Holy Spirit had a lot to do with his change in demeanor, especially following our heartfelt intercession, but yeah, a lot of me felt good for myself too. I felt like a good mom. Which was awesome, since I feel like I fail at it on the daily!

A large majority of the commentary you’ll see about parenting teens and preteens champions tough love. It states that kids today need to toughen up, that they need more discipline, and that they need to face the harsh realities of this world so they can be high-functioning, productive adults. I get it. I am a Gen-X’er, after all. A latch key kid. The generation that had zero hand-holding while we transversed the neighborhood or woods without supervision. I’m tough! I also thank God I’m alive when I think back at the stupid stuff I did that almost got me killed, that my parents were clueless about. But alas, this isn’t a blog about the pros and/or cons of helicopter parenting. It’s about being a good parent. So what is that exactly?

Yes, it’s disciple. It’s teaching your children to respect authority, to listen, and to learn from their mistakes. To work hard earn their reward. It’s provision and meeting their physical needs. Yet, it’s so much more. If I had to sum it up with one word it would be pretty easy. I’d base it upon the best role model father I know. God, My Father. So, who is God?

God is so many attributes rolled into one, but the one that stands out to me as His daughter is love. And that’s what I thought of last night after holding my twelve year old.

The Lord said, “it matters to you because it matters to him. That’s how I love you.”

My son had been working for days on a digital art project, and as he neared completion his program screamed for more storage capacity. In a rush to delete the unwanted stuff and make room, he accidentally deleted his project. He had not saved it. It was gone forever. Even The Cloud couldn’t help. He tried to put on a brave face, but I could tell he was disappointed to have lost all that time and effort because of a mistake.

I was at a crossroads. I could say, “I bet you learned your lesson about hitting save!”

I could state what was obvious to me. “It’s just a drawing. Get over it! Do another!”

Or, I could walk in the fruits of the Spirit, the model my Father in Heaven gave through His Son. Patience, kindness, gentleness, love. I could allow him to cry, to let it out. I could hold him, listen, offer advice, and love him through the disappointment that was a big deal to him at the time.

Or, I could post a picture of him crying and upload it to Facebook, I talking about how this generation needs to grow a backbone, learn responsibility, and work hard for the things they want!

Maybe I’m being a little over the top with my particular scenario, but sadly I see pretty similar stuff a bit too often for my taste. I see it over and over, these posts where a mom shames their child publicly on social media, toting the virtues of making your kid learn the hard way. I just don’t believe that’s the way.

A majority of the time it is parents who claim Christianity as a basis of their life that are the promoters of tough love, but I don’t see that Christ walked that way. God certainly isn’t up there punishing us for our missteps. He allows us to fall to the consequences of our own stupid actions, but He never puts us to shame. That’s the other guy. He’s the one who forgives us, the Dad who picks us up, kisses the booboo, and holds us tight, counting our tears. He’s the one who took all our mistakes on His own back, paying for them in blood, and certainly didn’t put ‘em up on a sign in the public square to get likes and shares from the angels.

When your child messes up, you can lovingly guide them to the truth, the consequences of their actions, and the way back to the goal at hand, or you can let them learn their lesson on their own. Sadly, years down the road, the lesson they may have learned is a skewed version of what a father/mother should be. They’ll carry that version into many aspects of their life, such as how they see the Father Heart of God, how they parent themselves, and how they deal with shame and self-doubt when they fail as an adult.

I want my children to learn grace! I want them to know loving kindness, compassion, mercy, and confidence that they can move forward in imperfection, growing as they go. They can learn from mistakes (because they will, without an “I told you so”), but not feel like those mistakes define them. But most of all, I want to model the love I see in Him. And I just don’t think social media shaming is it.

The Scars That Don’t Fade

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Three years ago. Wow. Looking at the black and white photo of my face, I feel… empty. Sometimes emotions are like that. It’s not a void of emotions, but rather an onslaught. Too many to comb through and pick just one.

This week the hospital I’m at put out a policy stating we didn’t have to wear masks anymore. After three years of wearing them constantly! After a shift without one, I felt so strange. Every time I rose from my computer I felt naked. I felt as if I was doing something wrong. I felt afraid, even. Like, shouldn’t I wear it anyway?! I saw other nurses with their masks still on the full, twelve hours. My comrades who remembered.

I cannot explain the emotions to you if you weren’t there, but I’ll try. It’s trauma in its purest form. I told my therapist that it reminded me of the pain I had seeing armless, legless, faceless Marines come into my care as a Navy Corpsman. It wasn’t war three years ago, like it had been in Iraq, but in a way it was. It felt that way. So many of my friends, family, and acquaintances couldn’t wait for masks to be a memory, but for the beside, ICU nurses, they were more than paper. They were more than a mandate. They were life. And that sounds silly saying it out loud, yet we clung to what we hoped would protect us.

In the beginning of the pandemic, we saw far too many people die. At the beginning, it seemed like they all died. My ICU at the time kept track of the deaths, and in nine months I saw 263 slip away. It did not matter what we did to try and make them stay.

263 doesn’t seem like a lot of people if you’re looking at national averages or through a political lens, but to those who wore respirators, goggles, gowns, and gloves, it’s too many. Each patient had a name, they were loved, and they were missed. They weren’t allowed to stay on an earth where people would become angry at a medical community trying to help. If they were, would they have stood up for men and women like me who only wanted the lucky folks outside of the trenches to believe us when we said it was bad?! I think so.

I think the immigrant, with frightened eyes, rapid breathing, and no understanding of the English language would have managed, to translate, “they saved me!” But he can’t, because we didn’t. He was my first, personal death to Covid-19.

So many would follow. The guy who through struggling gasps would tell his wife via phone, “I’ll talk to you soon,” had been the end of me. I had made eye contact with a fellow nurse, through perspiration and plastic shielding, eye contact that agreed sadly on a mental level, “no, sir, you won’t.” And he didn’t. I couldn’t take it as personal anymore after that. I just went on auto. We all did. Doing all the things, that meant nothing to combat that virus, and meant even less to communities who said we were stretching and fabricating the numbers.

It hurts too much to say much more. By the time other strains were rapidly killing middle-aged people like myself, I had completed insulated myself from a world that rolled its eyes at me. Yet, I still tried to help. I can remember trying to convince the man, three years my junior, why he needed to prone to get his oxygen levels up, while he groaned in broken, struggling exhalations that Covid wasn’t real.

I’m glad things are better now (in terms of virology), and we can finally have the option to drop the masks that protected us. But in someways, some things are worse. The pandemic didn’t just kill fathers, sons, mothers, daughters, and friends; it killed the community of togetherness that had helped so much in my previous, frontline battles after 9/11. Where did those people go? The ones who said, together we are better, and we can stand against this. It was replaced by factions. Factions made up of those who three years later are hesitant to drop a mask because of the things they saw, and those who never would wear them anyway, because they didn’t see the things I can’t forget.

The scars on my nose and cheeks faded, but the other wounds, they’re incredibly harder to dull away.

How Christians Should Be Responding to Kyle Rittenhouse and Such

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I can’t tell you how many times over the past month or so I’ve seen a controversy come across my social media feed and been disgusted. I’ve had thoughts, so many thoughts, but other than discussing them with my husband, I’ve mostly pushed them aside. And I certainly haven’t blogged about them. It’s felt pointless, straddling on hopeless, and I suppose the depressing thought of that has for the most part caused me to crawl into a hole when it comes to sharing my opinion on political/religious matters.

This morning I received an email from a pastor/reader of my posts. Thank you, sir. Your encouragement and comments of camaraderie were a blessing to me. It’s nice to remember I’m not alone in my feelings of sadness for the direction the church has taken. And while disappointing overall, it’s also encouraging to know I’m not the only lover of Jesus who has been attacked or vilified when suggesting we as followers of Christ should carry ourselves in a manner that models our Savior. Yes, I’ve been discouraged to share, even though my words are ones of love, because it’s exhausting to share what you deeply believe is true, in a spirit of kindness, and be met with jeers and laughter from your Christian brothers or sisters. Yet, isn’t that what Jesus did? Despite the angry voices, He pressed forward. When called a blasphemer, He held His tongue. Instead of going with popular opinion of religion at the time, He spoke about things like drinking His blood and eating His flesh. He knew He would lose followers, but He had no choice but to share the truth.

Now, first off, I’m in no way comparing myself to Jesus. Not at all! But I do pay close attention to His behavior. Every day when I read the Bible I absorb His Way. My goal in this life is to be His disciple. Not because I must do this for salvation! His grace is enough. I strive to be a good disciple because I love Him. With that in mind, I follow His example as much as I can. For today, that means speaking truth even when it hurts my feelings and heart at the reception of my words by some Christians. But again, the church leaders of Christ’s time didn’t like being told they were wrong either.

Big news was released today concerning Kyle Rittenhouse, and while this is a very deep subject that sheds a sad light on the inadequacy of our systems, I won’t go into every aspect of the case. As a human, I believe inequality could easily be witnessed in the proceedings, but I only want to touch on a small slice of this pie. That piece is how we as Christians should be responding to situations like this. I don’t care how those who don’t follow Jesus are talking about this case. I mean, I do, but it doesn’t bother me as much as fellow Christians speaking erroneously on earthly matters. Because our words impact Kingdom Matters. Allow me to explain.

As a proclaimed Christian we must understand we are representing Christ. When our words and actions thereafter don’t consistently speak love, we are misrepresenting our Lord. Jesus told His disciples that people would know they followed Him because of their love. We cannot forget that most important commandment, and when we do, we are a stumbling block to the salvation of others.

For example, we cannot say we are Christians, aka, followers of Christ, but then put a bumper sticker on our truck that proclaims, “let’s go, Brandon.”

We cannot choose to say a young man who killed people is a “hero.” We can’t celebrate the very poor decision of a immature mind to take a weapon across state lines to a civil unrest situation.

I mean, we can, but we shouldn’t.

We have to stop “taking sides” based on politics and understand that as followers of Jesus, the only side is love. We have to stop basing our opinions and decisions on our political platforms. When we do this, a sad situation where poor decisions were made becomes more about gun rights than it does the pointless death of fellow humans made in the image of the God we serve. We end up seeing rioters through the human eyes of destruction of property rather than empathetic eyes that try and see how a person can be pushed to make a big demonstration to get the desired results.

It seems like, to me, when I read the life of Jesus, I see a man who was without sin, yet He tried to sacrifice, serve, and love those who did sin. He saw to the heart of why the woman at the well did what she did. He loved her there. That love brought her out of her pit. He knew how to understand pain, and how to help others walk out of that pain. He never told someone, “that happened, like, a hundred years ago. Why are you still mad?!”

He was totally selfless! When something was an inconvenience to Him (like hoards of people following Him when He was just trying to grieve the murder of His cousin, John), He didn’t respond with anger. He didn’t say, “you should have thought to pack your lunch for a desert trek!”

The scripture says, “He had compassion on them.”

Despite His pain, He fed them.

He didn’t tell the woman with the blood condition He was busy with another ministry. He didn’t get angry when she touched His garment without asking. He didn’t worry that the crowd He fed would become dependent on Him for their fish and bread. He saw the pain on Martha’s face and brought her brother back to her, even though He knew the eternity that awaited him. Yes, He did it to lead others to the Father, but He also had compassion. He always had compassion. We are lacking in compassion, and our behavior isn’t bringing anyone to the Father.

We have confused our relationship with Christ with our political affiliations. We have assumed that Christianity and political platforms go hand in hand, but this is causing us to ostracize the people Jesus has called us to love and serve. We have taken a very fleshly stand and it’s having Kingdom repercussions. So, people who would benefit from the love of Christ, are instead being branded the enemy. We have taken a divisive stand rather than a servant heart. When we do this, we make a hero out of a confused boy, and a villain out of a president.

In fact, we laugh at chants of “f*€k Biden,” and we smirk at hateful rants. A political leader (if they’re on your particular side) can share a cartoon of themselves murdering their political opponents with a samurai sword, and we can say, “he didn’t mean anything by it. It was just a joke.”

Because, see, hurtful jokes become ok. Jeers, sarcasm, hatred, bigotry, selfishness, and greed become something we celebrate, and in fact, elect to office. We don’t want a Savior like Jesus anymore. We want a warrior who will annihilate our enemies (if memory serves, that’s what the disciples originally wanted Jesus to do too, yet that wasn’t His way.) How in the world we came to a place where this seems the way of Jesus is beyond me! The only thing I can figure out is people must not be reading their Bibles. I guess they’re simply listening to TikTok videos or their favorite news channel for their beliefs on life.

And that’s fine! If you want to be hateful and selfish, that’s your right. God has given us free will. My problem is when you give yourself the label of Christian, yet forget it means you are a disciple of His way. Not the way of Republicans, Fox News, or Breitbart. If you’re going to use the family name, you have to uphold the stellar reputation set by a man who told His bodyguard Peter to put down the sword. And then He put His abductor and murderer’s ear back on!

This country has become very divisive, but we can never put things back together by choosing sides. Instead we as Christians must understand when to surrender. We have to surrender our earthly ideals to His vision for the Church. We have to understand that servanthood is what He calls us to. We have to remember that the fruits of the Spirit are what we must bear, according to scripture, and that it says very little about bearing arms, unless it’s to lay them down, turn our cheeks, or “forgive them” when they know not what they’re doing.

We have a responsibility as Christians to respond to earthly and political matters in a certain way, and it’s not to “stand our ground” and protect our freedoms or rights here on earth. Our responsibility is to the Kingdom of Heaven and building that Kingdom. The Kingdom isn’t built by politicians, but rather built by love, by healing, and by repentance. Jesus showed us that healing, repentance, and eternal life did not come by earthly matters or the law, but through His sacrifice of love. Now our job, as disciples of Christ, is to show the way to eternal life and freedom from sin. Recently we’ve been pointing a path that while it will lead to religious accolades, will not necessarily lead people to Jesus. We have to work on this.

You Wouldn’t Believe Who’s Watching Your Profile!

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I recently came across a Facebook post in a private group I’m a part of, and it really shook me. The group is a large one, comprised of men and women from all backgrounds and geographical locations, but sharing a common interest. I’ve noticed when you gather a large enough collection of people you’ll see something negative, maybe even awful, but this particular instance left me feeling sad more than anything. It reminded me that what I do matters, and that while I don’t live my life to please the world, the world is watching. They’re watching every single thing I post on Facebook, how I treat the waitress when I go out to eat, and even how I handle the pressures at work when they try to consume me. Let me explain.

You see, in this particular example a Facebook poster had gotten angry at her job, and in her anger she spoke, or rather typed. In her rant she called one coworker by a racial slur and the other by a slang name that pointed out his sexual preferences. Of course, commenters quickly came out to speak against her poorly delivered and unkind post, but it was what some of them discovered that made me cringe.

“I noticed she has Christian quotes all over her profile,” one commenter observed.

“That doesn’t surprise me,” another woman replied.

And that was when my heart sank. A self-proclaimed follower of Jesus, acting very un-Christlike, and it put a nail in the coffin of the assumption that all Christians are self-righteous, cruel, and demeaning individuals. You see, on the whole we are not, but it’s always the bad apples that ruin a barrel. It’s always the negative connotations that stick. You could line up 100 Christians with 99 of them responding in love, but it would be the one hateful person’s actions that everyone remembered.

You see, life as a Christian can be hard. It can be considered unfair, even, because the people who don’t believe the same as you are watching you to see how serious you are. In a way it makes me think of my years doing direct sales. There were people who wanted to jump in and sell with me, but they didn’t believe it would work. So instead they waited and watched. They watched to see if I would quit or give up. A lot of people made fun of me, or they tried to push my buttons. It seemed like they wanted me to fail. What I was doing didn’t impact them personally, but some of them actually wanted me to fall so they could feel better about not believing in our business model. The weirdest and most rewarding part, though, was the people who watched me silently for a very long time, and when they saw me being positive and doing well they decided to come join me. I know you can’t equate direct sales to Christianity, but the haters and watchers do have some similarities. When I sold skincare people silently watched, and as I live my life for Jesus, people are watching also.

If you are a Christian people are watching you. Nonbelievers, backsliders, and everyone inbetween. The fact is Christians make mistakes and sin just like anyone else, but no one cares about that. Just like you expect a professional athlete to play their sport well or a famous singer to give an amazing performance, so too are Christians expected to be different. I mentioned earlier that it may not seem fair, but you have to accept the fact that this viewpoint is here to stay. The Royal Family is expected to dress and walk a certain way when seen in public, and much the same children of The King are expected to carry themselves with a sense of royalty and kinship to The Father. If you are a follower of Jesus it’s your responsibility and heritage to reflect well the family name. Your inheritance into the Kingdom of God doesn’t require your perfection, but it does offer some great suggestions on how to carry yourself.

1 Corinthians 13:1-3

If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal. 2 And if I have prophetic powers, and understand all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have all faith, so as to remove mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. 3 If I give away all I have, and if I deliver up my body to be burned, but have not love, I gain nothing.

As a Christ follower perfection is not required, but love is. The world, though, does require our perfection, and we will realistically have a hard time maintaining such an impossible feat, but we have to at least give it a decent try. We can’t say “Praise the Lord” one minute, but call someone by a demeaning slang term the next. Most decent people will condemn you for racism and cruel treatment of your fellow man, but they’ll especially tar and feather you if you claim to be a Christian yet you’re speaking hate language. Jesus calls us to love, those different from us, and even our enemies. He hung out with prostitutes and tax collectors, showing them love, mercy, grace, and a beautiful example of what a life loving the Father entails. The least we can do is try and live our life the same.

If you’re a Christian people are watching you. You can recognize sin without pointing a cruel finger, and you can show the path God calls us all to by living your own life as a shining example. You can get angry, emotional, and even feel justified in your righteous indignation, but then you need to pause. You need to consider what Jesus would do, what He would say, and how He would proceed. You need to hold your tongue, watch your actions, and run it all through a filter of love. The world is watching. That’s just how it is. No need to give them something negative to judge Christianity by.

Sure, it’s a huge responsibility, but your inheritance is a big deal. Your reputation as a Christian reflects upon all your brothers and sisters. So if you’re spewing ugliness it makes us all look ugly.

If you’re treating people unfairly, cussing out the car that passed you, or getting irate at work, it reflects poorly on the Lord. He’s in the heart-changing business, and it’s our responsibility to show the world He can do just that.

Let Him soften your heart and shine His love light through you. Let Him reflect His gentleness, kindness, and mercy through your words and actions.

Who’s watching your profile? Everyone!

So what will they say when they see what you post?

You’re the Reason My Husband Hates Facebook

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My spouse only begrudgingly holds a Facebook account. I think he keeps it around to help share my blog occasionally, or to have some way to watch blooper type videos when he’s bored in a doctor’s office or too frustrated with his Injustice game on his phone to play it for like five minutes or so. Regardless, he’ll be the first to tell me he hates Facebook, and I stopped trying to tag him in cool stuff long ago. His sporadic use of the social media outlet makes it pointless. 

But sometimes I get it. I understand his frustration. Recently I was scrolling through my newsfeed when I came across one of those train wreck status updates. You know what I mean; it’s like you try to look away, but you can’t. Your drawn into the comments section, and before you know it you’re just shaking your head. How can people be so mean?!

Have you ever noticed that social media is the new ladies’ room, the latest and greatest place for females to congregate and hate on someone?

It’s almost like watching wild hyenas on the Discovery Channel as they descend in a pack upon a wounded animal and begin to tear it savagely to pieces. Seriously. 

Something happens when women get together, but on social media they can be a bit more brave and faceless. One woman makes a catty remark, the next chimes in with “oh, I know who you’re talking about,” and before you know it ladies are lining up in the comments section to say something horrible and heartless.

Not to be undone, though, I see just as many fellas coming to the feast of ugliness. Next thing you know there’s an entire trail of bashing and thoughtless comments thrown across the Internet. It might be shameful if so many people weren’t distracted by their own cruel laughter. 

I think sometimes we all fall into this trap. It’s like pointing out the faults of another make us feel better about ourselves, but in the end it only makes us look worse. 

I’m not trying to stand on a pedestal claiming I’m any kind of perfect, but when I see bullying I call it just that. When I see ugly, well I call it by its name. There’s no need in people fueling the flame of each other’s indignation, and to callously and brutally gang up on someone is downright mean. Am I the only person who doesn’t wish to relive the high school hierarchy of cruel cliques and heartless jabs at someone?!

Mean people, cruel crassness, brutal bullying, and the way the masses leap on it like flies to a dead carcass is despicable. It’s the reason my husband hates Facebook, and honestly, it makes me want to hate it too. It’s embarrassing as a woman to see so many ladies who attack one another on a regular basis, and it’s shameful as human beings that so many of us jump on the bandwagon to say something awful when our turn comes up. Didn’t anyone’s momma teach them if you can’t say something nice to say nothing at all. 

I don’t hate Facebook. I’m not going to throw out the baby with the bath water. I enjoy connecting with others, offering encouragement, and looking at cute baby pictures. And yes, I like the blooper type videos too. In life, not just social media, although it’s certainly the place to start, we should try harder to build people up, think before we speak (or type), and consider how powerful words are to destroy someone. I mean, do you really want to destroy someone?

3 Questions to Ask Yourself Before Airing Your Dirty Laundry on Facebook

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Social media is a great place to connect with friends, keep up to date on community news, and meet new people. Some folks enjoy sharing pictures of their children while other people use the platform to share selfies. Lots of people gain recipes, style tips, and information about real developing news stories (if you can wade past the fake ones). Facebook in particular can be a place of inspiration and prayer networking, but it can also be an outlet for ugly emotional outbursts and too much drama. 

We’re all probably guilty of speaking too quickly when posting an update, and it’s hard not to with the loaded question of “what’s on your mind,” but perhaps some forethought could benefit everyone. 

So here’s 3 questions to ask yourself before airing your dirty laundry on Facebook.

1. Why? Seriously. It’s a simple question. So simple that it’s the most easily ignored. 

Why am I posting this? I’m angry. I’m hurt. I’ve been pushed, so now I want to push back. Well, what purpose does that truly serve?

Will hurting someone else make me feel better? Will pointing out the faults of another suddenly make my own issues disappear?

It’s easy to react in anger and lash out vehemently, but when it comes down to it, what purpose does it serve? Ugly people are going to be ugly no matter what. Seeing that they’ve hurt you is not suddenly going to bring them to repentance. If they’re just plain mean it will probably only fuel their cruel nature to see that their actions bother you enough to tell all of your friends’ list about it. 

Would I have the nerve to say this in person? It’s easy to hide behind a computer screen. If your words wouldn’t feel comfortable coming out of your mouth at a table with friends then it shouldn’t come out on a status update either. 

But when it comes down to it, why is all you have to ask. Why? Is speaking hurtful things going to make your own hurt vanish? If the answer is no then perhaps it’s not worth your time.  

2. Will I regret this later? I can’t count the number of times I have decided to speak out of my emotions and within moments regretted it. I’ve probably deleted a dozen Facebook posts over the past year. It’s easy to rant out of frustration, but don’t let your emotions rule you. 

Do I really want to say something so vile about another person?

If you’re speaking about your child’s other parent, ask yourself if you’d want your kid to see your words. If not then it’s a safe bet that you shouldn’t post it. 

Do I really mean that?

My children are a perfect example. Some days they drive me crazy, and I think some awful words in my head, but I keep them there in my mind. Why? Because I don’t mean it, and I don’t want to hurt them. 

Words are more powerful than anything, and they can cut like a knife. Ask yourself if you seriously wish to forever wound someone with your words. And if the answer is yes then I would ask you to revert back to question #1, why. Why do you wish to hurt someone when it serves no purpose other than to drag yourself further down?

3. Does this truly represent me? It’s so easy to share your personal business on Facebook when you’re angry and you wish to speak loudly your frustrations over other’s mistakes. If you have been wrongfully accused it’s even easier to want to feel vindicated from the blame, but take a moment to consider how your words look to others. 

Most people will immediately bristle at that last sentence, and state strongly, “I don’t care what people think!” Well, that’s good. I mean, overall you shouldn’t care, but we all know life isn’t that simple. In a way you do have to care. If you’re a Christian then you especially need to be concerned. 

I can’t speak for everyone, I can only speak for me. Personally, as a Christian I realize my witness is important. My words and actions represent my position as a member of God’s family. They need to be seasoned with patience, love, and the light of Jesus. 

Ouch! I miss the mark frequently on that one, but I strive for consistent improvement. 

Even if you don’t consider yourself a representative of God’s kingdom, you still stand for something. Your actions reflect on your family, your job, and even your reputation as a kind, dependable human being. 

Always ask yourself if the words you speak would serve as a good example of who you are overall. If not then keep them to yourself. Cool down. Spend some time in thoughtful consideration before you share every single emotional outburst that crosses your mind. 

After some time you may see that your words would really serve no useful purpose. They might hurt your enemies, but in the long run they would hurt you more. 

The biggest person in the room is the one who can hold their tongue. The most respected, strong individual is the one who can remain silent in the face of unjust treatment, and trust in the fact that what goes around always comes around. That’s the truth. 

So don’t let the devil use your mouth for his handiwork, but instead let Jesus shine through your life. And if none of that makes any sense to you then just consider that perhaps it’s inappropriate and many people may not want to read your dirty laundry in the first place. 

As always, this is spoken with love, not judgement. 

Happy posting. 

Three Ways Social Media Lies to You

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I’m not going to write a post and pretend like this has nothing to do with me. It does. This is just as much a reminder to myself as it is to anyone who reads these words. The thing is I think when something is important it’s worth repeating because it’s typically the blatantly obvious stuff that seeps into our subconscious, and somewhere along the line we accidentally fall victim to bold-faced lies about who we are and the world around us. 

No arena today does this better than social media. Almost everyone is involved in some part, and it’s quite easy to get sucked into a false world where acquaintances are friends, and even enemies appear to be friends. Faulty perceptions persist, and folks speak a little more freely behind the comfort of their computer screen. Myself included. 

Personally, I enjoy social media platforms. I think they’re fun, and I think they’re a great way to reconnect with old friends, or stay connected to long-distance friends. It serves as a wonderful area to spread prayer requests or other important news. Sometimes we’re probably all guilty of over-sharing, but isn’t it wonderful also to know you’re not alone in certain problems you may encounter. For these reasons I love Facebook, and Instagram is really fun too. 

So when is social media not the greatest thing since sliced bread? Well, apart from consuming more of our time than is healthy for personal relationships, it also tends to arrive on our newsfeeds absolutely shrouded in falsehoods. There are certain lies social media tells us that can have a detrimental effect on our person. 

Here’s just three. 

1. Everyone’s life is perfect. So when do you take a picture of your kid? When they’re throwing a fit? How many shots do you take looking for that perfect pose where everyone is smiling angelically? Do you hesitate to post a picture that shows a dirty living room in the background?

Deep down we have to admit that most of us post the highlights of our life. We share the moments of celebration, the job promotions, and the understandable bragging posts of our kid’s accomplishments. Not many folks share, “well, Billy got an ‘F’ on his report card,” or other honest things that disappoint. We share how good God is when things are going right, but not many people say, “I’m so bloated and pissed off today I want to shoot my spouse.” 

We share exciting news, but frequently keep to ourselves how we over-drafted our checking account or screamed at our kid for simply doing something very kid-like. 

Everyone has bad days, but most social media posts show only the good stuff, the picture-worthy stuff, and the stuff that makes us look better. And since all we see come across our newsfeeds are vacation photos and yummy meals we assume everyone else is always going to the beach, and they cook like a gourmet chef to boot. 

We know better, but somehow forget in the avalanche of perfection before us. After all, no one shares a photo with the caption, “hey, I gained thirty pounds over the holidays,” or a picture of the dinner they just burned. Nope. Everyone is losing weight and making the perfect roast while Timmy brings home all ‘A’s’ and the husband buys flowers for no reason at all. 

You inadvertently wonder, “why doesn’t my husband buy me flowers?” You feel jealous over that woman’s perfectly dressed children who are always smiling, and you wish you could afford a vacation some time this year. On social media couples are always smiling, gardens are without weeds, and birthday cakes get better and better each year. 

You’re left thinking, “man, I wish my life was that good.” You don’t mean to think that way, but seeing so much greatness becomes a competition unaware. 

2. People are perfect. Did you see that selfie? Her make-up is flawless! Does she ever have a problem with her roots showing? She must have a live-in slylist. Why do my pictures never come out so complimentary?! I wish I was more photogenic. Or worse, I wish my body looked like that! Yet instead of being inspired to do something for ourselves, to make ourselves feel better, we’re left deflated and disheartened. 

We see an onslaught of perfect, pouty lips, and hair that is just right. Does anyone take a bad picture anymore?!

Now you know darn well that every selfie you see is just like one you’d take yourself. In other words, that perfect picture before you is take number twenty-seven of a series, and it’s been edited out the wazoo. It has a very complimentary filter applied, and it could have been altered using apps that reduce wrinkles and dark circles too. 

So why do we alter our photos? We do it so they’ll look better. Like everyone else’s does. Again, we know the reality, but we get so caught up in what society says is normal and beautiful that we strive to share a better version of ourselves rather than an honest one. 

We use wraps to make our waists smaller, filters or apps to enhance, and discard photos that seem too real. “My nose looks crooked, my teeth are yellow, and I have a double-chin.”

The truth is no one looks good all the time. Everyone wakes up looking like death, and some angles are simply unflattering. You just don’t see those. They get deleted. 

3. I am less perfect than those around me. Follow with me now. I’m trying to follow this false perfection theme that social media secretly instills. The truth is that no one is perfect, but it’s easy to forget that looking through Instagram. You can easily get tangled up in the lie that obtaining pretty close to perfect is possible just by watching the other guy. 

Before you realize it you’re basing a portion of your self-worth on what social media says, and you will always fall short by this comparison. You’ll post a photo and check back frequently waiting to see who gives it a thumbs-up. You know you’re more than how many likes your post receives yet you may feel downtrodden when not that many come your way. 

So-and-so always gets like 200 likes on a picture, and I just got 40. What does that mean? Rather than accepting it for what it is (aka, pointless) you may actually think it has something to do with you. “I knew I should have used Valencia instead of Sierra!”

Am I funny? Am I pretty? Am I well-liked by my peers? The last place to receive these answers is social media, yet that is where we often look. 

Everyone’s life seems so happy and blessed. Their marriages are filled with love, their kids are brilliant, and their house is so much bigger than mine. Facebook has become the new way to keep up with Joneses, and for too many young people without a true sense of who they are, it’s a way to measure their worth. It’s a place to worry about what others think, and a yardstick by which to compare your own happiness. It’s not reality; it’s a false reality. It’s a big fat lie that refreshes every few minutes placing the most popular version of perfection at the very top. 

When it comes down to it we can use social media, or we can allow it to use us. We can keep it real, or we can try in vain to keep up. We can be happy with our life, or we can wish for someone else’s. We can make our own rules, or let it rule us. At the end of the day social media is what you make it. It can be a blessing, or it can be a curse. Really, it’s all up to how you see it as it comes across your newsfeed.