- We’re still here. I would like to think we’re on the mend. I slept hard, but fitfully, coughing with a sore throat. I personally didn’t feel any better when I got up; just exhausted. It did lift my spirits, though, to see Chloe wake up. Ben was a God send last night. He took care of Chloe while I tended to Bailey. He rocked her most of the night, pushed fluids throughout the night, and gave her medicine as needed. She did spike 103 on her temp last night, but I was happy to see a sagging diaper when we got up. She awoke with a smile on her face and was ready to play. She immediately went and found her Dr. kit so she could listen to her baby doll and me to “make us better.” Her appetite is improved and while she needs reminding, her fluid intake is better as well. She still has a yucky sounding cough and a hoarse voice that tugs at this Momma’s heart strings. She’s not back to herself, but I can see God’s healing hand on her. Some may think my attitude to her being sick is overreacting , but please understand that I’ve been blessed with a super healthy child who never had a fever until she was well over a year old. So, for me, this has been a big deal. I’m so thankful for her healthy little body and have tried not to love her to pieces today! Ok, I haven’t tried that hard.
- Chloe feeling better, playing more and crying less, came at a good time today. Miss Bailey, not wanting to be outdone, has demanded my full attention today. Don’t worry. She’s remained a febrile and I see no signs or symptoms of sickness with her. I am still trusting in God to protect her from illness and believe it done. She’s just wanted her Mommy today. She has not liked sleeping in her bassinet and has preferred my arms. I finally put her in the sling and wore her around as I fixed scrambled eggs for the family. She rested quite comfortably next to my heart, which is fitting since that’s where she belongs. Ben brought it up and I too recall Chloe becoming this way around the same age. And I really don’t mind a baby wanting to be held. I recall it getting annoying at times with Chloe, but now I also know that it won’t last long. Before I know it, Bailey will want to be running around with Chloe. So if I have to spend the next few months with a baby attached to my body, that is fine. I love to look down and see a sweet, sleeping face.
- With all the shopping, Christmas parties, then sickness around here; my house has taken a back burner. I feel almost claustrophobic at the piling dishes threatening to fall out of my sink. If I step on another dried chicken nugget bite, piece of macaroni, or discarded breakfast cereal; I might just scream. The living room rug has become a toy box and I can’t even see the print on the sofa anymore. It’s tough to take these things one at a time and not feel like I have to tackle it all at once. Ben made a good point today when he said, “If you continue to add things to your to-do list, you’ll never get anything done.” Life is like my dirty house. It can seem overwhelming and you just don’t know where to start. Ben offered to do dishes for me while I calmed myself and took the time to put the baby down for a nap properly. She slept well in her bassinet after that and I picked up as I could, allowing Chloe to help (and by this I mean track through the dirt pile I had swept up). Housework, as in life, has to be prioritized, you may have to ask for a little help, and you have to keep in perspective what’s really important and not let those you love suffer or fall to the wayside in your pursuits.
That is all 🙂
- We went to my Dad’s Christmas party last night. I should have known something was wrong when Chloe declined anything from her plate, which included chicken nuggets, pizza, and a cookie! I thought she was just tired. She kept complaining of being cold on the way there and back, and I thought it was more cries for attention. I felt horrible when we got home and passed out like I had guzzled cocktails at the party instead of bottled water. Bailey slept right along with me. When I would wake to feed her, I noticed Ben rocking Chloe. He said, “She’s sick. I think she’s running a fever.” I felt her and thought she felt ok. Then he felt me and said “that’s cause you’re running a fever too.” And so it began.
- Ben went to work this morning. I figured I could handle it. I realized I had practically lost my voice overnight. I also realized that my family members who help me with Chloe were unavailable today. It was becoming more apparent that we needed to go to the Dr. Thankfully, Bailey was showing no signs or symptoms of sickness. In fact, if you base things on appetite and wet and dirty diapers, then she was healthy as a horse. Another thing I was thankful for was the new Dora toys and baby Dr toys Chloe received at the party last night. The distraction of play was helping. But it could only do so much. As her fever began to spike over 102, she fell apart. She wouldn’t eat and would barely drink. She didn’t want Popsicles or ice cream. As I rocked her to sleep and felt the heat of her burning through my clothes, and wiped the tears away as she cried “I’m hurting Momma, I’m cold”; I broke into tears myself after her eyes closed.
- Ben took a 3 hr break from work and took us to the acute care clinic. I felt somewhat better, I think because I had been focusing all my energies on the girls. I have laryngitis and bronchitis. My dear Chloe has Type A Flu! Bailey still appears to be the healthiest of us all. I got a flu vaccine which I hope will protect us both. The Dr did say that people were coming in with Chloe’s strain of the flu who had been vaccinated as well. So actually, I’m trusting God to keep my infant daughter well, and I’m washing my hands like I have OCD. It’s been a rough evening. It’s hard to know which crying baby to pick up first. So I’ve been trying to hold them both. Easier said than done for sure. Still pushing fluids on Chloe. I just heard the most wonderful sound (next to the laughter of Chloe); Ben coming in the back door. He brought pedialyte. Good man. Keep us in your prayers.
That is all 🙂
- I recently had a comment by a friend commending me for doing such a good job balancing my attention between Chloe and Bailey. While I truly appreciated the compliment, it made me wonder if perhaps I only blog about the positive things I do. Surely not, but if that’s the case, then I feel obligated to set the record straight. I fall short in so many ways. I’ve always had a Mary Poppins mentality, where I desire to be “practically perfect in every way.” Of course, I fail with that mind set! Last night I yelled at Chloe for peeing in the floor, knowing full well that she couldn’t get herself on the big potty in time. This morning as she harassed me for chocolate milk, I responded, “Can you give me a damn minute!” Shocked myself with that one. She coolly replied “yes momma, I’ll give you a damn minute.” Major fail! I tell you this to open myself up to you and admit that I’m far from Mary Poppins status. But the positive thing is, that I start each day fresh, not looking behind, but looking ahead, pressing forward to the goal.
- Today was an eventful day. Ben and I have waited on our Christmas shopping, mostly due to finances. Right before Christmas can be a financially inconvenient time to take off work! But today we finally went! We had Chloe and Bailey in tow. Ben took Chloe and the list of guy names and I took Bailey and the list of girl names and we split up to cover more ground. This is our last day off together before Christmas and we were in a time crunch since his daughter Marlie would be getting off the school bus at 4:30. I think he had an unfair advantage since I had to make a pit stop right off the bat to nurse the baby. So if you were in the shoe dept. at Walmart today and saw a ragged looking woman with an apron over her chest, that was me! I was also stopped approximately every 500 ft so that total strangers, mostly older women, could ohh and ahh over my little bundle. Bailey only cried out loud once, but since she sounds like a tortured animal screaming, it elicited dirty looks from the entire electronics dept. We managed to achieve most of what we wanted for the day, but this caused Chloe’s nap to be skipped which was regretted for the rest of the day.
- I would like to speak briefly on “hearing God’s voice.” First off, I am not a biblical scholar. Anything I speak on this subject is my opinion based on what I believe. There are many thoughts about that phrase, “hearing God’s voice.” Some will feel at ease with it, having experienced it themselves. Other people may feel confused, frightened, or uncertain if such a thing exists. Some may find the idea laughable or absurd. In my opinion, God still speaks to His people. It’s not something that was left in the Old Testament in a burning bush. There are many ways He speaks, through the Bible or from the words of another, but most often, I think it’s that still, small voice you hear in your head when you are quiet and listen for it and are accepting of what you hear. I’ll try to give an example. I was sitting on a hill enjoying some quiet time on my lunch break. I was at a park by the river. My time was up and I had to head back to work. While heading to my car, I saw a woman my age down by a fence looking over the water. I heard a voice inside my head say “go talk to her.” I thought, well, that’s crazy, I gotta get to work. I went to my car and got in. As I tried to crank the car, I heard it again. “Go talk to her.” I again ignored it. I cranked the car and put it in reverse. Again the voice. “Go talk to her!!!” But I’ll look stupid. Dang. I couldn’t leave. I cut the car off and went over to her sheepishly. Finally I said “hey. I just thought you may wanna talk.” She began to cry. Then she told me her best friend, her brother, had just died. She admitted to feeling suicidal at that moment and had thought of jumping. We talked at length about him. Mostly I listened. She thanked me as the conversation waned and said “I just needed to talk.” I believe that God told me to talk to her. It doesn’t always have to be like that. Sometimes He may just be telling you to give back the extra change that cashier just gave you. Sometimes He may tell you something is gonna happen in your life, but then it doesn’t. That doesn’t mean you can’t hear God, it just means His way or timing of fulfilling what He said may not be the same as yours. What’s important is to start listening. Believe that He speaks and that He’ll speak to you. Don’t be surprised at what He has to say to you. Just believe. Sit alone in a quiet place, open your heart and mind, ask to hear, and then listen. It may not come easy at first, but keep trying. He likes perseverance. Just believe.
That is all 🙂
- Today was our first day back to church with our new, special little addition. It was an interesting morning to say the least. I woke 2 1/2 hrs prior to the time we should leave. In retrospect, I should have gotten up at least 3-4 hrs in advance. Bailey was sound asleep when I got up. I changed her diaper and nursed her, during which time she stayed fast asleep. That’s the thing with babies. If you want them to wake up, it’s impossible. You can undress them, bath them, talk to them, and nothing. You could run 5 vacuums simultaneously while blow drying your hair with the TV at full volume, and they would stay asleep. Adversely, if you want them to stay asleep, they’re gonna wake up. Feed em, have a dry diaper, nice and swaddled, white noise playing in the background, and it’s all for nothing. I went to shower with all my brood still sleeping soundly. After my quick shower, I decided to peek in on the baby. Ben was sawing logs and my little helper Chloe was standing by the bassinet, rocking it haphazardly, while attempting to jab a pacifier in any accepting hole available. I should have known better. Thankfully, no injuries were sustained. I then had to devote at least 15 min and one arm a piece for each girl, another short nursing session to calm Bailey from her rocky ride, and was tasked to find appropriate toddler TV programming complete with chocolate milk and a cup of dry cereal. It takes much longer to get ready when the job is broken into segments divided by attending to the needs of others. After I was finally ready, I got Chloe all dolled up. This is incredibly enjoyable for me. I love dressing up my little girl!! And now there’s two. Bailey was such a champ while I got her dressed. Of course, by the time I was ready to dress her, she had fallen back asleep! She humored me during the process and never cried once. My one regret; forgot to take pictures. Before dressing the younger girls, I had woke my step-daughter and husband for them to get ready. The nine year old was ready by the time I finished the baby; her father is a different story! My dear husband works from open to close on Saturdays and subsequently requires an IV infusion of Maxwell House to get moving on Sunday morning. Two diaper bags later, we were all ready to go. “Girls, get in the Jeep!” I called. Chloe cries out, “No! I pooping!!” Of course. Why would I be surprised. So we sidetracked to the Dora potty and went #2. My goal was to make it to church by 10:15. We arrived at 11:05. I gotta work on it!
- I so enjoy that my church is small and inviting. It’s like home. When we arrived late, there were no cold stares of disdain, only welcoming smiles and whispered congratulations. Nursery services are provided, but we chose to keep the two younger girls seated in the sanctuary with us. I think that for a two year old, Chloe is very well behaved. She colored in the floor while eating pretzels, knocking my coffee cup over 26 times, bumping into her baby sister’s carrier 12 times, and sticking her fingers in the crack of the seat in front of us to poke the nice lady there in the butt. She did this all fairly quietly, though, so I can’t complain. I enjoyed the sermon. I enjoyed the fellowship that followed. I enjoyed sitting next to my sister, who had come as well, and seeing the soft glow of growing motherhood on her lovely face. (I’m eager for the birth of her little one)
- Afterwards, we returned home. I so enjoy Sunday afternoons. It’s a nice, quiet day to spend with family. Ben is always off on Sundays. I think that’s the only think I dislike about my job, is working every Sunday. I’m soaking up this time off. It was nice to sit down in a warm house and watch a Christmas movie with my gang. I fed my baby, held my other baby in my lap, and held hands with my sweetheart. As naps were started by the younger of the family, I meditated and studied on today’s sermon and God’s word. My Father-in-Law spoke of the birth of Jesus and what it implies to us all, even today. I feel joy knowing that God loved us so much that He became a person and lived among us. Still loves us. Jesus Christ was truly God and truly man. “He is King, the gate, the true vine, the bread of life, the good shepherd, the way and the truth and the life, the bright morning star, the chief cornerstone, the light of the world, the great physician, the rock of ages, the author and perfecter of our faith, the first and the last, healer of the sick, lover of the poor, teacher, and Savior of the world”. I feel honored that this gift was given to me. Isn’t it wonderful to know someone who is called by so many names? It doesn’t matter which one you choose as long as you call Him. In a world where devastating events befall us; it is such a peace to know there is One who is in control, has it all figured out, and knows the answer to the question “why?”.
That is all 🙂
- This morning when we all woke up and started stirring, I had Bailey sitting up with her Daddy while I made coffee and breakfast for Chloe. She had chosen a new cereal at the store yesterday and we were trying it out. She used true toddler thinking to make her cereal choice. Dora was on the box. Those advertisers are smart. Maybe they can help me attract traffic to my blog. Anyway, Surprise. She didn’t like the cereal. Meanwhile, Bailey spits up. Then she spits up some more. It looked like so much. I am amused at myself as a parent. As a RN, by trade, I tend to be very calm and collected, especially when illness/injury is experienced by others. But for some reason when it’s my child, that all goes out the window. I work in critical care and calmly deal with a patient who has no blood pressure or cannot breathe on his own. Yet when my kid spits up, I think “that’s a lot! Is something wrong? I need to watch for dehydration. Could she have aspirated?” It’s hysterical. I question in my mommy brain “why is she sneezing so much?” Then my nurse brain answers, “chill, that’s normal for a newborn.” “Is she eating enough?!” “Yes, stupid, look at the above average amount of voids and stools.” My right brain and left brain are constantly conversing. Between the two of us, this kiddo is getting taken care of.
- Chloe continues what I’m calling her “transitional” phase. Is it possible to develop ADHD overnight? Has anyone heard of them switching the siblings instead of the newborn at the hospital? I swear I came home with two new children. It’s a total “beat me, bore me, just don’t ignore me.” I continue to pour out the love on her. I’m holding her, attending to all her needs, and reading stories, playing games. Earlier she came up as I was nursing baby and wanted me to hold her. Bailey was finished and dozing, so I offered to put baby down to just hold Chloe. After I put her in the bassinet, Chloe was leaned against the couch staring at me. I told her to come here and let me hold her. She declined, stating “I’m gonna go play in my room.” She’s only 3 feet tall. How can she get a knife all the way up there in my heart?! I will continue to hug her, squeeze her, tell her I love her and how pretty she is. I hope this phase passes soon.
- One true blessing during this time is Bailey’s temperament. She is so calm, relaxed, and easy maintenance, so to speak. It allows me the time to attend to Chloe. It would be so much more difficult if I was constantly juggling an infant in my arm as I bathed, fed, dressed, or just held Chloe. I can put Bailey down in her bassinet, awake, and she will just smile at the flower rattle in her eye sight. She completed her third night of sleeping without incident. The spit up I mentioned earlier, is the first time she’s spit up since we brought her home. She is one week old today, so I realize she still has changes to make in her habits, but I am really thankful for her nature at this time. Right now she is in my lap just watching me type. Such a sweetie. Her heart rate was always on the low side, for a girl, while in utero. So perhaps she’s just really mellow. Maybe I’m more mellow as a 2nd time Mommy. Who knows. I’m not going to take it for granted! Chloe and her big sis are visiting their Nonnie, so I’m gonna tackle the laundry. But first, I’m gonna enjoy looking into those curious little slate blue eyes staring up at me.
That is all 🙂
- So, if anyone wants my opinion, I personally think that a newborn is easier to take care of than a two year old. At least, that’s been the case around here since Bailey arrived. For example, let’s look at meal time. You feed a newborn, burp them, then they fall asleep. Your toddler wants to eat: First, you go through a multitude of meal choices, and after much prodding, they make a decision (not the one you would have chose). Next, you prepare this toddler friendly meal, only for them to decide, as it’s placed in front of them, that as of this moment, they no longer like that food. You either make them eat it or save that battle for another day and make something different. Just as you get involved in another task, they scream “done” and are ready to be helped down from their booster seat. You find the meal half eaten with a large portion of it on their clothing, in their hair, and on the floor. This debacle ends with you on your hands and knees scrubbing up Mac & cheese off the hardwood before it congeals. I will admit, my sweet toddler has been replaced by a wild, jealous, often tearful, tantrum throwing young lady. I am hopeful that this is a transitional period and my dear girl will reappear soon!
- A momentous event occurred today. I made my first Walmart trip with both girls, by myself. It went beautifully. I couldn’t have hoped for better. Bailey and Chloe were both peacefully quiet on the way there. Rather than toting a heavy carrier, I placed Bailey in a sling and wore her in the store. She slept the entire time. I didn’t feel rushed. I let Chloe ride the carousel horse there and we also visited McDonalds. I got the required items without a snag. The only eventful turn from the trip was at the checkout. The lines were long and an employee came over and announced that lane 7 was now open. I’ll remind you all that I had a toddler with no nap and was wearing a newborn. I had maybe 20 items. A 20 something woman, by herself, with a basket overflowing with stuff quickly said to me “do you mind if I go ahead of you?” She asked this as she pulled her cart out in front of me. I was so shocked I could only reply “yeah, sure, I just got a hungry baby.” She was “kind” enough to ignore my remark. I still got out of there without incident. Smooth ride back home and got the milk put away before having to nap Chloe and feed Bailey. I told Ben that I understand it may not always go that smoothly, but it was a good confidence boost for me that this first time it did.
- I know that I will not be the only parent that will hold their children a bit tighter tonight after the horrific event in CT today. I am shocked at such an unquestionably dreadful tragedy and can not understand why these things happen. I realize it’s not up to me to understand, but only pray for the grief the families are feeling. Ben and I have discussed this type of thing before and we personally believe that when an innocent child is faced with a frightening or a painful event, that God with his mercy steps in before they have to experience such a feeling and removes them from perceiving that fear or pain. I have no evidence of this. It’s just how I feel my God would handle things for the innocent ones. An event such as this, can often make one fearful to raise children in such a world as this. But I think that’s one of the benefits of having a close personal relationship with The Lord, is that your life doesn’t have to be ruled by this fear. That’s not to say that tragic events won’t befall you. They just might. But I find that trusting in a power higher than my own, gives me a peace that makes fear fall to the wayside. My thoughts and prayers are with all involved and effected by today’s tragedy. I pray that peace may descend upon them and help them through this time.
That is all.
- This morning I read a daily Bible verse for the day, which I’ll share with you all. Psalm 95: 1,2. Come, let us sing for joy to The Lord; let us shout aloud to the Rock of our salvation. Let us come before him with thanksgiving and extol him with music and song. I found this very fitting, as I’ve felt a spirit of thanksgiving since I woke up.
- My infant slept through the night. Now, of course, I woke every 2-3 hrs for nursing sessions followed by poopy diapers. But I mean other than that, she slept all night until 8 am. I am so thankful!! I did make minimal changes to my diet yesterday. I realized I had eaten red and green M&Ms, peanut M&Ms, peanut butter M&Ms, and candy corn M&Ms, and thought perhaps I should cut down on the chocolate. But I also prayed, and I mean a lot! I’m gonna stay off the M&Ms, but we’re leaning towards the power of prayer. She may wake at 3 am again tonight, but at least I know it doesn’t have to be every night, I’m gonna pray that it’s not, and I’m gonna believe that she can sleep through every night.
- When Bailey and I woke to nurse, Chloe woke up too. She wanted to “hold me” and I had her sit on the other side of me. So I had a sweet little girl in each arm. I’m so blessed to have my little ladies. Hubby woke shortly after and made coffee. Thankful for him and his awesome coffee making abilities. I put on jeans today. They may not be the size I was in before , but thankful I can wear something that zips and buttons. Gotta start somewhere! Have been waiting on my Christmas bonus. I’ve felt like Clark Griswold at the mailbox. I got it today and thankfully it wasn’t a subscription to the jelly of the month club. I had dinner brought to us by a sweet woman from my church, whom I love. I’m thankful that I’m about to have a full belly. I’m grateful for my IPhone complete with WordPress App, so I can blog as I breastfeed. There’s plenty more, but a roast is calling my name. So thankfully, that is all 🙂
- So, interestingly enough, my infant has awoken the past 3 nights at 3 am, inconsolable for 3 straight hrs. Well, that’s not really interesting, just aggravating. The interesting part is that she entered this world at 3 am. The first two nights, 3 am coincided with feeding time. Last night she ate at 2 am and fell asleep easily and deeply. But then she woke out of nowhere at 3 am. So, of course, this morning I was racking my brain trying to find out what I’m doing or not doing that’s causing this early waking. She is a little angel during the day that refuses to cry except when I change her diaper, but stops immediately when cuddled. Gas drops don’t seem effective. I tried to think of what in my diet might be upsetting her little tummy. I don’t care how many books I reference from my home library or how extensive my Internet research. I may just not find a solid answer and/or solution. Colic without a specific cause? Possibly. Once again, this may be something out of my control that I will just have to pray about and hand over to God. Stay tuned.
- Ben took Chloe with him to an appt. this morning so I could sleep in with Bailey after our eventful early morning. He called on his way home to see if I wanted Chloe dropped off at her Nonnie’s house. I declined. She was very excited I did and I could see it on her face when she ran into the house and enveloped me with an excited hug. Her adjustment is still a work in progress. After the hug, she grabbed at my boobies and said they were hers! Then she lay on the bed fake crying and said, “I’m a baby.” For the past 2 days she’s been saying “I’m cold.” I couldn’t understand that one since she’s normally so hot natured. Finally got it this morning when she said it again then covered up with one of Bailey’s blankets. She’s been watching us swaddle Bailey. So she wants to “be cold” and get covered up too. She’s extremely hyper, but thankfully Bailey is very easy to care for, allowing me plenty of time to feed, bathe, and just play with Chloe. Bailey finds it easy to sleep through loud noise, which is a blessing. Telling Chloe to keep it down, is pointless. Stay tuned.
- I’ve been dealing a lot over the past few weeks with two things, doubt and hope. I am in a season where things seem to be just out of reach. I find fear wanting to grip me when situations are out of my control. I find myself worrying if they will work out like they’re supposed to. Just when I think I may feel the need to crumble under the strain of my doubt and worry, I am miraculously lifted up. Hope floods me and trust takes over. There seems to be just enough provision just when we need it. So often you can become consumed with how things aren’t working out like you want. When you do this, your eyes are closed to the many little things that are working out perfectly in your favor. It’s a work in progress, like so many things in life. I think God gives us desires. I think He is faithful to deliver those dreams and desires. I think He knows the best way and time to make those come to life. I think we all forget that. I think He forgives us for doubting Him and forgetting His faithfulness. I sure am glad! I’ll keep trying. Stay tuned.
That is all 🙂
- Today it was decided that I could use some help. I say decided because I sometimes think I can handle anything, but luckily the sweet people who love me, keep me in check. Ben went back to work today and my Mother-in-Law offered for Chloe to spend the day at her house. This may not seem like a big deal to some, but for me, it is. See, I never have anyone watch Chloe unless I’m at work or I believe a grand total of 3 times in the past two years when Ben and I took a date night. We just enjoy having her around. That being said, it is so odd feeling to not have her around today. I admit, it’s very nice to care for Bailey without the added stress of caring for a toddler, but I really miss her. She’s my little buddy. My sister stopped by earlier and asked how Chloe was doing, and I started crying. I’m about to cry now! This is a work in process people. Pray for/with me.
- Isn’t it funny how you think that everything your baby does is cute? Bailey is really starting to become more alert. This morning she was just staring at me and her head would roll over to the side like she was drunk, then it would roll back and she would look at me like “hey, I know you.” My little milk intoxicated munchkin with her infant acne is just plain adorable! I was feeding her earlier and she stopped nursing for a second, furrowed her brow, grunted, and hiked her leg up. This was followed by a wet fart noise from her diaper. Ben said “Ahh, that’s so sweet.” Those startle responses when you realize you just scared the crap out of your kid, elicit another “Ahhh!” A fly on the wall would think that’s her name.
- My husband came home from work for his lunch break today and he had a Mohawk. Yes, you heard me correctly. Out of all the responses that went through my head, the one that came out of my mouth was, “we’ll, don’t you look handsome!” Then I kissed him. As he left later on, I realized I had meant what I said. I love that my husband can be such a kid at heart and keep me in stitches with his immature humor, but then make decisions and actions for our family that reflect that of a man with years of experience beyond his own. We play together, we pray together, we raise a family together. I know he can’t understand some of my emotional reactions due to hormones, but the fact that he tries makes me love him all the more. I, in turn, try my best to curb any negative emotional reactions to him. It’s a two way street, and I’m really enjoying the ride.
That is all 🙂
- Bring on the irrational, erratic mood swings ladies and gentleman. It’s not too bad so far, but like the cold front that came in, I know it’s coming. Subtle signs abound. There’s a great new show on A&E called Panic 911. Reminds me of the old Rescue 911, but juicier. Can’t watch it. I tried last night. I kept getting choked up over those poor people’s circumstances. Last night I bawled because I was afraid that my two year old thinks I don’t love her anymore. Meanwhile, she’s in the other room watching Dora and eating fruit snacks, completely content. Enter weird dreams. I dreamed this morning that I had taken Bailey home, but for some reason I lived in the old neighborhood in Guntown where I lived for 6 months in 3rd grade. My sister came over and I fixed dinner; had one of those freezer bags you steam in the microwave. When it beeped done, I was horrified to see I had cooked fetal kittens with the placenta still attached. Yep, it’s gonna be a wild ride. Stayed tuned for the sequel to One Flew Over the Cuckoos Nest.
- It’s certainly challenging having Chloe and Bailey. Bailey is demanding so much of my attention and energy and time. Ben has really stepped in and become Chloe’s bestest buddy, but it’s still hard for her. She woke from her nap and cried for Momma. I was of course nursing Bailey who was finally asleep. Every time I’m nursing Bailey, Chloe comes to me and says in this pitiful voice “hold me!” It doesn’t help my mood any that when I do hold her after holding the baby, that she now seems huge to me! Where did my little baby Chloe go?! Last night she came into the bedroom and asked me to come watch TV with her. I told her I felt like laying in bed. So, she asked me again, more persistently. Then she said “Momma, I’m hurting. Please come watch TV with me!” You know I did. Then I rocked her. My plan was to rock her to sleep while Bailey slept. Just as Chloe’s eyes were closing, Bailey began to cry. I didn’t jump right up, even though I wanted to. Instead I looked at Chloe’s wide eyes and gave her a big smile and kiss. She said “I wanna go see why the baby’s crying.” I said ok and let her down. Then she said, “Come on Momma. Come see why the baby’s crying.” I think we’re gonna be ok. It’s an adjustment for sure, but the blessings outweigh the challenges.
- Well, we made it through our first night at home. As I was nursing and rocking Bailey before bedtime, I thought, “This isn’t so hard the 2nd time around.” I had her swaddled, something I hadn’t really done with Chloe, though mostly because I couldn’t get the hang of it. I had gotten her to take a pacifier so she wouldn’t just use my nipple for that (something Chloe was famous for). I had already given gas drops at the earliest sign of stomach upset (something I picked up later on with Chloe). I was ahead of the game! Can you predict what happened? Got my daily dose of humility! She awoke for her 3 am feeding and would not go back to sleep! The nursing session didn’t seem to satisfy her. She kept rooting around with an open mouth that wouldn’t latch. She screamed, sometimes like a pterodactyl. I didn’t know what was wrong and just tried everything. A newborn’s cry can be the sweetest sound on earth, but then it can also be the most brain piercing, nails on chalkboard screech there is. Ben took a turn, then I spelled him. Thank God for my partner! At 6 am, she was exhausted and nursed briefly before falling asleep for good. She slept very soundly until 11 am and I had to coax her awake twice during that time to feed her. Looking back this morning, Ben and I agreed that 3 hours of crying wasn’t really that bad. But it certainly seemed that way at the time. He made coffee and we agreed that we’ll all find our rhythm. It will just take time.
That is all 🙂