- I didn’t want to put the baby down this morning. She was getting up to eat at 2:30 most mornings, but has started sleeping through. That means when I wake up for work, she’s still snoozing. I scooped her up and fed her. She ate for about 30 minutes, but never really opened her eyes. Having felt like I just picked her up, when she was done, I didn’t want to put her back down. She looked so sweet sleeping in my lap, and I longed to just keep rocking and holding her. Chloe too, was out like a light. Something about gazing at sleeping children just makes everything seem right with the world. The peace that emanates from them is almost sedating. I wish I could bottle if up and sell it to a pharmaceutical company as a new anti-anxiety drug. I took a picture of Chloe (knowing the flash wouldn’t wake her), and looked at it during the day whenever I felt stressed.
- I got a picture from Ben today of Chloe playing a plastic Dora guitar. I wasn’t surprised a bit. When I got home, I saw she also managed to get a tiny, princess flashlight and some purple, sparkly nail polish. I can’t really say much. I got her a princess cup when I stopped on my way home for diapers (even though she has one zillion cups). We don’t try to spoil her. It just happens. She’s so fun to buy for because she is so appreciative. She has the sweetest “please” and an even sweeter “thank you”. I’m not sure how it will work when a dollar toy isn’t cool anymore.
- I was looking forward to going home all day. It wasn’t that work was bad. It’s just the desire to be home was greater. Ben is off on Sundays, and I want to be with them. Once I got home, I wasn’t disappointed. Ben ordered pizza. That man knows me so well. I worked late, so by the time I got home, Bailey was asleep. Chloe had not napped. I knew she was tired by her reaction after I mildly chastised her for pulling sequins off her curtains by saying “that’s not very nice”. She broke down into heaving sobs. Ben made her lay down, and within minutes, she was out. I left and they were asleep. I get home and they’re asleep. It is peaceful indeed.
That is all π
3 Facts for the Day
- I recently came across a house for sale that peaked my interest. While Ben and I aren’t actively looking to move, I think if an opportunity arose to move to a bigger home within our price range, we would take it. We initially chose to downsize our mortgage with the plan for me to spend more time at home. I couldn’t be happier with our choice. As you can tell, I love being a Mother and enjoy spending as much time as possible with my kids. I look back on our situation 2 years ago, and I’m not sure how we made ends meet. It’s only by the grace of God, I’m certain. We always made our bills on time, but had no wiggle room. The decision to sell, while allowing me to just work part-time; it also gave us room to breathe and make smarter financial decisions for our future.
- I’ve been fond of our small house from the moment we first went inside. I felt immediately like it was the home God had for us. Since we’ve moved there, I’ve seen all the hopes and plans we had in mind come to fruition (to include the birth of another child, Bailey). We bought the house realizing that it was small, and would not likely remain our forever home. Sometimes you have pit stops in life, places where God puts you for a season to prepare you for where you’re headed next. We would like another child later down the road, but know we’re at max capacity in our 1200 sq ft as it is. With this in mind, our goal has been to wait patiently for God’s next step for us. I did say goal. That doesn’t mean it’s always easy. I can get frustrated, but I try really hard to rest in all the wonderful things God has been able to bless me with in our current circumstances. I would honestly say, 90% of the time, I want for nothing further that what is in front of me. Ok. When I’m tripping over toys and kids, it’s more like 85%.
- So, back to the house for sale that jumped out at me. I was intrigued. I spoke with Ben and contacted the listing agent for details. The next day the agent called me again to inform me that he had received several calls from other interested buyers, including one ready to make a full offer on the home. As he told me this, I simply smiled. I was a little surprised to discover that I felt no anxiety, worry, or concern of any kind concerning these developments. As I hung up with him I simply prayed, “If it’s your will, then let it work out.” Don’t get me wrong. I don’t just sit on my hands waiting for miracles. I take action, but after prayerful consideration. My point is, it is so wonderful to relax and take comfort in knowing I don’t have to have control over everything. I can instead rest in the one who has all control and a perfect plan for me and mine. If our current station is to continue, I can trust and stay on board with that. If it’s time for a change, I can navigate if easily enough with my Captain in charge.
That is all π
3 Facts for the Day
- Am I the only person who watches commercials on TV and cries at them? Today I saw a new one. It showed a Mom brushing her son’s red hair out of his face. Every camera shot showed him older, starting as an infant, and progressing through college. In each shot, the Mom was pushing the hair off his face. I didn’t bawl, but it sufficiently caused me to tear up to the point that a few overflowed. I’ve always been emotional, crying at movies with my Mom when I was younger. It’s really gone into overdrive since I had children. Everything seems so much more vibrant. My little brother and his wife are expecting. I tried today to explain it to him a little, to just give him a glimpse of what he could expect. I don’t think you can do that though. I could take out a pen and paper, a thesaurus, and work all day to try and articulate my thoughts into words, but I don’t think it would suffice.
- I can’t explain to him how having a child can cause your personality to change. It doesn’t just change in big ways. It’s all the tiny changes in you that add up and make the big picture. I remember seeing Ben with his daughter when we were dating. One night we only had a small frozen pizza to share. His daughter had something of her own for dinner, but of course when she saw our pizza, she wanted some. Ben split his portion with her. I remember not really understanding that, and thinking, “No way. I’d make her eat her own dinner.” I told my bro today, “You’ll give your kid the last bite of your favorite meal.” It’s not a big thing, but it shows a piece of the big picture of how you love them. Your ability and capacity to love is changed, stretched, and strengthened beyond any expectation. Things that would normally get on your nerves, become common place. Chloe has started to ask why. She’s been asking why for a while, but recently it’s escalated to asking why continuously throughout the conversation. It’s like a staring contest. She will ask why after each explanation to the point that I eventually run out of answers and end it with “because Mommy said so.” Thankfully I can always win with that one, for now anyway. The point being; it doesn’t really bother me half as much as it would have my former self.
- I tried to explain how having children does something very mystic to the fabric of time. It no longer moves at a logical pace. Instead it zooms by at a break-neck speed. I tried to explain that children grew faster, that your hair grayed quicker, and that even the sun seemed to be a part of the conspiracy, setting just mere hours after it had risen. My baby is trying to crawl. How can it be? Chloe is a little girl now, not a toddler. If he listens like I did when people tried to tell me, then he will end up being surprised at his child’s 1st Birthday, wondering how a newborn is able to get a messy face eating cake. I’m glad I’m here as much as I’m able, painting Chloe’s toenails and seeing Bailey reach for a toy. I’m grateful that God brought me to this place and time in my life. I love each little change in me that He brings with it. Brother, you are entering a transformational time. Enjoy.
That is all π
3 Facts for the Day
- Patience is a virtue. Isn’t that what they always say? I do believe it’s a gift once obtained, and can easily be lost if not constantly utilized. Today has been a struggle with patience for me. It started with my darling baby waking at 6 am. I had not gone to bed until 1:30 am, and that’s my fault, not hers, but I was still aggravated. I couldn’t be too aggravated with her because she just wanted to socialize. I attempted to tell her how sleepy I was, but she just sat there talking to her feet. She would occasionally punctuate her monologue with poots and giggles, but otherwise she was very focused on the treasure she found at the end of her legs. I never could really get her back to sleep, so our day has been a snowball affect of exhaustion. Normally a baby who can self entertain, today she has whined to be held constantly.
- It’s not too difficult to be patient with the baby since she’s so adorable. Once I got my coffee, I was fine. My real struggle lies with not being able to get something to work. I don’t know why, but I go crazy when something doesn’t operate for me like I know it should. I hate that I loose my patience, but I do! This morning Ben left for work and forgot his phone. I went to grab mine and couldn’t find it anywhere! Fine, I’ll call it, I thought. I grabbed my husband’s phone and realized I didn’t know his passcode. I’m sure he told me at some point, I just never had the need to use it. I tried a couple of important dates, but after a 2nd miss, I feared locking up his phone. No problem. I’ll use the house phone, I thought. That’s when I discovered it had not been plugged up since Ben moved the computer. It had been plugged into the modem. No wonder the telemarketers had left us alone. I then realized I didn’t know where the phone jack was. There I am running through the house trying to find a phone jack in every room, and not having any luck with a dial tone when I eventually do. It’s as I hear myself say “I’m glad this isn’t an emergency!!”, and hear Chloe say “What’s wrong Mommy? Don’t cry!”, that I realize I’m responding irrationally to something that is not important. Later in the day, I decided to go somewhere. It was then that I realized I needed to put the cover back on Chloe’s carseat. She had gotten carsick and I had to wash it. On a side note, vomited chocolate milk is not cool. Back to the seat, I had never washed it before. Don’t judge. I was overwhelmed at the thought of it, and no wonder. As I went to put it back on, I felt like I was in another dimension. The back of that seat didn’t look anything like I remembered when I removed the cover. Well, naturally, I couldn’t find the instruction manual. I found the one to my fondue pot, right next to the one for my power drill, but no carseat manual. I called Ben, at work, asking if he knew its whereabouts. He didn’t know its location. I explained to him that I must be an idiot since I couldn’t figure it out! After I hung up, I realized how silly I sounded. I googled the manual and figured it out pretty quickly. I texted Ben to apologize, and he responded “It’s ok. I understand. You needed to vent.” Sorry ladies. He’s mine and you can’t have him. His understanding didn’t help me feel any better about being a lunatic.
- A friend texted me today and asked how we were doing. I responded, “We’re good. Just playing and growing.” Such true words. The girls are, of course, growing and playing, but so am I. I’m playing, or in other words, I’m loving playing with my kids and enjoying every single moment. I’m growing everyday. Every single day, God is showing me something new through my kids, and teaching me new lessons as I raise them. Having children is a constant lesson in patience. It’s not just patience for your children, but the way being busy parenting can make you feel rushed and overwhelmed with menial, everyday tasks. This is where He teaches you, right in the thick of it. Patience is a virtue, one that I’m striving to attain and maintain.
That is all π
3 Facts for the Day
- I’m not sure what is going on, but for some strange reason, my baby has started waking up early. When I say early, I mean like 7 am!! That’s early for the Gowens. We stay up late and sleep in. I was certain that Bailey understood this schedule. Chloe embraces it, as her parents do. Yet, all week that baby has been waking up at 7. She doesn’t cry. She just laughs and calls out for me in her own way (shrieking loudly). When you go to get her, she just smiles and laughs. That’s no good. I can’t even be mad at that stinking cuteness. Ben and I sat her down this morning, and giving her the benefit of the doubt, we explained again to her how our sleep schedule works. The audacity. She didn’t even apologize. She just sat there grinning around the fist she had planted in her mouth, like drooling is going to help solve this dilemma. I tried talking to her about it again as I rocked her for a nap. Right in the middle of what I was saying, she interrupted and began jabbering to the writing on my concert t-shirt sleeve. Then you know what she did? She filled her pants with fecal matter! If that’s not a snub at my authority, then I don’t know what is. I’ve threatened no more Duck Dynasty until she changes her ways, but I don’t know. She’s hard-headed just like her Daddy. I’ll keep you updated.
- Chloe seems to be stuck between wanting to be a big sister, and wanting to be an only child. She has gotten to where she wants to help with Bailey all the time. No, help isn’t the right word. She wants to do it all herself. She is certain she can carry the baby. Chloe weighs 28 lbs. Bailey weighs 15 lbs. You can imagine how well that works for her. It means this Momma has to be watching at all times! She cried this morning because I had already changed Bailey’s diaper before she got a chance to help. She pulled Bailey’s bassinet (with Bailey in it) to her room so they could watch TV together. She’ll reach over and hold her hand. It’s really sweet. Then, there’s the other side. She can’t stand it when I’m holding the baby. She’ll ask me to put her down, or like this morning, just crawl right up there with us. I’ll try to tell her there’s not room, but she thinks an inch is a mile. She will try to squeeze her body onto any tiny open space available on my lap or next to me in the chair. When Bailey woke from her long nap this afternoon, Chloe started to whine when I went to retrieve the crying baby. I had literally spent the entire 3 hours playing with Chloe while the baby slept. Of course, whenever I put her down for a nap, Chloe is quick to ask where she’s at and act disappointed that she’s sleeping. It’s not easy being two.
- In line with the above, Chloe rarely can stay away when I’m rocking the baby to sleep. Today, I read them both a story in the rocker/recliner. Then I fed the baby and rocked her to sleep. Chloe stayed beside me in the chair as I rocked. She snuggled up against my arm and kissed my shoulder. I looked over at her, and she puckered up her lips. I leaned over for a kiss, and she said, “I wub you so much!” It’s so magical when a child says that without urging and spontaneously, rather than in response to you saying it first. It’s not the first time she’s done it, but today, for some reason, I happened to really notice her demeanor as she spoke. I could tell by her countenance that she meant it, and that really touched my heart. I suppose one day she may not say it as much. I hope not, but just in case, I’ll be certain to store these moments up in my heart for safe keeping.
That is all π
3 Facts for the Day
- This morning I found myself all in arms and frustrated because my ice machine is on the fritz. I love to drink water, and I drink so much that bottled water would be crazy. I drink it in a glass, and love it cold. I was perturbed that I had to settle for cold water from the tap, instead of my usual ice water. I stopped in my vexing, and realized how ridiculous I was being. I thought back to when I lived in South America and we didn’t have ice. It was 110 degrees! I thought back to boot camp and marching all day on black asphalt in the summer. I recalled how good that warm water tasted from my plastic canteen. It’s so easy to get all comfy and take your blessings for granted. Sorry Lord. I thanked God, then, for my cold tap water, and the fact that I could just run to the store for ice cube trays.
- I went out for ice cube trays, among other things. Y’all know I go to Walmart 3-5 times a week anyhow. I also got some flowers from Lowes. On my way home, the children, in their own subtle way, reminded me naps were past due. Bailey started with jabbering. Then that turned to screeching. It was like she was communicating her angst. Since no one came to rescue her from her car seat prison, it escalated to full out crying. Chloe was whining/crying the same phrase over and over. I dropped my duckie, I dropped my duckie, I dropped my duckie. Like I can just reach back there and get it out of the floor board! Chloe’s repetitive drone mixed well with Bailey’s anguished cries, and their duet resembled a lost tape recording from an insane asylum. I continued to talk to my Aunt, who was riding shotgun, like nothing was amiss. I have indeed become my Mother.
- Those girls did not fall asleep in the car, nor did they fall asleep when we got home. My children are like robots. They are like sleep fighting ninjas. If North Korea was to us, like sleep is to my kids, there would be no worries. We would evade attack with no problem. Chloe, being older and further skilled, avoided a nap all together. Bailey proved a capable adversary, and only allowed a cat nap to take her. I had to put that baby in her high chair while I cooked dinner, so she could feel like she was a part of the action. She was still sleepy, and therefore grumpy. I had my back to her as I stirred at the stove. She would threaten to fuss, but every time I turned and would look at her, she would start laughing hysterically. So I cooked Alfredo while spinning around and making silly faces. Speaking of insane asylums. Hope nobody saw me through the window. Being a parent is like being a stand-up comic. You’ll do anything for a laugh.
That is all π
3 Facts for the Day
- We spent a large part of our day outside. I don’t know how we couldn’t have. It was beautiful. We enjoyed a walk around the block. Ben was mowing, and naturally Chloe is terrified of the mower. So I took her away from the sound. As I walked, I thought it was definitely a Ferris Bueller kind of day. I got Bailey down for a nap with plans to weed my flower bed. Weed is an understatement. Last spring I was pregnant and didn’t touch it, so it was like a tiny jungle. Bailey usually takes a big nap around lunch, but it was like she sensed we weren’t inside or something. She kept waking up crying. Once I took her outside and put her in her seat in the shade, she was quite content. She just didn’t want to miss what we were doing I guess. Chloe made mud pies and played with worms on the driveway. I hoed, and raked, and pulled. I’m certain I will feel pain tomorrow. I’ve never been a gardner, but I’m proud of what I’ve done so far. I’m gonna get some mulch and flowers to put out later this week.
- After a full day of yard work, we took it inside around 5:30. Bailey needed a nap since she had not really taken one. I felt like she would be all for it. She had not pooped in over 2 days, which is a long time for a breastfed baby. I knew it was the starting of solids doing it, so this morning I gave her prunes. Be glad you were not here! It was epic. I haven’t seen that much poop since looking down the porta-potty at the fair. After I finished that massive clean up, I found Chloe bawling in her room. It seems her Daddy had her in there. I asked her why she was crying, and she replied “Daddy said a bad word!” Oh my! “What did he say?” I asked her. “He said I have to clean my room!” Being the sucker I am, I helped her clean. She’s two! I did show her how and made her put her toys away. It must have been a tough job. She passed out on the couch right after. It could have been exhaustion from all the mud pies she baked as well. Bailey was quick to follow suit. I know Ben and I will sleep as soundly tonight as those tired babies after our labor out front.
- This morning I put Bailey on the floor to play with her activity gym. I placed her on her back so she could reach up and play with the dangling toys. She would enjoy them for a while, then she would roll over onto her stomach. Once she got there, she really wasn’t sure what to do next. She couldn’t crawl, and she couldn’t reach her toys anymore. She would begin to cry, so I would put her on her back again. But the cycle would repeat, over and over. Eventually I placed her in her Bumbo seat so she was forced to be still. She contentedly played with her toys for a long time. Once again, I can see myself in my children’s actions. How often does God place me in a situation, and I thrust about and end up in a position that is very uncomfortable? Then I cry out to Him and he saves me. But guess what? I don’t usually learn my lesson right away, and end up right back there. Sometimes He has to close doors to lead me to open ones that will place me in His will for my life, and back in relationship with Him. Once I’m there I find I’m quite content, and wonder why I didn’t just stay in His presence in the first place.
That is all π
3 Facts for the Day
- Somedays I feel like my life is like a classroom, and I’m the eager student soaking in each lesson as it comes. It seems that so many instances in our day to day comings and goings can be learned from. I observed a clinical situation today with an extremely critical patient. The patient, though still critical, improved significantly after a very small and simple intervention. The patient was surrounded by monitors of all types, assisted by multiple machines, and being pumped full of numerous medications. As I looked at it all, I could see how it would be so easy to miss the forest for the trees. Often, the simplest explanation or intervention is all the answer you need. It’s easy to forget that, and inadvertently complicate things. How often do I do that?
- There are so many things in life that you know that you know, yet you seem to forget. Know what I mean? You know your family loves you, but you may still need reassurance through words and actions that affirm their affection. It may be something at work, that you know how to do, but have to constantly, mentally remind yourself of the steps. This morning I found myself having to remember to surrender my day over to God. I know that He’s in control. I know that He has my best interests at heart. I know He won’t forsake me. So, where does worry or stress fit into that equation? It doesn’t. I know that, but find that I have to remind myself of it often. I find that scripture, song, and prayer helps me recall. Worry and stresses can be like those trees I spoke of earlier. It clouds your vision, and you miss that the simplest answer is there. Surrender is simple. It’s just not always easy.
- So what’s the answer to this dilemma? Well, hold on now. Not so fast. There I go again searching for that elusive solution. When a patient codes or goes into cardiac/respiratory arrest, it’s important to give all the life saving treatments, but don’t forget the most simple and often overlooked task. Check the blood sugar. You could just have a bottomed out diabetic who needs some glucose. Maybe I shouldn’t strain my eyes trying to see the answer, but instead close them, calm myself, and allow the solution to surface. This is surrender. Realizing that you don’t have all the answers, so therefore stop fidgeting about trying to milk it out of thin air. You’ll end up like a drowning man, thrashing about and using up all your energy when a buoy was just over the next wave. If you could have treaded water, your lifesaver would have pulled you from the tumultuous surf. Throw up your hands and admit you don’t know. That’s when it will come. The answer is there. Matthew 6:33- But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added unto you.
That is all π
3 Facts for the Day
- I remember when I was a young woman, just starting out in the medical field. I would watch the seasoned ones with awe and longing. I ended up finishing my nursing degree while in the Navy. I was stationed at a teaching hospital and saw so many things. Not being restricted by any rules that typically govern most traditional nursing schools, I was encouraged to get hands on experience in skills that even now as a RN are considered out of my scope of practice in a civilian sector. At that time, I would watch other Corpsman performing amazing clinical skills with such ease. I thought, one day I’ll get there.
- When I did finish Nursing School, I cried when I got my diploma. The first thing I realized at my first job as a RN, was that I knew absolutely nothing! All the school and all the training while working as a Corpsman, gave me a wonderful foundation that placed me at an advantage when compared to my peers, but didn’t mean so much when it came down to it. It was because the medical field is so complex. You will never know everything and you’ll never stop learning.
- One day you wake up and you go to work, and when you look around, you see young faces looking back at you. You realize you’re doing the training. Your answering the questions, and you’re demonstrating the skills. People come to you with questions, expecting the answers. I don’t know how it happens, but one day you realize you’re not the new guy anymore, and it scares the hell out of you. One thing you’ll never do, though, is stop learning. And you’ll never think you have all the answers. When you do, it’s time to move on.
That is all π
3 Facts for the Day
- Confessions of a Supposedly Super Mom: My toddler is often up at night past 10 pm. I’m sure an earlier bedtime would be more appropriate, but she enjoys time with her Daddy, and it’s not worth the battle. Both my children sleep in the bed with me. If it’s lazy of me to just roll over and feed my baby, instead of getting up and sleepwalking through the house to do it; then color me lazy! I love it. Unless we have somewhere to go, we’re usually still in our pajamas at lunch time. I am borderline obsessed with sweeping my hardwood floors. I walk around barefoot, and can’t stand stepping on debris. I consistently allow Chloe to play outside in sprinklers, muddy puddles, and sandboxes because she loves it. This means I spend a lot of my time sweeping, but I can’t stop. Yesterday Chloe dropped her popsicle on the ground. I told her to wipe it off and go ahead and eat it, that it would be fine. My kids always have cute stylish clothes on, procured from yard sales, thrift stores, and clearance racks at Walmart. Last night I was eating ice cream (yes, at 10 pm). I stopped mid snack and picked a large booger from Chloe’s nose. I wiped it on a tissue, then continued to eat my ice cream without a thought about it. I say fantastically profound things to my child, like “You better close that umbrella before I rain on your butt!”
- Confessions of a Smiling Woman: A woman’s mind is an intricate machine, that is little understood and more complex than nanotechnology. A woman can project a beautifully radiant smile to all around her, while a view inside would show tears that steadily fell from her eyes. A woman is her own worst enemy the majority of the time. I often look in the mirror and border on hating what I see. I see the extra weight from childbirth, and instead of wearing it like a badge of honor, I see it as a scarlet A. I see women on TV and in magazines and think that is what I should be. Every picture that is taken, is later viewed with scrutiny. Instead of seeing a smile, a memory made of a time of true joy, I focus in on excess midsection or split ends. When I see my own reflection, some days the new wrinkles make me smile with the contentment of a life well lived thus far. Other days, my worst critic, myself, will rear her ugly head of self mockery. She will point out each flaw, and leave me feeling deflated. It’s at these times, when a kind compliment by my spouse does more than he will ever know. This same queen of judgement over physical attributes, will sometimes creep in to critique how I see myself as a wife and mother. She is usually ignored, but occasionally brings her downer attitude to my party. It’s an internal battle to love self as Christ loves you, rather than believe the falsity of self doubt. A woman’s smile can often be her shield. I am reminded of Smoky Robinson’s “Track of My Tears”.
- Confessions of a Hurried Housewife: I haven’t really dusted in years. I take full advantage of the swiffer duster. I mutter angry things under my breath about my husband and children when I sort laundry. My husband tells me he likes me without make up, yet even if I’m not going anywhere, I put it on so I’ll look pretty for him. My husband likes to crawl into a freshly made bed at night. I don’t have to make the bed for him, but I choose to because he likes it. I usually don’t get around to making it until about 1/2 hour before he gets home that night, around 8:30 pm or so. While it’s rare, I sometimes wish it was just me and the cat again, sitting on the sofa reading a novel. I try not to base so much on it, but I love when my family makes a happy plate of what I cooked. On the other hand, it also frustrates me when they don’t seem to eat any of it at all. I am still engaged in an epic battle between my desire for a shining, white porcelain sink and our arch nemesis, Ben’s beard trimmings. I can not for the life of me get everything I need from the store in one trip. Wednesday I went for creamer and chocolate milk. Yesterday I realized I needed diapers. Today I had to go get chicken nuggets and coffee. When I got home with 3 bags of stuff, I realized I forgot the coffee. I could go on like this for days, but I won’t. Maybe I’ll just make a part 2.
That is all π
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