Brie Gowen

Savor the Essence of Life

The Difference Between Taking a Knee and Bowing Before God

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I have been praying a lot this morning since the Lord put it on my heart to write about this topic. The thing is, this topic isn’t something I would personally choose to speak on. After all, I’m an introvert, and I absolutely hate conflict. I’m not one for arguing, and I’ll usually be the first person to concede in a disagreement. I’ve always felt like my battles belong to the Lord, and He will avenge me. He’s the only one who truly needs to see my heart, and it’s that nature that has typically caused me to step away from conflict, take the higher road, so to speak, and opt out of pointless arguments. I think silence is noble. That is, until it’s not.

God. It’s the only explanation I have for my feelings over the past few weeks. He has placed a fire in me, and on this subject I cannot just sit in my prayer closet. Y’all, prayer is powerful, and when we pray it gives strength to God’s people. But we are God’s people. It’s time to consider that we are the answer to prayer that God can use to change things. We are called to defend the powerless, to stand firm for justice, and to love our neighbor as ourselves. I guess God started by telling me that to love I must also fight; something I personally and previously had avoided. I have zero doubt that the passion I hold on this topic is from God. That is the only explanation for why I feel so determined to put something down that would be much easier for me to remain silent about.

I also realized that my desire doesn’t come from a place of pride. It’s not about me proving I’m right and someone else is wrong. It’s not a debate. It’s a desire for people to see the heart of God. There is a reason God hasn’t given up on us yet. He knows we have it within us to see, because He placed it within us. From the beginning of time man has fought between seeing with the heart of God, or seeing from a place of sin. My greatest desire isn’t to be right. It is to try and show God’s heart. Now that I’ve explained that, and humbled myself to the voice of the Lord, I ask you to do the same.

I have bad knees. When I was twelve years old a doctor told me they’d go out on me, and indeed I have pain with them even now. You see, I injured the right one (especially) in boot camp. We were going through a training exercise that lasted all through the night, and at the end of each scenario our drill instructer would gather us together with the deep call of “take a knee!”

Well, after forcibly taking enough knee on sand mixed into concrete, I burst that fluid sack around my knee cap. I felt the pain in my knee towards the early morning of our exercises, and I knew that taking a knee was hurting me physically. But not once did I consider it an insult to my spiritual woman. I was a born again believer, and my honor and commitment as a follower of Jesus actually showed to my fellow Sailors, earning me the title of Honor Recruit amongst my peers. It was cool; I got a statue and special parade. But anyway, my point is, as a young woman who loved Jesus more than anything, when that gruff Chief yelled “take a knee,” I never once thought of Daniel and felt it necessary to lament about not bowing before his gods. Laughable, right? I mean, I knew that’s not what he meant. Taking a knee in this instance meant something else. Common sense, folks.

I can remember as a high school cheerleader seeing the basketball coach call timeout, and the team would all huddle together, taking a knee. It was a time to regroup, focus their energies on what really mattered at that moment, and to come together as a team. I don’t remember anyone ever saying it was anything otherwise.

You see, I think we come up with things to argue about when a situation is uncomfortable for us. Racism is bad. The majority of this world agrees. What we don’t want to admit is that it still exists, that it’s a problem that hasn’t been solved, and the worst part, that most of us still exhibit racist tendencies. Admitting you’re wrong is really hard, and standing up for what is right is even harder, especially if you’re in the minority. When I was praying for the Lord’s voice specifically on this, I felt Him impress this comment to my heart.

It’s easier to argue with the truth than to admit to the ugliness inside you.

Taking a knee began in 2016 with an NFL player who refused to stand during the National Anthem. He stated that he could not show reverence to a flag that represented a country that did not stand against injustice and with equality for all. He was specifically speaking to the death of a black man by law enforcement (back in 2016). Sound familiar? It was his right not to stand, and to instead kneel. To take a knee. At this point taking a knee began to represent what this player meant for it to represent: the protest against inequality.

That is not what it became. I am an extremely patriotic individual. I am a veteran of the Armed Forces, and I’m that friend who will call you out on flag etiquette. Don’t get me started on the trend of senior portraits draped in a flag. All I’m saying is, I’m a patriot, but taking a knee wasn’t about being unpatriotic. No more than it is about the latest argument I see.

“I’ll only take a knee to Jesus Christ.”

Sigh. Yeah. In light of this fallacy, this mass confusion that’s abounding, I felt it necessary to write a blog about the difference in taking a knee and bowing before the Lord. Yep, folks truly seem to be confused about that. Or are they? Is it really just a way to avoid the ugliness within us all? To pretend we don’t battle sin? Let’s look a little deeper.

Why did I mention taking a knee in bootcamp and ballgames up above? It’s because the act of taking a knee isn’t an issue until it’s in regards to something that makes us uncomfortable. When we’re faced with admitting we’ve been wrong we get defensive, and we try to think of reasons that we must really be right.

Hence, taking a knee, a movement that originated with Black Lives Matter and the fight for equality (and continues to represent that), has instead become an apparent affront to God. It’s become bowing down to Satan (Luciferianism), Democrats (the Left), or man (the world’s opinion). This crazy bait and switch took off like wildfire, and before you knew it a large number of “Christians” felt that the taking of a knee was synonymous with rejecting the Lord Jesus Christ. Can you see the slapping forehead emoji right now?

You can take a knee to huddle during a ballgame timeout, but not for equality. You can take a knee to scrub your floors, but not in the fight against injustice. I saw a man on his knees changing his tire the other day. I didn’t stop to scream at him “how dare you worship that piece of rubber,” but I did stop to take a knee with him and help. Think about that. Read it again.

It comes down to an issue of pride and humility. It hurts my old knees to take one, but I do. It hurts to admit you’re wrong. It hurts to take an inventory of your heart. It hurts to humble yourself, be a servant, and apologize for something you may not even be responsible for or a part of. Jesus didn’t bring sin into the world, but He certainly knew how to take it out. We argue that we only take a knee to Jesus, forgetting He took a knee to wash the disciples feet. We say we only bow down to Jesus, yet we ignore His example of humility, love, and service. Jesus took up for the Samaritan woman and the leperous man the church threw out of the gates. When minority groups are being treated less, thrown out of the city gate, murdered in broad daylight, or shunned for trying to say “my life matters,” don’t you think Jesus would be the one right there taking up for the weak, and yes, taking a knee with them?

Y’all, Satan is called the great deceiver for a reason. I’m going to use strong words right now, so be prepared. You cannot be a Christian in name only. You must walk the walk, in addition to talking the talk. I’m not sure if you can see how divisive it is to dig your heels in so stubbornly? Stubbornness is the refusal to admit wrong doing or to check your own heart. The Bible tells us to ask God to guard our hearts and minds from evil, yet a closed mind will never be available to hear from Him. How many times did Jesus say “they have eyes but don’t see, and ears but don’t hear?” How many times did He warn against the yeast of the Pharisees? Guys! It’s not the Democrats who are destroying people. I mean, not just on their own. It’s Christians. And that brings me to tears. We are holding the title of Jesus followers, but not following His teaching.

Seriously. If you have made a Facebook post in the last two weeks about “all lives matter,” but you haven’t read the Bible in those two weeks, you could be part of the problem. If you’ve said “I only take a knee for Jesus,” but you don’t actually kneel and pray to Him every single day, you could be part of the problem. If you’ve only shared the post of a black person on social media when it agrees with your own opinion (and let’s be honest, you had to really look for that one in one hundred that agreed with you) then you might be part of the problem. If you’ve remained silent because you don’t want to cause waves with a controversial subject, then you could be part of the problem. I mean, I get it, my knees hurt too, but that doesn’t mean I don’t take one, literally or figuratively. If you cannot humble yourself and try to listen to the hurting heart of another human being, because it makes you uncomfortable, you are definitely part of the problem.

We are in this world with a population who is hurting, and they’re crying out for help. If you’re too busy twisting words so they suit your bubble, you are part of the problem. Do you know the difference between taking a knee and bowing down to the Lord? Those who take a knee are standing for injustice. Those who bow down to the Lord know their master’s heart, they know His commandments to love, and those who truly bow down to the Lord have no problem humbling themselves beside those who have been forced to take a knee.

You’ve Heard the Thunder. Now Watch For the Lightning.

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This morning a summer storm came quickly to our neighborhood, and as I looked out the large, living room window at the dark clouds in the distance, a bolt of lightning touched down.

“Look girls,” I said to my young daughters. “Lightning!”

It was magnificent to me, and I continued to explain to my girls, “do you hear the thunder? Just wait a few beats, then you’ll see the lightning.”

As I said those words I felt the Spirit of God strongly. I’ve discovered over the years that when the Lord brings something to my mind and I speak it, He will kinda punch my spirit when He wants me to pay special attention. That’s the only way I know to describe it. All I know is my thoughts halt, and my brain and heart understand that the thought or words I may have spoken were impressed to me through the Lord.

Naturally, I asked God, “ok, Lord. What are you trying to tell me through this thunder and lightning out there?”

You have heard the thunder.

In a storm, like the one we watched this morning, thunder and lightning happen at approximately the same time, but as many of you know, lightning travels faster than thunder (even though it is moving at supersonic speeds) and thus we see the flash before we hear the thunder. The thing is, my daughters had previously missed the lightning, the display of His glory, yet they had been unable to miss the roar of His thunder. It had cried out for their attention, and now they only had to look away from the distraction of their tablets to see the magnificent light.

Thunder roars, and although God most often speaks through a whisper, desiring hearts that press in close and listen, sometimes He speaks in a roar. This world we are living in has always been noisy and distracting, but it seems to me that God had decided to use His Big Poppa voice to get our attention. We have not been listening, as a whole, so this year I think He decided to pull out all the stops and speak with the kind of authority even the deaf can hear.

He has roared with an unprecedented crash, as pandemic reared its ugly head. He has allowed sickness to shake the atmosphere, and in His mercy brought healing too.

He has roared the difficulty of the ensuing social isolation and financial loss, yet shown His grace through the silver linings of time together with family, the generosity of others, the giving spirit of mankind, the power of prayer when Saints unite.

I have seen His gifts emerge in me, and the roar of His Spirit speaking to my heart, even as the world seemed to fall apart around me at the seams.

We have seen the roar of an angry God, who seeks justice for all His children. We’ve seen the evil of the enemy using mankind to bring death, and we’ve seen our God manage to use it for good. We’ve seen Him bring out the roar in His children, bringing courage, conviction, clarity, and a determination to stand for what is right.

He has roared that enough is enough, and He has heard the cries of the afflicted.

You have heard the thunder. Now watch for the lightning.

The lighting will always accompany the thunder. The lightning is the power. It is the electrifying force that can bring fire to a dead, dry tree, but I think in this instance it wants to bring fire to dry bones. Arise, dry bones, and come to life!

I continued to think about this force. How do we prepare for lightning? Well, we usually take shelter, and I think the Lord is calling us like never before to find our purpose and meaning in the shelter of His wings. There, even when the enemy comes against us, we will be saved.

Then I thought of Benjamin Franklin. Do you remember in elementary school seeing the image of Benjamin Franklin flying a kite in a lightning storm? People probably thought he was crazy, but he understood that he needed to utilize the power above him. He knew he needed to harness that power, and in doing so, he could bring light to the darkness. In all reality, Ben Franklin didn’t invent electricity with his actions, but he did demonstrate the connection between lightning and electricity. I think we as a people need a reminder that the power above is what truly brings us light, no matter what your power bill may say.

The point is, we must be prepared to hold up our lightning rods, to direct the power of God towards the earth, and bring some much-needed illumination. We find ourselves in the middle of a storm in this country right now, but it is up to us how we will proceed. We have heard the roar of thunder, but now will we have eyes to see the lightning?

How can God use you? Right here, right now, in the middle of the torrential downpour in this country? Will you stand for truth, justice, and the heart of God? Will you raise your hands in surrender, saying, “God, I haven’t always gotten everything right, but I’m ready to be used by you!”

As believers in Jesus, we are a house on a hill, and our light can no longer be hidden in the safety of our storm cellars. We have to rise and watch for the lightning. We must open our eyes to His power and Spirit, and be ready to conduct that to everyone we encounter.

The Word says that by their fruit you will know them, and the fruit of the spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. I think many of us, myself included, if we took an inventory of our actions, would see that our fruit has been lacking.

I don’t think it’s too late, though. I think that the Lord has sent His thunder to grab our attention. It’s been distracted by the world for far too long. We have all heard the thunder this year, but now it is up to us to watch for His lightning. He is sending His power to those who ask, and He is ready to use that power to impact the world in a positive way. Will we be beacons of the light He gives, or will we hide it under a basket?

In the end, the choice is ours. Who will we serve in the storms of life? A time is coming to choose darkness or light, and thankfully the Lord is calling to us with a roar. Don’t ignore the call.

Is Satan Stealing Our Nation?

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I was praying this morning on the way to work, and I felt the Lord speaking to me about the condition of our Nation. I mean, how could He not. Unless you’ve been asleep under a rock, you’ve seen the devastation occurring. We giggle at the many memes joking about the craziness of the year 2020, but I think we laugh so we won’t cry. After all, who hasn’t considered the fact when someone brings up words like “end times.” Indeed, we are living in unprecedented times, and I wonder if we can truly see what is happening around us.

This morning as I prayed I had a vision of people on their knees. It was Saints of God, bowing in worship, and as they prayed light from Heaven beamed down into their bodies. It was as if the Holy Spirit was infusing His people with the power they needed, and the thought of this gave me hope. I prayed for revival, knowing that was what we needed, and then I received clarity on the battle to prevent awakening in our world. We were under attack, like never before, and if we were in end times, then we needed to have eyes to see and ears to hear! That is what I prayed for.

When COVID-19 first descended on our country, and it became apparent that the danger we faced was real, I could see a light peeking through the darkness. I know many of you saw it too. The light was shining from the life of others, as the Lord worked through His people to bring hope to a shocked world. We were witnesses to things we had never before encountered, and as we tried to make our way through the surreal fog of uncertainty, the essence of hope beamed like a beacon to persevere. People came together, communities stood tall, and voices rose. You could actually see faith in action, and while church buildings closed, the true church (the body of believers) came out of the woodwork to hold up the weak and weary. I was so proud.

It felt like revival was working its way through the country. Bibles were flying off store shelves and the Bible App reached record downloads. People who normally stayed away from entering a church building were showing up to watch services online, and the healing power of Jesus was reaching people it never had before. A pandemic was upon us, but in true, Awesome God fashion, the Lord was working it for good.

I remember thinking to myself, this is it. A great awakening is upon us.

But then the dastardly sandman slinked out of the grass, ready to close eyes however he could.

You began to see videos popping up on Facebook, and it was almost like the church of conspiracy theories was born. It stepped up its recruiting efforts in an unparalleled fashion, and it was like everyone I knew was suddenly “woke.” Isn’t it ironic how the medium the devil used to distract God’s people from His work, closing their eyes to what He really wanted them to do, was termed such a thing?

Everyone became suspicious. And while I’m a realist, aware of government intrusion, even I couldn’t believe the uproar. Helpers became hiders. People who had formerly been encouraging each other, suddenly began arguing amongst themselves. United people became fragmented factions, hurling ugly words over whether to stay at home or not. Masked men versus the unmasked, and vaccinators fighting with oil infusers. Ridiculous. Petty arguments over politics, and an ever-present stream of shock-factor videos that threatened to disappear if you didn’t watch right away!

While there was nothing wrong with awareness of media manipulation or political propaganda, the problem came with Satan using the work of evil men to further divide good people. The devil was taking something that should have been for the good of mankind and using it to drive a wedge between them. Tempers flared, and instead of us finding the strength we needed to persevere through difficult times in Jesus, we tried to find it in knowledge, as if uncovering conspiracy would make a very real virus suddenly disappear. Instead of finding unity in our fear of the unknown, we allowed evil to thin our patience, replacing it with anger at our neighbor, when really we were just angry with a situation we couldn’t control.

Basically, a time that could have been a win for the church, became an opportunity for losing our cool. What should have been a time of spiritual awakening, instead became a time of distracted slumber. Y’all, we fell for it hook, line, and sinker. I’m guilty too. In times where I could have shown compassion, I responded in frustration. Pride abounded, with each group certain of only one thing; they were right about absolutely everything. We forgot how to humble ourselves, and Satan lapped it up like the dog he is. Evil fed off our anger, and if we could see into the spiritual realm, I’m certain we would have seen demonic forces strengthened by the vapors of our fear and rage. A time when the Nation could have come together, when the church had the utmost opportunity to be a witness of love, we instead fought over whether Outback Steakhouse should open back up their dining room. It’s a laughable comment, until you realize it’s true. We lashed out when we could have loved instead. Fueled by fear and a lack of control, we found false security in fighting over petty indifferences. As if proving that a face mask does no good in public, that would somehow make everything fall into place.

I realize I’m getting too wordy, so please hang with me and I’ll try to tie this up. My point is, our Nation needs a wake up call, but every time God sends one, we fall for Satan’s lullaby! The Lord calls us to follow Him, but Satan whispers for us to hit the snooze button just one more time.

The remnant prayed for healing, and in His mercy the Lord heard their cries. He brought abundant blessing, cutting off Corona before it could carry out its full potential! But then do you know what we did?! The same people who had prayed for an end to the pandemic cursed it coming to an end. Instead of seeing God’s grace and answer to our prayers, they shouted, “I knew it was a hoax!”

That’s right. The Lord blessed His people with healing, but the devil whispered lies. The great deceiver laughed and laughed.

The Lord still allowed us to reap His blessing despite the blatant denial of His goodness. We began to see the cloud of COVID lift, case numbers go down, and communities opening back up. The light of the Lord’s favor was shining on our country once again. When the Lord blesses, the enemy will try and attack. Especially when the Lord is trying to show us His character, the enemy will come up with the next strategy to distract, divide, and blind.

Evil came to the forefront in a horrendous way, by act of murder. It started with Ahmaud Arbery and Breonna Porter, and came to an explosion with the tragic death of George Floyd. Satan wanted death and destruction, and he brought it by senseless violence. The Lord desires healing, truth, and justice, and He used the video evidence of the obvious murder of George Floyd to illuminate a very real problem in America. He utilized the work of Satan to try and bring some good from the devastation. He opened eyes to racism, that it still existed today, and He opened hearts to compassion and empathy for the marginalized, black community. People who had turned a deaf ear, buried their head in the sand, or simply been blinded by a spirit of apathy, suddenly could see what the black community had been screaming for years!

Once again we are faced with an option. Will we sleep, or will we wake up? Will we have eyes to see and ears to hear, or will we remain blind? Satan is tricky and he will use the cover of religion (over true relationship with Jesus) to keep God’s people asleep. Satan will use division, pride, and anything he possibly can. So, while we may think the devil simply uses bigotry and obvious racist behavior to serve his purposes, in reality he uses so much more. He can cause us to deny racism is an issue, or he can make us apathetic to the plight of others. He can keep us silent with fear of what others may think, or by injecting confusion into the issue.

False thoughts like these.

I don’t agree with violence and rioting, so therefore I can’t stand with Black Lives Matter.

But I believe all lives matter, therefore I can’t stand with Black Lives Matter.

I don’t think all cops are bad, so I can’t support the black community.

These are just a few examples of the confusion that seeps into our thinking, and we inadvertently allow the distractions to prevent us from carrying out God’s will for our world. We’ve gotta stop! We have to recognize the fact that it’s not flesh and blood we fight, but principalities and powers of darkness. We must walk in love, compassion, and humility, facing all pandemics, areas of injustice, and really, all issues with a kingdom mindset. We need eyes wide open, and we need to consider what is not only important to our society as a whole, but also to the souls of society. What brings salvation? Is it arguments over a difference of opinion, or is it a kind, humble heart that considers the feelings of another?

Do you know the biggest barrier to revival in our country? It’s us. In my vision I saw God pouring His Spirit into His children, but I’m afraid when we close our eyes to injustice, our hearts to compassion, and our lives to working together for good, we also close off the flow of His power and blessing. In the end, we all miss out. We all lose. But none so much as the lost who never get to see Jesus in us.

How Would Jesus Respond to Black Lives Matter?

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There are so many aspects of society and its response to racism and inequality that I could talk about, but there’s really only one small part of this very large issue that I wish to discuss today. And that’s the thing. In essence this is a really small part. It’s a small act of service that we can provide to our brothers and sisters in the midst of a very large issue. In fact, this tiny concession means a big deal to the people in the muck of this mess, and who wouldn’t want to sacrifice (if I can even use such a lofty word) something so minuscule to make a huge impact on the feelings of another?

I think one of the bigger things bothering me during this uprising following the heinous murder of George Floyd (aside from blatant ignorance and racism, of course) is the position of some Christian brothers and sisters. Their perhaps well-meaning proclamations are hitting the ground flat, and they don’t represent me, although I am not one who is worthy to judge. You see, I too used to feel much the same as pious phrases I see pop up on social media, but I am grateful that the longer I live, the more the Lord reveals things to me. So, I thought I’d share what He’s saying.

As Christians (white Christians, that is), it’s easy to say things like, “Jesus died for us all!” And while I agree that’s true, we can’t stop there at such a deep-seated issue. After all, Jesus died to conquer sin, something that sadly still abounds and must be confronted. Remember when Jesus got angry and confronted sin in His Dad’s house?

We as white Christians will say that love is colorblind, and that the Lord only looks on the inside of a man. Again, these things are true, but the problem is that man doesn’t just look at the inside. In fact, they mostly look at the outside. They can’t help themselves. It’s that sin nature. Although we should desire to see people like Jesus, the problem is, we do not. We can’t change an entire society in a day. So, Karen, while I agree we should judge mankind by the red blood we all bleed, there’s too many bad people not doing that. We need to face up to that first.

And here’s the one I hate the most. Do you know I even said it before myself? I thought it was the Christian thing to say; what Jesus Himself would say. But now I realize I was just saying what I wanted to believe. What mattered to me. I was being selfish. I joined the band of good people saying “All Lives Matter,” but I never considered how far off base I was. Although all lives do matter to Jesus, in the face of inequality and racial injustice, I really don’t believe that’s what Jesus would say. I know, I know. I’m freaking you Caucasian, Southern Baptists out right now, but if we could ask Jesus how He felt about the Black Lives Matter movement, I really don’t think He’d respond like a large number of His followers.

Jesus would not say “all lives matter.”

When I was praying about this earlier and asking the Lord to reveal to me His heart on the matter I kept thinking about the verses in the Bible where Jesus washed the disciples’ feet. I started to Google “what the Bible says about equality ” or something to that nature, but my mind just kept telling me the feet washing was all I needed to know.

I felt like Jesus said to my heart, “when you say Black Lives Matter, you’re washing feet.”

Y’all, stay with me. In John 13:1-17 we read the account of Jesus washing the feet of His disciples. First off, you need to understand something about feet back then. They were dirty. Everyone wore saddles, walked in the desert, and probably in animal excrement too. Every house had a basin at the door so people coming in could wash their nasty feet before entering. Even the poor homes had a basin for guests. The richer homes, though, had a servant who actually would wash the feet of the guests. Can you imagine having that job?!

When Jesus washed the feet of His disciples He was taking a posture of humility. He was saying that even though His Dad was The King and it was His House, that He would lower Himself to the role of a servant, washing away our dirt, and making us more suitable to come into His home.

Posture of Humility. I want you to think about that.

John 13: 12-15 When he had finished washing their feet, he put on his clothes and returned to his place. “Do you understand what I have done for you?” he asked them. ““You call me ‘Teacher and ‘Lord,’ and rightly so, for that is what I am. Now that I, your Lord and Teacher, have washed your feet, you also should wash one another’s feet. I have set you an example that you should do as I have done for you.

Do your remember the greatest commandment? It was to love the Lord your God, and second to love your neighbor as yourself. Our black neighbors have not felt very loved, and rightly so. They have felt less than us. Do you remember who Jesus revealed Himself as Savior to first? A Samaritan woman, who historically was considered less than a Jewish man, not only because of gender, but also race. Yet Jesus chose her for a very special event in history; to be the first to know the Son of God had come to earth to save mankind.

Jesus came to save us all, but He also understood what it was like to be marginalized. He revealed Himself to a Samaritan Woman to prove that He stood with the weak, the ones who were judged unfairly, the people who felt wounded by society. He loves us all, and He came to save us all, but He chose to reveal Himself to a woman who had been treated unfairly based on things other than her soul. He also took on the role of a servant to show mankind that humility is the best way to love!

Posture of Humility.

When people are hurting, Jesus takes a posture of humility. When people are treated unfairly, He takes a posture of humility. Yes, He throws tables too, but the beginning of having a servant heart comes with humbling yourself. It comes with saying, “I will be less, so you can be more.”

To answer back to Black Lives Matter with All Lives Matter, while basically true, is really the opposite of what Jesus would do. Check your heart and ask why the phrase bothers you so much. Is it because it implies white lives don’t matter to people? Or that police lives don’t matter? Or that your life doesn’t matter?

1 John 3:16 By this we know love, that he laid down his life for us, and we ought to lay down our lives for our brothers.

No one is asking you to lay down your physical life, even though Jesus did, but if you truly want to follow His example, you would see that a huge part of being a Christian is laying down yourself. We must constantly lay down our own desires and look at the desires of others. We must constantly check our own selfish ambition and motives. We must take the role of servant and see to the hurting people around us, forgetting our own pain, and only seeing that of others. When Jesus washed the disciples feet He knew Judas would betray Him, that Peter would deny Him, and that Thomas would doubt Him, yet He washed their feet anyway. He took a posture of humility that said, “it’s ok that I’m giving my life. This isn’t about me right now. It’s about you. Let me wash your feet.”

Do you see now? If you see someone hurting, cry with them. If you see someone angry, listen to their words. Hug them. No one is asking you to hang on a cross simply by answering, “yes, your life does matter. I’m sorry people have treated you like it didn’t.”

I would encourage you to lay down your pride and take the position of Jesus. Take a position of humility. The position of a servant who sees the injustice towards others and offers to wash their feet.

Could I Trust You Not to Murder My Black Son?

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I have been appalled by the far too frequent news reports and shocking videos of blatant murder of innocent black men by white men. And even as I typed those last five words, “black men by white men,” I cringed. I didn’t want to type the transparent truth, because in doing so I admit the ugliness of the race I share, but the time for sweeping under the rug or hiding your head in a hole has passed. I think I used to tell myself, I’m not racist, therefore I’m good, despite the atrocities abounding. But I believe God is bringing the obvious evil to the forefront as of late so we can all make the change. Not just pass it off to those we feel are responsible. That’s not what God is calling us to do.

In wanting to bring light to an ever present problem I knew I must use my platform to speak, but I didn’t want to just make some flowery post on Facebook, that while it got a few hundred “likes,” did about as much for the issue as the same digital, blue thumbs could do. I wanted God’s heart for me personally on this issue, and I prayed to Him for what I should say.

Immediately after asking I felt the Lord say, “think about this like a mother would.”

As far as mothering goes, I had experienced an exhausting week. My eldest child had unexpectedly experienced a grand mal (tonic-clonic) seizure. She had been hospitalized, gone through all the testing, been diagnosed with epilepsy, and placed on maintenance medication. We were now going through the aftermath of medication side effects, and the worst part, me trying not to worry to death for her. That’s what moms did, though. We worried about our babies.

At the Lord’s prompting I tried to imagine how I would respond to recent events in a motherly sense. If my child wasn’t the pale, Caucasian young woman she was, how would that change things for me? Could I trust all my social media contacts not to murder my black son if I had one?

Although I’m a Floridian now, living in a multicultural melting pot, I was most recently raised in Mississippi. There are a lot of good people in the South, who love their neighbor like themself, but there also still exists a prevalent attitude of racism. We want to think it’s not an issue anymore, like, since it no longer resembles the film Mississippi Burning, or the plantation isn’t worked by slaves, that a long-held stigma has been erased. It hasn’t.

Even though I was raised by a woman who had traveled the world, teaching me the color of a man’s skin didn’t define him, I was impacted by the small minds around me. It didn’t matter my very first friend had been named Tanisha, or that my Dad has bucked the system of his family’s belief. My father had been in the army, standing in battle with men of every color, who would lay down their life for his. If that doesn’t change your mindset, not much else will. Their support enabled me to go out with a black guy in high school, but my own regrettable fear of ridicule caused me to break it off.

I can still remember the gruff voice of a stranger on the phone the day following my date, “are you dating a nigger?!”

But even my personal brushes with racism hold little water when compared to the gravity of living in the midst of it. I may think I’ve experienced racism in my life, and could share a handful of stories like the one above, but in reality I have no clue. I don’t know personally what it’s like to be the target of hate simply because of the color of my skin.

I can sympathize related to still existing racism I’ve seen in the South, but in the end I can’t empathize; I can’t even imagine. I cannot understand the fact that even though I’m an intelligent, well-spoken, college-educated, professional, that I could be murdered despite all those things if my skin was any color but white. I mean, the idea is ludicrous, am I right?! And those of us privileged enough to think it doesn’t happen that way, are even being shown that it does. I suppose if there’s anything that the enemy has meant for evil, that God can use for good, it’s the evidence and awareness that racism is real, that it still exists, and that it can kill.

So, this morning, while I had the privilege of only being able to imagine, I did make the conscious effort to imagine. To imagine what it must be like to be the mother of a black child. I have just experienced the stress of illness in my daughter, and I found that difficult. I was pushing away thoughts that they put her on the same anti seizure medicine my mother had been on. My mother, who died of a seizure in her sleep. I had what I considered to be a sizable amount of faith in Jesus, but worries for the life of my baby, those thoughts rocked my soul. Imagine if every time your child left the house you had to worry about the chance of them being murdered? Not because of anything they had done wrong, but just because of the assumption they had or would based on how much melanin their skin contained.

I will confess ignorance. In the past I have said things were better. I’ve stood safely in my white skin and said it’s not that bad. I’ve tried to relate, even, stating all the ways I had been judged on outward appearance. Not that my inconveniences could even compare to fear of death, but in my self-centered, narrow vision, I was sure it did. But the thing is, as God brings to light the evil of man and the injustice out there, we can’t claim ignorance any longer. As we see the blatant disregard for human life, especially aimed at men of color, it’s an affront to anyone with eyes to claim racism doesn’t exist. To claim anything other than the fact it does, is an exercise in denial to the worst degree.

I hate that racism is real. It was easier to tell myself incidents were few and far between, but pretending we live in a better world just doesn’t make it so. Times are changing, and God is bringing light to the evils of mankind. Our job as Christians is to see what He is bringing to light. It’s to admit we see it, and not hide our heads in the sand. Our task as followers of Jesus is to stand firm and speak up for those who are persecuted. It’s to call out injustice and evildoers. It’s to help carry the burden. Your friends of color have been carrying it on their own for far too long.

Galatians 6:2 Bear one another’s burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ.

I would encourage you to stop and consider your life. Consider how it would change if your skin was a different color. Imagine your life as a mother, or a father. How would it change if you realized being pulled over for a traffic violation could get your child shot? Or even jogging down the road could end tragically. What if the talk you gave your teenager wasn’t just about the birds and the bees, but about the utmost importance of respecting authority figures who carried guns?

We often argue when injustice comes to light, thinking if we can put the center point on cops or guns that it will shift the focus. We say police aren’t bad, or that gun laws need to be reformed. But these are just distractions from the truth. In my opinion, there are a lot of good police! My white cousin was murdered by bad cops, but I still say the majority of police are fair and upright. But we’re not talking about police lives, or the fact that they also matter. We won’t lessen any brother or sister by distracting from their life. To say racism is real, and to say someone shouldn’t be treated differently based on the color of their skin, isn’t to say one kind of people deserve better treatment. I think they just want equal treatment, and I don’t think that’s too much to ask.

I would like to think we’re finally headed in the right direction. Eyes are being opened and heads are coming out of the sand. You can’t deny something any longer that blares itself outside the shadows, yet sadly, people still do. It’s up to us, the followers of Christ, to stand and speak out against evil. It must be held accountable, and no longer be allowed to hide. True change doesn’t happen on Facebook, or even at the hands of a well-thought blog post. It comes by the hands and feet of people everywhere. It starts in the hearts of every man and woman. We must admit there’s a problem, then work to resolve that issue in our own thoughts and feelings. To personally place ourselves in the shoes of another. Change continues as we impress that heart change to our children, and to everyone in our home. Change prevails when we carry that heart of Christ into our communities, onto our job sites, and into our every conversation and interaction.

It comes down to me to be a sanctity of life issue. All life is precious to our Lord, and our job is to see our fellow man as He does. It’s not a goal to not see color, but rather to see each color as precious, equal, and designed precisely, uniquely, and with a great purpose by God. Who are we to thwart what He has created? And who are we to ignore the attacks of Satan to divide and destroy mankind?

The # 1 Thing We’re Missing in America

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I guess you noticed I haven’t been sharing as much lately on the blog. Honestly, I’ve been overwhelmed. Not just overwhelmed with my work as a bedside, critical care nurse on the frontline of COVID-19, but also with my emotions. I have had all the feelings over the past couple of months, and many of them are ones I don’t enjoy having. It’s been kinda heavy, and I’ve spent much of my time not saying anything rather than saying something I regret. Too bad more people don’t practice that restraint.

I’ve felt sadness for the many, sick patients I’ve seen battling this pandemic, and my heart has broken for their families. I realize that I have firsthand experience with a disease process that many others do not. It’s unknown and scary, and perhaps that’s why it’s easier for so many people to have the luxury to be flippant or apathetic about the virus. After all, it is more comfortable to claim it all a hoax or government-inflated theatrics, than to admit the frailty of human life.

I’ve oscillated between frustration and red, hot anger, melancholy and disappointment at the selfishness of my fellow man. I have seen some of the most ignorant comments, and I’ve witnessed some pretty heinous statements on social media. Why does the ability to type an opinion trump the decency of treatment of others, or why do we put on blinders to the plight of another, in favor of our own inconvenience? In other words, why are we such a selfish lot?

Do you know what we’re missing in this unprecedented pandemic? Compassion.

We’ve replaced it with selfish ambition. We’ve allowed our perspective to become quite narrow, seeing no further than our own front door.

We see how uncomfortable wearing a mask can be, how difficult it is to breathe. We become angry at someone mandating we wear something to protect ourselves or others. It’s all about “my comfort and my right to refuse.” I suppose we’re refusing the right to protect the elderly and immune compromised from the virus we could be carrying. The fact that it makes you hot should definitely precede expert opinion that it prevents the spread of germs.

Why do healthcare professionals wear them, based on hundreds of years of tested research, if they don’t really work? Perhaps we should tell doctors, nurses, and anesthesiologists it’s not necessary to wear them anymore in the operating room. While we’re at it, let’s get rid of all those pesky seatbelt and car seat laws. My body, my right to fly through the windshield!

Our perspectives have become so skewed, whereas we only see how a situation affects us personally. We forget that things could be worse, and even that they definitely are for other people.

We see that we can’t work for weeks at a time. We never consider the families who have lost their primary breadwinner forever, to death by COVID.

And I know that financial stress and income loss is serious! But fifty days in the Intensive Care Unit, waking up to a hole in your neck, and muscles so wasted you cannot move, well, that’s pretty darn serious too. We don’t think about that, though. It hasn’t happened to anyone we know personally, so the news is probably making it up. I’ll go tell that to my patient’s family. They haven’t even seen their husband/father in over a month, since he was admitted.

We are such a spoiled society in the United States. We get mad at slow internet and red lights, so naturally we’re up in arms over having to stay at home. We have to stay within the four walls of our sturdy, comfortably thermostat-adjusted dwelling. We’re protected from the elements, stuffing our bellies with an abundance of stock-piled food, and all we can say is, “I miss going into a restaurant to eat!”

All over this world mothers are crying because their children are starving. Fathers feel helpless that they cannot put a roof over their families’ heads. Families are running barefoot, with a pack of meager belongings slung over their backs, and they’re running to escape real bullets of persecution. Not the figurative bullets we think we are enduring from being forced to stay safe at home. Our inconvenience is the stuff some people dream of having, but we will never consider that.

We miss going to the mall, never thinking to thank God we have such things normally. We get angry over our children missing school activities, or our seniors not walking on stage at graduation. Do we ever consider the families who have lost children to this virus? They will never see them walk across any stage. The number of deaths by Coronavirus under age 18 seem low, until it’s your child.

Pictured above is Skylar Herbert who passed away in Detroit from COVID-19. Her father was a first responder.

Do you know I’ve even seen comments that COVID-19 only strikes “nasty” people with bad hygiene? Hmmm. I don’t even know where to begin. I could say this virus is no respecter of persons, hitting all races and socioeconomic levels, but instead I’ll ask a question. Since when is it acceptable to say one type of person is more understandable and acceptable to die? Like, it’s their fault where or what they were born into, and therefore they are less. Does this sound familiar to anyone? Gosh, we’re not much different than Hitler if we’re judging whose life matters more.

This pandemic has been really hard for me. I’ve dealt with the stress of caring for patients with the virus who nine times out of ten don’t get better, but I have tried to never let it escape me how well I have it. When my face hurt from the mask and I couldn’t breathe, or when I got tired and frustrated with the hectic environment, I would remind myself that I wasn’t scared, alone, and/or dying in a hospital bed.

Do you know the saying about trying to walk in another’s shoes? Maybe we should all lay in another’s hospital bed. It’s easy to dismiss the statistics if they’re far from your town/city, or if you tell yourself that they’re exaggerated. It’s not so easy for my Chaplain who lost his father, my friend who currently has four family members fighting the virus, or the nurses like myself who have seen more patients die with it than they can ever forget. It’s the same as the flu for someone who sits safely behind their smart phone screen on social media, sharing YouTube videos of conspiracy theories. But for the fifty year old man struggling to breathe in my hospital bed, being told to turn upside down and lay on his stomach to try and breathe better, well, this man knows it’s not like the flu at all.

It’s easy to blame the government or even Bill Gates for everything that’s going on when you’re sitting in front of your computer, but do you know who doesn’t have time for such extracurriculars? The weeping wife, pleading to God to save her husband, as she prays into his ear through the hospital room phone, hoping he can hear her, even though he won’t open his eyes. Yeah, that was hard for me to witness, but I simply joined her in prayer.

Perhaps that’s what we should be doing. Instead of complaining, let’s try sympathizing. Let’s join people in prayer, let’s offer them hope. Heck, at least offer them your hoarded toilet paper. But don’t lessen their grief and horrible situation by petty, selfish complaints. Instead of coming up with theories of why the numbers aren’t as bad as predicted, let’s thank God for His mercy, for answered prayers, and that flattening the curve and social distancing were successful. Let’s be grateful for life, not grumbling that it’s not as perfect as we believe it should be. Let’s take a moment and recognize that all the stuff we get frustrated about in this situation (like lack of toilet paper and bored children) are way better than an unexpected funeral that you can’t attend.

My Opinion on Conspiracy Videos

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I broke down and watched one of the frequently shared YouTube, conspiracy videos the other day, and I got sucked right in. I wanted to show it to my husband. I told him the details, and I found myself saying, “yeah, I can totally see the government doing that.”

Then I began to see hoards of my friends on social media sharing it, and my bristles went up. You see, I haven’t been a huge fan of COVID conspiracy, mainly because so many of the posts or articles I saw made false assumptions that since something suspicious was afoot, that everything must be a lie. In other words, if the news happened to be exaggerating the seriousness of COVID-19, then it must not be serious at all. If the numbers were being inflated, then what could be said of any truly positive cases? This line of irresponsible thought made this nurse angry. Serving in a COVID hotspot, I didn’t have the luxury of hypothesizing the cases were minimal or the disease not much different than the flu. I saw the people dying, and I couldn’t tell myself it wasn’t serious. It was all I could do not to cry myself to sleep at night from the very real and seriousness of COVID-19.

So when I continued to see more conspiracy videos and posts emerge, the most recent Plandemic, I became concerned. I mean, you can only be fed information repeatedly for so long before you question your indigestion. So I found myself with a feeling of worry.

Here’s the thing. I’m a smart girl. I was in the military, I’m well-read, and I’ve had forty-two years of life experience. I am aware of propaganda, and I’m no stranger to government intrusion. I am familiar with Snowden, and I have no doubt the government is/can watch me through my computer camera, or listen to my phone calls. The CIA scares the crap out of me, and there’s legit some evil folks in power. I am certain political spins are being placed on this issue, and politicians are using it for their own agenda. Big Brother is watching, and I know the devil whispers in the ear of some upper echelon peeps. I am not blind to evil among us. But I also am not going to put more faith in the Big Bad Wolf than I do my Father God. He is the only one who controls my life.

That being said, I found myself this morning wondering too much about what is true, and what is not. I felt a heavy emotion of uncertainty concerning world events, and I knew I should not be feeling that way. I asked God to speak clarity to my mind.

Immediately I felt the Lord speak to my heart, “you know who’s the author of confusion.”

And I felt an immediate weight lift from me.

1 Corinthians 14:33 (KJV)

For God is not the author of confusion, but of peace, as in all churches of the saints.

The Christian life isn’t an easy one, but it is a blessed one. We are faced with the situation of being in the world, but not of the world. So we must take into consideration the evil of this world, but we cannot let it overtake us, even mentally. We must be wise, but also confident. We must be aware, but not overcome. Uncertain, worldly circumstances bring fear, but the strong tower of the Lord brings courage. So while I find it wise and prudent to have open eyes to evil, corruption, and injustice, I find that in times like these (the most recent pandemic), where we are emotionally and mentally stressed, it’s easy to fall prey to deception and fear. What begins as concern and a search for truth, can easily become belief in things of this world. Our search for “truth” becomes like an idol, and we place more importance in the conspiracies we uncover than the Spirit that saves us from this sandstorm. See, we forget this world is a vapor, and can easily put too much stock in something that is here today and gone tomorrow. We forget whose corner we’re in, who holds the victory in battle, or even the fact that the war has already been won.

This morning I prayed for a Spirit of Truth to cover God’s people, because so many of us can think we’re searching for the “truth,” but I wonder if we’re really finding distraction and confusion from the enemy. Just like there’s two types of wisdom, heavenly and earthly, so too are there two types of truth. I know a lot of earthly wise folks, but when it comes to heavenly matters they are clueless. We can seek the “truth” in matters of the world around us, and we can even become extremely proud of ourselves for being “woke” to those truths, but the one thing we miss is how those same earthly truths can take up all the room in our mind and heart, leaving little room for heavenly truth. The heavenly truth is that none of this is a surprise to God. There’s no secret conspiracies to Him. He’s not worried about the bad guys pulling one over on us, and He holds the key to justice. Yes, God gives us courage to demand truth, and He gives us knowledge to ask questions and seek the right answers, but He is never the author of confusion. He will never have us chasing our tail or running through rabbit hole after rabbit hole for the heck of it. If you find yourself consumed or worried as of late, I would encourage you to go to the one source you know without a doubt is true, the Bible. Ask the Lord to reveal His Heavenly truth to you through His word. God speaks to us in many ways, but I’m not ready to believe He’s doing it through every YouTube or Facebook video that goes across my feed.

Isaiah 8:12 ESV

Do not call conspiracy all that this people calls conspiracy, and do not fear what they fear, nor be in dread.

COVID and the Cross

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Today we celebrated (at home) my favorite holiday, Easter. For Christians this isn’t about bunnies and colored eggs (even though that’s fun stuff), but more importantly it’s about the Resurrection of our Savior. Even the most wayward believer will feel the emotion pulling at their eyelids on this day, the day we remember that Jesus died on the cross to free us from sin. I mean, what other person can you think of who would ask their Dad, a Father who controls the rising of the sun and the ocean’s waves, to forgive the people who just conspired to kill Him? I think most of us would ask Poppa to teach those guys a lesson they wouldn’t soon forget. But alas, that just wasn’t part of the plan, was it? Nope. The plan from the beginning was to save men (and women) who didn’t know they needed saving, to save people who didn’t deserve saving, and even to save the stubborn who didn’t want saving. That’s love.

As I was praying in the Spirit today I felt like God told me that we’re all the prodigal son. Remember that story? He left home, spent his inheritance in record time, and came back with his tail between his legs just hoping for a job as a servant and a little crust of bread. But instead of his father giving him the third degree, or saying “I told you so, son,” he welcomed him with open arms. Then he threw him a party. His father gave him the best of what he had, even though he had squandered his own portion. That’s love.

We, the collective prodigals, love our Father. We know the sacrifice of His son. Yet we waste the inheritance we’ve been given, even though it’s the only thing we can take with us to Heaven. Instead of holding the gift from our Father of peace and security in Him while walking through this life, we chase the pleasures of this world. We forget the courage He has placed within us, and instead fear the unknown around us, never remembering that He controls it all. And worse yet, we place most of our value on things of zero kingdom value. We might as well be lying in the filth of the pig pen, since we’ve forgotten the royal heritage from which we come.

You know, I’ve really enjoyed the side effects of this recent pandemic. Sure, I wish I could go to the water park, especially since it’s 90 degrees in Florida today, but I must say I enjoy the not going. Something about going, it brings out that hurried nature. And I’m not saying I love the sickness that consumes so many. I am a nurse, after all, and I’ve seen firsthand the terrible trauma caused by this virus. It makes my heart weep. But I’ve also seen the ability it’s had to make us stop and be still. Now that is what we needed.

Hunger made the prodigal son run home to his Poppa, and a similar hunger has taken hold in our country. I’ve seen people run to God in their fear, uncertainty, and desperation. And even though we deserve a stern “I told you so, son,” He never even considers it. He just embraces us.

I’ve seen families sit down and talk, like, really talk. They’re no longer too busy to have a conversation.

I’ve seen people stop and enjoy a sunset since they’re no longer rushing about, too busy to see everyday blessings.

Children are home with their parents, spouses are taking a break from work, and they’re all seeing the beauty of time spent together. The world had gotten so busy, I think we forgot how special that is.

I’ve seen Christians begin to move in their spiritual gifting, myself included, as if we just needed that little push to make us more courageous.

I’ve seen humanity open its self to others. And even though there’s the selfish few taking more than they need, more than that I’ve seen an influx of giving. We’ve been forced to slow down and see the needs of a neighbor. We’ve had our eyes opened to how blessed we each are in our own way, and it’s encouraged us to share that blessing with someone else.

I’ve seen people realize that we don’t need department stores and malls to enjoy life. We don’t need amusement parks and sit down dining at its finest. In fact, I think people are suddenly understanding the sanctity of life. We want health, wellness, security, and safety! Y’all, this COVID-19 pandemic has changed us. We see the numbers rise, people dying, young and old alike, and we finally appreciate the gift of each unlabored breath we’re given.

Today, as we celebrated Easter, I was reminded how the Resurrection changed everything! The frightened apostles who had run from the Romans, even going so far as to deny their association with that man Jesus, suddenly became bold proclaimers of the truth that He is the Savior of the world. The curtain was torn, and what normally took the blood of an animal and a High Priest now was accomplished by the blood of one man. What used to be an annual sacrifice for forgiveness now became a sacrifice once and for all. It. Was. Finished. He sealed the deal, defeating death, covering the sins of mankind, and giving us the right to be called children of God. The separation was gone. He gave us a way to the Father, and He gave us a way to live life abundantly until we joined them at the banquet table. His rising from the dead changed everything!

Do you know what the resurrection and this pandemic have in common? Change. This virus is unprecedented, and I think that despite all the negatives surrounding it, it’s changed us for the better. God has a way of doing that, you know, using what the devil means for evil for our good instead. This virus has forced us to slow down, to take an inventory of our lives, and to see what’s really important. Guess what? As much as I love a clean bum, toilet paper ain’t it. The people that surround me, and even the people I’m currently social distancing from, that is what’s important. Life is about knowing God and making Him known. It’s about showing His love. It’s about preparing our hearts for eternity with Him, and it’s about taking everyone along that we can.

While I was praying earlier I also thought about a refiner’s fire. You see, it takes heat not just to bend and shape metal for a greater purpose, but to purify it so that it will be stronger and more valuable than before. A metalsmith was once asked how he knew when his piece he was working with got hot enough to be completely refined, and he answered, “when I can see my reflection in it.” I think perhaps God wants to see more of Himself in His children, and less of the world. Disease doesn’t come from God, it’s from the devil, but I think God has used the heat of this pandemic to purify His children. The question now becomes, what will we do with the finished product?

The resurrection has changed life and death for good!

1 Corinthians 15:55

Where, O death, is your victory? Where, O death, is your sting?

My prayer would be that we would all remain changed from this virus too. COVID-19 was recently compared to 9/11. I remember that day. I was active duty Navy, and the effects of that day will carry with me always. I can recall being so proud of how the Country and all the people in it came together following such tragedy. It was amazing! But then we forgot. People went back to being selfish and uncaring, and really, it’s only gotten worse in the past decade. We have become so hard hearted, a society that only cares about numero uno, but over the past two weeks I’ve seen a glimmer of that past compassion I remember. I’ve seen it in hand-sewn face masks and the kind words given to the healthcare community. I’ve seen it in donated food items to those in need and to record online church attendance. Folks that normally won’t step into a church building are listening to sermons on Facebook, and they’re understanding that in bad times, God is good. People are seeing their need for God, and like the prodigal son whose growling stomach compelled him, the hungry hearts of hurting humans are crying out for the peace and fulfillment of the Lord!

Perhaps this fire (virus) is going to continue until God sees more of Himself in us. Perhaps He’s just waiting for all His children to run home. I think He’s got the fatted calf all picked out, and even the best of royal robes. He is calling the prodigals to return, and He is desiring our change in heart, a heart that turns to Him. He’s allowing this to burn into our memories so that we don’t forget. He’s allowing it to change us, and He’s allowing us to be the change. I pray that things never return to “normal.” At least, not what the world was calling normal lately. I pray we are changed by this pandemic, and I pray it’s a heart change that will last forever, making us to never be the same lost generation that is distracted by the shiny, counterfeit trinket the world’s been serving, rather than accepting the precious, eternal treasure our Father gives.

What COVID-19 Has Done for the Church

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Do you see what COVID-19 has done for the church? No, it’s not that it’s given it that push to get on social media. And it’s not about whether to meet, the importance of staying connected (although that’s important), or even the gumption to broadcast services live. What I’m talking about actually has nothing to do with whether a building has its doors opened or closed, or whether the government is skating too close to infringing on constitutional rights. It has nothing to do with religious organizations and everything to do with your relationship. Because, I’ll tell you a secret. You are the church. Allow me to explain.

Recently a coworker asked me how I had gotten to such a strong level of faith in my life. The person was pleasantly surprised when I said it wasn’t a switch that was flipped in my life, or even an overnight ordeal, but rather years of seeking and growth. I relayed the story of how my growing closer to Jesus had began.

Somewhere around 2010 I came across a wonderful opportunity at work. It was a weekend position that allowed me to work only 24 hours a week, while still getting paid for 40 hours. Pretty sweet, right? I had a baby, and another on my wish list, so working part time for full time pay was a God-send! The only problem? I would agree to work every weekend. While Saturday wasn’t a problem for me, Sunday was a lot harder. For one, I loved my church. My father-in-law was our pastor, and I worried how they would feel about the position.

It turns out, my father-in-law didn’t mind. He knew something I was about to learn. He knew something COVID-19 is trying to teach us all. He understood that a personal relationship with Jesus wasn’t found on Sunday morning alone, and he felt pretty confident in the Lord’s ability to show me just that.

My biggest concern after I took that weekender job? I worried my relationship with the Lord would suffer missing Sunday mornings, so I determined that it would not! How did I do that? I made the choice to seek the Lord more closely each and every day. I couldn’t go to church on Sunday, and my small congregation didn’t meet any other time. So I went to church Monday morning on my couch. I went to church Tuesday morning while I sipped my coffee. I went to church Wednesday morning while I fed my baby. I think you’re getting the point.

Ten years ago my life began to turn around for the better because I made a decision. I decided that since I couldn’t go to church, I would bring church to me! I started to set aside time daily to read my Bible, seek the Lord, pray, and listen to His voice. And we as a country are being given this same chance now! We are being told to stay home, and we have the opportunity to use that time wisely. We’re not just in a time in our lives where we can’t go to church. We’re in a time of our lives where we can bring church home. We can bring it into our hearts!

Even after I switched jobs and could attend worship with others on Sunday mornings, it was too late! My life had already changed, thank the Lord. I had begun to manifest the fruits of the Spirit. It wasn’t just my schedule that had changed. My personality had changed. I found that a life where I saturated myself with scripture, was a life where I could be more joyful and triumphant. I learned how to deal with the world’s problems according to the Bible’s answers. In those pages I discovered how much my Savior loved me, and sadly and honestly, I had spent ten years in church on Sundays as a child/teenager, never learning that truth. Salvation, discipline, and true life change aren’t always found in a building. And a deep relationship that changes you from the inside out, rarely is. Life change is found in time with Him.

This pandemic has given us all the rare opportunity to seek Him more. It has forced upon us the need to be fed at home, and I’m not talking about sustenance you get from the grocery store. I’m talking about the kind of spiritual food that will leave you never hungry again. It’s the kind of bread that gives you life, abundant life at that, and it fills you so full that fear can’t fit there. It fills you so overflowing that the uncertain circumstances surrounding you don’t stand a chance. It’s the Manna that God sends down from Heaven, and when you taste and eat you understand that He always provides just enough.

Do you know what the church (meaning the physical building AND all of us as the bride of Christ) needs? We need to learn how to be mature. God doesn’t intend for us to stay babies, being fed our spiritual bottle on Sunday mornings, thinking that will keep us full all week! He calls us to eat meat. He wants us to be self-feeding, steak-chewing, garden-growing, fruit-baring farmers. Y’all, it’s like He wants us to be homesteading harvesters who water where we’re planted. Of course He wants believers gathering together and supporting one another! Don’t get me wrong; this isn’t a church-bashing post. No, what this is is a reminder that we are the church, and we are called to grow the church. The fact is, it’s hard to grow a crop when all you do is eat the fruit. If you’re wanting to harvest, like God calls us all to do, then you have to start planting seeds, and folks forget you begin by planting the seeds in you.

So, I would encourage you to take advantage of this time. See it for what it is. It’s an opportunity, much like the one I experienced ten years ago, to seek the Lord so you don’t lose Him. Y’all, He’s not hard to find. We’re just usually so distracted by all the noise that we miss Him, but perhaps now is a National Call to Quiet. Perhaps Christ is calling us all away from the noise and into His arms. We have been given the chance to bring church into our hearts, the place where God has wanted it built all along. Don’t miss the positive change we can bring from such a negative time in our history. Don’t miss out on the greatest opportunity of all. To build His Church in you.

COVID-19: An Inside Look

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Perhaps it’s because I’m a registered nurse working the bedside of this virus, but I feel like I’ve seen plenty of information about what it’s like for healthcare workers fighting this COVID-19 fight. I’ve seen stories about violence towards people in scrubs out there, but personally I’ve received nothing but support and encouragement. Most of my friends know about our struggles with personal protective equipment (PPE), be it the fears it will run out or the frustration with the ever-changing guidelines of safety by the CDC. People have seen the struggles nurses and others have wearing the same masks for twelves hours or more straight, and aside from them seeing the bruises and pressure sores on my face, I’ve told my family how the continuous wear causes me to feel fuzzy-headed and drowsy (not a good feeling for a critical care nurse).

We (as a healthcare team) mostly keep quiet about the inconveniences of no bathroom or water breaks. I mean, it’s just how it is. Another straw to add to the back of an already sagging camel. Yet, despite any struggles we face physically, or even the fears we attempt to overcome mentally, it’s been so helpful to have the praise and support of family and friends. I know they see me, and they try to sympathize with the war we’re waging against this tricky contagion. I guess, what I’m trying to say is, I feel like a lot of thoughts and prayers have been directed my way, but recently my heart has been breaking for the patients I serve.

If you could see inside my little world, behind smudged googles and hot breath, you would see how COVID is attacking more than our ability to go to the mall, or even beyond our inability to pay bills. You see, this pandemic is more than being forced to stay home, schooling your children, or even (sadly) being unable to gather with your church or extended family. I saw it went beyond missing my baby brother’s wedding, or not being able to find our favored toilet paper. Because beyond sinking stocks and failing businesses were people dying. Scared, alone, and confused.

If you could stand here beside me you would see the real effects of COVID-19. You’d see the frightened eyes of a patient when a crowd of strangers rush into the room, moving quickly, with a sense of urgency. You’d glimpse the fear the patient exuded over all the people surrounding them in hoods, masks, and billowing gowns. The worst part about a mask? They can’t see you smile.

If you stood in my shoes you would hold a patient’s hand with your own gloved one, attempting to offer comfort, wiping away a stray tear, patting their arm compassionately.

“You’re doing so good. It’s ok. Don’t be afraid.”

While foreign tubes are being inserted, with language barriers in place, you’d try to explain why rolling onto your belly in the hospital bed is needed to perhaps help getting a breath be less excruciating.

If you sat at my desk you’d try and calm a family member, over the phone only, since visitors aren’t allowed.

If you stood outside the glass fishbowl, like me, watching lifesaving procedures being performed in unprecedented ways, to keep staff contamination at bay, you’d feel your heart break while staff worked feverishly to sedate the anxious patient, just prior to passing down a endotracheal breathing tube. If you could read the patients frantic thoughts at that moment just prior to sweet sleep, you would be certain he wondered worriedly, “what if I never wake up?”

Because people aren’t waking up.

Y’all, I can’t understand all this. It’s not like anything we’ve ever known, and I’m sure you’re getting that Sci-Fi movie vibe too. As if we’re walking through a dream we can’t wake from, we all feel that surreal mood. It’s hard for everyone, and we all feel the sting, but we have to remember to feel more than just how this is affecting us personally. We gotta try to imagine how it’s impacting the world at large, how we’re all hurting in one way or another. Because, you see, it’s our ability to empathize with another than binds us, and if we can stand together (even as we’re physically apart), we will stand stronger when the dust settles. Eventually it will.