Brie Gowen

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New Year, New You?

January 2, 2014 by brieann.rn@gmail.com

My child has really cracked me up lately. She forever keeps me on my toes with the unexpected that spews from her mouth, sometimes comical, other times horrifying.

She recently has wanted to pretend she’s a baby. This isn’t really surprising. The girls are in a constant state of fighting for my affections, to which the baby is usually ahead in the race for attention. Naturally the three year old would desire a game where she could be the center of my efforts. So, not surprising.

What got me was her wanting to be born. She wanted to pretend she was in my belly, I went into labor, and we drive to the hospital, the whole shebang. She drew much entertainment from me pretend pushing and her falling out of my lap. Presto! Baby arrives. (If only it was that easy!)

This time of year, New Year’s, is a common time for desiring to make a change in your life. A lot of people are interested in making New Year’s resolutions, or promises for goals they wish to accomplish, or changes they desire to enlist in the coming year.

I too have found myself unofficially desiring to make some changes, make some thinks new, so to speak. Normally a Scrooge for the traditional resolution, I found myself eager to imagine personal betterment in the coming year.

Whatever your desire, be it weight loss or simply healthier food choices, it’s a noble thing. Perhaps it’s the desire to be a better steward of the resources God has given you or a financial plan for the new year, like I pray for myself. Regardless of your plans, I believe with the right mindset it’s obtainable.

On the other hand, my three year old cannot exit from my womb a second time. As much as she may think she wants to be a baby again, it’s just not going to happen. She can’t start over and become a baby again. After multiple birthing experiences, and her inability to tire of the game, I finally explained, “There’s only one way to be reborn my dear, and this ain’t it!”

I was thinking back today on different times in my life, when I found myself in a far different mindset, with different priorities, and a much different moral compass for sure. Sometimes it’s astounding to look back on your life and see where you came from, how you’ve changed, where God has brought you from, and basically how He has changed you.

I briefly survey my past and see how He had made me new, essentially rebirthing my life, bringing me up and out, and placing me forward facing to reach new heights.

God is the God of making all things new. He is the God of changing hearts, renewing minds, and giving new life. He is the God who refines us to be all that we can be for The Kingdom.

So, if you have something in mind on this day, New Year’s Day, or any day for that matter, some way to better yourself, or something that could in essence ripple outwards to others in a positive way, then I salute you.

I salute you and encourage you. With God all things are possible. He is able to change hearts, mindsets, and offer strength.

Don’t be disheartened if it doesn’t go as planned. Just know that God is still working and holds you in the palm of His hand.

I’ve got a few resolutions up my sleeve, and for once I’m not rolling my eyes at the idea. Any day is a good day to make a better you. Why not today?

That is all ๐Ÿ™‚

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Original image nedarc.org

My Husband is Too Nice!?

December 31, 2013 by brieann.rn@gmail.com

We were just trying to leave the store! It’s hard enough leaving anywhere with three children in tow, but make the place you’re leaving a toy store, and it’s near impossible.

After unsuccessfully trying to subdue a squirming one year old amongst all the colors and sounds, I had finally admitted defeat and set her down to toddle towards a display of stuffed monsters. As my husband tried to get my attention from his perch at the check-our counter across the store, using spousal sign language to alert me to the need for my cash cache, the baby toppled a display of stuffed friends all over the floor and herself.

She was extremely pleased that it was working out as she planned. I tried to snap out of my trance, no doubt exhausted from the full day thus far of dragging little Duracell bunnies through the mall. Their ability to talk non-stop about absolutely nothing was only rivaled by their insistence to desire an overpriced drink from a mid-mall kiosk, then only take two sips before asking me to hold it.

As I scooped up the tiny, toy terrorist from the graveyard of defeated play monsters, and stationed her on my hip, I headed towards the cashier with my purse and waiting groom.

He was laughing jovially, having struck up a conversation with the formerly sour, older woman who now beamed like a high-powered spotlight. She giggled at his joke, and smiled politely at me as I joined them.

He was always doing this! I was a struggling introvert, and his insistence to speak personally with every single person on the planet was always a little awkward for me. I had really been trying hard over the last few years to step out of my comfort zone and be friendlier, but it was still an ongoing mission.

As we walked out the door he grinned at the cashier, and anyone else in his view, and bellowed, “Y’all have a Happy New Year!”

And that’s my husband. That’s the man I lay down with every night, and wake up to every morning. A hairy Mr. Rogers. Mr. Nice Guy. Everyone’s best friend. Even when we were young I can recall how people gravitated towards him, his kindness, his unwavering acceptance of any kind of person who came his way.

There was a part of me that was always a tad bit jealous, wondering how it came so easy for him to make friends, and why I felt so uncomfortable when I tried. Over time I came to understand that this was his gift. He had the uncanny ability to love others and show a Kingdom mentality by doing it.

Later as we were headed home in the van, all three girls slept and we took the well-needed, and sure to be short-lived quiet time as our own special present. We unwrapped the silence and conversed like husband and wife are intended: without interruption.

He took the time to tell me about a funny google search he had found. It was the Urban Dictionary’s definition of “preach.”

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As we laughed together he pointed out the fact that he really liked it actually. He was in favor of it stating “to give encouragement,” realizing that often times the word “preach” takes on a different meaning to people, such as in this dictionary’s definition.

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People will hone in on the words “urging acceptance and compliance” and “in a tedious manner.”

No one is fond of preaching when it comes as a hammer of obedience instead of a hand of love.

I recently heard a preacher say he hated it when people found out his occupation because at that point they put on a mask and attempted to change or confine their behavior while in his presence. They feared his judgement instead of simply enjoying his presence.

When we are called to be “fishers of men” and “go out and preach the gospel” perhaps we should focus a little more on the “giving encouragement” and a little less on the “urging compliance.”

God will convict hearts and lead them to repentance. Then some instruction will be welcomed, but until that time maybe a hug is needed more. Maybe a smile, and a friendly word draws someone into the fold more readily than a fiery word of correction.

Don’t get me wrong now. Preaching is good. Biblical instruction is awesome. Morality is paramount.

But without love, what are these things anyway? Without love and kindness and goodwill, won’t it fall on deaf ears?

Maybe our ministry calling isn’t just a career in the church, a Bible study, or outreach mission trip. Those are great, but maybe our ministry calling is in the everyday.

Maybe it’s in how you wave cheerfully to the mailman even as he holds you up while you’re late for work.

Maybe it’s in the walk back into the store to give back the extra change you were mistakenly given.

Maybe it’s in a hug to a crying friend who is going through a divorce. A shoulder to cry on, and an ear to listen, without condemnation or advice of any kind.

Maybe your ministry is in how you react and interact with people on a daily basis, giving love, encouragement, and your time with a smile.

Maybe that’s where it starts.

That is all ๐Ÿ™‚

Being Happy When You’re Not Ready

December 28, 2013 by brieann.rn@gmail.com

Hot, wet tears coursed down her red, wind-chapped cheeks. I wiped one away softly with my thumb not wishing to allow another to fall upon the floor like a tiny spilt dream.

I feel your pain little one, I thought as I scooped her thin frame, insulated by her thick winter coat, into my comforting arms.

Such a small thing it seemed to me, but for a little girl in the midst of disappointment the little things seem to be the most confusing and unfair.

Her father had said, “No.” She looked out the window as tears still lay wet on her face and looked longingly at the pink princess bicycle. She imagined herself pedaling like the wind, keeping up with big sister as they made marathon circles around the neighborhood. She would drive her princess bicycle to the prince’s castle for tea and definitely some dancing!

But Daddy said no…

It seems that she wouldn’t be allowed to go on an adventure after all. The nuisance of being unable to ride her new bicycle safely without falling had not occurred to her at all.

But it had occurred to Daddy!

He was always trying to protect her, telling her “no” when she just wanted to go!

I held her against me as we walked away from the sight outside, big sister pedaling away on a seemingly exciting adventure without her. She didn’t understand that she still needed some practice on keeping her balance, even with training wheels she needed someone to come along and guide her on her way. She needed someone to say, “Look out! Car coming!” She would definitely need someone to push her up the hill, and someone to make sure she didn’t go too fast on her way back down.

As I rocked her in my arms and turned on our favorite cartoon I contemplated my mood.

Despite my wishes for otherwise I had found myself disappointed. I had found myself unhappy with my current circumstances. I almost felt guilty in my melancholy, and had been quick to pray,

I’m happy Lord… But…

Why was there the “but?!” I didn’t want it there in my prayer thoughts, but it was there anyway. Needling at me, quick to make me want what wasn’t there for now. Quick to make me feel sadness over things out of my control.

I still wanted to cry, wanting more, wanting every circumstance to be as satisfying as others were to me. I felt disappointment and frustration for the areas in life that just weren’t meeting the expectations I had for them.

I just wanted to jump on my pink princess bicycle and pedal away. I wanted dreams granted and wishes to come true.

But sometimes they don’t, not when you want them to, not when you pray they will.

Maybe some wishes don’t come true. Maybe they do. In time.

Sometimes your Father doesn’t give you what you’re not ready for.

Perhaps Father knows best if you will speed away in glorious form or He knows when you will crash and fall.

Father knows when your ready. And He knows when you are not.

The best love cradles you and protects you from harm even when you are unaware. It’s appearingly harsh, sometimes seemingly unfair, but always laced in love.

We sat in the oversized, comfy chair cradling each other. Her tears dried, and mine never fell.

We held each other and we were happy, knowing there’s always more to life than just being content, knowing you make a conscious decision to be happy, despite the circumstances, and maybe just in spite of them.

That is all ๐Ÿ™‚

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Survival Guide for the Post-Christmas Blues.

December 27, 2013 by brieann.rn@gmail.com

The stockings are no longer hung by the chimney with care. If your house is anything like mine they’re probably strewn all across the place with remnants of half-eaten chocolate Santa Clauses melting in the felt. Although I’ll be honest when I tell you I collected all the candy from ours and placed it into ziplock bags before hanging the stockings back on their hooks, but I’m a bit of a clean freak.

What I mean is the carolers have come and gone, Santa is taking a well-deserved vacation, and even though it’s probably still stuck in your head, the radio is no longer playing White Christmas (this may make a lot of you very happy).

Christmas has ended. December 25th has passed us by, and it’s passing may have left some of us feeling like we’re grieving, or at least mildly disappointed. You may find yourself feeling like a deflated party balloon or a ship without sails. Now that the Holiday has passed you may feel unmotivated, sapped of your energies, and perhaps depressed. So here’s five things you might want to keep in mind to help ease the transition into the New Year.

  1. First off you need to know that it’s okay to feel bummed. If you’re feeling some kind of guilt feelings over your melancholy, as you sit in an empty living room with glimpses of wrapping paper remnants still in the corner causing you to want to tear up, then relax. It’s fine to want to bawl as you wave goodbye to extended family as they drive away.

Christmas has a lot of build-up. A large amount of planning, lists, shopping, but most importantly love goes into your Holiday plans. Therefore it’s only natural to feel a little remorse when all that anticipation ends. So if you find yourself today sitting quietly in a balloon of low feelings, disappointment, and post Christmas blues, it’s quite alright. Fix yourself a cup of joe or other drink of choice, kick your feet up, and do something you enjoy like watching a funny movie or reading a book. Don’t feel bad about feeling bad. It’s allowed right now.

  1. Don’t expect transformation overnight. If you’re anything like me then now that the festivities have ended you are ready to get things back in order. As much as I love the tree and all my precious Christmas decorations, when Santa heads back to the North Pole, I am frustrated that he doesn’t take all the tinsel with him.

If you are already itching to pack away that pesky elf and change back out your table decor, then go ahead if you must. But remember it doesn’t have to be done today, or even tomorrow. There’s no rule that states you must have your house back in order by New Year’s Day.

The important thing is to enjoy the time. Some of us still have a few days off with family. Enjoy yourself. Don’t fall in the trap of sabotaging precious holiday vacation time with your family by cleaning up the aftermath. It will still be there next week. Heck, even the week after that. But at that time kids will be back in school and work will be back in full swing. Don’t end up regretting time you could have spent just sitting around in your new Christmas pajamas, eating left over candy, and watching a family movie, because you chose to take the lights down instead.

  1. Try to keep in mind that the children are going through withdrawals.

Most kids are like tiny angels the month of December. Motivated by Elf on the Shelf, choruses of Santa Clause is Coming to Town, and strong suggestions from us that they will find coal in their stocking if they don’t watch out, most kiddos are on their best behavior while they eagerly await their Christmas wish lists coming true.

Come Christmas morning, all bets are off! Kids run around shooting each other with Nerf guns, shouting at the top of their lungs, eating candy for breakfast, and reveling in their haul.

Then it’s done. They fall off the sugar high cliff into a pile of discarded toys. Their cousins go home, the candy gets put away (or thrown away), and they are left a little disappointed too.

They are unsure where to place their energies that were earlier invested in the anticipation of Christmas time fun. So they get a little rowdy.

That’s putting it mildly! I was reminded of this earlier when my daughter asked me what I was doing and my reply came out quickly, “Trying not to murder you dear.”

I wish I had my husband’s super powers of being able to ignore their shrieking voices (the force is strong with him), but I am no where near as skilled, and after a few minutes of “momma, momma, momma, momma,” I am usually forced to answer “what” if for no reason but to stop my name from being repeated.

It served me well to remind myself that this is hard for them too. We’re not the only ones with the blues. And while theirs is manifested in continuous bickering over a new toy, it’s still a post-holiday condition. Whether it’s withdrawal from sugar, the extra attention of company, the excitement of Christmas Eve night, or all of the above; they are in a bit of mourning too, and they deserve a pass this week.

  1. In case you haven’t picked up on this yet: take it easy on yourself!

Maybe all the grief you felt over the loss of a loved one and this subsequent first Christmas without them was put on the back burner in favor of family celebrations. Now you’re feeling the letdown.

It’s okay. Cry. Let out all your pent up frustration, anger, and grief. And cry.

Maybe you overdid it this year. Maybe you spent too much. Now you’re left wondering why you maxed out the credit cards.

Maybe you ate one too many three or four helpings of Aunt Margaret’s famously rich and calorie coma-inducing dessert. Maybe you did this the entire month. Now your left in the aftermath of shocking scale numbers and tight jeans.

Whatever the decision, indulgence, or regret felt after the spirit of the season swayed you, get over it. Stop sweating it and move on. That’s what New Year’s resolutions are for. But until January 1st why don’t you cut yourself some slack and enjoy what’s left of December.

  1. Most important of all. Don’t pack away the spirit of Christmas.

With all the decorations, the tree, and left over wrapping paper that you’ll be packing away please don’t make the mistake of putting the magical feeling you experienced this season in a box.

Do you remember the excitement you felt when you finally found that perfect gift for your loved one?

Do you remember the deep joy you felt as you watched your children open their gifts, how when their eyes lit up it somehow illuminated your soul?

Do you remember the humbling feeling and bone-deep awe you experienced when you thought of why we celebrate Christmas, when you were struck with wonder over how the King of Kings gave His life just for you?

The love, the giving, the joy, and gratitude for salvation; these things don’t have to be saved for one month out of the year. You can experience the spirit of Christmas and its joy all year long.

Think of that feeling you had in your heart on Christmas and hold on to it. Don’t pack it away until next year. It’s the one decoration you can wear in splendor all year long.

That is all ๐Ÿ™‚

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She’s All That!

December 24, 2013 by brieann.rn@gmail.com

I looked up from my greasy lunch plate and there should stood. I stared at her enviously while she gave her order at the counter. I took it all in not missing a single ounce of the perfectness she exuded, from her long, frizz-free hair to the way she still managed to have a space in between her inner thighs. I just knew the in-seam of her pants didn’t dare rub together when she walked! Her fashionable attire didn’t go unnoticed by my highly sensitive eyes, and I was amazed how her handbag and shoes matched so well that I was certain they had to have been purchased as a set.

As I sat stunned with a fry suspended half-way to my gaping mouth, I couldn’t tear my greener-than-usual eyes from her pert derriรจre. I gawked at her from behind, actually at her behind, with her none the wiser, while simultaneously comparing her physique to my own sagging bottom, and effectively causing me to self-ridicule unintentionally.

I had seen her around, knew of her, but couldn’t even place her name. I knew she was still considered a newlywed. I thought, Well, she hasn’t had kids yet! That will all change one day! I spoke this catty affirmation to myself as a balm to soothe my injured self-esteem, like somehow cutting another could build me up.

Just when I thought I might convince myself that I truly believed she looked like she had gained weight since I saw her last, it hit me that I was being ridiculous. What is wrong with me?! I thought as I looked over at my young daughter.

At that moment I imagined how terrible it would have been if my daughter had been watching me. I imagined how I must have looked, eyes narrowed, an expression of judgement across my face. I pictured how ugly I must have appeared as I compared my own beautiful body, a body that had bore children, that still held them, nurtured them, heck, even fed one of them, to another woman. It wasn’t fair to her, and it wasn’t fair to me. If my young daughter, just beginning to develop her own confidence in herself, had managed to witness my behavior, well, it would have been most unfair to her.

So why do we do this? What is it in a woman’s DNA that makes her think she’s not pretty enough, thin enough, or toned enough? Or maybe she questions why she’s not smarter, a better cook, a better wife, or a better mother? She wonders why she hasn’t gotten promoted at work or why she doesn’t have more friends.

Silly questions come like, Why hasn’t my husband complimented me today?

Or, I saw where the girls got together for bunco. I wonder why they didn’t invite me?

Maybe, I would offer to help with the Christmas party, but I’m not as good at planning as Jenna is. I don’t even think I’ll go!

We convince ourselves we aren’t good enough, or we’re not likable, or even attractive enough to our spouses. So, we end up sitting at home in our pajamas with a tub of Ben & Jerry’s.

Something occurred to me that we may be missing. We are our worst critic. This is so very true. I think if we turned around from the counter we were standing at we would be surprised to catch another woman staring at our backside.

I’m not trying to say you have a gluteus maximus that is the envy of every twenty year old, but I am saying you got something. We all do! We all have beauties, talents, and wonderful attributes that make us the envy of some of our peers.

The problem is that we’re so busy comparing ourselves to someone else that we can’t see it. We’re so busy putting our flaws under the microscope that we miss the apparent beauty.

We even miss that there’s a special kind of beauty even in our flaws. We miss the fact that the flaws are distinctive marks that brand us as the unique creation designed by our Heavenly Father. We forget that those flaws are often the result of precious experiences in our life that have made our hearts content and as full and rounded as our subsequent birthing hips.

We forget that our daughters, our granddaughters, or other young ladies are watching us. They’re learning how to see themselves and how to see other women by watching us. They’re learning how to base their self-worth by how it compares to someone else, and this shouldn’t be so.

My daughter deserves to know she’s beautiful. She needs to know she’s a special, lovely creation of God made just the way He intended her to be, and that the design is perfect in His sight. She needs to know confidence in herself, her abilities, and her special talents as they arise.

The best way she can learn this is by example. From me.

As the young woman at the counter turned her perfect little buns around and walked past my table I smiled and said hello. I almost felt like I should apologize for my earlier thoughts of envy, but I knew she had no idea of my regrettable feelings, so I kept them to myself. In all actuality she probably didn’t see herself half as beautiful as I saw her.

The thing is, we all have something just perfect and beautiful about ourselves in the eyes of another. It’s time we started trying to see it too.

That is all ๐Ÿ™‚

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These Are a Few of My Favorite Things

December 12, 2013 by brieann.rn@gmail.com

As I rounded the curve we came upon a patch of homes that I had always known for putting up a lot of Christmas lights. I had opted to take a longer route to catch a glimpse of extra lights. I told myself it was for my three year old, but deep down I knew it was just as much for me. This one stretch had been a hot spot for seasonal light viewing when I was a kid, and as I drove through I was disappointed to see only a scattered, sparse display of twinkling lights here and there. As I drove through my nostalgia, I felt a double-dose of Christmas time memories as the radio belted out a tune by Alvin and the Chipmunks.

It had been my favorite album as a kid and my mom was good enough of a sport to allow me to listen to it over and over. Can you imagine? Talk about fortitude.

As I got past the curve I sped up on the straightaway. As I accelerated the volume of the radio went up, the Chipmunks mantra growing louder and louder.

When this first occurred months ago I thought it was just my imagination. When I noticed it again, the suddenly increasing radio volume, I thought it was the radio station. After months of wondering if my ears were deceiving me, I mentioned the strange phenomenon to my husband. He replied easily, “Yeah. I know. I set it up to do that.” He had programmed the radio to respond to speed. The faster you drove the louder the radio became in an effort to compete with increasing road noise.

As I drove this evening, leaving the disappointing lack of lights behind, Alvin got louder and louder stating, “Hurry Christmas don’t be late.”

I thought, No Alvin! You have no idea what you’re talking about! Don’t hurry! Slow down!

As I listened to the radio grow in volume the faster I drove, I thought, Yes! That’s what I need!

December, a month with 31 days just like its counterparts, some having even fewer, 30 or 28 days; yet it seems so short. We eagerly anticipate the holiday season as it draws near, but when it arrives it steals time like a thief in the night. We’re often caught unaware and awake from our trance sitting in a sea of discarded wrapping paper, and wonder aloud, “where did the time go?!” The building anticipation of Christmas joy is monumental, but after it passes we are left like a deflated balloon, wondering if Saint Nick and his reindeer used your face as a launch pad, so haggard do you feel after it’s all said and done.

What if we could reconfigure our brains like a car radio, somehow programming them to adjust as need be? What if we were able to turn life up as time got faster, hearing the important things amidst all the increasing distraction and background noise?

Tonight as we drove looking at lights I slowed in front of an especially decorated home. I slowed to a crawl amidst a jungle of Christmas inflatables, twinkling lights, and plastic displays. We passed Santa on a rocking horse, and Frosty tipping his hat. We marveled at a peppermint tobogganed penguin fishing in their lawn, and even a carousel of holiday friends riding on a circle of air. As we slowly drove by my daughter exclaimed excitedly, “Look! There’s baby Jesus!”

And there He was indeed, amongst the maze of merry figures, humble, yet majestic in His wonder and might.

Can we find Him amongst all the music and lights? Do we still seek Him?

Are we so busy shopping the sales that we’re missing out on the joy of finding that perfect item for Aunt Fran? Do we forget that it’s not the gift, but the heart that gives it?

Are we so worried about if that recipe is going to turn out like Pinterest promised that we’re missing out on the great table conversation with friends at the Christmas party next door?

Are we running too much? Trying to fit in too many activities? Trying to make everything just right, worthy of a picture and status update for social media? Are we so busy trying out the latest trend that society says the kids will love this Christmas that we’re missing out on the simple things, the sweet things, the imperfectly perfect little things that really mean the most to us?

20131211-234306.jpgMaybe it’s time to cut out the noise, the distraction, the endless Christmas activities and fun things to fill every single second of every single day; to silence the things that end up making everyone tired, tired of all the stuff, all the buzz that distracts from the simple joy of loving Christmas.

Perhaps it’s time to turn up the things that really matter. Focus on traditions, not because it’s a tradition you are obligated to continue. Don’t do it because your mom did it with you. Do it because you want to do it with her, to make the memories, to see the joy in her eyes that mirror Christmas’ past you had left behind.

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Find the joy in Christmas again. Find the joy of Christ and the celebration of His birth, and all the beautiful things that means to you.

20131211-234346.jpgWhen you can focus on these things, spending your time on them, the passage of the month doesn’t seem as hectic. It just seems like time spent enjoying the season, savoring Christmas time in all its splendor.

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A Guide to Grief.

December 11, 2013 by brieann.rn@gmail.com

It’s okay to do these things while you grieve:

I was originally going to post a few points about grief and a few of the feelings you might experience in a general format of loss, but I realize I haven’t experienced the loss or grief that others have, and I didn’t want to claim that I had. I can sympathize with any death of someone you’ve held dear, but can only empathize with the death of a grandparent or parent. The passing of my mother was one of the hardest, most tragic things I have experienced to date, and as I’ve made my way, blindly and staggering, through the grieving process, I’ve discovered a few things. I decided to share them with you. Even though my thoughts will be based on the loss of my mom, perhaps some or even all of these may apply to you in your grief. Whether you are at the beginning stages of the death of a loved one, have been in the journey for years, or know an impending passing is near, I would pray this finds you.

When faced with grief you experience a multitude of feelings. A lot of those emotions and behaviors may be unwelcome and leave you feeling imbalanced or wrong in your actions and feelings. What follows are a few things that I can tell you it’s okay to feel or do. Naturally, this is noninclusive. I am listing but a few of the major feelings I experienced.

It’s okay to forget they’re gone. One of the hardest things for me after my mom passed was not to talk to her every single day. Even when I lived a thousand miles from her we still spoke pretty much daily by phone. If something happened good or bad, she was the one I would tell.
After she died I spent so many days trying to call her. I would need to tell her something so I would pick up the phone. Then I would remember. I got so frustrated with myself because I continued to do this. Even to this day, years later, if I experience major frustration, disappointment, or especially excitement, I will have a moment where I think, I gotta call Mom.
It’s okay if you do this. Love is a hard habit to break. It doesn’t mean something is wrong with you. It just means a piece of you is missing from this earth.

It’s okay to be really sad when you realize you’ve forgotten that they’re gone. The hardest part for me of picking up the phone to call my mom was when I realized I could not. There would be that brief second where I was really excited to share something with her, but then it was gone. Then it was followed by a stabbing realization that she would never answer the phone again. And it hurt. Bad.
It’s okay to feel that pain. It’s hard to not hear a voice, see a smile, or feel an embrace again. It’s beyond hard, and I’m telling you, it’s okay to be sad when you think about it.

So what I’m saying is, it’s okay to be sad! They don’t mean to do it, but there’s a lot of people who want to tell you things like:

“Chin up. She wouldn’t want you to feel sad.”

“You know she’s in a better place!”

“She doesn’t hurt any more.”

“She’s singing with the angels.”

“She would want you to move on.”

For the record, I think all these things are true. Heck, I’ve said most of this stuff to someone myself. They’re well-intentioned comments, but they don’t help when you’re not in a place to hear them. They don’t work like a magic spell, that when they’re spoken, poof, your grief disappears. Only time and grace have any effect on grief, not a well-placed phrase of condolence.
A lot of times, even though that’s definitely not the intention, the well wishes of others can make you feel worse. You think, I guess I shouldn’t be so sad. I’m really handling this all wrong! I’m here to tell you, there is no right way. It’s okay to be sad. Cut yourself some slack.

Also, it’s okay to be angry. I mean it’s okay to be really stinking mad. If you need to go outside and scream, then by all means, do it! Scream until you lose your voice if you have to. Cuss, cry, punch a wall. Sometimes emotions are so strong that you just have to let them out before they eat you up inside. It’s not fair that people die. This world, this creation of God, became full of sin. Death is an end in this world, but the beginning of eternity in Heaven for those who believe in Him. This is the hope we have, that death is conquered. Does that make living here suddenly without them automatically easy and pain free? No. It doesn’t. Time and grace again.
It’s okay to feel emotion over loss. Sadness. Anger. It’s okay. It doesn’t mean you’re any less of a Christian or love God any less. It means you love others with your whole heart, like He intended.

It’s okay if holidays are a difficult time for you, or bring mixed emotions. As Christmas approaches I’m reminded of how difficult the holidays can be when grieving. Thanksgiving, Christmas, these are times when loved ones gather to celebrate. These are times of traditions, memories, years upon years of moments of joy. When a person is removed from the festivities it often brings sadness. No, strike that. It always brings sadness. To someone. This is natural. Often times the holidays serve as lemon juice to a paper cut. Seeing holiday fun and being unable to share it with your favorite person? Hard. Really, really hard.
It’s okay to remember them and be sad they’re not able to join in the festivities. It doesn’t mean you’re a grinch if you need to back off from the celebrations or change traditions. You’re grieving, you’re healing. It’s devastatingly tough.

It’s okay if you need to be alone for a while. So many people think, “She shouldn’t be alone right now!” When you lose someone close to you it’s really overwhelming to your emotions. Like, that doesn’t even begin to describe what happens. The shock, the sadness, the disbelief, the anger. It’s heavy. Often times, most of the time, people will flock to you, surrounding you with support and love. And this is good too. But sometimes you just need to be alone with your thoughts. This is good also, going away to think. I can think of someone who did this… Jesus. Remember, when things are quiet, we can hear God best.
If you know someone grieving, and they are stable in their thought patterns, it may be best to back off. Give them some space and time alone with God. It’s okay to want to be alone for a while.

It’s okay to heal. This was, and still is a hard one for me. Remember time and grace that I spoke of? God gives both, and with it brings healing. The degree of your loss has bearing on how long and to what extent this occurs, but my point is that it’s okay. Sometimes you can have survivor’s guilt. You think you can’t/shouldn’t ever be happy.

How can I be happy with him gone?

How can I move on without him here?!

My grief must keep his memory alive.

One day you wake up and you look out the window and see a mother robin feeding her babies. You smile. Your first smile in a long time. But then you cover your face with your hand. You feel guilty, like you have no right to feel happiness in the face of such loss. But you do. It’s okay to not feel any of the things I listed above. It’s okay to be happy. It’s okay to heal.
You may not heal completely. You may find yourself in the middle, in between devastation and complete joy, and that’s okay too. There is no specific pattern, no right or wrong, there is just you, your grief, those God has placed around you in this time, and the comfort of His Spirit. Whatever you are feeling, it’s okay.

Repeat it to yourself if you must.
It’s okay.

That is all ๐Ÿ™‚

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Original image from rangefinderforum.com

10 Ways You Are More Like A Kid That You Care To Admit

December 7, 2013 by brieann.rn@gmail.com

I have decided as I look at my adorable, yet incredibly frustrating children that they are like a tiny mirror into the soul. I love them more than my own life, but they are selfish little things while they’re young, and as I watch their primitive behavior that serves only to meet their every need, I am reminded how we all started this way. We all still have this self-serving attitude within us, and perhaps let it rise to the surface a little more than we’d care to admit to anyone, especially ourselves. So take a look at ten ways you’re like a little kid. I’ll bet you see yourself in at least one of these.

  1. You refuse to let others care for you. You refuse someone else’s help even when you really need it, and especially when they know what is best for you.

Parent: You have poop on you. I’m going to clean it off now.

Little kid/baby: I don’t know what you’re talking about! Ohhh… What’s that on my butt? Here, let me put my hand down there and see. Yuck! Poop. Now I must fling it around to make it look like I’m not bothered by all this doodoo on my hand!

We may not want to admit it, but sometimes we get in deep doodoo. We are full of it. We could really use the help of someone else, but we insist on trying to clean things up all by ourselves. Inevitably we make an even bigger mess.

Keep in mind, everyone needs help sometimes. Especially when it’s a big ole mess. Don’t be too proud to let someone else take over and clean things up when you’re unable.

  1. This leads us right into number two because it really deserves it’s own bullet. You just continue to make a mess of things. So you know what you’re doing is wrong. You’ve been told “No,” but you keep doing it anyway.

Parent: I said no! No you cannot get into my makeup! It is not for you!

Little kid: Ok. So I see your mouth moving, but all I’m hearing is blah, blah, blah. I’m going to pull out this mascara and stick it in my mouth because eating makeup is awesome. Please go away and just let me poison myself with your cosmetics.

You got something in your life that just tempts you like mommy’s makeup to a baby. It’s off limits, but it’s fun. You know you’re not supposed to, but you figure it can’t really hurt anything. So even though you’ve been told no, you just persist on getting into the same kind of trouble over and over. News flash. Your momma is the only one who isn’t going to kill you for getting into trouble over and over, and she’s pretty close to it. Continuing to get into stuff you know is wrong, well, it’s going to poison you. Eventually you’ll pay the consequences if you don’t quit.

  1. You cry when you don’t get your way. We live in a world of immediate gratification, and unlimited resources to give ourselves pleasure. When we don’t get things when we want them, how we want them, we flip out.

Little kid: I wanna go to the water park!!

Parent: It’s below freezing and they’re calling for an ice storm tonight. That’s not possible.

Kids breaks into hysterics over broken dreams to splash about in chlorinated waters and feast on overpriced park food.

You don’t always get what you want. I repeat, you don’t always get what you want. Deal with it, and move on. God must have something better in mind for you. Feel free to cry a little. If you need a shoulder to lean on, please refer to #1, and remember it’s okay to ask for help. Now that you’ve gotten that out of your system, pull yourself together, and stop subjecting the rest of us to your tantrum. Stop crying when you don’t get your way.

  1. Fear. Ahhh. This is a big one gang. We all get scared. We hate to admit it, but we do.

Little kid: What’s that noise? Can you turn the light on? I can’t, I’m scared!

Parent: There is nothing to be afraid of my child. I am here.

I love that this is always and forever true! There is no fear in Christ Jesus.

Isaiah 41:10
Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.

This is the hardest thing to accept, but we have no need to fear, no reason to be afraid.

  1. You vie for attention. We all want to feel special. We want to be the most loved of all. We will do whatever we can to make this happen.

Little kid: I see Mommy is on the phone. I am dying a little inside with her blatant ignorance of my needs. I shall break that vase over there in defiance, or perhaps spill an entire box of cereal in the floor in front of her so she knows I need a hug.

Parent: Screams. You are making me lose my mind. Go to your room. I’m on the phone!

I’m not sure what it is inside us that desires the attention and affections of another, but we were made for relationships, so I believe it was God given. I just think we’ve distorted it along the way. Instead of being equal partners in a relationship of love, we often wish to outshine the other, and feel like they are obligated to give us 100% while we give a minimal 20% or so. This will never pan out as we imagined. We can’t always be center stage. Sometimes sharing the limelight makes for the best production.

  1. You hit others when you’re mad. Since we all want to get our way and be the center of attention, naturally when this doesn’t happen we lash out. Maybe we’re afraid of losing something or someone. Whatever the motivation, when confronted with resistance to our desired outcome we often respond incorrectly.

Little kid: The baby always gets held. This vexes me so. Next time they put her down, I’m going to bop her on the head with this book. Perhaps then she will learn to share mommy’s affections with me.

Parent: Screams. Why did you hit your sister?! Go to your room!

Are you seeing the pattern of not getting what you intended? People are going to hurt you. It’s inevitable. They may not even mean to, but they will have things you don’t have, complete goals you find impossible, find love when you can’t seem to find it, accomplish dreams you can only imagine. You can’t change these things, but you can change how you respond. You can’t lash out in anger. It makes you feel better, but only momentarily. You have to worry about you. Not anyone else. Striking out against others never solves anything.

  1. Which brings us to number seven. You want what someone else has. No one ever seems satisfied with what they have. They want more, and they especially want what they see someone else holding.

Little kid: While I wasn’t playing with that doll, and perhaps I might even have forgotten about it, now that I see my sister playing with it, I want it. I want it bad. I shall bop her on the head with this toy I am holding until she relinquishes the doll.

I’m sure I don’t even need to tell you how the parent responds this time. You already know. We can’t live our life desiring the possessions of another. It doesn’t make you happy. It only fools you into thinking you don’t have anything. You completely forget about the fabulous doll you’re already playing with. In the end it usually just gets you in trouble, and you end up not having anything to play with.

  1. This brings us to number eight. You want the coveted toy, you want the attention, you want it all because you think You’re the most important thing in the world.

Little kid: So I know Mom is rocking the baby to sleep, but I really need these fruit snacks opened ASAP. Like if I don’t taste a delicious snack on my tongue right this second I might just wither away and die.

Parent: Silently tries to mouth a scream of “go away.” Fails miserably. Baby wakes up. Repeat of above reaction.

No one likes to admit this one, but we all hold a little bit, maybe a lot, of selfishness inside us. We think our problem is most important. Our need trumps everyone else’s. We need to be in the front of the line because we need attended to ASAP. This is so wrong. God teaches us to serve others before ourselves. We are to be the least. Then He can lift us up.

  1. So then we get to this one. We think little things are big things. You know what I’m talking about. It’s when you get a parking ticket or a flat tire and freak out like your favorite puppy just died.

Little kid: My cartoon has ended. I wanted to watch it longer, but now it is over. I’m not sure I can go on in such a cruel world where Bubble Guppies does not play 24 hours a day. I will cry hysterically now until the show magically resumes playing.

Parent: Runs into room. “What happened? Why are you crying?” Looks for blood. “Are you okay?!”

Relax. Take a deep breath. Now ask yourself, “Is this really worth having a nervous breakdown about? Will this impact your life significantly or that of your family?” If the answer is no, then you need to refer back to number three and stop crying.

  1. I think we all need to admit this one. You just want someone to hold you. Everybody reaches the end of their rope and needs to crawl into someone’s lap, have their hair stroked, and be told, “It’s going to be okay.”

Little kid: I am so tired. I have been fighting the urge to nap for hours. My favorite show just went off. My little sister has my favorite doll. Mom’s been on the phone all day. I need to be held! Like now!

Parent: “Come here sweetie. Mommy loves you so much.” She holds her, although selfish, completely precious little angel, that she loves more than anything, in her lap and gives her complete comfort.

Everyone, I repeat everyone reaches a point where they can’t go any further. They can fight no longer. They just need to rest and be comforted.

Matthew 11:28
Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.

That is all ๐Ÿ™‚

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3 Facts for the Day (Open the Door Already!)

November 28, 2013 by brieann.rn@gmail.com

  1. As my three year old grows up she is becoming more and more independent in everyday life. One such area is using the bathroom, but especially #2. I know, too much information, perhaps unspeakable, right? Well, that’s certainly how she feels about it too. It’s actually the only time she is insistent on being alone. She requires the door to be closed, and total privacy to reign. It’s almost unfair really, since she doesn’t think this is an instance in which I personally should be alone, but I suppose like most children she just assumes I want her company at all times. Today she made an odd request. She asked me to come with her. She still wanted to close the door, and be alone for “her business,” but she wanted me to sit directly outside the bathroom door and wait on her. She reasoned, “That way when I’m finished I can tell you and you can come wipe me.” Lucky me, right? I obliged, and at one point she called through the closed door, “Are you still there?”
  2. As odd as it may sound I think this bathroom boundary issue parallels our selfish relationships with Christ. Hang with me gang…
    I can recall when I realized my first marriage was ending, the feeling in my throat like it was burning with fire, the pain in my chest as I realized a broken heart really feels as if your physical heart is shattering into a million pieces. What do you think I did in this moment of absolute turmoil and pain? I’ll tell you, I cried out to God. It was a natural response for a child of God, and is only surprising if you looked at my life at the time. I had sufficiently placed a door between my Savior and myself. I took my Lord and I placed Him in a box on the shelf. I took Him out on Sundays when we drug ourselves to eleven o’clock mass. I did not take Him out the night before lest He disapprove of the strip club we attended. I got Him out during difficult obstacles or tragedies in life like 911 and my grandma’s death. I asked for His help when I needed something. Lord give me recall and calm my nerves for this Nursing final. When things were good and I didn’t need His strength, well I put Him back in the box, and I went to the bar. It was easier that way, easier to push Him out of my life when I knew He might not approve.
  3. I think we do this more than we want to admit. We don’t want God to see the undesirable, the ugly in us, so we put Him outside the door. We still want Him close though, in case we need something, need His help for something we know we’re incapable of providing for ourselves, but until that time we keep Him at a distance. It seems rather silly when I give the example of a preschooler, doesn’t it? But that is how ridiculous we can be, like children, self-absorbed, and clueless to the absurdity of our actions. When we push God out, and put up a wall, trying in vain to keep Him from seeing our worst, it’s pointless. Just because we shut the door doesn’t mean He’s unaware of what we’re doing in there. He sees our absolute, most foul, but loves us anyway. Why would you ever wish to separate yourself from such an unconditional love as that? I finally came to realize that if I took God out of the box and invited Him into my entire life, there was less ugly in me after all. His light, His goodness, His love, it has a way of pushing the ugly away, of illuminating the dark, and transforming the nastiness into something beautiful. There is peace when He is present. Rather than calling out to Him, and trying to tear down the walls I’ve constructed, I would rather just reach out my hand and fall into His embrace.
    That is all ๐Ÿ™‚

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3 Facts for the Day (It’s Okay to Tell Your Kid to be Weak)

November 23, 2013 by brieann.rn@gmail.com

  1. I held her close, stroking her little head, and she leaned closer into my chest as her tears tapered off. It was all she needed, to be held for a moment, and she was ready to get back down and play some more. Minutes earlier she had taken a small tumble trying to play as if she wasn’t a baby, but a big girl like her sister. As the weather gets colder it signifies more indoor activities, imaginative play to attempt and keep a case of cabin fever at bay. My three year old loves to build forts out of the sofa cushions. She always has. She also loves to jump around like she just funneled a pack of pixie sticks. Today she chose to throw all the couch and love seat cushions and pillows on the floor, then climb and jump on them. I then chose to allow it. I figured better that than finger painting the walls. (We had already used our paints that morning and I had seen her evil wheels turning). At one point, even as I sat watching them play, the 11 month old toppled over and bumped her head on the carpet. I think it scared her more than anything, but it also hurt I’m sure. As she started to cry her big sister said, “Shhh. Don’t cry. You’re okay.” My husband and I often try not to react to falls to prevent making it worse, but if it hurts, then it hurts. I explained this to my daughter, “Baby, if she hurt herself then it’s okay to cry.”
  2. We live in a tough world, a hard world, and we’ve all learned from a young age that we must be strong to keep standing in this cruel place. Little boys are taught:

“Don’t cry son!”
“Rub a little dirt on it!”
“You’ll be okay!”
“Don’t be a sissy!”

It’s always been that way I suppose. I’ve only see my own father cry twice, when his mother died, and when my own mother, his wife died. Little girls don’t get a reprieve either simply because they’re female. They too are taught to be strong. They are taught femininity, but with a dose of steel added to it, especially here in the South. They’re taught to hunt, to shoot a gun, to fight, and to stand up for themselves. They’re taught as they get older that no boy is worth crying over either! Now don’t get me wrong. I’m not saying this is all bad. I’m just saying maybe we are going a little far sometimes, not even meaning to do it. We grow up and it continues.
We females tell our co-workers, “Put on your big girl panties and get over it!
The internet is loaded with tons of positive quotes, quotes that tote the positive attributes of being strong, and not letting anything get to you. You’ll see this:

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Cause I mean, come on, the best thing to do is hold your true emotions inside and fake it, right? My daughter saw a stuffed animal on TV she wanted. It showed a kid putting all her toys inside the animal’s mouth. She stated, “I can clean my room with that Mom!” I explained to her, “That’s not cleaning your room. That’s stuffing things out of sight.” Is that what we do sometimes when we’re trying to be strong? We just stuff our problem out of sight?
What about this one:

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Do I even need to reply? We’ve all been guilty of trying to be strong the wrong way.
This one really got me:

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Flying solo huh?
3. You see it a lot. Media, society, a trusted friend even, telling you to be strong, to draw from your inner strength.

“You got this girl!”
“The strength is inside you to get past this!”
“Just do it.”

I don’t think we do. Not really. Any strength we have, real strength anyway, is derived from our Creator. I think the problem occurs when we forget that and we think WE have to be strong, that it’s up to us to get through something, forgetting where our strength is derived. Too often we spend so much time pressing on, staying strong, moving forward, that eventually the weight of whatever it is becomes too much. It becomes so heavy that we can’t keep going with a fake smile on our face and tears in our eyes. We break. It’s inevitable. And that’s okay. That’s what we must remember to teach our kids and repeat to ourselves, that it’s okay to be weak. It’s okay to cry. It’s okay if you can’t do it on your own, if you reach inside yourself and discover the magic answer isn’t really there. It’s okay because in our weakness, that’s where he finds us. In our brokenness, that’s where we ask for His help finally, and acknowledge that we can’t do it without Him, that we can’t do it on our own. It’s where we cry, real tears, because it hurts. It hurts, and He can help. He can hold us and be strong when we cannot.

2 Corinthians 12:9-10
But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.

When we fly solo, our wings don’t get stronger, they just get weary. We have to remember it’s okay to be strong if you know where the strength is coming from. It’s also okay to be weak, to admit your weakness, so He may give you the strength you need. No one is strong all the time. So I made one for you too:

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That is all ๐Ÿ™‚

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Meet Brie

Brie is a forty-something wife and mother. When she's not loving on her hubby or playing with her three daughters, she enjoys cooking, reading, and writing down her thoughts to share with others. She loves traveling the country with her family in their fifth wheel, and all the Netflix binges in between. Read Moreโ€ฆ

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