My child has really cracked me up lately. She forever keeps me on my toes with the unexpected that spews from her mouth, sometimes comical, other times horrifying.

She recently has wanted to pretend she’s a baby. This isn’t really surprising. The girls are in a constant state of fighting for my affections, to which the baby is usually ahead in the race for attention. Naturally the three year old would desire a game where she could be the center of my efforts. So, not surprising.

What got me was her wanting to be born. She wanted to pretend she was in my belly, I went into labor, and we drive to the hospital, the whole shebang. She drew much entertainment from me pretend pushing and her falling out of my lap. Presto! Baby arrives. (If only it was that easy!)

This time of year, New Year’s, is a common time for desiring to make a change in your life. A lot of people are interested in making New Year’s resolutions, or promises for goals they wish to accomplish, or changes they desire to enlist in the coming year.

I too have found myself unofficially desiring to make some changes, make some thinks new, so to speak. Normally a Scrooge for the traditional resolution, I found myself eager to imagine personal betterment in the coming year.

Whatever your desire, be it weight loss or simply healthier food choices, it’s a noble thing. Perhaps it’s the desire to be a better steward of the resources God has given you or a financial plan for the new year, like I pray for myself. Regardless of your plans, I believe with the right mindset it’s obtainable.

On the other hand, my three year old cannot exit from my womb a second time. As much as she may think she wants to be a baby again, it’s just not going to happen. She can’t start over and become a baby again. After multiple birthing experiences, and her inability to tire of the game, I finally explained, “There’s only one way to be reborn my dear, and this ain’t it!”

I was thinking back today on different times in my life, when I found myself in a far different mindset, with different priorities, and a much different moral compass for sure. Sometimes it’s astounding to look back on your life and see where you came from, how you’ve changed, where God has brought you from, and basically how He has changed you.

I briefly survey my past and see how He had made me new, essentially rebirthing my life, bringing me up and out, and placing me forward facing to reach new heights.

God is the God of making all things new. He is the God of changing hearts, renewing minds, and giving new life. He is the God who refines us to be all that we can be for The Kingdom.

So, if you have something in mind on this day, New Year’s Day, or any day for that matter, some way to better yourself, or something that could in essence ripple outwards to others in a positive way, then I salute you.

I salute you and encourage you. With God all things are possible. He is able to change hearts, mindsets, and offer strength.

Don’t be disheartened if it doesn’t go as planned. Just know that God is still working and holds you in the palm of His hand.

I’ve got a few resolutions up my sleeve, and for once I’m not rolling my eyes at the idea. Any day is a good day to make a better you. Why not today?

That is all 🙂

Original image nedarc.org

The stockings are no longer hung by the chimney with care. If your house is anything like mine they’re probably strewn all across the place with remnants of half-eaten chocolate Santa Clauses melting in the felt. Although I’ll be honest when I tell you I collected all the candy from ours and placed it into ziplock bags before hanging the stockings back on their hooks, but I’m a bit of a clean freak.

What I mean is the carolers have come and gone, Santa is taking a well-deserved vacation, and even though it’s probably still stuck in your head, the radio is no longer playing White Christmas (this may make a lot of you very happy).

Christmas has ended. December 25th has passed us by, and it’s passing may have left some of us feeling like we’re grieving, or at least mildly disappointed. You may find yourself feeling like a deflated party balloon or a ship without sails. Now that the Holiday has passed you may feel unmotivated, sapped of your energies, and perhaps depressed. So here’s five things you might want to keep in mind to help ease the transition into the New Year.

1. First off you need to know that it’s okay to feel bummed. If you’re feeling some kind of guilt feelings over your melancholy, as you sit in an empty living room with glimpses of wrapping paper remnants still in the corner causing you to want to tear up, then relax. It’s fine to want to bawl as you wave goodbye to extended family as they drive away.

Christmas has a lot of build-up. A large amount of planning, lists, shopping, but most importantly love goes into your Holiday plans. Therefore it’s only natural to feel a little remorse when all that anticipation ends. So if you find yourself today sitting quietly in a balloon of low feelings, disappointment, and post Christmas blues, it’s quite alright. Fix yourself a cup of joe or other drink of choice, kick your feet up, and do something you enjoy like watching a funny movie or reading a book. Don’t feel bad about feeling bad. It’s allowed right now.

1. Don’t expect transformation overnight. If you’re anything like me then now that the festivities have ended you are ready to get things back in order. As much as I love the tree and all my precious Christmas decorations, when Santa heads back to the North Pole, I am frustrated that he doesn’t take all the tinsel with him.

If you are already itching to pack away that pesky elf and change back out your table decor, then go ahead if you must. But remember it doesn’t have to be done today, or even tomorrow. There’s no rule that states you must have your house back in order by New Year’s Day.

The important thing is to enjoy the time. Some of us still have a few days off with family. Enjoy yourself. Don’t fall in the trap of sabotaging precious holiday vacation time with your family by cleaning up the aftermath. It will still be there next week. Heck, even the week after that. But at that time kids will be back in school and work will be back in full swing. Don’t end up regretting time you could have spent just sitting around in your new Christmas pajamas, eating left over candy, and watching a family movie, because you chose to take the lights down instead.

1. Try to keep in mind that the children are going through withdrawals.

Most kids are like tiny angels the month of December. Motivated by Elf on the Shelf, choruses of Santa Clause is Coming to Town, and strong suggestions from us that they will find coal in their stocking if they don’t watch out, most kiddos are on their best behavior while they eagerly await their Christmas wish lists coming true.

Come Christmas morning, all bets are off! Kids run around shooting each other with Nerf guns, shouting at the top of their lungs, eating candy for breakfast, and reveling in their haul.

Then it’s done. They fall off the sugar high cliff into a pile of discarded toys. Their cousins go home, the candy gets put away (or thrown away), and they are left a little disappointed too.

They are unsure where to place their energies that were earlier invested in the anticipation of Christmas time fun. So they get a little rowdy.

That’s putting it mildly! I was reminded of this earlier when my daughter asked me what I was doing and my reply came out quickly, “Trying not to murder you dear.”

I wish I had my husband’s super powers of being able to ignore their shrieking voices (the force is strong with him), but I am no where near as skilled, and after a few minutes of “momma, momma, momma, momma,” I am usually forced to answer “what” if for no reason but to stop my name from being repeated.

It served me well to remind myself that this is hard for them too. We’re not the only ones with the blues. And while theirs is manifested in continuous bickering over a new toy, it’s still a post-holiday condition. Whether it’s withdrawal from sugar, the extra attention of company, the excitement of Christmas Eve night, or all of the above; they are in a bit of mourning too, and they deserve a pass this week.

1. In case you haven’t picked up on this yet: take it easy on yourself!

Maybe all the grief you felt over the loss of a loved one and this subsequent first Christmas without them was put on the back burner in favor of family celebrations. Now you’re feeling the letdown.

It’s okay. Cry. Let out all your pent up frustration, anger, and grief. And cry.

Maybe you overdid it this year. Maybe you spent too much. Now you’re left wondering why you maxed out the credit cards.

Maybe you ate one too many three or four helpings of Aunt Margaret’s famously rich and calorie coma-inducing dessert. Maybe you did this the entire month. Now your left in the aftermath of shocking scale numbers and tight jeans.

Whatever the decision, indulgence, or regret felt after the spirit of the season swayed you, get over it. Stop sweating it and move on. That’s what New Year’s resolutions are for. But until January 1st why don’t you cut yourself some slack and enjoy what’s left of December.

1. Most important of all. Don’t pack away the spirit of Christmas.

With all the decorations, the tree, and left over wrapping paper that you’ll be packing away please don’t make the mistake of putting the magical feeling you experienced this season in a box.

Do you remember the excitement you felt when you finally found that perfect gift for your loved one?

Do you remember the deep joy you felt as you watched your children open their gifts, how when their eyes lit up it somehow illuminated your soul?

Do you remember the humbling feeling and bone-deep awe you experienced when you thought of why we celebrate Christmas, when you were struck with wonder over how the King of Kings gave His life just for you?

The love, the giving, the joy, and gratitude for salvation; these things don’t have to be saved for one month out of the year. You can experience the spirit of Christmas and its joy all year long.

Think of that feeling you had in your heart on Christmas and hold on to it. Don’t pack it away until next year. It’s the one decoration you can wear in splendor all year long.

That is all 🙂

I looked up from my greasy lunch plate and there should stood. I stared at her enviously while she gave her order at the counter. I took it all in not missing a single ounce of the perfectness she exuded, from her long, frizz-free hair to the way she still managed to have a space in between her inner thighs. I just knew the in-seam of her pants didn’t dare rub together when she walked! Her fashionable attire didn’t go unnoticed by my highly sensitive eyes, and I was amazed how her handbag and shoes matched so well that I was certain they had to have been purchased as a set.

As I sat stunned with a fry suspended half-way to my gaping mouth, I couldn’t tear my greener-than-usual eyes from her pert derrière. I gawked at her from behind, actually at her behind, with her none the wiser, while simultaneously comparing her physique to my own sagging bottom, and effectively causing me to self-ridicule unintentionally.

I had seen her around, knew of her, but couldn’t even place her name. I knew she was still considered a newlywed. I thought, Well, she hasn’t had kids yet! That will all change one day! I spoke this catty affirmation to myself as a balm to soothe my injured self-esteem, like somehow cutting another could build me up.

Just when I thought I might convince myself that I truly believed she looked like she had gained weight since I saw her last, it hit me that I was being ridiculous. What is wrong with me?! I thought as I looked over at my young daughter.

At that moment I imagined how terrible it would have been if my daughter had been watching me. I imagined how I must have looked, eyes narrowed, an expression of judgement across my face. I pictured how ugly I must have appeared as I compared my own beautiful body, a body that had bore children, that still held them, nurtured them, heck, even fed one of them, to another woman. It wasn’t fair to her, and it wasn’t fair to me. If my young daughter, just beginning to develop her own confidence in herself, had managed to witness my behavior, well, it would have been most unfair to her.

So why do we do this? What is it in a woman’s DNA that makes her think she’s not pretty enough, thin enough, or toned enough? Or maybe she questions why she’s not smarter, a better cook, a better wife, or a better mother? She wonders why she hasn’t gotten promoted at work or why she doesn’t have more friends.

Silly questions come like, Why hasn’t my husband complimented me today?

Or, I saw where the girls got together for bunco. I wonder why they didn’t invite me?

Maybe, I would offer to help with the Christmas party, but I’m not as good at planning as Jenna is. I don’t even think I’ll go!

We convince ourselves we aren’t good enough, or we’re not likable, or even attractive enough to our spouses. So, we end up sitting at home in our pajamas with a tub of Ben & Jerry’s.

Something occurred to me that we may be missing. We are our worst critic. This is so very true. I think if we turned around from the counter we were standing at we would be surprised to catch another woman staring at our backside.

I’m not trying to say you have a gluteus maximus that is the envy of every twenty year old, but I am saying you got something. We all do! We all have beauties, talents, and wonderful attributes that make us the envy of some of our peers.

The problem is that we’re so busy comparing ourselves to someone else that we can’t see it. We’re so busy putting our flaws under the microscope that we miss the apparent beauty.

We even miss that there’s a special kind of beauty even in our flaws. We miss the fact that the flaws are distinctive marks that brand us as the unique creation designed by our Heavenly Father. We forget that those flaws are often the result of precious experiences in our life that have made our hearts content and as full and rounded as our subsequent birthing hips.

We forget that our daughters, our granddaughters, or other young ladies are watching us. They’re learning how to see themselves and how to see other women by watching us. They’re learning how to base their self-worth by how it compares to someone else, and this shouldn’t be so.

My daughter deserves to know she’s beautiful. She needs to know she’s a special, lovely creation of God made just the way He intended her to be, and that the design is perfect in His sight. She needs to know confidence in herself, her abilities, and her special talents as they arise.

The best way she can learn this is by example. From me.

As the young woman at the counter turned her perfect little buns around and walked past my table I smiled and said hello. I almost felt like I should apologize for my earlier thoughts of envy, but I knew she had no idea of my regrettable feelings, so I kept them to myself. In all actuality she probably didn’t see herself half as beautiful as I saw her.

The thing is, we all have something just perfect and beautiful about ourselves in the eyes of another. It’s time we started trying to see it too.

That is all 🙂

As I rounded the curve we came upon a patch of homes that I had always known for putting up a lot of Christmas lights. I had opted to take a longer route to catch a glimpse of extra lights. I told myself it was for my three year old, but deep down I knew it was just as much for me. This one stretch had been a hot spot for seasonal light viewing when I was a kid, and as I drove through I was disappointed to see only a scattered, sparse display of twinkling lights here and there. As I drove through my nostalgia, I felt a double-dose of Christmas time memories as the radio belted out a tune by Alvin and the Chipmunks.

It had been my favorite album as a kid and my mom was good enough of a sport to allow me to listen to it over and over. Can you imagine? Talk about fortitude.

As I got past the curve I sped up on the straightaway. As I accelerated the volume of the radio went up, the Chipmunks mantra growing louder and louder.

When this first occurred months ago I thought it was just my imagination. When I noticed it again, the suddenly increasing radio volume, I thought it was the radio station. After months of wondering if my ears were deceiving me, I mentioned the strange phenomenon to my husband. He replied easily, “Yeah. I know. I set it up to do that.” He had programmed the radio to respond to speed. The faster you drove the louder the radio became in an effort to compete with increasing road noise.

As I drove this evening, leaving the disappointing lack of lights behind, Alvin got louder and louder stating, “Hurry Christmas don’t be late.”

I thought, No Alvin! You have no idea what you’re talking about! Don’t hurry! Slow down!

As I listened to the radio grow in volume the faster I drove, I thought, Yes! That’s what I need!

December, a month with 31 days just like its counterparts, some having even fewer, 30 or 28 days; yet it seems so short. We eagerly anticipate the holiday season as it draws near, but when it arrives it steals time like a thief in the night. We’re often caught unaware and awake from our trance sitting in a sea of discarded wrapping paper, and wonder aloud, “where did the time go?!” The building anticipation of Christmas joy is monumental, but after it passes we are left like a deflated balloon, wondering if Saint Nick and his reindeer used your face as a launch pad, so haggard do you feel after it’s all said and done.

What if we could reconfigure our brains like a car radio, somehow programming them to adjust as need be? What if we were able to turn life up as time got faster, hearing the important things amidst all the increasing distraction and background noise?

Tonight as we drove looking at lights I slowed in front of an especially decorated home. I slowed to a crawl amidst a jungle of Christmas inflatables, twinkling lights, and plastic displays. We passed Santa on a rocking horse, and Frosty tipping his hat. We marveled at a peppermint tobogganed penguin fishing in their lawn, and even a carousel of holiday friends riding on a circle of air. As we slowly drove by my daughter exclaimed excitedly, “Look! There’s baby Jesus!”

And there He was indeed, amongst the maze of merry figures, humble, yet majestic in His wonder and might.

Can we find Him amongst all the music and lights? Do we still seek Him?

Are we so busy shopping the sales that we’re missing out on the joy of finding that perfect item for Aunt Fran? Do we forget that it’s not the gift, but the heart that gives it?

Are we so worried about if that recipe is going to turn out like Pinterest promised that we’re missing out on the great table conversation with friends at the Christmas party next door?

Are we running too much? Trying to fit in too many activities? Trying to make everything just right, worthy of a picture and status update for social media? Are we so busy trying out the latest trend that society says the kids will love this Christmas that we’re missing out on the simple things, the sweet things, the imperfectly perfect little things that really mean the most to us?

Maybe it’s time to cut out the noise, the distraction, the endless Christmas activities and fun things to fill every single second of every single day; to silence the things that end up making everyone tired, tired of all the stuff, all the buzz that distracts from the simple joy of loving Christmas.

Perhaps it’s time to turn up the things that really matter. Focus on traditions, not because it’s a tradition you are obligated to continue. Don’t do it because your mom did it with you. Do it because you want to do it with her, to make the memories, to see the joy in her eyes that mirror Christmas’ past you had left behind.

Find the joy in Christmas again. Find the joy of Christ and the celebration of His birth, and all the beautiful things that means to you.

When you can focus on these things, spending your time on them, the passage of the month doesn’t seem as hectic. It just seems like time spent enjoying the season, savoring Christmas time in all its splendor.

I have decided as I look at my adorable, yet incredibly frustrating children that they are like a tiny mirror into the soul. I love them more than my own life, but they are selfish little things while they’re young, and as I watch their primitive behavior that serves only to meet their every need, I am reminded how we all started this way. We all still have this self-serving attitude within us, and perhaps let it rise to the surface a little more than we’d care to admit to anyone, especially ourselves. So take a look at ten ways you’re like a little kid. I’ll bet you see yourself in at least one of these.

1. You refuse to let others care for you. You refuse someone else’s help even when you really need it, and especially when they know what is best for you.

Parent: You have poop on you. I’m going to clean it off now.

Little kid/baby: I don’t know what you’re talking about! Ohhh… What’s that on my butt? Here, let me put my hand down there and see. Yuck! Poop. Now I must fling it around to make it look like I’m not bothered by all this doodoo on my hand!

We may not want to admit it, but sometimes we get in deep doodoo. We are full of it. We could really use the help of someone else, but we insist on trying to clean things up all by ourselves. Inevitably we make an even bigger mess.

Keep in mind, everyone needs help sometimes. Especially when it’s a big ole mess. Don’t be too proud to let someone else take over and clean things up when you’re unable.

1. This leads us right into number two because it really deserves it’s own bullet. You just continue to make a mess of things. So you know what you’re doing is wrong. You’ve been told “No,” but you keep doing it anyway.

Parent: I said no! No you cannot get into my makeup! It is not for you!

Little kid: Ok. So I see your mouth moving, but all I’m hearing is blah, blah, blah. I’m going to pull out this mascara and stick it in my mouth because eating makeup is awesome. Please go away and just let me poison myself with your cosmetics.

You got something in your life that just tempts you like mommy’s makeup to a baby. It’s off limits, but it’s fun. You know you’re not supposed to, but you figure it can’t really hurt anything. So even though you’ve been told no, you just persist on getting into the same kind of trouble over and over. News flash. Your momma is the only one who isn’t going to kill you for getting into trouble over and over, and she’s pretty close to it. Continuing to get into stuff you know is wrong, well, it’s going to poison you. Eventually you’ll pay the consequences if you don’t quit.

1. You cry when you don’t get your way. We live in a world of immediate gratification, and unlimited resources to give ourselves pleasure. When we don’t get things when we want them, how we want them, we flip out.

Little kid: I wanna go to the water park!!

Parent: It’s below freezing and they’re calling for an ice storm tonight. That’s not possible.

Kids breaks into hysterics over broken dreams to splash about in chlorinated waters and feast on overpriced park food.

You don’t always get what you want. I repeat, you don’t always get what you want. Deal with it, and move on. God must have something better in mind for you. Feel free to cry a little. If you need a shoulder to lean on, please refer to #1, and remember it’s okay to ask for help. Now that you’ve gotten that out of your system, pull yourself together, and stop subjecting the rest of us to your tantrum. Stop crying when you don’t get your way.

1. Fear. Ahhh. This is a big one gang. We all get scared. We hate to admit it, but we do.

Little kid: What’s that noise? Can you turn the light on? I can’t, I’m scared!

Parent: There is nothing to be afraid of my child. I am here.

I love that this is always and forever true! There is no fear in Christ Jesus.

Isaiah 41:10
Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.

This is the hardest thing to accept, but we have no need to fear, no reason to be afraid.

1. You vie for attention. We all want to feel special. We want to be the most loved of all. We will do whatever we can to make this happen.

Little kid: I see Mommy is on the phone. I am dying a little inside with her blatant ignorance of my needs. I shall break that vase over there in defiance, or perhaps spill an entire box of cereal in the floor in front of her so she knows I need a hug.

Parent: Screams. You are making me lose my mind. Go to your room. I’m on the phone!

I’m not sure what it is inside us that desires the attention and affections of another, but we were made for relationships, so I believe it was God given. I just think we’ve distorted it along the way. Instead of being equal partners in a relationship of love, we often wish to outshine the other, and feel like they are obligated to give us 100% while we give a minimal 20% or so. This will never pan out as we imagined. We can’t always be center stage. Sometimes sharing the limelight makes for the best production.

1. You hit others when you’re mad. Since we all want to get our way and be the center of attention, naturally when this doesn’t happen we lash out. Maybe we’re afraid of losing something or someone. Whatever the motivation, when confronted with resistance to our desired outcome we often respond incorrectly.

Little kid: The baby always gets held. This vexes me so. Next time they put her down, I’m going to bop her on the head with this book. Perhaps then she will learn to share mommy’s affections with me.

Parent: Screams. Why did you hit your sister?! Go to your room!

Are you seeing the pattern of not getting what you intended? People are going to hurt you. It’s inevitable. They may not even mean to, but they will have things you don’t have, complete goals you find impossible, find love when you can’t seem to find it, accomplish dreams you can only imagine. You can’t change these things, but you can change how you respond. You can’t lash out in anger. It makes you feel better, but only momentarily. You have to worry about you. Not anyone else. Striking out against others never solves anything.

1. Which brings us to number seven. You want what someone else has. No one ever seems satisfied with what they have. They want more, and they especially want what they see someone else holding.

Little kid: While I wasn’t playing with that doll, and perhaps I might even have forgotten about it, now that I see my sister playing with it, I want it. I want it bad. I shall bop her on the head with this toy I am holding until she relinquishes the doll.

I’m sure I don’t even need to tell you how the parent responds this time. You already know. We can’t live our life desiring the possessions of another. It doesn’t make you happy. It only fools you into thinking you don’t have anything. You completely forget about the fabulous doll you’re already playing with. In the end it usually just gets you in trouble, and you end up not having anything to play with.

1. This brings us to number eight. You want the coveted toy, you want the attention, you want it all because you think You’re the most important thing in the world.

Little kid: So I know Mom is rocking the baby to sleep, but I really need these fruit snacks opened ASAP. Like if I don’t taste a delicious snack on my tongue right this second I might just wither away and die.

Parent: Silently tries to mouth a scream of “go away.” Fails miserably. Baby wakes up. Repeat of above reaction.

No one likes to admit this one, but we all hold a little bit, maybe a lot, of selfishness inside us. We think our problem is most important. Our need trumps everyone else’s. We need to be in the front of the line because we need attended to ASAP. This is so wrong. God teaches us to serve others before ourselves. We are to be the least. Then He can lift us up.

1. So then we get to this one. We think little things are big things. You know what I’m talking about. It’s when you get a parking ticket or a flat tire and freak out like your favorite puppy just died.

Little kid: My cartoon has ended. I wanted to watch it longer, but now it is over. I’m not sure I can go on in such a cruel world where Bubble Guppies does not play 24 hours a day. I will cry hysterically now until the show magically resumes playing.

Parent: Runs into room. “What happened? Why are you crying?” Looks for blood. “Are you okay?!”

Relax. Take a deep breath. Now ask yourself, “Is this really worth having a nervous breakdown about? Will this impact your life significantly or that of your family?” If the answer is no, then you need to refer back to number three and stop crying.

1. I think we all need to admit this one. You just want someone to hold you. Everybody reaches the end of their rope and needs to crawl into someone’s lap, have their hair stroked, and be told, “It’s going to be okay.”

Little kid: I am so tired. I have been fighting the urge to nap for hours. My favorite show just went off. My little sister has my favorite doll. Mom’s been on the phone all day. I need to be held! Like now!

Parent: “Come here sweetie. Mommy loves you so much.” She holds her, although selfish, completely precious little angel, that she loves more than anything, in her lap and gives her complete comfort.

Everyone, I repeat everyone reaches a point where they can’t go any further. They can fight no longer. They just need to rest and be comforted.

Matthew 11:28
Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.

That is all 🙂

1. As my three year old grows up she is becoming more and more independent in everyday life. One such area is using the bathroom, but especially #2. I know, too much information, perhaps unspeakable, right? Well, that’s certainly how she feels about it too. It’s actually the only time she is insistent on being alone. She requires the door to be closed, and total privacy to reign. It’s almost unfair really, since she doesn’t think this is an instance in which I personally should be alone, but I suppose like most children she just assumes I want her company at all times. Today she made an odd request. She asked me to come with her. She still wanted to close the door, and be alone for “her business,” but she wanted me to sit directly outside the bathroom door and wait on her. She reasoned, “That way when I’m finished I can tell you and you can come wipe me.” Lucky me, right? I obliged, and at one point she called through the closed door, “Are you still there?”
2. As odd as it may sound I think this bathroom boundary issue parallels our selfish relationships with Christ. Hang with me gang…
   I can recall when I realized my first marriage was ending, the feeling in my throat like it was burning with fire, the pain in my chest as I realized a broken heart really feels as if your physical heart is shattering into a million pieces. What do you think I did in this moment of absolute turmoil and pain? I’ll tell you, I cried out to God. It was a natural response for a child of God, and is only surprising if you looked at my life at the time. I had sufficiently placed a door between my Savior and myself. I took my Lord and I placed Him in a box on the shelf. I took Him out on Sundays when we drug ourselves to eleven o’clock mass. I did not take Him out the night before lest He disapprove of the strip club we attended. I got Him out during difficult obstacles or tragedies in life like 911 and my grandma’s death. I asked for His help when I needed something. Lord give me recall and calm my nerves for this Nursing final. When things were good and I didn’t need His strength, well I put Him back in the box, and I went to the bar. It was easier that way, easier to push Him out of my life when I knew He might not approve.
3. I think we do this more than we want to admit. We don’t want God to see the undesirable, the ugly in us, so we put Him outside the door. We still want Him close though, in case we need something, need His help for something we know we’re incapable of providing for ourselves, but until that time we keep Him at a distance. It seems rather silly when I give the example of a preschooler, doesn’t it? But that is how ridiculous we can be, like children, self-absorbed, and clueless to the absurdity of our actions. When we push God out, and put up a wall, trying in vain to keep Him from seeing our worst, it’s pointless. Just because we shut the door doesn’t mean He’s unaware of what we’re doing in there. He sees our absolute, most foul, but loves us anyway. Why would you ever wish to separate yourself from such an unconditional love as that? I finally came to realize that if I took God out of the box and invited Him into my entire life, there was less ugly in me after all. His light, His goodness, His love, it has a way of pushing the ugly away, of illuminating the dark, and transforming the nastiness into something beautiful. There is peace when He is present. Rather than calling out to Him, and trying to tear down the walls I’ve constructed, I would rather just reach out my hand and fall into His embrace.
   That is all 🙂