I found myself writing names on a piece of paper, with the full intention of later ripping it apart. It reminded me of something you’d be taught at a youth Summer camp, which wasn’t all together surprising considering the whole incident made me think of high school. The big difference, though, being that I was a forty-three year old woman, not a sixteen year old girl. Despite the age gap, the similarities were uncanny, and as I reflected on my teenage years, I realized I was again the victim of bullying.
As a girl I had experienced bullying by one of my peers, over a boy on the surface, but underneath due to much more pressing issues. Jealousy, self-esteem problems, and much more pain had led to the bully in school tormenting me. I wondered if pain was the cause of my current day bullying, and I tried to keep that in mind as my own heart was hurting. I remembered how hard it had been back in tenth grade. At the time I felt like the whole school was against me. No one talked to me, no one stood up for me. Just silent faces watching me walk down the hall alone. Oddly enough, that’s how I had felt last week.
As I found myself being attacked by sisters in Christ, I felt like that young woman again, head down, heart broken over supposed friends turning their back on me. I had been the victim of something I didn’t even know existed, until I found myself on the outside of the fray. Before, I had been a main member of the Christian Woman Club, but as my heart sought truth deeper than that of the world, my opinions began to conflict with that of my fellow Conservative friends. Before they had applauded my speeches, but that was when my words mirrored their own. It turns out that if you went off script, Christian women could be like a mafia family.
The key to being part of the Christian clique was to say the right things. You could speak as loudly as you wanted, as long as you spoke to popular opinion. It reminded me of the movie Mean Girls. You had to wear the right color, but it turns out it’s red, not pink, and definitely not blue. Blue was totally out.
As my mind had started to support the causes I felt the Lord leading me to champion, and as my heart of love questioned things that stood in contrast to compassion and kindness, I was met with opposition. Not by my enemies, but by my friends. Yet instead of talking it out, I found myself being shouted at. I was attacked by people I considered friends, and my Christianity questioned by people I had known over twenty years. You were allowed to proclaim yourself as a Christian if your opinions were exactly the same as the majority, but if you spoke anything different, forget about it. You got ousted from the club. So, if I disagreed with the politics, I obviously couldn’t believe in Jesus, and if I spoke love, it was called heresy. You could think, you just couldn’t think differently. You had to be in agreement on what sins specifically were the big, bad ones, and hush up about the seemingly insignificant ones. In other words, you were encouraged to read the Bible, but not so intently that you actually attempted to be like Jesus. That was way too much, and it went in opposition to things like standing up for Christian rights. Because it was good to stand up for the Lord; you just had to ignore the fact that you might have to stand on the backs of the other children of God to do it. Y’all, I don’t think God is proud about this at all. Actually, I think it makes Him sad.
Let’s just say for a moment, for sake of argument, that my ideas were bogus, that I was way off base. Call it backsliding, or whatever you wish. How do you think you should try and talk some sense into me? By attacking me, or by calling into question my salvation? Goodness. Who decided this was the way to go about it?!
After the last year, but especially the past week, I’ve sadly discovered that there’s a large amount of bullying in the Christian community. If you dare to think for yourself, allowing the Holy Spirit to speak to your heart, rather than Fox News, be prepared to be called the worst of all dirty words… a liberal. I have seen friends feel led to stand up for injustice, but be silenced by the bullies around them. I have seen friends try to walk in love, but be told they’re wrong for thinking that way. There’s a rhetoric that has to be repeated, and taken in as gospel. Funny thing? When you open your eyes and take a real look, it’s the furthest thing from the gospel there is. The bullies of Christianity are displaying behavior that is the furthest from Jesus there is. How is this furthering the Kingdom?
At the start of this post I mentioned writing down names on a piece of paper. You see, I found myself yesterday feeling down. My heart was broken, and I found myself thinking again and again about the hurt I felt, about the insults hurled against me. I realized that I couldn’t continue in offense, that I had to let the hurt go much like I had purged high school from my memory. I had to remember that I was in this world, but not of it. I had to remember that I wasn’t the names the world gave me, but that I was who my Father knew me to be. My salvation wasn’t based on who I voted for, but rather who I served. I served Jesus, not man. So I tore up the little piece of paper, and I took comfort in knowing that opinions are just as flimsy as that post-it note I threw into the trash.
Annette says
I really enjoy reading your posts. Just wanted you to know, how much you touch my life and I know many others. Thank you!
brieann.rn@gmail.com says
Thank you so much. I appreciate that. 🙂
Jim Tilley says
Thank you, Brie, for sharing your agony & your story; the teen one, and the current one. I too have experienced bullying, then and more recently. I appreciate your sharing, and agree wholeheartedly that ranting does not serve the Kingdom, or the King… I’m so sorry you’ve been hurt… Both our world in general, and yes, absolutely, the Body of Christ, just as much, need to regain calm, compassionate interactions, where we can stay bonded in Christ, and search the scriptures ever more thoroughly together as we seek Jesus. My story has parallels to yours: yet I sense the poles may have been reversed. I was a Presbyterian minister for 30 years in the PC(USA). The (very, very brief) version of my experience: In 1978 our denomination was wrestling with the question of ordaining persons who were affirming and living an active same-sex lifestyle. After many, many years of giving that question a vast amount of study, priority, energy, financial resources, and prayer, the overwhelming majority of our denomination discerned that while it is vital to extend warm, grace-filled, redemptive kindness and grace to all, no matter what they might bring to the table (because we ALL need that!!) — we decided that affirming this lifestyle was in contradiction to following Jesus and His Word, and living according to His creational and scriptural intent of sexual expression being given to man and woman in marriage. While many of us knew that this decision made some very upset, we knew we had given the matter thorough attention: and that, for the peace and productivity of going forward in gospel and in mission, it was time for the church to move beyond the issue. There were many huge & vital issues that desperately needed the return of our limited time & energies.
Despite the graciousness surrounding this decision – and the clear recognition that our denomination, especially after literally decades of intense focus, had reached the kind of impasse resolvable only by a gracious separation, the liberal dimension of the church responded with a viciousness that the word “bullying” does not even begin to encompass. While those of us on the historic biblical core of this issue sought to graciously & gently lift up the redemptive alternative of many ministries successful in helping people who wished to leave this lifestyle (a number of whom I’ve known well personally) do so, we received only blatant hostility in return: speakers on the floor being screamed down, being compared to slave-owners, abusers, facists, racists, haters, liars… and much more. Pleadingly, we offered exhaustive resources (biblical, social scientific, and more) to those who were upset. Rarely did we find a real willingness to engage with our evidence, logic, and argumentation; far more frequently, we were simply responded to with more screaming, emotionally-loaded (and painfully inaccurate) labels, shaming (and, at times, simply manipulative/distorted), and personal/verbal accusation, ad hominem,( attacking the person rather than the argument), and more. Brie, in addition to my career as a PC(USA) pastor, I had a “ringside” seat to the development of a pro-gay psychology, beginning as a psychology undergraduate major at Stanford University, and then a doctoral student in Clinical Psychology at Fuller’s APA-approved program: and my one-sentence summary of this issue would be that the popular cultural picture painted by the LGBTQ advocacy is — extremely — heavy on emotionally created/driven narrative, and very very — very — light on scientific and/or credible worldview authenticity…
Given how nearly impossible it is for a scholar who maintains the historic/orthodox position on these issues to find — or keep — employment at a major university in this all-too politically correct era, I’m forced to say the radical left position is also heavy on…
Bullying…
Thank you again for your post, Brie. I agree with you — wholeheartedly — that what is needed are rational conversations: focused on scripture, evidence, documentation, and logic: as we humbly search for truth together. I could not agree more that those who “shout long” are actually “short”… on a plausible argument. I offer to my readers two excellent websites to research on these issues: robgagnon.net Also therapeuticchoice.com and restoredhopenetwork.com In Christ’s All-Transforming Love, Jim Tiley
brieann.rn@gmail.com says
Thank you. I know you’re right, that bullying occurs on each side of the spectrum. It breaks my heart. Bless you for your own journey through this harsh world.
Jim Tilley says
Indeed it does. bless you too, Brie. I easily sense you share my own concern; that the most extreme “ranters” are wearing down our historic democracy: The lifeblood of a democracy is a willingness to focus far more on solutions rather than “sides”, and to focus on obtaining objective information & engaging in rational discussion where the true “win” is determining a position or approach based on the facts… I remember a LONG time ago, when our nation’s polarization was ramping up far more than ever, Speaker of the House Tip O’Neill sadly lamented something like this upon his retirement, “in my day, Democrats and Republicans would have some very difficult, even hearted, arguments on the floor during the day. But at 5 pm the legislature would close for the day: and we would all go out to dinner as friends: with our common vision to serve the best for our country.. Now members don’t even talk to each other after the bell rings…” The only earthly hope for our country is for the more moderate members of each party to call their extremist allies to account for their hyper-patisanship and biased filters (i.e. ignoring/ and or outright censoring facts that don’t support our position, and highlighting only those that do…). When we “call out” the opposite party for “pants on fire” lies or BEHAVIOR, and just “excuse” or cover for our allies, we no longer DESERVE democracy. For our world AND for the church: only the TRUTH is our friend. Thanks again, Brie, I am glad to be part of your column. I’m again so sad for how you were treated…. May the Lord Jesus keep us fervently focused on His Word, and humble us all!!
brieann.rn@gmail.com says
Yes! Thank you.
Jim Tilley says
whoops, that’s three websites, sorry! p.s. I welcome calm, intelligent dialog from all regarding these indeed very personal and sensitive issues. (Politely, I must say I will not respond to empty rants; I’m forced to say I’ve literally had more than enough of that for one lifetime…) I offer the position I do out of not only long study of many sides of the issue, and continuing deep conviction of truth, but out of humble, respectful, concerned love, as I see many, many young people following our popular culture over what I truly believe to be a very, very destructive cliff… thank you for your time.
brieann.rn@gmail.com says
Thank you, Jim!
Natalie Calk says
Bravery to write this post and much needed for myself. Keep up the great work and despite if I agree with every word of all blogs will not affect my ability to hear you. There are Sisters in Christ here for you! Much love!!
brieann.rn@gmail.com says
Thank you so much!
Cynthia says
Brie, I shared this on my Facebook page. I am so sorry that you have had to endure the bullying. You are a true encourager.
Cindi
brieann.rn@gmail.com says
Thank you ☺️
Jim Tilley says
well said, Donna.
Robin McCoy says
Very well written, Brie! And a topic that needs to be addressed this year, more than ever. I have watched a LOT of Christians becoming bullies and it sickens my heart to the point that I wonder why on earth I am even a Christian myself. But then I have to remind myself that there are many wolves in sheep’s clothing that we were warned about, and as much as it hurts my heart, these people that I loved so dearly were (and are) wolves. There has been a lot of blocking of posts on social media to try to clear my feed of their wolfish attacks. All I can do for them at this moment is pray. But I do like your idea of writing down names and ripping it up! ❤
brieann.rn@gmail.com says
Thank you. This has been a year unlike any I’ve ever known. It has revealed a lot of what’s truly inside hearts. Sadly, much revealed has been hate. I believe a spirit of religion and deception covers many, and I pray clarity and spiritual truth for us all.
Jodi says
Hi Brie, I’m a (British 59 year old) mum of 4 grown up boys and I began reading your blog about 6 months ago. I never leave comments but this one just breaks my heart and I had to.
My parents were missionaries out in India and I have been a keen Christian since my teens but your love for Jesus puts me to shame. Your blogs have been such a blessing to me and have helped me see Christ’s sovereignty and detail in a new way, drawing me closer to our Lord and Saviour. Thank you!
As you say, if these ‘Christian friends’ loved Jesus and thought you were going off course, they would be on their knees praying for you and loving you back to the straight and narrow. How sad Jesus must be to see the devil ‘prowling around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour’. When he can’t find someone outside the church, he looks inside the church and all too often finds people there who will listen to him.
Hallelujah our faith and trust is not in people but in Jesus our Lord:) The wonderful message of the cross proves He loved us even when we were unlovely and continues to love and care for each one of us deeply. His opinion is the only one that matters and I know He will see you through the hard times you are having if you keep your eyes firmly fixed on Him, your Creator, Redeemer, Saviour, Father, Friend, Counsellor, Light, Bread, Peace, Provider, Strength, Good Shepherd, High Priest and Rock. I know you will.
With my love and prayers
Jodi
brieann.rn@gmail.com says
Thank you so much, Jodi. Your comment blesses me more than you know.
Ruthie says
Haven’t much to add. No opinions. I love you and your sweet family.
brieann.rn@gmail.com says
And we love you.
Kenna Ellis says
It is so simple yet so very hard…LOVE AS GOD LOVES!
brieann.rn@gmail.com says
Yessss!
jayheavner says
I understand bullying. Not a good thing. I also understand mainstream liberalism today. So much of it comes across as anti christian and anti bilblical. Support for abortion or confusion of the sexes, anti God, anti Americanism, lack of free thought, is what many see as modern liberalism. Seems today’s leftists and progressives have hijacked the word. If on the other hand you define liberalism as Jefferson did, it can be a good thing. Sadly, today Jefferson or his ideas and ideals are not championed by most of those who call themselves liberals. That’s my thoughts. That and a dollar may get you a cup of coffee at McDonalds. 🙂
Lori says
Keep pushing truths and love. That’s what Jesus wants us to do. He’ll sort the thorns out in due time.
I am so saddened by how some church goers act, if you don’t line up in whatever political party they call there’s,it’s literally war on you. I’m astonished at how vicious some can be. The Bible says that you will be persecuted for his sake, and you standing up and taking a stand for what’s actually right, to me is that biblical persecution.
I really needed this, thank you for sharing.
Susan says
You have written what my heart is. Thank you, bless you!
Penni Bulten says
As a neither blue nor red, I identify with this blog. When all my family were Gung-ho red , I remained silent, not wanting to rock the boat (and some of my concerns were well-founded, others were not). Some of my in-laws I deal with the same way. I keep hearing, we need to ‘vote red’ to keep ‘blue’ out? or , in rarer cases, vice-versa. I will grant that there are valid reasons for anyone to vote red in this election, but I think there are also valid reasons to vote blue in some races, and even yellow, parchment , green or other. Many of the Founding Fathers saw a problem with a two party system, not the least of which was the polarization and the lack of true representation it fosters. Your affirmation of the Golden Rule, Treat others as they would like to be treated, with gentleness, kindness and patience was great, (and frankly, part of the reason I am neither/nor). We need to remember our common ground as believers (the solid rock of the Word of God) is stronger that the political water we stand in. Though we will all be brought to unity in the faith, it comes as our salvation did, with kindness. After all, it is God’s kindness that leads all of us to repentance. (If you are interested, I will send you a link to a site that espouses the Golden Rule, in connection to the non-aggression principle, (aka Zero Aggression Principle. It’s not my site, but it does express my views well)
brieann.rn@gmail.com says
Thank you. Yes, please share.
Penni Bulten says
The site, run by an atheist and a Christian who agree on the Golden Rule, is:
http://www.zeroaggressionproject.org
brieann.rn@gmail.com says
Thank you!
Penni Bulten says
Thank you for having this forum open! The zero aggression site is packed full of great information, blog posts, and other goodies. Some of my favorite things there are the ZAP basics, and the mental levers, (but the blog is just as awesome as the rest of the site- and those who run it will actually respond to your comments, if they are addressed directly.)
brieann.rn@gmail.com says
Awesome. I’ll check it out.