You’re not like shifting shadows.
I spoke, eyes closed, but the warm sun of Florida winter lighting up the world beyond my shielded lids.
You are so good. Always good.
I believed the words I prayed, and I found that the more I spoke them in truth, the better I felt. The still, small voice that had whispered to my heart to praise Him had been correct.
Even when the circumstances seem bad, you are good.
The peace that covered me now, as heartfelt words poured from my lips and my hands raised in worship, had not been there even minutes before. I don’t really know how I had felt. Not good. Not bad. Aloof? Surreal? I had tried to articulate my feelings to a friend, but ended up backspacing and erasing the text before I hit send. It was hard to describe. I felt disconnected from the truth that always kept me so steady.
I never doubt your goodness.
Yet I had. I mean, for a moment anyway. How else could I explain my sadness, my tears, my longing to be there. Even though I knew the very Spirit of God stood in for me.
My flesh may fail, but my heart trusts in you always.
It’s like the praise was bringing me back to the truth. The disconnect I had felt; was it my flesh trying to control an uncontrollable situation?
All your ways are good.
I had been so proud of my faith earlier in the morning. My dad had gone for a simple procedure, and upon hearing its cancellation I had praised God that it had been delayed. His reasons always had purpose. I rejoiced that the trip to the emergency room (800 miles from me) was just a precaution, the super fast heart rate a passing thing. My daddy would be fine.
I trust all your ways.
It’s like that, it seems. Carrying faith is easy when circumstances are good, but it gets heavier when they are not. When I heard words like “heart attack” and “open heart surgery” it was like an unwelcome dinner guest, one I certainly wasn’t expecting.
Help me, Lord.
I knew far too much about the subject. Having worked in surgical intensive care recovering open heart surgery patients for eight years, I knew how common this procedure was. No problem. But then I also knew the complications that could arise. Oh, dear. I had cried in the slime aisle at Walmart as my husband stroked my hair and held me tight.
Help my daddy, Jesus.
Ever since the tears had fallen and the worry had crept in, I had felt off. It reminded me a bit of how a head cold will make you feel. There, but not really present. Lights on, but only halfway home. I had texted friends, I had added him to prayer lists, and I had called my most trusted loved ones to listen. Still, I had felt afraid.
You control all things.
Every word of praise and truth I spoke brought me closer to the Father, and it also took me farther from the confusion and anxiety I had felt lost in. Like a thick fog it had covered me, but His light led me out of the darkness of the circumstances before me.
No matter what, you work all things for our good.
Even in the midst of bad news, uncertain circumstances, and concern for my dad’s health, the truth of God was unchanging, and by speaking that truth aloud in praise I had brought my worried, fretful-daughter mind into line with His mercies and goodness.
My trust is in you.
I had just needed to remind myself of that.
Sherri says
You are a gifted writer and I know that God will use your writings to encourage others! Is this the current situation with your Dad? I would love to join with you and others in praying for his healing and for love and comfort for your hurting heart. ❤️??
brieann.rn@gmail.com says
Thank you. And yes, this just happened today. I would love your prayers.
Ashley says
Praying for your dad and peace for your heart!
brieann.rn@gmail.com says
Thank you.
Michelle says
Prayers for your daddy and for you to remember what you’ve written here and what our Father tells us – He is there and He holds us in His hands. Give Him the glory because He is good and He does work all things out for good for those that love Him.
Lord, hold Brie’s daddy in your hands and at the point he has surgery, guide the surgeon’s hands and those in the room with her dad. Be with Brie and her family and give her Your strength. You are always there, Lord, and we thank You for Your unending goodness, grace, mercy and faithfulness. In Jesus’ name I pray, Amen.
brieann.rn@gmail.com says
Thank you so much!
Celise says
Dear Father, please watch over Brie’s dad tonight. Please give his body the healing and strength that come from You alone. And Lord please give Your love, wisdom and insight to the nurses and doctors who are taking care of him. Thank you for holding Brie during this worrying time. Amen.
brieann.rn@gmail.com says
Thank you so much. I am blessed by all the praying saints.
Sarah Hollifield says
Praying Gods best for your daddy!❤️?
brieann.rn@gmail.com says
Thank you so much!
Sherry Evans says
This post came at the perfect time for myself. My husband fell down steps November 28 while getting Christmas decorations. Following that incident immediately I took him to the ED where he had stitches and a CT to make sure everything in his head was ok. And it was so we thought. Exactly 2 months later we were back in the ED with confusion, blurred vision and difficulty walking which was very unusual for my husband. They did another CT and he had a subdural hematoma with his brain shifting from midline. So craniotomy and healing to come.
I needed those words you spoke. Praise to the Lord I am staying strong but today I feel a little weak. After reading your post I’m reminded again that God has this and He alone.
Prayers for healing for your dad and my husband!
brieann.rn@gmail.com says
Thank you. Praying with you also for your husband’s total healing in Jesus’ precious name!