I have a habit of sharing the Bible verse of the day from my Bible app onto Facebook, but recently I did not. The verse didn’t resound within me like most do, and it bothered me that it did not. I just couldn’t help it, though. The verse from Proverbs was about loyal friendship, and that was something I didn’t put a lot of trust in. Opening your heart to friendship was easy for most people, but for me? Not so much. My inner circle is small.
See, I have a hard time making friends. I’ll hang out with my siblings, and I call my husband my best friend. That’s pretty much where the buck stops, though. I’m a self-proclaimed introvert. I’m the type of person who will see someone in a store, look down, and run the other way rather than make conversation that’s uncomfortable for me. It’s not like I’m trying to be rude; it’s just hard having relationships. I can talk the ear off my patients at the hospital bedside, telling them my whole life story sometimes. But maybe that’s because it’s part of my job. I enjoy communicating with others, showing God’s love, and having a good time. There’s simply that part of me that doesn’t do well with friendship. Even though I’ve grown tremendously in this area over the past couple of years, I still can count my girlfriends on one hand. And that’s going all the way back to third grade!
Recently I was talking to my seven year old about being nice to her cousins and sisters. I explained to her that you can never fathom how your actions may affect someone. Perhaps even for life. I told her some of the things that had happened to me growing up. I didn’t recount it all. Much of it was too harsh for her tender heart to hear.
I explained how I was bullied in school. Girls who had been my friends for years suddenly wanted nothing to do with me. They certainly didn’t want to face the wrath of the bully themselves. I was a ghost, a walking misfit. If I wasn’t ignored I was taunted and laughed at, the butt of jokes. I was beat up, my hair pulled out by the roots, and it still to this day grew out uneven from one side of my head to the other.
I could still see the remnants of vulgar names and taunts spray painted on the road signs in front of my parent’s home. Over twenty years later and it hadn’t faded away, from the signs or my heart apparently. It brought to mind the prank calls, dozens in an hour, the bloody, stuffed animal thrown in my driveway, and the trip my parents took to the police station trying to press charges and offer me protection from my tormentor.
Mostly, though, I remember how thin I got, how I never wanted to eat, or how I only wanted to sleep. I remember pretending to be sick, and when my Mom wouldn’t buy it, simply begging her if I could stay home from school. I recall my gratitude when they finally let me switch schools, but I also remember my fear of starting a new school. Would other girls be the same way?
As an adult I knew that this part of my adolescence had negatively impacted me forever. Just like how an absent parent can affect a person their entire life, so too could cruel treatment by their peers. I learned from an early age that females were fickle, easy to turn their back on you, and even easier to hurt you. I learned I couldn’t trust friends, even the ones who used the word “best” at one time or another, and that secrets were never sacred. I discovered men could tear apart a friendship, that loyalty was a farce. I was taught that people could smile at your face, but laugh behind your back. I learned that lies were easy to tell, that reputations could be ruined in a day, and that I could never truly trust a woman in my life other than those closest to me, like a mom or sister.
I never wanted to be friendless. I didn’t grow up hoping I would close my heart to trusting others, but that’s what happened. That was the consequence of my adolescence. Despite all the healing God had done in my life, and despite the fact that I had forgiven all of those who had treated me cruelly in the past, I still had a problem with trusting others. When you’ve been hurt deeply sometimes it’s just easier to err on the side of caution. It’s easier to keep your distance, play it safe, keep relationships superficial, and only trust your tight, inner circle. I don’t want to be this way, but past experience has molded me into the timid creature I am. Not sure if that will ever change. I wonder about wonderful women I may have pushed away due to my own fear.
Today I tried to make sure my daughter understood this, that she realized every action has a consequence, and sometimes those consequences affect people around you more than you know. I wish all parents could teach their children this. You never know; it might just save some future heartache.
Lera Hughes says
You are almost writing my story. May God shower you, Brie, with His love, protection, and blessings. I pray that the remainder of your life is so good that it completely obliterates the hurts from your past.
brieann.rn@gmail.com says
Thank you so very much!
Angie Sharp says
I am the same way about friendships. Mine doesn’t stem from adolescence but from church women/people. Church people can be some of the meanest, rudest, most hateful people. I wish it weren’t true, but sadly it is. My husband has been a bivocational associate pastor in two or three different churchs and we have been very involved in a couple of others, and in every one of those churches he, we, or I were treated badly by someone ranging from leadership, a group of people, or a single person. It makes it really hard to trust and get close to someone. So, I too, just keep my friend group to my husband (he really is my best friend), my mom, and my two grown daughters.
brieann.rn@gmail.com says
Yes, that’s so sad, but true. I’ve seen the same thing.
Dave says
Oh Lord, it’s as if Angie Sharp is writing my mind! I have commented on this subject before & I’m asking God to help me with church people! I told my sister the other day that I can get along with people in a bar better than I can people in church! I don’t frequent bars anymore (maybe I need to go there and witness) but the very thing we as Christians are taught in chapter 3 in James is the thing we fail at the most! I have the hardest problem being friends with so many in church! You have to be loud, obnoxious and be willing to fight almost to attend some churches! It’s as if the mindset of the world has overtaken the church! I do have trouble trusting others also Brie! I suppose it’s nothing new as Paul in the bible had problems with churches too! We just need to fully understand what Jesus taught us to do and that is to love them to Him! It takes a lot of prayer and patience & maybe that’s the reason He puts sister sandpaper in the pew by us! Whew! Lord help us!
brieann.rn@gmail.com says
Sister sandpaper! Love it. Lol. But I totally know what you’re saying. Religion clouds the view of many. Grace is lost in favor of law. Love is forgotten.
Dave says
Amen!
Lisa Pierce says
I’m so sorry for the cruelty you endured. I think a lot of the bullies learn that behavior from their parents and therefore aren’t taught that it’s wrong. Headlines & social media are full of ‘stop the bullying’ but it’s still rampant. We live in a cruel, harsh world.
I too have a small circle of friends outside of my family. I figure a few trustworthy friends are worth more than dozens who are the fakers and backstabbers.
I taught my daughter at an early age too and she, on more than one occasion, came home from school to tell me about defending someone younger or smaller who was being picked on. Made me very proud of her.
Your experiences, though harsh, have helped mold you into the beautiful soul that you are today. Your daughters will reap the rewards!
brieann.rn@gmail.com says
Thank you!
Jodi says
Thank you for sharing a part of yourself to your friends here!! I’ve never been through that but I’m so sorry for your younger self. Praise God we have Jesus!!! A small handful is all you need if they are truly friends.
❤️❤️ Jodi
brieann.rn@gmail.com says
Thank you.