A symphony of screaming sirens pulled me from a restless slumber, and as I listened to the fading fire truck sound pass on by I looked at the time. 8:45 in the morning. Not too shabby. The sirens didn’t bother me; I had lived in big cities before, and I was just glad I had gotten the solid five hours of sleep I had. At 3am it hadn’t seemed certain.
A lot of changes had occurred quickly. Just five days prior I had watched almost every single item under my roof be ushered out by mostly strangers who supplied their best offer for the objects that filled our home. I recall after it was over counting up the profit and thinking, is that really all it comes down to?!
There’s something strange about selling everything you own. It’s an opportunity to re-evaluate what you hold dear. So when you can get right down to the nitty gritty and really believe that none of it matters, you hold your family a little closer, you smile fondly at your children playing, and you say, “this right here. That’s all I need.”
So we had placed the meager leftovers of our stuff in the back of our pickup truck and we had left the comfort of familiarity behind. You would be surprised how much a routine keeps you steady and feeling safe, but I also think it may prevent you from wonderful surprises and blessings on the distant horizon. So we left that behind also. We left behind a large home, friends and family, and knowing how to find the nearest grocery store. We took along responsibilities we still faced, problems, bills, and daily concerns. You couldn’t run away from those, no matter what anyone thought, but in it all you could trust God. So that’s what we did. We knew He was leading us to this new lifestyle.
Well, let me tell you. You can trust God all you want, holding steady as your house becomes empty and an unknown job looms ahead, but anxiety and worry are sneaky bedfellows. Literally. Other than the initial shock when we saw how small our new, temporary home at an extended stay hotel was, I had been in good spirits despite all the change. I mean, there were moments on the road trip where I worried about our luggage flying out of the back or a crazy breakdown (who knew we needed Diesel Exhaust Fluid filled), but for the most part I was fairly chillax about it all. I just kept on praying, and it seemed to be working. So imagine my surprise when I woke suddenly at 2:30 am.
My first thought was, oh my God, my back! Yeah, I’m like the princess and the pea, but by golly, I’m forty years old and I can be mattress spoiled if I wanna! When I woke up it felt like metal coils were branding themselves into my bruised spine. But before I could lament too hard on that I was overcome by feelings of anxiety. I cannot even explain what happened to me overnight, but I am certain I was under a spiritual attack. There’s no other explanation for how I was feeling.
I would be better off dead! My brain said, and I shuddered at such a thought. I never had thoughts like that, but I was so overcome with worry that it seemed a good alternative. My mind raced with every problem or possible calamity that could occur. Fear, dread, and irrational concerns flooded over me. I prayed in earnest, but I couldn’t shake it.
Almost an hour later my husband saw me walking back from the bathroom and asked, “are you ok?”
I poured out my feelings and thoughts I was having to him, trying to keep quiet since the children slept on in the studio room. I asked for him to pray for me, and I laid on his lap as his hand rested on my back. I listened to the hushed words coming from his mouth, and slowly I began to drift off to sleep.
When I did wake again many hours later I noticed that my back no longer hurt, but more importantly my heart and mind felt at peace. The feelings of anxiety, fear, and worry were gone. It was as if they had never been there. I guess sometimes we all need our own personal prayer warrior to help us step off the ledge. Thankful for my husband especially in that regard.
I pray I won’t experience those feelings again. It makes me wonder what the Lord must have in store for us. And as a side note, I bought a mattress topper today for our bed!
Dave says
I pray all goes well for ya’ll! We made a similar decision back in 1974 as I gave up a good job at a radio/tv station in Macon, Georgia and the wife gave up a job she loved as secretary to the head of the Georgia Forestry Commission! Off to say, In The Mouse We Trust! The wife didn’t get hired there until about three years after me but we look back now at how God orchestrated many of our days there since Disney, besides being called the “Happiest Place On Earth” is also a big corporation filled with great people but also those who are ready to crush you as they clamor over you trying to reach the top! Both of us had a few encounters like that plus Disney wanted stuff done now and the pressure was always on but God orchestrated a path for us to good people who had our backs and provided us the opportunities for good pay raises and promotions! So go with God! He can still can part the sea for His children! Looking forward to reading about what He has in store for ya’ll!
brieann.rn@gmail.com says
Thank you!
Bonnie says
Good luck to you! I recently gave away almost everything i owned except photo albums and files that may be important. But my children were nice enough to take my possessions and place them around their own houses. So I still feel their familiar presence when I visit my kids. Lucky for me I have 5 children and many grandchildren some of whom are in the 20s and wanted some of my lovely things. It is very freeing. I feel lighter. Unencumbered. And you will too. You are doing a huge thing. Brave thing. And I wish you the best of everything for your family.
brieann.rn@gmail.com says
Thank you so much!
Sue says
The Enemy seems to attack in the night. All in relatively quiet and the mind is still enough to hear his whisper…but the small still voice of God is just loud enough to be heard over the Enemy. Be still and know He is God.
brieann.rn@gmail.com says
Thank you!
Lisa Pierce says
Wishing you the best in your ew family adventures. Praying for you always.
brieann.rn@gmail.com says
Thank you!