I saw a little something in a Mommy Facebook group today that got my attention. A young mother was admitting that she had “given up” breastfeeding before her child was three months old. Naturally I had all kinds of feelings about this situation. After all, I was breastfeeding my almost nine month old daughter as I read the post. She was actually the third baby I had nursed successfully and I saw no immediate end to our nursing relationship. I had breastfed my other two daughters to at least eighteen months of age. So you can imagine what I thought about this post.
I thought, “good for you!”
Good for you for making it as long as you did. Seriously. The rest of this young lady’s post actually told of the shame she had endured from others for not making it longer, and that made me sad. Cause here’s the thing. Breastfeeding is crazy. It’s hard, and I can totally see why so many are not able to continue. As much as I love and support breastfeeding I would never judge someone who chooses not to nurse, just as I hope I’m never judged for continuing it beyond the typical suggested first year.
And I’m no expert. I’m a huge advocate, sure, but I’d be lying if I said breastfeeding was easy. Especially if I said it was easy for me. I can recall nursing my first, and I was absolutely clueless. I didn’t know what I was doing, and I kept referencing books for how to hold her and make her latch. I was so worried I was doing something wrong, and the initial couple of months are a blur. I basically sat in a recliner all day while a tiny baby sucked the life out of me. She ate, slept a bit, pooped, and then we started over the same cycle again. I gulped glass after glass of water and worried obsessively over if what I was eating was the cause for her colicky disposition. It was awful. But then it also wasn’t, if that makes sense.
With my second baby they kept telling me at my well-baby visits that she was too small. They threatened forced, weekly weigh-ins, and I felt like the biggest loser mom in the world. Was my milk not enough?! She certainly seemed full, and seeing her as an energetic, albeit petite three year old now, I think I did just fine.
With my third daughter it took a while for my milk to come in, and as we sat at home the first day I watched her wet diapers like a freak. I scoured the Internet for someone to tell me I wasn’t dehydrating my baby, so even though I should have been a seasoned, know-it-all nurser, I still questioned my abilities.
Even now I feel like my body doesn’t belong to me. I long for real bras and the ability to drink five cups of coffee if that’s what my heart desires. I continue breastfeeding because deep down I love it and it works for us, but if it doesn’t work for you, that’s okay. I get it. But the real point is it doesn’t matter whether I get it or not. It doesn’t matter what I think, and it shouldn’t matter what anyone else does either. You do motherhood your way.
Breastfeeding has so many great benefits, but it’s not for everyone anymore than co-sleeping or baby-wearing is. And I don’t think you’re any less of a mother if you don’t breastfeed for a full year, or even for a day. Motherhood is tough period, so whatever you decide for your baby is perfect for you, and that should be the end of it.
There are a million books, and there’s a billion “experts” on everything from sleep-training to discipline techniques, but at the end of eighteen years it won’t matter an iota whether they cried it out or you used timeout as your discipline of choice. Not really. Do you love them? Good deal. That’s what counts. If you’re worried about it then you’re probably doing great.
Above all, don’t let anyone shame you into feeling like the way you’re parenting is less. Unless they’re personally dealing with the colic, waiting up worried when curfew has passed, or paying for college, then I’d let the opinions of others roll off your back. But if it matters at all, my opinion, you’re doing great.
Denise says
Awesome, awesome…. So well written…. Again!!
I love best,”You do motherhood your way.”!! Amen.
Great blog Brie as you support both sides in a very non judgemental way.?
brieann.rn@gmail.com says
Thank you.
bluebell222 says
Nicely stated. Thank you for being an advocate for motherhood and working toward a balance. Enjoying your topics. Welcome to September and the cooler weather.
brieann.rn@gmail.com says
Thank you.