I’ve considered writing this post at least half a dozen times, but I’ve always hesitated. I think a large part of me worried that people might assume I was riding a high horse and attempting to dole out judgement for anyone who chooses to live life differently than myself. That couldn’t be further from the truth, but it seems like the devil tries to insert his own spin on how things are seen whenever a child of God opens their heart. Then of course there’s also simply shame, but who has time for that? Plus in the end the idea just keeps popping into my head, so I have decided to try my best and explain why I personally, as a Christian, choose not to drink alcohol.
I can easily recall the first time I drank alcohol and got drunk. It was that pre-made margarita mix that a teenager can find easily in their parent’s freezer while on vacation. It wasn’t the best icee I had ever tried, but I certainly loved that warm, fuzzy feeling after a full glass. I sat outside watching the fireworks feeling so pretty, confident, and free.
I can also easily remember when I realized I had a problem with alcohol. Fifteen years later I can recall waking up with a headache, struggling to get ready for work, and praying.
God, I’m sorry. I’m not gonna drink anymore.
That very afternoon, after a stressful day at work, I stopped and bought a case of beer.
Just one more time. Today was so stressful. I’ll quit tomorrow.
And so it went. I had seen the effects of alcohol abuse throughout my family, and I knew it was in my genes to be an addict.
I had seen it play its part in wrecking my previous marriage, and I had experienced a few scares along the way. Wrecks that should have killed me, arrests, DUI’s for those around me, and extremely poor decisions that still cause me to cringe with weepy regret. I was even watching it live as it chipped away bit by bit at my current marriage, and I knew something had to give. So what was it going to be?
In the end I chose life. I chose healthy relationships with the people I love. I chose motherhood. I chose to give my life completely to Christ. You see, when addiction resides in your life, no matter what that addiction may be, it serves as a divisive force between you and the Lord. It destroys marriages, relationships, and fulfilling the destiny Jesus has for your life.
It wasn’t easy to stop something I had seriously done every day for a decade, and I honestly don’t think I could have done it alone. God’s hand is the only explanation. Each day got easier and each month proved better.
Looking back now, I wonder how I existed in such an empty life before.
Over the next few years after I stopped drinking I came to realize I could occasionally have an alcoholic beverage without falling off this imaginary wagon into a pit of drunkeness and shame. Like seriously, I could have a glass of wine and be done. That felt pretty good.
But what did not feel good was the memories a drink stirred in me. After years of sobriety all it took was one drink to make me tipsy, and to me that feeling no longer was grand. In fact, it was awful. It simply seemed to serve as a reminder of a past life where I thrived on inebriated separation from self, and I didn’t like the person I had left behind. She wasn’t me.
And then there was the whole voice in the back of my mind. It was that tiny whisper that said, “mmmm, that’s good. Why don’t you have another?” I didn’t like that voice at all.
So my 1-2 drinks once every six months still proved to be a problem to me. They reminded me of a person I no longer wished to be, a person who couldn’t commit her life fully to the Lord because of excess baggage.
Then there was the whole reputation thing. I decided as a mother I didn’t want my children to see me drink alcohol, and as a proclaimed Christian I didn’t want people who were struggling in their own relationship with Jesus to get a wrong impression from me. I couldn’t stand the idea of being a stumbling block for anyone.
So do I think drinking is wrong? No, I don’t. Do I think drinking alcohol is a sin? Not if you don’t allow it to control you. See, for a few years I proved I had control over it myself, but even that wasn’t good enough for me. When I decided to follow Jesus with my whole heart I also decided to cut out anything that seemed like it could possibly affect our relationship negatively, and for me alcohol cut it too close.
I suppose that possible dividing force is different for everyone. For you it may be shopping or too many pieces of chocolate cake. The point is that in our walk with the Lord we strive to stay as close to Him as possible, and when something gets in the way you kick it to the curb. As a Christian we work to become one with Christ, and we don’t do things that get in the way of that.
In my goal of walking hand in hand with the Lord I don’t drink alcohol, and now you know why.
Dorothy says
You explained it very well, Brie. And the evil one can’t put his own spin on it this time because you just kicked him to the curb too. Every time one of us runs toward Our Lord instead of to whatever or whomever would keep us apart from Him & then shares that from their heart with others, the devil gets beat down. Its a win win. Thanks for a beautifully written post.
brieann.rn@gmail.com says
Thank you so much!
John says
Brie,
Must compliment you on the courage of pouring out your heart and experiences for us to understand your journey, indeed I am reminded that you are a child of the king, despite any weakness we are promised in Philippians 4:13,I can do all things through him( Jesus Christ) because he gave you and me strength. Loved your blog
John
brieann.rn@gmail.com says
Thank you so much.