This morning my husband came to my bedside to deposit a goodbye kiss on my lips. I looked at him through sleep-deprived, gritty eyes and mumbled “I love you.” Then I asked quickly about some errand I had given him to do the day before.
Within minutes he was gone. The bedroom was again quiet, the children still asleep. He left the house before they rose, and would drag back in just prior to their bedtime. I watched through weary eyes the empty doorway in which he had just stood, and I stared at the vacant place as if I could wish him back.
I realized then that I missed him. Yes, he had just left, but I already missed him. In fact, I had missed him while he was still there.
The past week had been a whirlwind of breastfeeding, dirty diapers, and periods of wakefulness interspersed with sleep. And the few weeks prior to our new daughter’s arrival had been no respite. Moving, unpacking, sheer exhaustion. The stress of running a small business, for my husband, then running a household in his sparse spare time.
As it stood we were like co-workers struggling to keep a listing ship afloat, and in between quick hugs and perfunctory kisses, barely a moment to even hold hands had surfaced in the storm in which we were bobbing. It took almost all our energies to keep our heads afloat, and as if I couldn’t tell this by my own tired body, I could see it in the dark circles under my spouse’s eyes.
We were worn out, worn thin, and worse for the wear. Any time we had previously made for one another in our already busy schedules was a distant memory in the current situation to which we flowed. Yes, we had asked for our busyness, and it was indeed a blessing, but that didn’t change the fact that I terribly missed snuggling on the sofa with this man who was my very best friend.
Marriage isn’t always easy, and it definitely isn’t always exciting. Sometimes it’s hard work. Often times in fact. Not every single moment of matrimony is filled with marathon sessions of making love until the sun comes up. Instead it’s a struggle to just find a moment to speak to one another without little voices interrupting.
It’s really important to find time alone together; this we both know. And while it’s on the agenda to carve that niche out very soon, in the real world of responsibilities sometimes time apart is hard to find.
And that is where faith comes in.
That is where the belief that your marriage is worth working for is important. It’s the part where you trudge past the busy schedules and sift through the tight timeframes to grab ahold of that deep-seated knowledge that he was meant for you, and you were meant for him. And in the acknowledgement of the gift of your spouse you still enjoy your marriage, even if the circumstances aren’t favorable. And certainly if they’re not cultivating your relationship.
You cultivate it anyway. You build on the faith you have in your union, and you use it like a buoy to keep your head above water in the tumultuous waves life sends your way.
So when time apart isn’t possible you still cling to the love that’s there. You cherish the one beside you, even if they happen to not be beside you at the time.
Having faith in your marriage and in your spouse will keep your foundation strong even when circumstances huff and puff, and threaten to blow your house down. You actually laugh at that big bad wolf, knowing nothing can disrupt the brick and mortar you have laid.
This morning I eventually stopped staring at the empty doorway, and instead sent my husband a love note via my phone. After all, faith in your marriage goes a long way, but the rest of the ground is covered well by remembering to tell them just how much you care.