I can still remember the dull feeling of lackluster celebration some seven years ago as my family and I half-heartedly tried to plaster on fake smiles and jolly laughter during the holiday season. Yet it just ended up falling flat on the tail end of our grief and misunderstanding for why life throws unexpected curveballs at the most inconvenient time.
We gathered together for a Thanksgiving feast at my home, as a new venue was required to help lessen our feelings of loss. I was surrounded by my cousins who had just lost their father, and my own siblings who shared in my raw emotion over losing our mother. I shoved mashed potatoes in my mouth while gazing across the table at my aunt who had just lost her spouse, and my blank-faced father who had just had to say a final farewell unexpectedly to his wife.
As we gathered together to give thanks, it was all we could do to not cry out “why?!” And if memory serves correctly, I think we probably did. It just didn’t feel like a time to be grateful, but rather a time to question the cruelty of a world that takes parents away from their children far too soon. Rather than a time to offer thanksgiving, it just seemed a time to cling to one another in sadness for a life that ripped spouses from each other’s embrace.
As time has ticked on the grief has become easier, and while it’s still a painful experience that brought hot tears to my eyes just last evening, it has gotten more doable to press forward with life after loss. Yet I realize for many out there the grief is still new. The scab has barely formed, and is still tender and soft to the touch. For many this Thanksgiving there doesn’t seem to be a sense of thankfulness; it’s just too hard. And I understand.
Psalm 50:23
But giving thanks is a sacrifice that truly honors me. If you keep to my path, I will reveal to you the salvation of God.
Sometimes the act of thanksgiving is a sacrifice, a painful endeavor that is hard to carry out. But nonetheless it honors a Savior who has not forsaken us, even in our grief and loss.
When you can strain through your veil of tears and attempt to focus on the character of God you will see the ultimate healer of your grief, the lifter of your head, and the rock on which you can stand. You will see the shadow of His wings where you might find rest, and that the joy of the Lord is your strength. And while it isn’t a magic spell that makes sadness suddenly disappear, the act of thanksgiving towards a Savior who will never leave you has the power to carry you with mercy and grace when the ability to stand on your own has vanished.
Sometimes it’s hard to feel thankful on Thanksgiving, and that’s okay. Sometimes it’s a sacrifice to offer gratitude, but in that act may we all find peace and anticipation of the reward that awaits us beyond the harsh constraints of this fleeting world.
Dorothy J. says
So, what is it with you, Brie? When I read your blog, sometimes I think that you live inside my head. That you are hard wired into whatever made me reflect, regret, cry or even laugh about that day. This entry today takes the cake, girl. I found out today that my husband has a very advanced, aggressive cancer.
Tomorrow if I can remember to breathe, I will roll the piecrust for his favorite holiday pie for the last time. I will take out a ridicilous looking crepe paper turkey that his mother made when he was a child, a centerpiece that he made a deathbed promise to always keep on his table at Thanksgiving.
I will serve 2nds & 3rds with abandon and may even still blush when he praises me for what he thinks are my culinary skills & then thank him for his appreciation. I will clear the table, do the dishes and likely cry until I begin to choke when I see that he is finally asleep in his recliner afterward. But having no sense of any feelings of thankfulness whatsoever tomorrow is something I have been dreading all day.
I am angry beyond words today. Furious at God for not taking my husband earlier this year when he had the perfect opportunity to do so. And at a loss to heal my own pain or even remotely consider the trials we may face in the coming weeks or months. I feel ripped to shreds today. Your blog with that passage about sacrifice as a way to honor my Lord may be the thread I need to sew up the seams of my heart tomorrow. Whatever it takes, I’m going to use it to thread my needle, Brie. And one thing I know. I am thankful for you tonight.
brieann.rn@gmail.com says
Thank you for sharing with me. It brought me to tears for you. I am praying for you, and that the Lord with lift you with His righteous hand. Thank you for your kind words to me.