I recently was talking to a man about his family.
“How old is your son?” I asked.
“He’s thirteen. And a talented pianist.” He replied.
I smiled politely and nodded.
Then he continued, “He takes swim lessons, and his instructor says he’s capable of doing things he’s never seen another thirteen year old do. Things even most life guards can’t do.”
I smiled. I knew what it was like to be proud of your child’s accomplishments, and I listened as he continued to describe his son.
“He’s at karate now. He’s well above the level of other children his age.”
He went on, “This summer he qualified as a scuba diver. He stayed under water half an hour.”
As he continued to list the accomplishments of what sounded like a very busy child I couldn’t help but wonder why his description resembled a college entrance application.
“He’s a very skilled chess player.” He added.
As he recited his child’s resume I thought to myself, but is he kind?
But he rambled on stating current grades (all A’s of course) and what seemed to be a never-ending list of extracurricular activities.
Yet I still couldn’t help but wonder, but is he kind?
The fact is we currently live in a very fast-paced, competitive world, and preparing your child for the challenges of life is much needed to guarantee their success, or to at the very least hopefully prevent their failure. As parents of a new generation we know all too well the benefits of social activities and academic excellence as it pertains to our child’s future advancement.
And there’s plenty of extracurriculars out there. Dance. Sports. Cheerleading. Drama. Karate. Gymnastics. And don’t forget the clubs.
I can see the benefits of all the activities we have to offer our children. I can. I have my own children involved in many also. But I wonder when we might mistakenly focus too much on what they can do and how well rather than on who they are as a person.
In the midst of so many activities I see children that I can’t help but notice behaving cruelly. These taunting bullies that pick on the children different than themselves, or who are the first to laugh when someone is hurt or embarrassed. I see this behavior and I don’t place blame on the mean kid. No, I place it on the parents.
Children arrive as a clean slate. Cruel behavior is learned through example, and the lack of acceptance for those who are different than yourself is a modeled behavior. An absence of empathy and compassion is taught, perhaps not purposefully, but instilled nonetheless.
A favorite quote of mine by LR Knost says, “It’s not our job to toughen our children up to face a cruel and heartless world. It’s our job to raise children who will make the world a little less cruel and heartless.”
We’ve gotten really good at molding perfect academic students, excellent athletes, and outgoing social butterflies, yet I can’t help but wonder, are they kind?
Are we showing our children not only how to excel in extracurricular activities, but also how to be a wonderful friend?
Are we modeling for them how to not judge others, but instead love them?
Do they recognize the importance of not only giving their all in baseball practice, but also giving all they can to those in need?
Do they not only treat each challenge with utmost seriousness, but also treat others as they would wish to be treated, with utmost dignity?
There’s nothing wrong with a smart, beautiful/handsome, and talented child. I think we can all agree we have one or more of those. There’s nothing wrong with a child who excels in all things, but are they also an excellent example of God’s love to all?
After all, they can get into the best college in the country, but if they don’t get into the kingdom of Heaven it’s for naught.
They can make the honor roll, train as an All Star athlete, and be the kind who never finishes last, but if they can’t put themselves last when it counts there’s no honor in that.
They can be and do everything! Just remember to ask yourself, but are they kind?
Our lives-His Purposes, Ruthie's impressions says
This is so good. I have long felt when we recite the fruit of the spirit we can easily say love, joy, peace, but the one left out most often is kindness. Thank you for this post. well written and spot on. blessings!
brieann.rn@gmail.com says
Thank you!
Simone says
Love this post, Brie!! Thank you (as always) for your wonderful words. I read it once, and then I read it again outloud to my hubby. Very inspiring words!
brieann.rn@gmail.com says
Thank you so much!