Overall I would say I like being me, and I like the hats I wear. I go by many titles in this world, I hold many callings in my life, and I am blessed to have the opportunity to carry out several roles. But it’s easy with all that to lose track of who I am, what’s important, and which things define me. In fact, it’s common for the enemy to steal my identity, sew seeds of confusion, and trick me into believing absolute lies.
Are you falling for it too? Here’s what I’m talking about.
For example, I am a wife, and it’s one of my favorite callings in this world. I enjoy my role as my husband’s helpmate, but I think sometimes I could do better. I get tired, I get cranky, and I’ve been known to blow a gasket over minor details. My moods swing, my patience isn’t always present, and I absolutely cannot understand all of my husband’s behaviors. Seriously, I don’t know why he does some of the things he does, and in my confusion I get frustrated.
I may say things I don’t mean. I certainly think them at times. Or I employ the dreaded silent treatment. I fall so short of the shining Proverbs 31 woman! Sometimes I am certain I’m a failure as a wife.
But at least the children adore me, right? Well, most of the time. I love being a mom, but it’s also so hard!
I yell too much. I really should clean less and play more often. I’ve got to start reading them more books. And don’t get me started on Biblical lessons. I really need to step that up if I want them to be warriors for God. While I’m at it, I need to stop giving them so much junk food. I know ramen is easy, but I saw on Facebook that it causes cancer. So great; I’m giving my kids cancer.
I love staying home with them, but as frazzled and short-tempered as I can get it’s really best that I do go to work some. I work as a registered nurse, and I know I really have the opportunity to positively impact lives in that field. Except a lot of the time I don’t.
Nursing is difficult, and I get flustered at time constraints, personality clashes, and the physical and emotional toll the vocation takes on me. In the stresses of the position I mess up, slip up, and honestly sometimes just straight up slack. After all these years doing it you’d think I’d possess more knowledge or better skills, but I feel like a loser many a day on the job.
And heck, between my home life and work I have absolutely zero time to commit to my other relationships. I’m a terrible friend, and my closest ones happen to be family. I guess they’re the only ones who could dare put up with me long term.
I try to be kind always, and to be open to how I might be able to touch the lives of others, but honestly, I don’t know if I’m able. I don’t know if I’m capable, and I certainly don’t think I’m worthy. I desire to let God use me, but how can He? My past is so tainted I’m not sure why anyone would listen.
So basically I’m a subpar wife, my children are forced to put up with a temperamental mother, and my patients are stuck with an average nurse. I stink as a friend, and my witness is that of a dirty sinner struggling to live up to the reputation my Savior has set for me. I’m a mess!
Or maybe, just maybe I’m more. Perhaps I am known by the title of wife and mother, but that’s not all that I am. And I’m certainly not defined by my worst moments in those roles. I am more.
I’m a busy friend and a frazzled nurse, but I am also the kind, loving heart the Lord has placed inside me. So even when I fall short, I am not my shortcomings.
Life in this world is a challenging one, and in my moments of stress or self-doubt Satan will try and steal my identity. He will tell me I’m a bad mom or an undesirable wife. He will find where I feel my most weak, and he will pick at that slowly like a tender scab. He’ll often do it so quietly that I’m unaware of his schemes, unaware until I wake up one day certain that my failure to obtain perfection makes me less.
But I am more.
I am more than where I fall short, where I try to succeed, and in all the varied roles I possess. I am more because God says so.
Romans 8:1
There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.
2 Corinthians 5:17
Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come.
If God’s word is true, which I believe it to be, then I am more than my past mistakes. I am new. I am redeemed. And I am free. Yes, I’m a wife, mother, nurse, and friend, but above all things I am a child of the King. Above all things I am forgiven, and in Him I am brand new, white as snow, and precious. I am precious.
So when I fall short, and I will, I can learn from my mistakes, but I will not feel defeated. I will remember that I am more than my failures; I am His. Those things do not define me; Jesus does.
Rather than feeling I am less because of my past or what I fail to do, I can know that I am more because He lives in me. Instead of feeling overwhelmed, I can feel peace. Instead of feeling defeat, I will be overcome with joy. I will remember that my identity rests in Him, that He died so that I may live, and live abundantly.
Kristen Lothenore says
I love this post, Brie. So many women define themselves by WHAT they do and don’t see themselves for WHO they are. I believe that people listen to you, because you are real and are open with your humanity and you don’t try to come across as super human or perfect. I love that you are relatable.
brieann.rn@gmail.com says
Thank you so much!!
Kristie Fiveash says
Awesome blog!!! Thanks!
brieann.rn@gmail.com says
Thank you!
Martha says
Thank you. I needed to hear this. I feel inadequate because of my disabilities. I cannot run and play. I can play but not as much as I like. My anxiety and depression make me feel like my daughter would be better off with out me. I feel like I have no right to feel these things because I am not married and don’t have those responsibilities and I only have one child.
brieann.rn@gmail.com says
Satan attacks all God’s children. Stand strong to His truth, and He is faithful to rescue you. God bless you, and thank you for commenting.
Dyane says
You speak my heart. I too am a mom, nurse and wife.
brieann.rn@gmail.com says
Thank you.