Yesterday I was enjoying lunch with my family in the food court of the mall, and as I ate a fabulous steak sub I surveyed my surroundings. Before long a lovely, young girl passed by my table, and I had to do a double-take. I probably would have noticed her anyway as she radiated a glowing beauty, but I could hardly keep my eyes on her gorgeous face for what she was wearing.
“Hey, honey. Look.” I said to my husband. It’s not that I wanted to point out a half-naked stranger, but I seriously couldn’t believe my eyes. And I knew my husband would recognize the top this young lady was wearing. It just so happened to be identical to a piece of lingerie I owned.
So she was wearing a lace undergarment as a top. No biggee. I got it. I mean I did grow up in the eighties and nineties. I had lived through fads of wearing your underwear as outerwear, and I wasn’t sure if Madonna had brought it back again (after all, she still rocked it out at 56), but that wasn’t what really bothered me anyway.
And it wasn’t that I was envious as some might assume. I may have mothered a couple of kiddos, but as a fit and trim size four with an ample bosom I could still pull off sexy, no problem. I just saved it for my bedroom by choice. But I hadn’t always been that way.
Sure enough, when I was this young lady’s age I was a huge fan of anything low-cut, belly-baring, or super short. I was a fan of halter tops, daisy dukes, and teenie, tiny string bikinis. I liked feeling beautiful, and feeling like heads turned when I walked into a room. And since my chest size didn’t match my affection for v-neck tops, well, I went ahead and took care of that little procedure too. So I understood.
But somewhere along the way I learned a thing or two. Or three. I discovered that dressing scantily got me plenty of attention, but perhaps not the kind I desired. Why in the world would the guy I just met assume I was eager to jump in the sack?! Was it the fact that I had my body on display like I wanted to give it away? It’s not rocket science folks.
So maybe I sound like a fuddy-duddy, prude, but perhaps I’m just speaking common sense, matter-of-fact truth. The reality is that if you wear your lingerie out in public you might give off the impression that you’re ready to go to bed. If you wear a neckline that dips down to your navel you shouldn’t expect a man to look into your eyes. If you decide on attire that doesn’t reflect a respect of your own body and self-worth then don’t expect someone else to do otherwise. There’s nothing wrong with wanting to look pretty, but when you leave nothing to the imagination then understand you’ll draw attention that has a short span. You’ll attract someone with your flesh who is only interested in your flesh. End of story.
If you desire someone who is attracted to your inner beauty then put that foot forward first. It’s hard to get to know someone’s interests and dreams if you’re distracted by the curve of their buttocks hanging out of their shorts.
And another thought is why do women feel they must always dress sexy to impress a man? This stigma and expectation isn’t placed on men. I mean can you imagine if a blind date showed up in denim cut-offs?
I’m of the opinion that if you respect your own body you will treat it as the precious treasure it is meant to be, and as such you won’t place it on display for every Tom, Dick, and Harry to ogle at with lust. It cheapens you more than you know. I didn’t always realize this, but after years of drawing the wrong attention I now know it’s true.
But by all means if your aim is to appear the opposite, as if you don’t respect your personal body, and you don’t mind if people undress you with their eyes, then may I suggest Frederick’s of Hollywood. They have some amazingly small articles of fabric that are sure to draw the attention of a man who will use you, disrespect you as a woman, and then laugh about you to their friends. Harsh, I know, but the truth is just that.
Or you could just save the lingerie for the bedroom.
May I suggest instead clothing choices that make you feel pretty, but don’t draw people’s attention from your true beauty to your cleavage.
What does your wardrobe choice imply? Does it suggest you’re worth getting to know better, or worth a one-night stand? Does it suggest you’re looking for a meaningful relationship, or a quick boffing in the backseat? Does it draw attention to your personality or your legs? Does it imply a respect and pride in yourself, or does it suggest a desire to attract attention at any cost?
Because what you wear does matter. People are human, and they will judge you on your appearance, and while the opinion of others doesn’t matter the most, it does matter a bit when it reflects poorly on you as an individual who is truly precious and deserving of respect.
So the next time you dress to impress, look in the mirror and ask yourself exactly what your attire suggests.
- As a final note, I want to add that anything written above is motivated by love, and although it might seem harsh it is only because I truly wish someone could have spoken this to me twenty years ago. My hope is always to prevent the hurt in someone else that I have suffered in the past.
Sandra Mills says
As a mature lady who also didn’t value my own worth as a young person, thank you for sharing. What you said is the truth. Women do not need to take it off to earn respect and love. Men worth having will not look for a girl with that type standard.
Sally says
I really appreciate your perspective. I’m so glad that I actually became uncomfortable donning a wardrobe that wasn’t becoming of a classy female. I’d say think Neiman Marcus catalog style & you’ve got it made. 😉