Brie Gowen

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Five Characteristics of a Virtuous Wife

March 26, 2015 by brieann.rn@gmail.com

We live in a world of social media where our happiest moments are captured at the snap of a button, edited with the most complimentary filter possible, and then shared for all to see. It’s most always the beautiful moments that we open up to others, and the less lovely instances are quickly deleted so as never to see the light of day.

As a Christian woman it’s easy to dress up your family in color-coordinating outfits, haul everyone hurriedly off to church, and smile pleasantly at passerby’s of your pew like you are the happiest family to ever be, and like there were never raised voices and tears prior to your arrival for Sunday morning service. You brush under the rug of a fake, forced smile, the harsh words you uttered hastily in the car to your spouse, and you sufficiently apply the strained, fake mask of perfection before considering the mantle of humility.

Let’s face it, we’re all human, and our actions will never be quite as they should be. We will always be in the good race to obtain those traits presented in Proverbs 31, and we will fall short many times, but too often we miss the mark of where it all starts. Too often we as women desire to give ourselves to our community, our friends, and our congregation, but The Lord is calling us to start in our home.

The calling of a Christian woman starts on her own doorstep, and until we can perform as Christ intended within our own home then all the smiles, tithes, and pretty pictures presenting a loving family mean nothing. Our mission of love must start in our home, and only then may we successfully flow love from there.

It resides with how you treat your children, and it begins with how you interact with your spouse. God calls His daughters to be women of virtue, and this is such a lofty position we hold. It’s one that we should take with utmost seriousness, and we can never underestimate the role we serve in furthering the Kingdom by being Godly wives.

There are certain characteristics a virtuous wife exhibits, and her calling to be like Jesus starts in her relationship with her spouse.

1. Helpmate. Wives are called to be a helpmate, and this call to companionship is of extreme importance. A helpmate is a team player in the marriage, and a helpmate understands that each partner in the holy union must give all of themselves to further the relationship. It’s not a 50/50 kind of deal, but more like a 100/100. A helpmate understands that somedays their partner may not be at their best, but it is in these instances that a true companion steps in to pick up the slack.

A helpmate is that unconditional loving partner who takes her eyes off herself and focuses them on her spouse. It’s easy as a human to think “me, me, me,” but to love like Jesus you take your eyes off simply what you’re getting out of the relationship. Instead you focus on what you may give to it.

Ecclesiastes 4:9-12

9 Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their work: 
10 If one falls down, his friend can help him up. But pity the man who falls and has no one to help him up! 
11Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm. But how can one keep warm alone? 
12 Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.

 

2. Trusts. I do believe that trust is something that must be built, and it is also something that must be maintained, but too often in relationships women find it difficult to trust. Due to instances where they have been hurt by a man, be it a father figure or another relationship, many women find trust a difficult characteristic to walk in. Their past pain makes them untrusting, but God calls us to put faith in our marriage. Some men are untrustworthy, but all of them are not. We must be willing to surrender our hearts completely to our husbands, and put faith in their actions. A virtuous woman places her trust in The Lord, and through the healing of that relationship she may find it possible to build and maintain trust in human ones also. 

3. Compliments. A virtuous wife strives to build up her man, not tear him down. She will desire to speak life into her marriage, not be the death of it. She will seek ways to find the best attributes of her spouse, and she will ruminate on those. She will fan the flame of his confidence, she will inspire him with loving words, and she will back up her compliments with adoring actions that represent her praise. A virtuous wife realizes her affections will be reciprocated in time, but she doesn’t perform based on what she can get out of the relationship. She serves the marriage out of selfless love, and while walking in this mindset she finds it quite easy to speak words of love and affirmation to her husband. 

 

4. Honors. A virtuous wife strives to honor her spouse. She realizes from God’s word that honor in marriage is a characteristic for both parties, but she doesn’t act honorable only when she feels it’s reciprocated. She honors her husband because this is what God commands for her as a wife. She knows diligence will show her a return of what she puts forth, and she understands her loving respect of her husband honors her relationship with The Lord. 

A wife who honors her spouse gives him the freedom to make decisions for the family, and though they are a team unit, she still honors him when their opinion differs. An honorable wife encourages strength in her husband; she doesn’t strip it from him. An honorable wife trusts The Lord to work in her husband’s life, and she doesn’t try to take that job away from Him. If you trust The Lord to help your husband lead the family then you have to let go of trying it lead it solely yourself.
A virtuous wife can let go of the wheel. Just as she surrenders her worries, anxiety, and life to Jesus, so too must she let go of control of every situation. An honorable wife knows her husband cannot lead when she’s constantly demanding to stand in front. She knows when to step aside so God can shine in his life. She knows how to stop stepping on her husband’s toes so Christ can truly raise him up. Not to be the man she wants him to be, but so he can be the man God has called him to be. 
And a virtuous wife doesn’t fear her husband by honoring him, rather she fears The Lord. 

 5. Prays. I think this is the most important. A virtuous wife prays for her spouse, but it doesn’t stop there. She prays diligently, without ceasing. She prays selflessly, not praying for what’s in her best interest, but in what’s God’s best for him. A virtuous wife knows her best contribution to her husband is her prayer life for him. She knows that in so many instances she cannot change circumstances or change her spouse, but that nothing is impossible with God. 

A praying wife is a wife full of faith, one who knows that God is within her. She knows her prayers have power because the Spirit who can raise the dead lives in her heart. She can say to a mountain jump, and it falls into the sea. It’s with this power and faith that she intercedes for her spouse.

The thing is, there are so many characteristics of a virtuous wife, and I only mentioned a handful in this post. I would encourage you to read over Proverbs 31, as I’ll include it below, and ask God to speak to your heart about how you can strive to be a more virtuous wife, mother, and woman. I know that personally I fall short in so many ways, but my desire is to continually seek how I may become a better representation of Christ in my daily interactions with others. And I know that it starts in my own home. I can serve my church and community with selflessness and grace, but unless I am serving my family the same, I will not succeed. The foundation of a Proverbs Woman begins with the strong, stable life that she builds within her own walls.   

Proverbs 31:10-31

10 [a]A wife of noble characterwho can find?
    She is worth far more than rubies.
11 Her husband has full confidence in her
    and lacks nothing of value.
12 She brings him good, not harm,
    all the days of her life.
13 She selects wool and flax
    and works with eager hands.
14 She is like the merchant ships,
    bringing her food from afar.
15 She gets up while it is still night;
    she provides food for her family
    and portions for her female servants.
16 She considers a field and buys it;
    out of her earnings she plants a vineyard.
17 She sets about her work vigorously;
    her arms are strong for her tasks.
18 She sees that her trading is profitable,
    and her lamp does not go out at night.
19 In her hand she holds the distaff
    and grasps the spindle with her fingers.
20 She opens her arms to the poor
    and extends her hands to the needy.
21 When it snows, she has no fear for her household;
    for all of them are clothed in scarlet.
22 She makes coverings for her bed;
    she is clothed in fine linen and purple.
23 Her husband is respected at the city gate,
    where he takes his seat among the elders of the land.
24 She makes linen garments and sells them,
    and supplies the merchants with sashes.
25 She is clothed with strength and dignity;
    she can laugh at the days to come.
26 She speaks with wisdom,
    and faithful instruction is on her tongue.
27 She watches over the affairs of her household
    and does not eat the bread of idleness.
28 Her children arise and call her blessed;
    her husband also, and he praises her:
29 “Many women do noble things,
    but you surpass them all.”
30 Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting;
    but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.
31 Honor her for all that her hands have done,
    and let her works bring her praise at the city gate.

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Filed Under: Inspirational, Marriage

Comments

  1. Simone says

    March 26, 2015 at 2:39 am

    BEAUTIFUL blog post! It spoke right to my heart. Being a virtuous wife is one of the highest callings 🙂

    • brieann.rn@gmail.com says

      March 26, 2015 at 2:40 am

      Thank you so much. So glad you enjoyed.

  2. meltedflowers amy garren says

    March 26, 2015 at 2:57 am

    Great write. I agree.

    • brieann.rn@gmail.com says

      March 26, 2015 at 2:57 am

      Thank you.

  3. Doreen Moore- Barrett says

    October 8, 2015 at 1:42 am

    Brieann, the Lord has been speaking to me for a while to minister to the needs of women as he leads me. Recently, I created a fb page called, The Virtuous Purpose Driven Woman”‘ The Lord has been good so far and I thank him for what he has been doing. Of course, once he starts a work he stands by it to its completion. Anyway, tonight I was looking at some things on the net and came across your post. It was so good, I had to share. Powerful words of wisdom. Continue to shine for Jesus.

    • brieann.rn@gmail.com says

      October 8, 2015 at 1:44 am

      Thank you so much! I’ll have to find your page.

  4. Erin Beasley says

    March 26, 2016 at 3:52 am

    Just so you know… The Holy Spirit ministers through you to the rest of us who are “beyond-tired” nurses, exhausted Mamas, and those of us who are wives wondering if we’re doing this thing called “marriage” correctly at all… We’re all rolled into one frazzled package. Your last two posts have been arrows that have shot straight to my heart of hearts. Thank you for making yourself available to be used of The Master. So, on those days when you wonder if anybody at all is reading, if what you do or say makes a difference, please remember… IT DOES! Happy Resurrection Sunday from one hot mess of a Mama/wife/nurse to another! God bless you, sister!

    • brieann.rn@gmail.com says

      March 26, 2016 at 4:01 am

      Thank you so much for taking the time to comment. It means so much to me and is very encouraging!

  5. Dan Lane says

    November 11, 2016 at 4:12 pm

    You are a sweetie, Brie. If only more women were of a similar mind. I found your blog as I was searching forlorn for any signs of sweet, gentle women the way women used to be, and found myself despairing at the desert that I found.

    God bless and preserve you and those you love.

    Dan Lane

    • brieann.rn@gmail.com says

      November 11, 2016 at 4:18 pm

      Thank you so much.

Meet Brie

Brie is a forty-something wife and mother. When she's not loving on her hubby or playing with her three daughters, she enjoys cooking, reading, and writing down her thoughts to share with others. She loves traveling the country with her family in their fifth wheel, and all the Netflix binges in between. Read More…

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