This is the third part in a love series based on my own relationship with my spouse. If you missed the beginning, don’t feel lost. You can find it easily by clinking the link here. I would encourage that. No one ever wants to miss the beginning of a story. You can also find part two by clicking this link. Thanks for reading along as I share my heart.
*The pewter medallion from the card I spoke of in the previous post. He carries it in his pocket every day. Always.
When we last left off I told you that I decided I wanted to give myself to the relationship, to let down my defenses, and let him in to my heart. Completely.
This isn’t easy folks. Would you like to know why? It’s because you can get hurt. We’re all protective creatures over-all, and we can become defensive where our feelings are concerned. When you finally decide to love one single person, forever and ever, and let them into your little world; it can be challenging. If you’ve been hurt in the past it’s especially challenging.
I’m going to tell you something. You may already know. Some of you who have been married for a long time will shake your head agreeably. For some, this may be new.
When you finally decide to give your heart to one man, to let down your defenses and commit fully to the love relationship; you will get hurt.
Wait?! What did I just say?! I thought the point was to avoid heartbreak!
You actually heard me right. You’ll still most likely get hurt. When you find the love of your life things don’t suddenly become easy. God doesn’t give your mate a personality change when you say “I do.”
The thing about marriage is it’s work. It’s not a stage in the relationship where things suddenly become dreamy and wonderful. It is those things, but it’s also a period of getting to know one another. This period will keep going. It can get easier or harder. It kind of depends on you.
I said you’d get hurt. Well, you will. That’s what happens when two people decide to live together and find out each other’s secrets, struggles, failures, and idiosyncrasies. Showing someone else where you fall short isn’t easy nor comfortable. It’s often surprising, sometimes harsh, and even hurtful. Sometimes painfully so.
But I decided to “love always.” Before he even asked me to marry him (the second time) I decided I wanted that. I wanted that steadfast, enduring love. I wanted to see him, to really see him, and love him anyway. I’ve said it before; I knew his heart was so beautiful, and I decided I could cut away at the not-so-good to get there.
And that’s what marriage really is. It’s deciding you see the good heart and soul of another person and you’re willing to chip away at the nuisances and problems to hold that heart, to hold it always.
You will never find the perfect man. Or the perfect woman. There is no such thing. But you can find the perfect person for you.
For me, God had told me all along who my perfect mate was, the perfect one to be my husband. Realizing just how “un-perfect” he happened to be was challenging to say the least. But I’m honest enough with myself to realize he probably thought the same thing. We were two imperfect people plagued with problems and personal issues trying to share a life together. We had secrets we had kept from one another, some big (some really big!), and some small.
The challenge comes when you see if those things will break you. They will definitely shake you!
I can remember crying, sobbing with the pain of those problems when they erupted. I was seven months pregnant and devastated by the heavy truth of it all. I sat facing my love, tears in his own eyes, but also fear, and I made the decision to embrace him. He had certainly done the same with me. We held each other, arms locked, tears falling, and we vowed to keep going, to love always.
And we have. He promised me on that couch years ago that things would get better, and they did. He kept his promises and I kept mine. We saw each other at our worst and lived to tell the tale. We never stopped loving and didn’t give up.
I am reminded of the greatest love story ever told. While I think mine is really swell, it can’t hold a candle to this one. It’s the story of my salvation. I think of all the time I lived my life running from God, disregarding Him, and not even showing Him the affection He deserved at all. Even as I lived a life that shunned Him, He loved me still. He never gave up on me. Because He loved me so much.
That perfect love story is the best example to base a marriage upon. To love always.
As we’ve continued to live each day loving always, even when it’s not fun, or when it gets hard, or when your feelings get hurt, or you don’t get your way; we’ve seen a beautiful relationship emerge, one strengthened by trial and error, and cemented by steadfast, unconditional love. Refining fire hurts, but leaves a lovely, smooth-finished product.
After some time, plenty of prayer for the other, and individual commitment of our personal relationship with Jesus, we have emerged with a perfect relationship. Yes, I said perfect. Quite perfect for us.