He was so tiny! I looked at him skeptically as I snapped a photo with my cell phone, capturing a memory, although paltry, of our small, yet noble snowman.
Initially melancholy over his size, or lack there of, I tried to see what my child saw. She posed with her new snow friend, grinning from ear-to-ear and shaking either with excitement or early hypothermia. I couldn’t decide which.
We had eagerly anticipated a real Southern snow storm. This equates a few inches of powder. It had been over seven years since I had lived up North and experienced a “real snow storm” which blanketed your lawn with substantially more of the white stuff.
Despite my prior experience with more snow than the dustings we get in Mississippi, I found myself excited. Despite my initial judgement of our little snowman, and even while he sat upon a patchy mix of dead grass and melting snow, I couldn’t help but be proud of the little guy. We worked with what we had, never mind how little it might have been, and had created a genuine snowman, complete with tiny carrot nose.
It got me to thinking about how often I cock my head to the side in my life, looking at the scant hand I’ve been dealt in a situation and making the poor decision to turn away instead of working with what I got.
We live in a world of excesses, a world where we throw out perfectly good leftovers, and if we can’t have a lot then it’s just not enough.
There’s nothing wrong with desiring the most out of life, but in reality we just don’t always get what we want. Sometimes, most times, we are given a little to work with, and it’s up to us to make the most of that. It’s a lesson in stewardship really. How can we be trusted with more when we waste the little we have? We know this. It’s a basic principle. But we lose sight of that in everyday practice.
In the past twenty-four hours I was confronted with a handful of areas of my life, important areas, where sometimes I’m just given a sliver to work with, a small portion with which I must deal, a tiny dusting of snow that I must roll together to try and build a snowman. Funny thing though. While at first it might not look like much, when you get down on your hands and knees and start rolling it together you realize you have more than you thought.
What about you? How much do you have to work with in these areas?
1. Relationships. Personally I spend a very small amount of time alone with my husband, like hardly any at all.
Two words. Work. Kids. My husband works very hard to provide for us. I’m always bipolar on the whole issue. On one hand I would love to have him around more. Then on the other I want to pay the bills on time. I know he has to work to bring home the bacon. But I love having him around! I like the help with the crazy children, but I also just really enjoy the adult company. Especially his.
But I just don’t get much of it, you know? When he gets home late from work I’m usually finishing off baths and putting on kid’s pajamas. They are cranky. I’m exhausted, and honestly just want them to bug him for a while so I can pee alone and maybe eat my cold dinner uninterrupted.
His time home ends up being us working in shifts to eat, entertain babies, and get them to sleep. When it’s all done we’re ready to crash and barely have the energy to manage any adult conversation. We sadly end up relaxing with whatever means of adult entertainment we can’t do when they’re awake or we’re working, like computer games and social media, until we pass out from PFS (Parental Fatigue Syndrome). Not the best quality time spent together.
Marriage with small kids is crazy. You’re not so much a couple as you are parenting partners. Time alone is rare and in small quantities. But you got to work with what you got. You can’t just accept lack of quality time as the status quo.
You have to take those tiny moments and cultivate them. Sometimes you really have to search them out, take a hold of them, and enjoy the tar out of it.
So that’s what we did. Despite being tired I stayed up late last night with my groom. We played in the snow at 2 am while babies slept. We laughed. We held each other. It wasn’t a week in Aruba. We can’t do that now. It was one night, alone in the snow, cuddling by the fire afterwards, and it was more than enough. It was wonderful.
2. Patience. Yikes. I really don’t have much of this at all.
Picture this. Snow day. Three girls and one husband all in 1200 square feet of space. Well, considering most of these were underfoot as I tried to prepare their breakfast we’ll cut that to 200 square feet.
Wet mittens, socks, and jackets strewn everywhere. Excitement levels on hyperdrive, fueled by a sugar high of too much snow cream.
“I wanna help you Momma!”
“Me too!”
Broken eggs on the counter, pancake batter spilled on the floor, and my anger beginning to bubble up and pop as painfully as the grease from the bacon in the hot skillet.
And so it did. It popped up in the form of screamed, frustrated words. Words that fell and broke upon the floor as easily as the eggs before them. To what purpose?
If there’s anything I truly hate it is Mommy Regret. It’s that feeling of wishing you could reel back in the words you uttered in frustration, rethinking your actions, quelling your anger.
The kids had scattered. I didn’t want them thinking they ranked below pancake batter in my list of important things! My patience was very little, almost nonexistent, but I had to work with what I had.
My kiddos didn’t deserve my wrath. Well, maybe they did a little, but I decided to work with the shred of patience I had left, and try to enjoy the day we had together.
Motherhood is a constant battle of running on empty, giving and giving and giving, even as your reserves seem so near empty. I’ve learned that being a Mom truly allows God to show me on a daily basis just how much He is capable of through my life. Any mother who has considered jumping out a window or wringing their own child’s neck at times can attest to that. Can I get a witness?
3. Joy. Do you ever feel like this one escapes you?
I can’t understand where mine goes some days, and it even makes me a little mad. Mostly at myself. Like that helps anything. I’ll never understand the depths of human emotion, especially that of a woman. Who else can find themselves feeling a little weepy when everything seems pretty good?
I don’t know if you’re the same. Maybe this sounds lie someone you know. There’s nothing really going on that can be termed responsible for bringing you down. You just are.
It infuriates me to find myself unexpectedly unhappy when everything around me is so, well, happy! I want to scream at the sky, scream at myself, but usually end up yelling at those around me, as if they are responsible for my decline in mood. Sigh.
This is the battle of depression I suppose, trying to be upbeat because that’s what you should be, but still finding yourself with a small reserve of joy in your pocket when you reach for it.
This one truly requires a lot of faith, dipping into a well of good feelings you’re pretty sure is empty,but refusing to give up and just lay there. Sometimes you just have to work with what you got. And you always have the joy of The Lord. It’s just not always easy to find. Sometimes it’s clouded by our own selves. This isn’t a bad thing. It doesn’t mean you’ve failed. It just mean you have to agree to keep trying.
You agree to work with what you got, to hold on to the truths like “His strength is made perfect in weakness” or “He who began a good work in you will carry it to completion.”
When you can remember that then you will be amazed at what you can do. You’ll be astonished by what big things come out of your little life.
Sally Magsig says
It is amazing how the enemy tries to rob us of our joy. I also at times can’t find the joy when my life is going wonderfully. Thanks for the word picture of the little snowman and ‘working with what God has given us’. I will remember that during those tricky times. You can come to Michigan, we have many feet of snow to build as big of snowman as you want. LOL
brieann.rn@gmail.com says
Thanks for commenting. And thanks for the invite. I was stationed in Great Lakes so I’ll bet y’all got plenty of snow for BIG snowmen. Lol. I’ll keep my warmer temps though. Glad you enjoyed and this post found you where you are. Thanks again.