A good friend of mine recently shared a story with me that both took me off guard and left me with a vast array of different emotions. I was stunned, angry, saddened, and felt a weird sort of female camaraderie over body image woes.
It happened like this folks.
As Valentine’s Day was approaching my friend was eager to nail down a gift for her spouse that would be something different, something that would knock his socks off. She found this perfect present for sweethearts in the idea of boudoir photos.
If you’re unfamiliar with the term it’s a different kind of private photo shoot per se. Basically a photographer takes classy, yet sexy photos of you in your lingerie. You then present the alluring photos to your man.
I don’t know if I could stand in my skivvies for a stranger personally, but the idea has really taken off for young brides and the like.
My friend was excited for her own imagined sultry photo shoot until she received an unexpected correspondence from the photographer.
She would not be taking her boudoir photos it seemed. The photographer declined her services. Her reasons you ask? She informed my friend that she was overweight and therefore not a candidate for a session. The photographer was concerned that if someone saw the photos of my healthy friend in her unmentionables that it might negatively impact her reputation as a photographer! Yes, she told her this.
Then she mentioned to my friend, “You have a pretty face though, so I wouldn’t mind taking profile pictures of you.”
Let’s forget the fact for a moment that my friend is merely a size 10. Let’s throw weight and size out the window period. There is so much more wrong with this picture (or lack there of) than that.
I found myself disgusted and with a few questions pressing on my mind.
For example, why do we as women do this to one another? What makes us look at ourselves, look at other women, look back at ourselves, and then draw conclusions?
How often do you see a woman across the room and immediately begin to compartmentalize her various body parts and compare them to your own? Then how often do you end up coming to conclusions about her and yourself based upon this cursory glance?
Oh my God. She’s fat!
Or
Oh my God. I’m so fat!
We judge other women and ourselves on anything from nose length, bust size, booty shape, or facial characteristics based on societal ideals of what is pretty.
In the midst of all this I had a dream last night. I sometimes think God gives me dreams to reveal the ugly in me. This shames me, but is worth sharing. In my dream an old friend was there. She just so happens to weigh a great deal more than I do. In my dream, when I saw her I spouted off, “Release the Krakin!” (You know, the mythical sea creature from Twenty Thousand Leagues Under the Sea or more presently, Pirates of the Caribbean.)
Some of you might have chuckled just then, but I can tell you what was not funny; the look on my friend’s face. In my dream my words cut her to the bone. When I awoke I was devastated at my behavior towards my friend. Which led me to ask myself, “When is this ever okay?”
Well, it’s not. Ever. If you wouldn’t say it to a friend, why say it to a stranger. Even if they can’t hear you isn’t it still just as cruel?
Consequently, after talking with the photographer my friend above bawled about this snap judgment from a stranger.
We need to pay attention to how our judgements of the physical are effecting the emotional well-being of not only other people but our own selves as well.
So where do we get these twisted perceptions?
When I first heard this story I was like bou-what? I had to go to my trusted friend google for the answer to “boudoir photos.” I was immediately greeted with many articles with tips for taking the perfect boudoir photo for your sweetheart.
What struck me immediately was all the accompanying photos for demonstration. Each one contained a flawless model who held similar characteristics to an infamous Victoria’s Secret Model.
Okay, I’ll just go ahead and say it. I’m a skinny girl. I’m what a large part of society, maybe not Hollywood, but what a majority of every day people would define as skinny.
But let’s put my body type or label aside and just say I’m a woman. I’m a woman who is my own worst enemy, like most women. I’ll never be in my eyes as perfectly perfect as I think I should be or could be. I’ll see the flaws when others do not. I’ll compare my body to that of a photo-shopped, air-brushed magazine pin-up of a model who had half a dozen people help her get ready. I won’t mean to compare myself to this unobtainable, false vision of what beauty is supposed to be, but I will.
My friend recently had a baby too. Every woman who’s had a child knows the agony of body image afterwards. I didn’t start feeling anywhere back to normal until at least a year later, and it still wasn’t ever what it used to be.
Real women don’t have personal trainers, dietitians, and staff to help with child care so they can get their figure back.
While I applaud all their hard work to get back a rocking body; the magazine covers with flat-tummied celebrities six weeks after a baby make me want to vomit. It’s unrealistic.
I’m left wondering, who decides what defines beauty?
My friend didn’t want to let some stranger’s opinion hurt her, but it did.
I don’t want to compare myself to other women, but honestly, some times I do. And I usually find myself lacking.
I think we really have to fight for a change of culture. I want to stop seeing advertisements pop-up on my Facebook feed of how to lose 12 pounds in 2 weeks, accompanied by a picture of a skeletal stranger.
I want to be happy in my own skin. I want those I love and care about to see themselves as beautiful as I see them, or as beautiful as they are in the eyes of their significant other. Or more importantly, how beautiful they are in the eyes of their Heavenly Father.
Psalm 139:14
I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.
I want to remember, I want to believe it; that I am fearfully and wonderfully made. We all need this knowledge.
We need to know it full well. Then we can know the true beauty, the beauty that exists within us all, the beauty of God’s handwriting.
Original image: billzipponbusiness.com
Kathy Nolan says
Just found your blog and have loved reading your ICU blogs. I have worked in ICU for 35 years and agree with your observations. I find it humbling to be able to help people thru difficult transitions in their lives. It is always new and different how people react in situations. We tend to judge so quickly for non logical reasons…be it race, culture or a persons size. ICU Nursing helps keep me grounded in accepting a person or patient for who they are or where they are in their life’s journey. Never easy but I work at it every day with hope and a prayer.
brieann.rn@gmail.com says
Thanks for commenting. Glad my blog found it’s way to you.
Liz says
Thank You! You are spot on about this. I enjoy reading everything you write! Please continue because you have a gift 🙂
brieann.rn@gmail.com says
Thank you so much! You’re word of encouragement was just what I needed this morning!
Jenney Moss says
Amazing Brie!!!
brieann.rn@gmail.com says
Thank you my dear!!