- I can recall a couple of instances in my life where I found myself in a vacuum, a place that if it were a motel sign, it would read vacant. It was an empty place, void of any sense of peace or even clarity for that matter. It wasn’t without emotion though. I recall the rawness of such a miserable feeling of low-down despair. When you have fallen you have to eventually hit the ground, and when you do it will be at the very bottom, the lowest of all low places. In this dark, dank place you will look up for some beacon of light, some hope of redemption from the pit of muck in which you are mired, but it is often difficult to see past your own tears, so completely the thick veil of them blinds you. In these moments of rock bottom, for me, this is where I found God. Notice I didn’t say He found me. He always knew where I was, but it’s easier to open the eyes of the blind when they have no where to turn to but up.
- I was reminded of this today as I washed my three year old daughter. Bath time is always fun for the girls, but the older one hates, no, abhors having her hair washed. I’ve always used tear-free soaps and shampoos, but it makes no difference. She can’t stand the water to get in her eyes. If one drop falls there she screams as if it is battery acid. If she would simply lean her head back and be still it wouldn’t be a problem. But since she hates it so, she flops around and fights the whole process. This inexplicably leads to water getting in her eye. It’s usually a huge ordeal with a lot of tears from her and tested nerves for me. Our battle of wills continues as I get her dressed. For some reason the amount of time required to put on pants is a torturous amount of time to be still in her opinion. She hops around like a cat on a hot tin roof, and it ends up taking longer to get dressed that it would if she would just do it my way. Parenthood is choked full of moments like that, instances where the parent knows what’s best, yet the child must see for themselves, pushing past limits, ignoring what is best, what is logical, and doing things their own way. Eventually (I think I was personally like 30 or something), the kid realizes the parents had it right all along.
- My battles with my children almost always make me think of my experiences with The Lord. I don’t know why I am so hard-headed, but I am. I once had a man give a prophecy over me when I lived overseas. At one point he said, “You escaped the jaws of the enemy, but you keep looking back over your shoulder saying, Hey, look at those big teeth. Doesn’t that look awesome?! At the time I thought, No way I’ll do that! But I did. I decided that God’s will for my life, His way of doing things just wasn’t going to work for me. I didn’t want to hear His voice of conviction. I didn’t want to give up control of my life. I wanted to do things my way. He had rescued me once from the dark place at the bottom of despair and emptiness, but I guess I figured there was no way I would fall that far again. I reckoned I could dance around the edge of the pit, maybe even jump across it a few times for the sheer thrill, but manage to keep myself on the top of the world. It always looks like you’re going up when you try your own way, to climb to new heights without the tether of God’s protection, but eventually you realize you’re actually being dragged down. Down to the bottom. It’s a most dreadful place, cold, dark, without His presence. For some reason, though, as we sit on the cold earth, feeling it sink into our very marrow, achingly chilled to the bone, it’s in these moments of anguish we reach out a hand. It’s a weak, shaky hand, but a hand none-the-less, begging for a Savior. It’s in these simple moments of broken surrender, where our very souls cry for help, that He saves us. I can’t imagine why we ever tried to do it on our own. I don’t know why we must come to a place of complete failure before we turn our face to the King. I don’t know why we wait until the last resort to call upon the first answer for salvation, for saving grace, for joy, for that completeness in our spirit. I don’t know why, but I’m grateful beyond all measure that He saves us, that despite our fighting against His omnipotence that He loves us still, and longs for us to return to Him, to return to His perfect will.
That is all 🙂