- She’s been training for a couple of years now, so it’s only natural that my three year old is finally coming into her own, and really starting to excel at completely trashing my living room, or any room in the house for that matter, especially if I just finished picking up. I suppose she’s like a budding Picasso, and a bare floor resembles a blank canvas to her artistically destructive eye. Asking her to pick up her own mess is the absolute worst torture I can dish out on that child. Her shoulders will sag inward while her chin crashes into her chest, and the most pitiful sigh issues from her tiny peasant, slave child mouth. Today after we played her favorite game of “let me undo what mom just did,” I insisted she clean up the existing mess that completely painted my living room rug with a coat of discarded toys prior to granting her request to pull baby furniture out of the nursery (because playing with her own toys just isn’t as much fun). She attempted the task of cleaning with the reward of making future messes dancing in her head. At one point I heard her groan in angered exasperation. I peeked into the room and her pants were around her thighs while her arms were full of stuffed puppies. “My pants keep falling down! I can’t do it!” I wanted to laugh out loud at her miniature temper tantrum over saggy pants and the exhausting chore of moving a toy from point A to point B (approximately two feet).
- Well, instead of laughing I filed it away. I do that a lot. I see my child do something ridiculous and then I realize, she comes by it naturally. I’ve been on the border of throwing my toys in the air and screaming in frustration most of the day. My day started okay, but for me it seems like a single event can alter the coarse of my perfectly pleasant day in record time. I don’t like that fact, nor do I condone it, but I really have trouble changing it. My day took a detour to Sucksville when I logged onto my bank account. Payday is tomorrow, but I needed milk and other essentials today. I quickly entered my password to see just how much I could spend. I was drying my hair at the time (yes, I frequently multi-task) and almost dropped my hair dryer in the sink when I saw my balance. It was negative! How did that happen?! It seems that your normally put together to the fraction of a cent, financial guru, queen of the checkbook woman got it wrong. In my haste and distraction I apparently forgot to log a large check, one that I’m not accustomed to writing, one that I wrote over two weeks ago, and that was finally cashed yesterday. I have never done this in my twenty years of having a checking account. I almost felt like a man from the bank was likely waiting at my front door ready to slap me into shackles and throw me in the vault along with my useless, bounced check, where we could ponder the error of our ways via overdraft fees.
- I immediately texted my husband. When I want to feel stupid and angry at myself, the poor man usually has to listen. Naturally he sent reassuring texts with cute, kissie-faced emoticons telling me it was no big deal. He even tried sending adult content, suggestive texts to make me giggle (which they did), but I had convinced myself I was a moron. Since I couldn’t stop there, I also began to dwell on finances period (I still needed that milk), which is never really an uplifting experience. I followed up by feeling sorry for myself, thinking, Why are we always broke? I hate being poor! Never mind the fact that we are far from poor and actually pretty blessed as far as hundred-aires (aka lower, middle class) goes. I was on a roll, and I wouldn’t stop until I was sufficiently in a bad mood, and had ruined my entire day with my negative attitude. I’m not sure why I do that, why I allow one bad apple to ruin my entire barrel. But I do. I found myself praying for God to help change my attitude (which is a good thing I think), and also asking forgiveness for such a poor one at that (which is probably also a pretty good idea), but then I also realized something. Some days are just going to be bad. Some days something bad is going to happen. It’s going to really suck on days like that. I may not can fix it or change it, but I can keep going. Once I told myself it was okay to feel bad, I actually felt better. I can not fall victim to giving up. Just because my attitude was poor today doesn’t reflect what it will be tomorrow. I can start new. I found the time to wash my sheets tonight, and similarly I can lay my mind down fresh when I go to bed, pray for God to clean it, and wake up ready for another day. Even if my arms get full and my pants fall around my ankles, I will not say “I can’t do it,” because I can, and I will. I have to. There’s new beautiful messes waiting to be made. Because really that’s where the fun is at. I won’t beat myself too hard for the overdraft, or even for my ensuing mood. It’s like my husband said, “It’s over. It’s done with, and you can’t change it, so move on.”
22 Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed,
for his compassions never fail.
23 They are new every morning;
great is your faithfulness.
And I’ll take that as my own. You can too.
That is all 🙂