- Random thought for the day. I was watching ID channel (Investigation Discovery) and one of their stellar detective shows, when it occurred to me that instead of using planted listening devices for surveillance, that they should just employ kids. They could train them at the FBI Headquarters in Virginia and then use them throughout the world to infiltrate crime rings. I know what you’re thinking. Crazy, right? Just hear me out. Whenever you’re having a conversation with another adult and especially if it contains mature content; who hears every word, memorizes it, and proceeds to repeat it precisely as stated? Answer: your child. They’re like secret agents only better. They look completely innocent as they’re playing in depth with a toy, humming to themselves. You would never imagine that their superior recording mechanism of a brain is catching every morsel of your private convo. They’re desperately honest, so there’s no fear of distorting evidence for their own personal gain. You could pay them in candy and as long as Dora is on in the background, they’ll work a case as long as you need them to. I really think I’m onto something.
- I love pictures, and by this I mean photography. I love taking them. I love capturing moments. I love looking at them. I’m not the kind of person who just saves them on my computer either. I love to print them and put them in a photo album. Something about turning the pages of memories is unequaled. I suppose I got it from my mother. She took photos of us and placed them in numerous albums over the years. I’m proud to actually have a number of those precious memories she collected in my home now. I love pictures so much that for Christmas I actually asked Ben to print the pics off my phone as my present. That may not seem like a big present. Well it is when you have over 800 pictures, and that’s after three different sessions of trying to narrow them down and delete some. Last night and today, I’ve used baby nap time as an opportunity to put my photos in albums. It’s so enjoyable to me to look back on the moments in time I captured over the past year and a half. Chloe has grown so much! I do believe she has always done funny things. Seeing pics of her wearing my underwear or dusting the floor; remembering back when she was Bailey’s size! I see photos of her first Halloween costume and her first Christmas jumper. I see ones capturing her first messy meal of spaghetti. There’s one of her first Mohawk made by shampoo in the bathtub! I love my pictures. I love my memories. I might want to try to narrow them down though in the future if I’m gonna fit 20 years or so worth of photo albums in this house.
- I was thankful for the unseasonably mild weather. Today was proving to be stressful, just a little bit. Bailey remains congested and therefore fussy. I haven’t been able to put her down today. She wouldn’t stay asleep on her own more than 20 minutes. Chloe on the other hand, feeling much better, was climbing the walls. She insisted on following me all day. So if I left a room seeking silence to put the baby down, she would ultimately show up just as eyes were closing and burst out with “want some tea Momma?” Then she would line up an entire tea party set, complete with plates of dessert, on the arm of the rocking chair. I don’t know why Bailey couldn’t rest with a spout poking her head. I decided some fresh air might help the baby, and a walk would do wonders for my Tasmanian devil. We simply walked around the block, but after a week of solitary confinement in our germ bed, it was like a vacation to the beach. Bailey slept in the carrier strapped to my chest and Chloe ran, skipped, sang, and puddle jumped. After Chloe successfully soiled her pants and shoes, I went ahead and let her finish the day off in her sandbox. She’s now in the bath for the second time today, but it was well worth it. Come on Spring!
That is all 🙂
Life can often be punctuated by amusing, aggravating, and awe-inspiring moments. What follows are mine for today. They can often fit into all three categories, but I’ll attempt to group into most appropriate. Just know they’re interchangeable.
1. Amusing: the drunken look on a baby’s face after they get a full tummy of milk, my toddler laughing out loud to Looney Toons cartoons just like I used to do, assisting a family member to suggest to their significant other to throw said family member a surprise party without letting on to significant other that above mentioned family member knows the whole plan (confused yet? It’s very tricky indeed!), my toddler’s obsession with Dora fruit snacks, infant passing of gas, how my husband makes his cup of coffee in the morning before work but then leaves and forgets it on the mantel (like every day), being unable to use the toilet by myself, toddler pig tails, monkeys on infant sleepers, how my husband can read my mind, taking a bath with my toddler, the questioning look on my infant’s face when she’s awake, the amount of telemarketer calls I get on my land line, my toddler’s ability to mess up her room in record time, how easily an infant can fall asleep sometimes, how my husband took toddler to store with him and she suckered him into buying her play-do, my toddler putting the baby’s diapers on her doll, seeing my toddler’s little frame perched on my husband’s night stand to watch TV, the grunting noise my infant makes when she’s hungry, how my boobs know my baby is waking up before I do, how my toddler constantly wants to help me cook or wash dishes and ironically is responsible for 90% of why I’m cooking or cleaning, how my toddler wants a band aid over invisible booboos but removes the band aid after 2 minutes, how we have 3 TVs and they’re all playing cartoons right now, how whatever room I may try to run away to I can be certain my toddler will find me, how my infant always takes a poop right after I change her diaper, and how I have so many amusing things in any given day that this doesn’t even scratch the surface.
2. Aggravating: toddler tears over little things like being out of chocolate milk, continued congestion in my infant, no creamer for my coffee, continued postpartum symptoms, my toddler’s new found ability to put movies in her DVD player but inability to do it without scratching or breaking DVDs, how difficult it is for an infant to fall asleep at times, my toddler’s uncanny ability to wake a sleeping infant after I just got them to sleep, play-do on the floor, a sink full of dishes and a fridge full of items to be discarded, when my husband can’t read my mind (mostly just kidding), how my toddler has the most to say when my husband and I are conversing, how I keep finding discarded baby wipes throughout the house from toddler using on her doll’s bottom (also wanted to put this under amusing), the amount of medicine I’m giving my baby.
3. Awe-inspiring: waking up with a precious child in each arm, when my husband left for work he called out “bye gorgeous”, how good it feels to help my baby get the congestion worked loose, being able to prepare meals for my toddler that she loves, an empty sink and cleaned out fridge, words of encouragement from another more experienced Mom who’s been in my shoes, how my husband and I can carry on conversations with each other and not get bored of the other’s opinions or stories, the peaceful look on a sleeping baby’s face, words of inspiration from a daily devotional, how despite rough times I know my God is always with me and has a grand plan in mind, how much easier rough times become when you believe the former, how on my husband’s break he goes to the store for chocolate milk and creamer so I don’t have to, when a toddler finally succumbs to a nap on her own, the fact that my toddler is better and I know my baby is getting there, how if my infant is inconsolable I can put her on her changing table and she stops crying and just stares at the painting on her wall of my Mother as a child, that one part of the day when both children are asleep (right now), how the amusing and awe-inspiring definitely outweigh the aggravating stuff, and how when I woke up this morning I dedicated my day to God and gave Him thanks for everything in my wonderfully crazy yet totally awesome life.
Thought I’d try something new. Let me know if you liked it.
That is all 🙂
- I sit here holding Chloe in my over-sized living room chair. I’ve always called it my blue’s clues chair. It looks especially large in my tiny living room, but it’s a great size for Mommas to hold their babies. Chloe was napping on her own, but woke up crying for me. She couldn’t seem to stop until I held her and rubbed her head as she fell back asleep. I had just made myself a bowl of popcorn after having put the baby down for a nap. I had put on a Lifetime movie. As I hold my big girl, and glance over at my sleeping infant on the sofa; I am at peace. Just half an hour earlier, I had rocked them both to sleep. After I had Chloe, or rather a little while after I had Chloe and was getting the hang of things; I remember thinking, “This is my calling.” I felt like I was made to be a Mommy. I wanted to do nothing more. These past four weeks have tried to shake me. I’ve felt like I faltered in my role as a Mom. I felt like I wasn’t doing that great. I felt frustrated. I wondered if I was perhaps not as good at “my calling” as I thought. I passed through a multitude of emotions. And the one thing I do know, is that I love my children. I may have a lot still to learn, but I truly enjoy the process. This is what I was meant to be. Mom.
- My little baby, Bailey, continues to heal, but has a bit to go. Earlier, as I held her and nursed her, I could feel a little rattling from her chest as it resonated into the palm of my hand. I once again prayed for my baby. Pray without ceasing. Yes. He will continue the good work in my child. Before she was born, I felt like God had a special calling for her. I believe that will be fulfilled. I start with trusting Him for the small things, though, like a little wheeze. She is taking her medicine well now. There has been no vomiting in 24 hours. She is eating, peeing, and resting well. When she is awake and especially after a breathing treatment, she coughs a lot. It seems to upset her and she will make a little whimpering sound. I wish I could take it away, but I can’t. So I pat her back. I suction her. I sing to her. I pace. I rub her little head. Her beautiful face melts my heart and when I see her resting so peacefully, I am full to the point of overflowing with love for her.
- This morning, Ben went to Memphis and he took Chloe with him. Bailey and I had been awake for a couple of hours prior to them getting up. After Ben’s alarm, I put Bailey down to entertain herself for a bit. Chloe woke up then. Ben came to collect her and take her to the kitchen for chocolate milk. I said, “Wait, I’d like to hold her.” When they got back, I got my hug. Then she ran off to her room to play. I watched her from the doorway and realized I had not played with her in her room for a while. I missed playing with her. It’s been a little busy around here. (Understatement of the Year). Ben has really taken Chloe under his wing. They’ve become buddies. That’s what he calls her, my little buddy. On Tuesday whenever I was busy with the baby, she would say, “I want my Daddy.” He was at work. I find solace in knowing that things will settle down eventually. We will get in more of a natural rhythm. I will play with Chloe and I’ll be Daddy and Chloe’s buddy. Bailey will be our other little buddy. I’m so happy to have a husband who pitches in so much to help with the kids and the house. This has been a booming start to the New Year. I’m ready to be able to look back on some of it and laugh, though. Chloe is awake now and so, of course, Bailey is also starting to stir. It’s time for nursing, more medicine, breathing treatments, diaper changes, and Macaroni and Cheese. Bring it on!
That is all 🙂
- I’ll begin today with an update on Bailey. I do believe she is improving. We are home, and not in the hospital, for starters! She nursed very well after getting home, and still is. This, of course, increased her urine output. That made Nurse Mommy happy to feel the weight of full diapers. She also rested well throughout the night, and therefore, so did I. We still have some healing to go, but it’s progress. She still has a cough with a lot of congestion, but is having an easier time coughing it up. There’s been no choking or vomiting the past 24 hrs. When she is awake, she spends the majority of the time coughing and crying. Her cry remains hoarse and the character of it is almost like a pleading call for help. It hurts me to hear and I sing to her and tell her she will get better soon. She eventually falls back to sleep due to exhaustion.
- My dear Chloe has finally stopped coughing. She remains very needy of my attention. She asks a lot to be rocked in the rocking chair and as I hold her, she’ll say, “Sing me a song.” I do. Living with a two year old is constant entertainment, aggravation, and pride and joy. She’s always singing! If she’s not singing, then she’s talking non-stop. She tells me stories of what she’s seen on TV (or as she calls it, TB) or what she’s playing or something her Daddy told her or did (this second hand account is always amusing). These stories and songs are sometimes paused as she burps or poots and then explodes into laughter and let’s me know what she did like I didn’t hear it. Today she came running into the living room and proudly stated, “Look Mom! I broke my flashlight!” I mildly scolded her and asked her why. She replied, “So I can fix it Mom.” Yes, her first attempt at industry. She loves commercials and always wants the things she sees shown. Today during a commercial for fairy dolls she said “I want that Mom.” I assumed she meant the doll. In the commercial the girls playing with the dolls grow wings and fly around in their room, making a mess, and their Mother gets on to them about the mess. She then stated, “I want that. I wanna fly in my room and the Mom come in and say girls!” She thought that if you got the toy, you could fly. Nothing is just mine. I know this already, but seeing my nightstand reinforced that knowledge. It’s completely covered. And most of the stuff is not mine. There’s a lotion bottle, a nebulizer shaped like a penguin, a stack of children’s books, a sippy cup, a bottle of child’s cough medicine and sticky dropper, and a stuffed cat. At least I don’t have to worry about dusting it. I picked up a book from the floor and placed it in the bookshelf. Minutes later, Chloe came in, saw the book, pulled it off the shelf and excitedly said the title of the book. Then she dropped it in the floor and left the room. She’s been closing her bedroom door lately which I don’t like. I took an old shoe that doesn’t fit her and wedged it under the door. Minutes later she came in the living room and told me “Mom, this shoe doesn’t fit.” Then she dropped it on my living room floor, to add to all the toys that litter the rug. I can’t seem to convince her to stop picking her nose or drinking her bath water. A friend told me yesterday that she knows motherhood is often a bumpy road but is worth the journey. I told her that I was indeed enjoying the ride.
- This morning I read a verse from I Thessalonians: Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus. I have tried to continue to be thankful and full of praise over the past three exhausting weeks of sickness in our home. I feel like most of the time I do pretty good. But sometimes my reaction to things makes me think I have a long way to go. I never get this blog written in one sitting, just so you know. I breastfed and rocked baby halfway through #1. Then I gave her some medicine during #2. I decided to give her first dose of antibiotic. She can’t take it on an empty stomach. She’d eaten and been burped. I gave it and she immediately projectile vomited. I’m supposed to give that twice a day and a steroid twice a day. I don’t put it in a bottle of formula. I breastfeed. I don’t know. I may try putting it in a bottle of my breast milk. I got very upset when that happened. I was like, not again! No more vomiting and the worry over dehydration that follows! I’m glad Chloe wasn’t here because I yelled obscenities when it first happened. What is wrong with me? That’s not the reaction I want to have! I find that I often have situations that show me that I have a long way to go to get to where I want to be. Then I remember how far I’ve come from where I used to be. And then I rejoice. And then I give thanksgiving. And I definitely pray continually.
That is all 🙂
- As I start to write this post, I’m sitting in the Pediatrician’s office. I feel spent. It has been a very trying past 30 hrs or so. After my post yesterday, I went to nurse Bailey and she wouldn’t latch on. Her past couple of nursing sessions had been poor quality anyway and when I felt her diaper, my heart sank a little (for the first time of what would be many). It wasn’t dry, but it wasn’t full either. And so began my internal clock, counting the hours until she would drink/pee.
- All day yesterday, Bailey seemed more congested. She would try to sleep, but could never truly rest because her constant coughing would wake her. It broke my heart to hear her racked with a cascade of terrible coughs, that still remained too weak to be productive yet would cause her to let out a pitiful, hoarse cry. The sound was like a knife in me and her cry spoke to me saying, “Mommy. Help. I can’t understand what’s happening.” After 5 hrs and no intention by her to nurse, I gave her my milk in a bottle. I’m assuming because a bottle is less work, she drank! I was so happy. Within 10 minutes, she vomited up a very large amount. It was mostly mucous and strung from her mouth, so thick. I was happy that she got that up. Then I fed her a little bit more since she had vomited her last feeding and her diaper was still dry. 20 minutes later, she projectile vomiting again, loosing all that milk and the medicine I had given her. Third time was a charm and she kept an ounce and a half down. She slept two hours then it started again. Terrible coughing was followed by more poor feeding, then more vomiting of all she’d taken in. Nearly dry diapers were coupled with inability to rest at all. Around 5 am, she started with a fever of 102.1. I had just given 2.5 ounces via bottle and bam; she projectile vomited again. I prayed. I cried. I actually pleaded with her, telling her we were going to have to go to the ER and get IV fluids. And then she turned her head and opened her mouth; the universal sign that she wanted to breastfeed. She did and she kept it down. We rested, me sitting up in a chair in the living room; her laying on my chest.
- Ben and I agreed that a visit back to the Dr was warranted. Our Pediatrician heard a slight wheeze and crackles in her left lung base. White count was elevated. He made a diagnosis of pneumonia. Her oxygen level was good. We all agreed that she could come back home tonight. She got a shot of decadron and rocephin. We’ll pick up breathing treatments and give those. The next 24 hours will be important. Like last night, we’ll be in a constant battle to insure she gets enough fluid in her. If her intake and output improve, we stay home. If it doesn’t, we get admitted to the hospital. After Bailey’s shot I had to wait around to insure no allergic reaction. Ben took Chloe to the car. As I sat there by myself, I began to cry. The worry that I had pushed aside for my baby came crashing on me. Before Ben left, he said, “I know God has a purpose for this or He would have healed her already.” It’s reassuring to have a relationship with Christ, where you know His character and understand His goodness. When you know this, you can have peace and faith even when things are not perfect, because you know He has a perfect plan in mind and you trust in that. It doesn’t mean it’s easy or without heartbreak. It just means you don’t feel helpless. You feel a measure of peace and hope that sustains you through your trial. I will take care of my baby tonight and God will give me the strength I need.
That is all 🙂
- As I used a wet paper towel to remove beef stew from my toddlers fingers, it occurred to me that over the past week, I’ve spent the majority of my time trying to feed my kids. Illness hampers a little ones’ appetite. With Chloe, my fantastical plan pretty much consists of letting her have just about whatever she wants. We have macaroni and cheese for breakfast. No problem. Her eyes are always bigger than her stomach. She’ll request 3 different entrees. Last night she wanted chicken, hotdog, and fish. I will make small portions of all 3 to insure that she eats something. She will take a few bites then call out, “Mommy, I’m done!” First, she usually calls that she’s done just as I’ve sat down to feed her sister. Second, she’s a much messier eater when sick and basically requires a bath after each mini-meal. (As does the floor). Third, since it’s such small portions; she’s ready for another tiny feast within 2 hrs. This schedule coincides with the baby’s feeding schedule. She usually eats every 2 hrs, but her appetite is changed as well. She has trouble eating with a stuffy nose and doesn’t nurse as efficiently. She wears out and dozes for an hour, then she’ll nurse again. Of course, worried about her hydration I encourage this frequent, on demand nursing. So with all the eating we do around here, I’m not sure how we get anything else done!
- Illness update: I’m sick again! I knew it yesterday, but kept hoping I was wrong. It’s a bit more difficult to be a caretaker when you want to be taken care of. I think Chloe is finally on the mend. Very thankful! She still demands my constant attention since she feels like I’m giving so much of it to Bailey. This morning I had to laugh when I realized that as I sat on the commode, I was rocking Bailey in her bassinet with one hand and holding Chloe on my lap with the other. I’ve encouraged her to play with her baby dolls. She enjoys taking care of them like they are sick. She bathes them, puts real lotion on them, was discovered using the saline nasal spray in the baby doll’s nose, swaddles the doll, rocks the doll, and yesterday she came in the room and lifted up her shirt and pretended to nurse her baby doll. She’s also always at my elbow to help me with the real baby. She always gets me a diaper and wipe. She told me yesterday that I needed to buy the wipes she saw on TV instead of the ones we have. She said the ones on TV were “best for baby.” It’s amazing how commercialism catches them so young. Bailey is still very sick, although I’m optimistic that she’s getting a little better.
- We went to church this morning. I have two Sundays left until I go back to working weekends. So I was very eager to go since we missed last week. We were almost an hour late. I had been up since 7:30 this morning with Bailey, but that time was spent holding her rather than getting ready. We made it for the end of worship and I enjoyed the part we caught. I got emotional, but that happens when I reflect on the goodness God has done in my life. I thought a lot this morning, before we even got to church, about how much God has changed me. I couldn’t write in just one post all the changes He’s made in me, but specifically I thought this morning about how I’ve learned to depend on His strength over the past few months. There have been some challenges in my life over the past two months especially. I had to come to realize that I could do nothing about these situations, but that I could trust that God had control over them. You can know He has control, but acting in a manner that you believe it; that’s a different challenge all together. I was really amazed at how much I’ve learned to let go and let God do. I look forward to how much more He has to refine in me to bring me closer to dependence on Him. I used to fear drawing closer. I thought bad stuff had to happen to get close to God. Now I realize it’s actually much easier when you’re closer to Him and depend on His strength rather than your own. Only something as powerful as the Holy Spirit can change a person’s character and reshape their thinking. I’m excited for the future.
That is all 🙂
- I sit her nursing my little baby. She is one month old today. That amazes me. She has grown so much, but is still so small. She’s a little more sick today. I hope it’s at it’s worse. When I hear her cough, it makes me want to cry. She concerned me when she first woke up today. Her coughs sounded so congested and just kept coming. I could hear her ragged breathing. I felt my heart rate accelerate a bit, but like I do at work when a patient seems to be taking a turn for the worse; I went into an autopilot mode of what I needed to do. I suctioned my baby and performed some mild chest percussion (in other words, I clapped on her back with cupped hands and her head tilted down). The saline in her nose and suctioning caused her to cry angrily, which I think broke up the congestion better than anything. She improved quickly and is doing fine. She is still coughing and congested but her lungs are clear and her appetite is good. I’ve been praying that God keep me vigilant to watch her for any signs of complication.
- Needless to say, things have been a little crazy around here. Basically, Bailey gets an antihistamine and gets fed. She cries for 1-2 hours without relief, then she sleeps for a couple of hours. Around two hours before she’s due her next dose, she is awake, coughing, congested, and inconsolable. She cries for most of that time. So typically, if you broke time into 6 hour increments (that’s how often she can have her medicine), she cries for 3-4 of those hours. Perhaps the medicine helps her rest or perhaps it’s just exhaustion that finally causes her to sleep. It does help to loosen the congestion though, so I give it routinely. Last night she cried from 8:30 pm until 12:30 am. Around midnight, I began to cry too. Once again, I started to pray out loud. I think Bailey likes prayer and God must be listening too, because for the 2nd night in a row, she finally fell asleep when I did this. I prayed that she would rest, fearing that I’d be unable to handle it when she repeated this at 4 am. It so happens that at 4 am she did wake up congested but I fed and medicated her and she went back to sleep without incident.
- Today was my little sister’s baby shower. I really wanted to attend. I felt like the girls were up to it. Chloe feels pretty good. She’s still coughing and clingy, but she was excited to go and eat cake. Unbeknownst to me, Ben contacted my aunt this morning and asked her to come help me. I felt bad at first, but then relieved. It was a huge help. I was able to blow dry my hair which is something I haven’t done in almost 2 weeks. I got to the shower ahead of time instead of an hour late! On my way there, both girls were uncharacteristically quiet. I listened to the radio and worshipped as I drove. You know, God’s grace is an amazing thing. He always gives you just enough to handle the situation. His strength comes just when yours runs out. My situation may not seem like a big deal to some. Conversely, someone else’s big deal, may not seem like much to me. Each one of us have our own trials. God knows how they affect us and He alone knows just how much help we need to get through it. I’m so glad Ben and I are not in this alone.
That is all 🙂
- Sickness continues here at Gowen Infirmary. Bailey is sick, but could always be worse. When she coughs, you can’t help but be shaken because of her age. When she coughs it sounds like she’s choking on the secretions and then she’ll take in a huge breath. It makes me want to cry every time she does it. Despite the scary sounding quick inhalations, she actually is having no respiratory distress. She is still eating very well. So overall, I’m blessed that she’s handling the virus so well for being so tiny. She awoke at 2:30 this morning with congestion. I used saline spray and a bulb suction for her nose. She hated it! But it worked so well! So we already have the typical “Mommy knows best” relationship that kids hate so much. After 2 hours of being awake, feeding, rocking, bouncing, and singing; she was almost asleep. Then suddenly her eyes popped open and she let out a shrill cry. Nooooo! She couldn’t do this after all we’d been through in the past two hours! I audibly cried out “dear Lord Jesus, please help me!! Please come down and comfort this child! I can’t!!” Then I noticed she was silent. I looked down and she was asleep. I’m ashamed to say it surprised me at first. Then I was like, thank you Lord!! She didn’t wake up again until we all did.
- I’m really getting frustrated about Chloe. She is not getting well quick enough for me! Her cough continues. Today she was so flushed and ran a little fever again. Her little body is really fighting this junk. She has been very clingy today. I know she doesn’t feel well, but I also think that my extra attention to baby sister is not going unnoticed by her. I typically exaggerate in my blog for humor, but seriously; I think she’s said “hold me” a total of 36 times today. And guess what? I’ve held her every time. It just breaks my heart to have two sick babies!
- And that brings about fact three. It is hard to care for two sick young children. Wow. I had no idea. I’m really getting initiated. I should be able to handle anything after this. My Critical care nursing job has nothing on my unit I’ve got going on here. I’ve gotten decent at rocking two babies to sleep at once. I’m keeping 2 different medicine dosages and schedules going. I got a check in the mail today that I absolutely had to deposit. That meant I would have to get the girls out. What a chore! It took over two hours to get out the door. There were several times when both were crying. I felt like I was loosing my cool and at one point said a curse word. It was the bad one! It was under my breath, but wouldn’t you know it; Chloe heard it and of course immediately repeated it. Ouch! Mommy fail. For all the struggling and stress I feel under, it’s so worth it when I hold them both. Because the thing is; Mommy makes them feel better. And that makes Mommy feel better. We’re persevering. Their immune systems are being strengthened and my resolve and deep love for my children is being strengthened as well.
That is all 🙂
- Today’s facts will mostly surround my new daughter, Bailey. She deserves this from her Momma. Bailey slept a lot yesterday and I didn’t think too much about it. Rather, I used the time to try and catch up on thank you notes, etc. She went to bed easily enough, but I noticed she kept waking up frequently. Before bed she spit up. There seemed to be a lot of spit mixed with the milk, but again this escaped me. Starting around 2 am, she seemed quite restless and was grunting a lot. Around 3 am, I got up with her, as feeding and patting weren’t getting her back to sleep. She spit up again which was odd for a baby that rarely spits up. I couldn’t seem to console her. None of my usual “colic holds” were working. When I was about ready to throw in the towel, my dear hubby appeared and took over for a while. He had to work, where I didn’t, yet he still got up to help me! We collectively got her back to sleep by 5 am. It all started again less than 3 hours later. This time, though, I noticed a nasal congestion sound. Her little eyes were red rimmed, as was her tiny nostrils. I was able to get a surprisingly large amount of snot suctioned out of those tiny nostrils. My newborn baby was sick! How could I have let this happen? I began trying to pinpoint when the contamination had occurred; like that would do any good!
- I started to look up RSV in newborns on the Internet. Don’t ever do that! Ben was getting ready to leave for work and I was trying to hide from him that I was about to break down crying (I didn’t want him to be late). I didn’t do very good, as I let it slip from my lips that babies could die from RSV. Poor man, having to live with a woman who knows just enough to be a nervous wreck! I continued to watch my baby and pray a lot! It began to occur to me how angry I feel when she’s fussy and stays awake in the middle of the night. I thought about how much her shrill cry bothers me when I can’t quell it. I did not remember being so impatient with Chloe. I know it’s harder to take care of a newborn when you’re taking care of a toddler too, but at this time, I was filled with guilt and conviction. I had not given Bailey the same patience and understanding that I had with Chloe. I almost felt like I had been taking this precious little life for granted! Suddenly, with sickness racking her tiny body, I was fearful and wondered what I would do if I lost her. Don’t laugh at me. I know it’s a common virus. But these are the feelings that fell upon me this morning. I asked God to forgive me where I fell short as a Mother and promised not to take the gift of her beautiful life for granted another moment!
- Bailey’s lungs were clear as I listened to them and she wasn’t running a fever, but her nasal congestion was worse and accompanied by a cough. So, considering her age, I decided a Dr. visit was warranted. I got my Mother-in-Law to watch Chloe. As I drove Bailey to her appt., a song by Amy Grant called Better Than a Hallelujah came on the radio. It’s about how God loves when we cry out to Him in moments of weakness. At that time, I began to cry. The weight of how these past few weeks had stressed me out became all too apparent to me then. I cried out to God and it felt good. Even the strongest person needs to break down sometimes. As suspected, Bailey, tested positive for RSV. She was prescribed some medicine, but thankfully they didn’t think she needed to be hospitalized or anything. I’m blessed that her breathing and appetite are both very good. I know she will be fine. My ever sweet husband met me there and went to the pharmacy for us and waited in the long line before he had to go back to work. A little bit ago, Chloe told her Nonnie she missed me and was ready to go home. Yes, I was secretly pleased. I was also glad for the time Bailey and I had gotten alone together. So, I now have both of my precious, sick little girls at home with me. I love them both so much and after something as simple as a invasion of germs in our home; I hold them a lot closer, never forgetting for a moment how wonderful the gift of being their Mommy is.
That is all 🙂
Attached is a sad pic of my sick baby 🙁
- Our own little madhouse continues at Gowen Central Station. I would love to report that Chloe is better, but she seems about the same to me. I’m certain she’s getting better; I just can’t see results of that at this point. I have never heard a child cough so much. It sounds like we’re in some old movie where the scene is at a tuberculosis ward. I always frowned upon Moms who let their kids run around with snotty noses. I thought, “why can’t they just wipe that kid’s nose?!” I now understand. Chloe has had a runny nose in the past, but this is like a fountain. She doesn’t have a runny nose. It’s a snotty face. It’s a constant oozing of mucous that she streaks across her face. I can’t keep up. Her cheeks are chapped. Even if I could keep up; her nose would be raw from wiping and blowing. The only thing I can see that the steroids have done is clear up a rash she had around her mouth, prior to all this. Well, they’ve done that and the added bonus of changing my child’s personality. She does some weird stuff under the influence of this medicine. Earlier Ben was holding her and she picked her nose and rubbed the booger right on Ben’s face. Then, when I was eating lunch, I suddenly thought a badger was under the table. She latched onto my socked foot and tried to take a bite! No naps are had while on this stuff either. She’s currently running around with sunglasses on, speaking a language other than English.
- Bailey continues to be in good health. Hallelujah. She continues to eat, poop, sleep, and grow! I changed to size 1 diapers about a week ago and thought they were kinda big. Now they are fitting just right. Newborn size sleepers are a thing of the past. I was kinda sad as I did laundry last night and folded several, very cute, newborn size onesies. I can just tell by the size of her head, that she’s growing. She’s gotta house all that brain power she inherited from me. She’s really starting to look around more and take notice of things. Her face is also starting to take on more personality. Earlier as she was pooping, she made a face that looked just like Scarlett Johansson. I tried to catch a picture of it, but didn’t catch it in time. Maybe next time. Scarlett, if you’re reading this; I’m really sorry.
- We got all our Christmas stuff packed away yesterday and the house is almost back to normal. We went for a drive last night and Chloe got excited as we got near to a house that had decorated this year with lots of lights. They were no longer up and we explained that Christmas was over and decorations would be put up until next year. I then commented to Ben that it’s kinda sad to say goodbye to all the decorations. He agreed, but then added how good it is to get the house back to normal. As I sat today looking at the stack of Rubbermaid containers of Christmas decorations waiting to go to the shed; I reflected on this. Putting away the boxes just as the New Year begins is like a symbol of putting away the circumstances of the previous year and moving forward with the dreams you have for the upcoming year. Your boxes can be filled with the memories of all the events of this past year that have brought you to where you are in your life. The freshly cleared and dusted shelves represent a fresh pallet upon which you may place your dreams that you have for this year. God gives us all a dream and a way to accomplish those dreams. Sometimes our current circumstances may not reflect that dream. That’s when you can move forward with faith and confidence that what God placed in your heart, He will fulfill. So don’t be afraid to put away the old and move on with the new. You’re not throwing out those boxes, for they are full of lessons learned. You’re simply making room for new blessings to abide.
That is all 🙂