I walked around the house picking up stray toys, and I tried to busy my mind with mundane tasks. I started a load of laundry, and I loaded the dishwasher absently. I answered a whole bunch of “hey, moms,” and I paid particular attention to the many, “watch this” exclamations. My eyes kept falling to the tender, tiny frame of my middle child, and I pushed away the harsh thoughts that reminded me how frail her human body could be when stacked up against a hard, cruel world.
My cell phone chimed from the recesses of my back pocket, and while I felt the vibration of its alert tone against my skin I also felt this shiver of joy and peace rest upon me like a warm blanket. After all, I knew.
I knew it was him. Before I even plucked the phone from my pants I knew. My heart just knew, and it knew because it knew him. But more importantly he knew me. No facades there, for sure.
Just a half hour prior I had held an emotionless face as I updated my spouse on what the pediatrician had said. I didn’t want him to be worried, but I guess I also didn’t want to show the truth that I was. Because if I let that cat of worry out of the bag, what were the chances of getting it back in there again?
Instead I detailed the story very matter of fact, as if reading a script, and certainly not as if I was talking about the potential heart problem of my own four year old.
“So we’ll get an echocardiogram,” I explained. “And then we’ll know from there.”
My husband had nodded, eyes downcast, simply answering, “ok.”
I gave him a perfunctory peck on the lips, a quick hug while holding a baby on my hip, and a see you later tonight as we walked out the door of his work.
I had not acted worried, I had not shown my concern, but my inaction might as well have been an open book to this man that I adored. When I looked at my phone I couldn’t help but smile, seeing in text the words that I had known would be there.
I don’t want you to be worried, she is going to be ok. God knew about this before she was born and He has a purpose for her life. He has never not come to our rescue 😊 God is good and everything He has made and does is Good. I love you baby 😘 I’ll see you tonight
I had answered back “thank you,” and some other things too, but I didn’t tell him until later that night how much it meant to me.
In the kitchen I informed him, “I knew earlier when my phone dinged that it was a text message from you.”
“Oh yeah,” he inquired?
“Yes,” I said. “I knew you realized I was worried even though I tried to act like I wasn’t. And then I knew you’d want to try and reassure me.”
“Yep,” he laughed.
Then I added sincerely, “I’m glad you’re that person for me.”
And I was. I was glad he was the person God had given me who could see to the depths of me. I was glad he knew when I needed encouragement, when I needed support, or even when I needed silence. He was the one who heard the words I didn’t say, and knew when no words were required. He was the one who tried to lift my spirits when I was sad, but simply loved me when they weren’t ready for being lifted quite yet.
He was the one who I could laugh with, but also cry. And he was the one I could keep going with when everyone else wanted to quit on me. He was the one who knew my past, loved me through the present, and dreamed of the future with me. He could guess my thoughts by the look on my face, or figure out my mood by my tone. He was the one who knew when to speak, when to remain silent, but always how to love me through whatever situation life brought forth. He was my partner in an often harsh life, who celebrated the victories at my side, but also held me in times of mourning. He was my best friend, and even my teacher in so many ways. He was the strong leader than our family required, but also the soft, sensitive spirit our hearts desired.
I was glad he was that person for me.