I recently found myself exhausted, rocking my baby to sleep after a particularly long and full day. I had homeschooled the children, cleaned the house, prepared a hot, homemade dinner, and had also spent the evening away from home with my children, working with my small business. So to say I was worn out and worn thin was probably an understatement, but at that moment something happened that in essence gave me wings. It lifted my spirits and encouraged me in such a way that I felt energized with purpose and overflowing with grateful joy.
It wasn’t anything magical or miraculous that elevated my spirit. In the end all it took was a compliment, some recognition of my efforts. While rocking our youngest daughter I had received a text message from my husband that read,
I know why you do the things you do, and I just wanted you to know that I see all your efforts for our family. I love you.
Nothing flowery, per se, just a small gesture to let me know that he saw the work I put forth for our family unit and that he appreciated it. This is a love language my spouse and I both speak to one another frequently, and you’d be surprised how far recognition goes. It fuels your spirit to know your spouse recognizes your effort, and this reminded me how Christ-like minded my husband can be in our marriage. Neither one of us are perfect by any means, but I believe my spouse tries his best to emulate the instructions for the family unit found in Ephesians 5.
Here’s 3 ways you can strive to love your wife like Christ loves the church.
1. Give yourself up for her. One way husbands (but really wives too) can love their spouse is to give yourself up for her. What I mean by this is the decision to become selfless. You truly show your abounding love for your wife when you can take your eyes off yourself to focus on her.
We live in a me-centered society right now. The world tells you to look at yourself and how hard you work, or how something is negatively affecting you. This self-centered mindset says “look at my efforts!” It tells you to focus on your contribution, and also to pinpoint where your partner falls short. If you want an unhappy marriage then by all means keep the focus on you. But if you want to love like Christ loves then I would suggest focusing on your partner’s contribution to the family.
It’s easy to focus on what someone doesn’t do right or especially what they do wrong, but it’s more rewarding to focus on what they’re doing well. You’ll find it’s more than you think. But the great part is that when you take your eyes off yourself and focus on your spouse you feed their spirit with your affectionate attention. When you also verbally acknowledge their contributions you cultivate your relationship allowing it to thrive.
So, bottom line. Really see your wife. Then let her know you do.
2. Become one flesh with her. I’m not just talking about consummation here (though that is important). In the Bible it actually states a husband will leave his mother and father, and become one flesh with his wife. That means you become of one mind with her. No, you won’t agree on everything, but you do need to be on her team.
That means you can’t be a “Momma’s boy.” You can’t compare your spouse to your mother. That’s not fair to her. She’s her own person. You also must choose sides in the instance of discourse between your spouse and your other family. She’s your wife now. You’re a team. She’s your top ministry, and to minster to your wife means to defend her and stand with her like it is you two against the world.
Your allegiance is no longer to your “boys,” your college buddies, or your friends. Your allegiance is to your wife. You owe her your time, your honesty, and she should be the one you confide in.
All these things go for a wife too.
Bottom line. You and your wife are a team. Act like it.
3. Make her holy and blameless. Fellas, you have a lot of responsibility in your family. If you build your family according to scripture then you believe that the husband is the head of the family, but that does not mean it’s a title with all the perks yet no responsibility. It actually means you have a lot on your shoulders, but you must carry yourself as such. To be the head of your family you must lead your family.
A large part of your service to your wife is to not only protect her, but also to effectively lead her. A woman cannot submit to a man who isn’t fulfilling his end of the bargain. Your job is to respect her, treat her with compassion, and be that strong tower on which she may lean. This requires you to be responsible, trust-worthy, and a good example of godliness for your family. You do have a hefty weight upon your shoulders, but know the Lord would not have entrusted it to you without complete confidence in your abilities. Made in His image and fashioned for His service, He has appointed you over many things. Act like it, and allow your wife to flourish under your lead. Help her to be the woman of God she needs to be, and together you will not be broken.
Bottom line. Be the man.
Hey, marriage isn’t easy, but it also doesn’t have to be so hard. It’s a God-given union that can be a blessing to you, but also to the Kingdom. Be blessed in marriage, and bless one another. Love your wife as Christ loved the church. And wives love your husband as you love the Lord.
Dave says
Well written! God’s way is the way! I see and hear of families like yours that have their priorities right and God’s peace permeates their homes and hearts! I can feel that in your written words! Praise God! There will be problems but God can take those lemons and make lemonade when we are willing to put our lemons in His hands! I’m so thankful for a wife that has trusted God for our marriage when I tried so hard to be the lone ranger and go my way! He certainly has made some difficult situations in our family much much better and after a weekend with our daughters and their families I can see the hand of God helping anger in my heart towards son-in-laws turn into unconditional love and I am now sensing a softening of their hearts towards me! God is good and the only way to live! He created us and has a plan for us when we submit our all to Him!
brieann.rn@gmail.com says
Thank you. God bless you and your family.
Dave says
And you too!!