I often encounter women in a very broken time in their lives, after divorce has occurred and they are left shell-shocked, picking up the pieces from their previous life. That’s the thing about divorce; suddenly you find yourself in a very different existence, and maneuvering through your new normal can be uttering exhausting and most times devastating. If you’re a Christian you may also find yourself trying to not only crawl out of the pit of despair a broken relationship has caused, but also the hole of guilt you’ve buried yourself in.
So where does God come in to all of this? We know from His word that the big ‘D’ is not His cup of tea. He doesn’t want divorce for us; so can you find His forgiveness and favor after a failed marriage?
I can recall the period of time following my own divorce. I was a shell of a woman, wondering who I was and how I was supposed to be. I had spent the better part of a decade living with a man who was now a thousand miles away, and the person I had been prior to being his wife seemed even more distant. Learning to stand on your own two feet after standing beside a spouse is challenging, heartbreaking, and eye-opening. You realize ways you have changed that perhaps were not for the best, and you’re left wondering if you’ll ever get back to who you once were before your broken marriage.
If you walk in Christian circles among other followers of the Lord you might feel out of place, like you have fallen so far that you no longer belong. You’ll imagine women in church whispering behind your back, and in all honesty they might just be. After all, it’s easy to point fingers when you haven’t walked through the pain of divorce. Just being honest.
For me, I didn’t think I’d ever get divorced. I certainly didn’t want to be “the divorced woman,” and finding myself in that exact spot felt as foreign in reality as thoughts of it had been before. I didn’t believe in divorce! But there I was with one sitting in my lap. I had to come to a place where I understood that I couldn’t change another human being; I could only change me. And so began my long journey.
Do you know what I adore about God? Well, there’s a lot of things, actually, but number one I suppose is how He never stops loving me. Never. So even when I step outside His will, or in my case run full-speed across the country, He never stops caring for me. He never doesn’t have His arms open to welcome me home, to wipe away my tears, and to replace my mourning with gladness.
God is a God of restoration, and He is a maker of all things new, so when we fall, fail, and yes, when we sin, whatever that sin may be, He is there with an open ear, loving heart, and forgiving hand. When we ask, He. Makes. All. Things. New.
For me this wasn’t magic. I had a lot of baggage to hand over, a lot of confessing to do, and tons of changes to make in my life. I handed over the parts of me that weren’t pleasing in His sight, and He handed me back healing. A broken woman with a broken relationship became a new creation with a new heart. This led to a new relationship and new blessings. It took some time, but I came out the other side wiser and with a new appreciation for what a quality relationship looked like.
Do I believe in divorce? No. But that didn’t stop it from happening to me. The good news is that God can work with that. He can work with anything. He can work with you.
If you find yourself stumbling through the aftermath of divorce know that God is the only one who can fix what you’re feeling. He’s the only one who can lead you through the healing you’ll require, and He’s the only one who can mend the broken heart you’re feeling. He’s the one who can make all things new.
kloeksister says
Your posts this week are just rocking my world. I remember very clearly how I stood in church the day my ex-husband and I decided it was time to part ways. I held on so long because I didn’t want to be a disappointment to God or my family. I felt that if I went through with it, I would ruin the relationship with God. It was a Sunday and while the rest of the congregation were singing praise and worship songs, I was weeping. It felt that that would be the last time I would be in church, knowing the decision we had made. The hurt was physical and suddenly, I saw a church notice board that said “I will never leave you nor forsake you” the weeping stopped immediately and I had instant peace. I knew that despite the divorce, I wasn’t the outcast I thought I would be. There were many instances throughout that journey where I saw God’s hand in the tiniest of details and I know that when we hurt, he hurts for us.
brieann.rn@gmail.com says
Thank you for sharing. God bless you.
Tammy Jeanes says
Much needed!❤️
brieann.rn@gmail.com says
Thank you.
Dave Parsons says
My older sister had to go through two divorces and the first one happened while she was playing the piano for my dad’s church here where we now live! Her first husband was a great a preacher, singer & piano player as you would ever want to find! The first evidence of his homosexuality came when he molested me at the age of 14! She tried and tried to help him and my dad did too but it ended up with him molesting even more boys in a church he was pastor of! I’m really surprised she gave him anymore chances after his first try! She finally had to divorce him to protect their own infant son! To make things worse, some members of my dad’s church got upset that a divorced woman was playing the piano in their church! My dad tried to console them with the facts of why she had to divorce but he finally resigned! Church members can be worse than people who haven’t accepted Christ many times! Her second marriage ended with her giving birth to a daughter and soon after she was born her husband told her he didn’t want anything to do with her or the kid he fathered! God healed her though and she ended up with a wonderful husband and had two more children who love the Lord! I’m so glad my wife and I didn’t divorce! I have heard divorce is worse on men than women! When I think back now on what a gem God had given to me in marriage I can truly say I would have been a mess had I done something so stupid! So sorry for your first divorce and sometimes it just can’t be helped! I’m so happy you are there writing such inspiring things to encourage us all! I’m sure you are speaking to someone that needs the wisdom you have gained by having been in the trenches yourself! Carry on Brie! God bless you!
brieann.rn@gmail.com says
Thank you so much! God bless you, my friend!
Dave Parsons says
You too!