I have been a ball of emotions today, and as I watched a video on Facebook of a man I did not know I cried fresh tears to follow the old tracks of the ones spent earlier in the day. I wept for a man dying of cancer that I had never met, but as worship music emitted from the video playing on my phone I also cried over the goodness and truth that God was And is always in control.
This weekend a high school friend’s young son was hurt very seriously in a car accident. I watched the updates of his condition on Facebook, and I prayed along with hundreds upon hundreds of others for his healing in Jesus name. But I also wept. I cried for this baby boy (albeit a big boy) that I had never actually met. My mommy heart connected with her mommy heart across the pages of social media, and our spirits reached out to one another in petition to God. She didn’t know I was with her in spirit, but I was.
Later, even after learning that the accident wasn’t fatal, I began to read personal accounts of the wreck, and I cried again. I cried for her son’s condition. I cried over something that had not even happened to my own children, yet I cried like it had. I wept because I knew it could. It could just as easily be my daughter on a ventilator, and my soul interceded with empathy as a mother. I cried for her strength, and I marveled at her faith in the face of adversity.
This incident came on the heels of remembering National tragedy, and as I listened to an interview with a woman whose husband had died in the World Trade Center more hot tears pushed their way out of my eyes. She spoke of their last conversation, and in very personal details shared their final goodbye. At every word my emotion rose more and more inside my throat, and I cried for the loss of my husband who still existed in the very next room. My husband was alive, but as I wept for a stranger’s loss I felt her grief as if it were my own. I knew that it very well could be one day.
In the video of this teacher battling cancer his wife, I assume, cuddled up behind him, and my heart broke at the very real situation that could befall me or my family at any time, but then I watched with him as his students sang the most beautiful praise and worship song, one I was very familiar with.
Holy Spirit, You are welcome here
Come flood this place and fill the atmosphere
Your glory, God, is what our hearts long for
To be overcome by Your presence, Lord
Your presence, Lord
It occurred to me as tears cascaded down my face that this world can be very overwhelming. It can be uncertain, and the thing you cherish most can be taken from you in an instant. But there was one constant that always remained. There was this center of gravity that always kept me grounded when worry tried to pull me into despair, or kept me anchored when grief was all-consuming. It was Jesus. His Holy Spirit overcame it all, and that knowledge that He would never leave or forsake me also gave me peace. Knowing the eternity ahead of me, feeling His presence, and trusting in my Savior also caused me tears, but they were tears of joy.
I knew that every drop of grief I had every spent was numbered, collected in a bottle, and precious to the one who knew me best. So even when I cried for things that had not even happened He held my hand in His, He heard my every thought, and He was with me. He was with the woman who had lost her spouse on 9/11, and He was with her still. He was with my friend as she cried His name at the accident scene, and He was with her still as she faced the days ahead at the hospital.
I still cry, but I cry for God’s goodness. It is unchanging, and joy always comes in the morning. Holy Spirit, you are welcome here. In our grieving, in our laughter, in our mourning, in our praise, and in our peace. In our prayers for others, and in our thanksgiving, may you flood our hearts with more of you.
Denise Bayer says
Beautiful and I too love “Holy Spirit” song.
https://youtu.be/kAOdP2MsZ2o
You’re such a beautiful soul, Brie.?
Hugs,
Denise
brieann.rn@gmail.com says
Thank you.
Julie says
When you are in the moment, he gives you the Grace to endure…after all his strength is made perfect in our weakness. Thank you Brie for helping to bear my burden during this MOST difficult thing I have ever experienced. It really feels good to be here in a bubble of prayer.
brieann.rn@gmail.com says
I love you, my friend. I’m interceding for you all. He upholds you with His righteous right hand.
Ruthie says
Precious tears. Sometimes I want to b hard and not cry, but your post reminded me that even those tears are precious to the Lord. I never thought of my tears over a FB entry would be precious to Him. Thank you my friend. This touched a deep place in my heart. And yes, I will pray for Ethan.
brieann.rn@gmail.com says
Thank you. Missed your voice tonight.
Elaine Jarratt says
So often your posts bless me. This one wrecks me with such overwhelming truth and love. Thamk you for your tender spirit and your willingness to open yourself and pour into so many of us and your patients.
brieann.rn@gmail.com says
Thank you so much.