The other day I decided I wanted to spend some time with my husband. We sat down on the couch together, shooed the children away, and… Promptly fell asleep. It was kinda sad cause we’re old and tired, but in all honesty it was also awesome. Not just the nap part, which I desperately needed, but also the fact that our relationship was so comfy that we could fall asleep on one another without worry.
In a marriage, especially if your partner is your best friend, there are not constantly lofty expectations or the requirement of continuous reciprocation. You know the relationship is solid, and you serve one another out of love, not out of what you may get in return.
In the dictionary significant is defined as important and worthy of attention. When your spouse is your significant other your marriage takes on certain characteristics you won’t see with simple dating. It moves into a sacrificial, unconditional love relationship that is grounded in mutual trust, and it is played out daily with your interactions.
Here’s five signs your spouse is indeed your significant other.
1. You can do nothing. No, this doesn’t mean you do nothing for your relationship. It means you don’t have to. It’s kinda like serving God. Works will get you nowhere. God doesn’t expect your actions of service to receive His love. He just gives it. You serve Him because you love Him, not so He’ll love you. It’s similar in marriage.
In a strong marriage you don’t have to impress your spouse. You don’t have to buy expensive jewelry or gadgets. You don’t have to go to fancy restaurants to show them that you care. You can hold hands, go for a walk, or fall asleep on the couch together.
When you’re secure in your marriage you don’t do things for your spouse to make them love you more. You just do it because you love them. So when you do decide to do something special it’s out of love, not out of a need to prove something.
2. You give them the benefit of the doubt. Ya’ll, living with someone is hard. You’re going to have different habits, differences of opinion, and varying ideas of what’s noteworthy and what is not. If you want to make it together longer than a couple of months then you have to understand that your spouse doesn’t do that one really annoying thing just to get under your skin. You don’t work any harder; the work you do is just different. You learn to trust because that’s a part of love. You don’t dissect every word, every stray glance or cross word, and you don’t snoop around searching for some sort of inadequacy or inequity.
So you don’t search through phones and all through the underwear drawer. You don’t check up on or follow behind discreetly. You treat your spouse like a grown-up, and they act like one in return. You say something once, maybe twice, but don’t feel it necessary to naggingly repeat the same request over and over again.
Mutual respect. It’s a two-way street.
3. You don’t sweat the small stuff. A continuation of number two, you don’t let little things drive a wedge between the two of you. You stop, take a moment, and ask yourself is this really worth getting all riled up about?
You give grace to one another. You treat one another with mutual consideration, but also understand everyone has an off day. You realize we each have certain idiosyncrasies that make us unique, and yes, even slightly exasperating, but you love one another anyway! Perfectly imperfect.
You also take the time to see what’s really important in life, and nine times out of ten it ain’t hair in the sink, dirty laundry in the floor, or an affection for reality TV. Let it go. Make love, not war.
4. Serve selflessly. When your spouse is worthy of affection in your eyes you serve them not out of obligation, but out of love. Any efforts you deliver are a labor of love, not loaded with expectation. In other words, it’s not “what can you do for me,” but rather “what can I do for you?”
How can I show my love today?
How can I make my spouse feel special?
Beautiful?
Needed?
You don’t search for acts of service to prove yourself or to get something back. It’s like you’re compelled. You’re driven to give back to this person who gives you such pleasure and joy. You could no more refuse to serve your partner than you could to breathe. It gives you fulfillment to make your spouse feel special, and there is no greater joy for you than the smile on their face when they say, “thank you. I love you so much.”
5. You love them for who they are. You love them for who they are to you, not who they are to the world. And not for what they can do for you. You love their faults, their mistakes, and their failures. Not because you love messiness or mistakes, but because when you love someone you love every part, even the junk.
When you love someone unconditionally you don’t love their faults, per se, you just love them despite it. You don’t expect them to come to you without baggage, but if they’re willing you help them unpack. You don’t take their problems as your own, and you don’t make excuses when they are wrong, but you do support them in their imperfection, offer a hand when they fall flat, and never forget that we all are lacking in some way.
You don’t try to change them at all. Only the good Lord is in that business. But you do support them through the painful process of alteration.
Marriage isn’t always easy, but it is a commitment, and when you value your spouse’s life you see them through the eyes of Christ. You’re slow to anger, even slower to speak, quick to listen, and even quicker to forgive. When you can strive to see your spouse as your significant other this all begins to fall in place.