I sat patiently, yet also impatiently, if that makes sense, waiting my turn to see the doctor. I gazed down at the peaceful face of my week old baby sleeping in my lap, and I knew that she was doing well. But I wanted to hear him say it.
Do you ever stop? Do you ever stop worrying?
My third child. She was the third time I was giving this motherhood thing another spin, yet as I sat in the pediatrician’s office for her first check-up, a part of me felt like a first-time mom.
That part that wondered, was she growing? Did she weigh enough? I thought her skin color looked swell, but was it?!
And breastfeeding. Sigh. Breastfeeding. One part of many parts of mothering that I absolutely adore. I mean, is there anything quite as magical as nurturing your child completely from your own body? It’s one of my favorite things, yet it hasn’t gotten easier as I’ve gone along. I suppose it has in a way, but then it also hasn’t. It’s still tough. Because of the worries. The worries if I’m doing it right.
Do you ever stop? Do you ever stop worrying?
She latched on my breast like a champ from the moment she touched my chest, but that didn’t stop me from wondering the night we first came home, “when is she gonna pee already?!”
I scoured breastfeeding websites for things I had forgotten. A veteran breastfeeder searching the Internet for advice!
What if I’m starving her? What if she’s getting dehydrated?!
Her happy disposition, skin turgor, and poopy diapers told me she was fine, yet I couldn’t help myself. I couldn’t not question myself.
Do you ever stop? Do you ever stop worrying?
Even when you know in your heart you’re doing well.
Even when your children are happy, healthy, and whole.
Do you ever stop worrying if you’re doing it right?
I listened raptly today as the baby doctor sang my newborn’s praises. I smiled in a relaxed manner as he spoke of growth percentiles and the weight she had gained. And as he proclaimed, “she’s doing great,” I nodded my head in agreement, and all the while my heart danced a jig.
Do you ever stop worrying?
I suppose you do not.
Even when your mommy heart whispers “it’s ok,” your frantic mommy brain worries on.
1 Peter 5:7
Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.
Do you ever stop worrying?
I suppose it’s just human nature to worry a little bit. But I’m thankful I can cast my anxieties on Him when they become more than I can bear.
Which subsequently happens to be quite often in this motherhood thing.
Denise says
Awww… She’s so beautiful, Brie!! Enjoy round three…. What a blessing!!
brieann.rn@gmail.com says
Thank you!
Heather says
Congrats!
brieann.rn@gmail.com says
Thank you!
Rebekah says
We welcomed baby #5 into our lives this year, and I can tell you that no, we don’t stop worrying. My little boy is seven months old now, and still doing great, but I have the same questions constantly in the back of my mind. “Is he getting enough milk?” “All of his siblings sat up before this… is he developmentally delayed?” and anything else under the sun that I can think of to worry about. Then I am reminded of the load of cloth diapers that I wash every morning that is solid proof of an adequate diet, not to mention the fact that at seven months he is already 20lbs, despite being born a month early. Granted, he was 7lbs, 7oz, 20″ at birth, but still. There’s a lot there for him to have to move around, so it is understandable for it to take a little longer to build the needed muscle strength. And he’s getting there… he can’t quite figure out how to sit himself up yet, but he can stay sitting unsupported for about 30 seconds now.
All that to say, you are not alone! I also fight that battle almost daily to remember to cast my cares on the Father. Matthew 6:25-34 is my favorite passage to read when I’m struggling with this. The short version is that God provides and cares so gloriously for the birds in the sky and even the flowers in the field, but for us? He tells us not to worry, but to focus first on Him and His Kingdom. He’s got this. 🙂
brieann.rn@gmail.com says
Thank you so much for commenting and sharing.