I sat quietly on a beach towel resting on the sand, and I looked all around me as the wind blew my hair to and fro. In each direction I looked my eyes were privy to the beauty of nature, and I had trouble knowing where I should finally let them rest. A cloud moved ever so slightly, and a persistent beam of dulled sunshine illuminated the sand at my feet.
And suddenly I felt overwhelmed. My throat clinched, my eyes burned, and I realized that hot tears knocked quickly behind my lashes, begging for an exit down my cheeks.
This life sometimes was too much for me, and as unexpected tears flowed down my face a second time that day I realized God was too big for me.
Earlier in the day I had stood along the tideline with my daughter. An overcast day, a strong wind blowing, and large cascades of powerful waves crashed in a swift rhythm at our feet. She laughed and frolicked in the spray, but also faltered her footing in awe at how strong the current could be. Only four inches of water at her ankles, but it moved with the ferocity of a forklift. The sheer might of its pull threatened to upend her.
As I sat later in the sand my thoughts traveled back to that scene of my child, powerless when held beside the velocity of the sea, yet somehow able to stand in its waters, to feel the greatness all around her. I realized that scene explained my tears. It mirrored my own feelings at the moment.
We’re often so busy with life that we take little time to notice. Sunsets become a commonplace light show, and the miracle of childbirth loses its fascination to some. Occasionally it even becomes an inconvenience rather than a marvel, and we are almost blind to the majesty displayed at our every sideward glance.
Yet as I sat in the white sand, the vast ocean to my right, and another endless display of blue-gray sky and wispy clouds above me, I could not ignore the beauty. I couldn’t neglect the glory. The power of God’s presence pressed in all around me, and the weight of His creation consumed my spirit. I wept because I knew no other way to handle it, and in that moment God was indeed too big for me. I was just a small child losing her footing in the sand as massive waves fell all about me.
I suppose it’s good to take a clearer notice of the wonders all around, to remember how small we are in comparison to how great big of a God we serve. For me I’m usually brought to tears in those moments, I’m overcome with emotion and dumbfounded joy. And for that moment He is indeed too big for my little heart to handle.
I serve a mighty God, a creator who controls the raging sea, but also one who pays acute attention to the loveliest details of even the tiniest seashell on the sandy shore. He holds me in His hand, and I hold Him in my heart. Even in all His might and power He still loves little old me.