I was recently speaking with a colleague, and he said something about broken women that made a lot of sense to me.
He said, “Broken women have either been hugged too little, or they have been hugged too much.”
Human hearts can be complex things, but they are also very simple. When you look at basic, psychological and emotional needs they’re pretty cut and dry. It’s like we were made similar to an empty container, and our innate desire is one that needs to be filled. We desire acceptance. We desire affection. We desire love.
You start out in life full of hope, trust, and a longing to give and receive affection. Look at any young child and you will see what I mean. My daughters are huggers, and they will spontaneously wrap their arms around a stranger without provocation. Just ask the man who renewed my car tag last week. To show her appreciation for his service my four year old affectionately squeezed him around his waist as we went to leave. You see, she’s whole. She hasn’t been broken.
But sadly nothing will take away the desire to give love like the action of withdrawing it. A young girl who longs for the hug or affection from an increasingly absent parent will begin to wonder why she is so un-huggable. Why is she so unlovable? What about her made him leave?! A once happy, whole girl will suffer the penetrating pain of rejection in the absence of parental love. And she will become broken.
Nothing builds a taller, stronger wall than a heart that is trying to protect itself. When a tender heart has been broken once it will pull out all the stops to prevent another derailment. It will say, “No! You can’t sit here! Keep moving.” A once willing soul eager for love becomes a hardened, cynical creature with a distaste for anything that resembles a promising relationship. This broken vessel fears further heartache at all costs. Wounded by another, now all future encounters will pay the price for her hurt.
If she doesn’t completely shy away from affection she may be more inclined to sway in the other direction. She will frantically seek affection, acceptance, love. She’ll jump in head first to any relationship that appears to offer that “hug” that she’s been missing. She’ll jump again and again, blindly and hungrily seeking love, and when she’s rejected for her over-enthusiasm it will only serve to further wound her already scarred heart.
She’ll give up who she is, become who she thinks people want her to be, and offer herself shamelessly all in the name of love. Or the idea of love that she so desires.
She is broken.
Sounds like I’m talking from personal experience, doesn’t it?
Recently a certain, unfortunate story concerning a family of “19 kids and counting” became huge news. Despite differing opinions, overall it was an extremely sensitive topic due to the victims involved. Regardless of the specifics of that particular situation, or your feelings about it, overall no one likes to see a child hurt. And the truth is that the act of unwanted, unwarranted sexual actions will rip away a piece of a young lady forever. “Too many hugs,” so to speak, becomes the recipe for a broken woman. An innocence forever stripped away without permission leaves a deep crevice tearing through a heart that only desired love, not to be taken advantage of.
Rejection versus exploitation, and neither leaves a whole girl whole; it only leaves her broken.
A child who suffers the scars of sexual abuse may manifest herself similarly to the rejected woman. She’ll also build up walls, fear commitment, accept unhealthy, unsatisfying relationships as her lot in life, or have an unrealistic ideal that her body is an object that can be used by whomever desires to use and abuse it.
So open, honest hearts that were designed to hope, trust, and give/receive beautiful love to overflowing suddenly become like a clinched fist. The knuckles turn white, losing needed blood flow, and the pain of such an intense, continuous gesture leaves a person sore and dissatisfied. A wonderful design that was implemented by God becomes infected by the sin of the world, and happy girls become broken women.
Perhaps you’ve come across a broken woman in your life. You may have even disregarded her behavior as it has become so commonplace in today’s world that it’s hardly noticed anymore. Broken women abound, yet deep inside them all a young girl resides still longing to be happy.
Loving a broken woman isn’t easy. In fact, it’s downright challenging. You’ll be confronted with deep hurt and fear, huge walls to scale, hurdles of distrust to overcome, and some wounds that you can never heal for her. Some wounds have to be left to her Father, the healer of the brokenhearted.
Psalm 147:3
He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.
Whether too many unwanted hugs, or too little wanted ones, a fragile, little girl’s heart and spirit is easily broken by man. Healing it when she is a woman is the harder part.
In your daily encounters with the broken of this world be sensitive to their behaviors. Their walls are with reason, and their insecurity has a root cause. The best you can do is love them honestly, deeply, and with faith that healing can come. And always remember to hug them when they need it, and to let go of them when they don’t.
ruthiespage says
this is excellent! thank you
brieann.rn@gmail.com says
Thank you.