I’m reaching towards the end of my first trimester in pregnancy, and this past weekend I noticed for the first time that tingling feeling starting in my breasts. It was a feeling similar to your foot that’s fallen asleep after it begins to wake up with the pinprick feelings of returning blood supply. It was also a feeling I was familiar with, and I knew it signified the beginning of another breastfeeding journey.
The thought filled me with joy and excitement for I knew what lay ahead. I knew the contentment I would enjoy by feeding another baby from my body, but I also remembered the challenges that would be in store.
While breastfeeding is a wondrous thing it is also a challenge, and the first time around it’s actually exasperatedly exhausting and stressful. I read a lot of books before hand, but I don’t think any acquired amount of book knowledge can prepare you for the difficult road ahead.
Here’s five ugly truths I learned the hard way.
1. You’ll have no idea what you’re doing! Despite all the books, videos, and conversations with other experts in lactation when it came time to actually breastfeed I was like, so what do I do again?! Immediately following her birth I remember my newborn latched on immediately. I thought, I’m made for this. I got this thing licked! But then I was bombarded with the reality of not knowing a thing.
The next time I saw my baby, after some time in the nursery, I brought her to my breast, albeit awkwardly, and she squinted at my nipple like it was a foreign object. I clumsily changed positions, holds, and breasts trying to make it easier for us. I looked back at diagrams in the books, I manipulated my nipple painfully into her tiny mouth, undressing her to try and make her wake up and eat! She slept, my breasts became enormously engorged, and I worried, what am I doing wrong?!
2. You’ll do it all the time! In our quest to conquer breastfeeding my newborn and I adopted the old adage of practice makes perfect. We practiced all right. The first two weeks I was glued to my recliner, a boppie pillow in my lap, and my husband helplessly bringing glass after glass of ice water for my parched throat.
I read babies breastfed every two hours, but here I was breastfeeding all day long. We would nurse for about an hour where somewhere along the way she would doze off. Heck, maybe I did too. But eventually we would both wake to the liquid explosion emitting from her Pampers swaddler, and I would pry myself from my throne to change another poopie diaper. She would cry relentlessly, and I would finally settle her screeching tears by putting my breast back in her mouth.
Repeat above paragraph, over and over.
Somewhere along the way I figured out how to put her down for those thirty minute naps before she doodied again, and in that golden half hour would eat, use the toilet, or collapse into an exhausted heap on the couch. Then I’d breastfeed some more. It was pretty much my new thing.
3. You can’t quantify it! Despite all the time we were spending breastfeeding, like all the time, the hardest part for me was being unable to see what she was eating. Since I had no idea what I was doing I was plagued with questions like “when will my milk come in?” Or “am I making enough?” I wondered helplessly, “is she eating enough?” Even, “what if I’m starving her?!”
Breasts don’t have notches along the side that tell you how much is in there. You can’t look at them afterwards and see what’s left. You have no number of ounces drank. You’re basically winging it, and though books and lactation specialists will give you basic guidelines of how long to nurse on each side, when it comes down to it every breast and every baby is different! You’re left looking at the clock, putting scrunchies on your bra strap to remember which boob was used last, counting wet diapers, and trying to decipher if your baby is crying because they’re hungry, gassy, or simply because they’re a newborn baby. After all, crying is kind of their thing.
4. It will hurt! I can honestly take great joy in saying that it gets better over time, and by the time you go to nurse your second child your nipples are pretty callous to the discomfort of suckling. But that first week. Sheesh!
When I first discovered lanolin I thought I was in heaven. I remember rolling over one morning that first week and looking down in shock at the monstrosities on my chest. They were ginormous, they were shiny with a scary, accompanying roadmap of veins, and my nipples looked like the floor of the Sahara. They were dry, cracked, and to my amazement, bleeding! Lord have mercy, I never knew!
As a side note, if you’re a new mom, new to breastfeeding, and considering nursing your future child, please remember the above painful paragraph doesn’t happen to every woman, and most importantly it doesn’t last. Any great, wonderful thing usually involves sacrifice. Kind of like the whole pregnancy and childbirth scenario, period.
5. Your body is not your own! While pregnant you have to watch everything you do. You have to watch what you eat, caffeine consumption, activity, and medicines you take. It’s exhausting. Well, breastfeeding is basically an extension of that, and if you choose to breastfeed for eighteen months or more like I did then it’s a lengthy one.
When you nurse you don’t have to limit yourself to the extent you did while pregnant, but you can’t go crazy chugging coffee or wine either. You must make certain that medications you take are safe with breastfeeding, and initially you can drive yourself insane trying to soothe baby’s tummy based on your dietary restrictions. Don’t let that consume you; it can be very demotivating to continued breastfeeding. And while your body is still not your own if you decide to nurse, you learn to make it work for you both. You also realize six months, or even eighteen months more of sharing your body isn’t really a long time in the grand scheme of the eighteen years or so that your child will be at home.
The thing is breastfeeding is tough, and there are a ton of ugly truths you never realize until, and/or if, you make the decision to nurse your baby. It’s a challenge, and it’s not always fun. But then it’s wonderful. Then you wonder why you ever doubted doing it. You wonder if you want to stop, and sometimes you extend breastfeeding past the typically popular first year. Then you surprise yourself one day, and you realize you love breastfeeding. Ugly truths and all.
Tabitha Ward says
Great blog! I try to prepare new mom’s especially. Most think it’s a piece of cake. Me as the NICU nurse on the other side also get exhausted telling parents over and over. I will continue to do it because I am a strong believer in breastfeeding. So many benefits for the baby.
brieann.rn@gmail.com says
Thank you! Agreed, the pros outweigh the cons.
Keturah Case says
All true. The pain for me was more like two weeks. For me all these things were also repeated with second child. This left me very confused, I was suppose to know how this was done after all I successfully lasted 18 months with first child. New Moms need support, thank God I had some or I might have given up. All very true. Thanks for the reminder of many years ago!
brieann.rn@gmail.com says
Thanks for commenting. I was so grateful for family support and forums like La Leche League. I’ll be interested to see how this third time goes. Lol.
Alicia says
And then you wean them (far too close to their 3rd birthday for some peoples liking) and you miss it terribly and it makes you terribly sad!!
brieann.rn@gmail.com says
I know what you mean about missing it. It was easier for me to wean with my second child knowing that I’d be having a third baby.
Ashley says
Very true! I have been pregnant and/or breastfeeding for the better part of 4 years! It’s hard, annoying and very difficult at times ESP working full time and having to pump constantly (very time consuming for me unfortunately). But I figure it’s a small part of my life in the grand scheme and if I can give them the best possible nutrition right from my body then I should try to give as much as I can for as long as I can!
brieann.rn@gmail.com says
Thank you.
I agree with you.
Bre says
This post was much needed for me! At this time I’m 32 weeks and it’s become very important to me to breastfeed my child! I have ready many books but I know I’m still unprepared for what’s to come and will just have to experience it. But every time it’s mentioned all you hear is negative feedback and horror stories! It makes you almost fear it like it’s impossible. It’s refreshing to hear the honest truth but in a sense of its totally worth it as well!
brieann.rn@gmail.com says
I have a passion for breastfeeding, actually. It’s wonderful. Reach out to me on the contact page of this blog and I’ll be glad to answer any questions for you.