When I became pregnant with my first child I was constantly being offered comments of congratulations and well wishes from everyone I encountered. I was given multiple baby showers, words of encouragement, and plenty of advice.
When I told everyone of the expectation of my second child I was offered congrats again, but perhaps on a lower level of excitement. I received a surprising number of “maybe this time it will be a boy” comments, and plenty of “bless your heart” condolences when people saw me pregnant with a toddler in tow. I was given an obligatory baby shower, for which I was grateful, but there certainly, and understandably wasn’t the fanfare I received with my first baby.
With the recent announcement of my third pregnancy I have received a large number of well wishes sure, but I’ve also received a surprising number of folks in shock. There’s been a lot of wide-eyed “wows” as if I have made the decision to do something very exceptional with my reproductive freedoms. Of note, aside from the speechless faces and mouths agape, I’ve heard a particular phrase way more than I expected.
“You do know what causes that, right?”
While I’m extremely easy going and always in favor of a good-humored jab I suppose this specific question hasn’t settled well in my mind. I’ve never wanted to be that overly sensitive person, but some forethought before speaking is something we all could practice. The question of whether I understand how babies are created seems to imply that my decision to make one wasn’t the most appropriate, or perhaps that it was even a mistake.
The decision to have your first child is easily celebrated, and a second is understood as the desire to create the perfect nuclear family, but after that folks start getting nervous. Counting my stepchild we have three girls, and the idea of adding a fourth makes the masses heads spin. Or so it seems from questions asking me if I really meant to conceive another.
In fact some people assume we’re just giving it a last ditch effort to get a boy, when in all reality we would jump with joy over another daughter.
I even heard a rumor that we took our house off the market because we were getting a divorce, so perhaps some might infer this pregnancy as a desperate scheme to save an apparent, failing marriage. (I almost couldn’t write that part for laughing out loud at the absurdity).
Perhaps the reality is so hard to swallow, but here it is for all to know.
We chose to have a fourth child. It wasn’t an accident, and we’re actually really excited. In fact we’re not even sure if this will be our last.
We enjoy our children, and we believe they’re a blessing to our life. We like a big family, and we don’t mind making the sacrifices required to give each one the emotional and physical necessities they need to be happy and healthy kids. A big family is crazy, but we embrace the chaos and we adore the hectic lifestyle it includes. There’s nothing wrong with deciding to have a small family, just like there’s nothing wrong with deciding to not have children at all. It all comes down to what you personally desire, and that should be the end of it.
As far as our growing family goes we promise we won’t ask you to babysit, pay hospital bills, or contribute to their college fund. So unless you’re really torn up about the carbon footprint we’re making a simple congrats will suffice.
The fact remains that as long as we feel we can provide financially, emotionally, and physically for our kids we’ll keep going until my uterus or God tells us to stop.
The bottom line is we like the way things are going in our growing family, and what we think is all that really matters in the end. It just so happens that we do know what causes it. But thanks for asking.
My true, heartfelt thanks go to everyone who has supported our crazy journey. Thanks for joining us in this celebration of life.
Denise says
I absolutely ADORE having FOUR children, and would have loved to have had more! Really, I can’t imagine not having at least four, but to each their own. Here’s what really “causes it”… LOVE!! Ain’t it grande??!
brieann.rn@gmail.com says
It sure is! Thanks Denise.
Rhonda says
You know my opinion on this. I have 7 children while 3 are my step-children they are mine. See I had 3 children and Alan had 3 children when we said our I Dos and we decided that we wanted a child together. I had surgery right before we got married to remove an ovary and had 3 biopsies done on my cervix n uterus bc my mirena had punctured my uterus. So we decided to try right out of the gate. And 4 weeks later we were pregnant Deven was born exactly 8.5 months after we were married. Now I know you’ve heard me talk and rant and yell about my children bc 7 ranging in ages 5 to 14 years old is a lot. However I wouldn’t trade one single minute of the chaos, the ball games, the excitement and the joy of my children. We got the whole are y’all crazy or you need an anatomy lesson to figure out where they come from. The best question is how do you feed them and my response is always one of 2 things:
1.) Pick 5 for 19.99 goes a long way
Or
2.) We only let the even number ages eat on Monday Wednesday and Fridays and everyone eats on the opposite days.
I’m pretty sure I pay my bills, put clothes on my kids backs, and food in their mouth, so just let it roll off n tell ’em to suck it!
Lucinda says
I am with ya on this!! My husband and I have u together also, although the don’t all live with us there are occasions when they are all here together. And the chaos…is beautiful! And when we decide to add more to our brood, well then that will be our decision!! But I’m gonna seriously look into the Monday, Wednesday, Friday even ages feedings….seem like it could definitely cut down the grocery bill!! ???
Lucinda says
*7 instead of u
Teri says
CONGRATS!!! No eye rolls here! LOL
brieann.rn@gmail.com says
Thank you!
AnneW says
You will never, never, never regret this decision. One of your best and you will be blessed all your days because of it.
brieann.rn@gmail.com says
Thank you!
Amber says
Mother of 4 here- it is a crazy life but I wouldn’t have it any other way. They are 15, 14, 4, and 2….3 sweet boys and then a sweet girl. God was so good to us giving us 2 more when our hearts yearned so much. Love my babies. Congratulations on #4!!!!!!
brieann.rn@gmail.com says
Thank you so much!
Krystal says
CONGRATULATIONS! You and your family are beautiful. I remember how excited you were during your second pregnancy. You are a wonderful mother and if you want ten children my blessings are with you and your growing family!
brieann.rn@gmail.com says
Thank you so much!
Sandra says
Those that make that comment are those that couldn’t handle having that many children. I planned to have one but my heavenly Father wrote my story another way. Then I married into more children. Now there are 4 in our home and my husband has 2 that are grown. I stay stressed and tired, but I wouldn’t give them up for nothing. I love them all dearly.
Mandy says
I would have loved to have children but it never happened. Everyone asks why not adopt and my answer is always we couldn’t afford it at the time! I do regret we didn’t! YOU decide about your children NO ONE else does. The more the merrier is what I say! Children are a GIFT!!!!! I am behind you 150%!
brieann.rn@gmail.com says
Thank you so much for commenting!
Michele says
Congratulations! We have six kids and three foster children as well now. The comments get more absurd with each one, but I have figured that nine must be the magic number that allows people to lose their mind. Last week in the grocery store, after telling her we had nine children, I heard “goodness! Don’t you know what abortion is?!” People have no filter and most if them are just idiots.
brieann.rn@gmail.com says
Oh my gosh. I probably would have fainted if someone said that to me. Crazy.
Thank you.
Jamie says
First of all…remind “those” people to read your blog about wanting another child. Second, children are a gift from God. He will always provide. Lastly, Congratulations!!
Another thought…disclaimer: I’m an ER nurse. I’ve seen the families with lots of kids, some even with different fathers/mothers. I get frustrated when parents don’t provide for their kids. I want these children to be loved, cleaned, and fed. If you’re (generic “you”) able to do all those things, then the more the merrier! Raise children up in the ways of the Lord and send them out to make a difference in this world…that’s my goal!!
Diana says
First of all CONGRATS! Children are such blessings! Secondly, I’ve never understood why people need to say anything at all no matter if you have 1 or 100! It baffles me.
Rita Flanagan says
Very well said and written hun. Proud to see you so happy and fulfilled in your life. Your mom is smilling down on you. Keep up the good work and keep those babies happy because they are the greatest gift we can ever recieve from god.
brieann.rn@gmail.com says
Thank you!
faith adego says
Brie thank you so much for a wonderful article! I don’t have kids but I intend to in the near future but its sad how people judge when you either have them or not. I love your growing family and from a fellow nurse I say congragulations are in order!