The first trimester of pregnancy is known for its vast presentation of varying symptoms that let the expectant mother know she is carrying a baby. I don’t know about those women on the show “I Didn’t Know I Was Pregnant,” because for me there is never a doubt.
Almost immediately I am confronted with fatigue, sore gums, a stuffy nose, and a fuzzy mind. Sometimes sore muscles and insomnia start right away. They certainly have this time around.
One of my least favorite symptoms of pregnancy is nausea. For me it’s never been just morning sickness, but has been lunch time sickness, dinner sickness, and especially bedtime sickness. I’ve always been the kind of girl that would opt for a cold for two weeks over one day of a stomach virus. I hate feeling like I’m going to hurl. But I find myself actually embracing that feeling of nausea lately.
Shortly after discovering I was with child I found out a friend of mine was expecting too, but it wasn’t with a joyful heart that she shared the news. Instead she sought my prayers for her new baby’s safety, and she told me of her positive pregnancy test while waiting to be seen in the ER.
I prayed, and I awaited an update. I absently rubbed my flat tummy that hadn’t even begun to swell, and I noticed the nausea I felt under the surface of my other emotions.
I still felt nauseated a couple of hours later when she called me back with the news.
“I lost it.” She said. And my mommy heart hurt for her.
But still I felt nauseated.
Somewhere inside me a baby was growing, and for that I felt my morning sickness. Even though it was late afternoon.
That next day I had driven down the wet streets, a temporary lull in the constant rain allowed me to see clearly through my windshield. I hated the rain.
As I looked at the roadside quickly passing I realized a change had come in my surroundings. Somewhere in the midst of all that annoying rain the trees had blossomed into a brilliant green. They stood tall, vibrant, even as the remaining drops of so much water fell from their boughs.
My eyes surveyed the grand, majestic scene of green, and my hand touched my stomach in prayer. I still felt nauseated, and that was good. It was awesome in fact. The morning sickness, the fatigue, my aching gums, they all reminded me of the wonderful happenings inside my womb.
Nothing great occurs without some measure of sacrifice. Most opportunity and growth is proceeded by the uncomfortable, the inconvenient, or the misunderstood. Even if I couldn’t see why pain proceeded blessing it made it no less of a blessing to me.
As I thought of my friend’s loss I felt so sad for her, but I also felt shame for wishing my symptoms away. They were mine. My reminder of great things in store, and that somehow changed my whole outlook. I could handle whatever the next couple of trimesters sent my way.
I watched the towering trees of green waving me on my way, I touched my belly, and I felt nauseated. And that was fine.