Dear Sir or Madam,
I’m writing you this little correspondence in regards to that sticky situation that occurs when you walk onto my unit before I am aware. In that instance when I am sprawled out in a rolling chair with the back reclined, a Diet Coke in hand you will walk unexpectedly around the corner. You will see me laughing, and perhaps almost be infected yourself by my jovial chuckle. But in this particular moment you will be quite certain that I am in fact doing nothing. You will assume that I am performing the carnal sin of nursing by not actually doing a thing.
Well, I must be honest with you. At the moment, the truth is… I am doing nothing. You will have caught me red-handed doing zilch.
In that moment of discovery of my apparent boredom you will be inspired to find me something with which to occupy my mind. But before you do I thought I would explain the part you do not see.
Here’s the rest of the story.
What you may not know is what transpired over the past eight hours prior to my eventual sit down. I’m honestly surprised I can even muster the strength to sip my caffeinated beverage after the misery three quarters of my shift has presented.
When you see me sitting at the nurse’s station you will not know that I have been fighting all day. Not fighting with my coworkers, as they are the best sweet assistance I have in times of trouble. No, I’ve been fighting for life.
I’ve been fighting to keep a confused patient experiencing DTs from climbing out of the bed. I’ve been fighting to secure her airway, and fighting to maintain her heart rate and blood pressure to numbers more compatible with life.
I’ve been fighting to maintain my composure for my patient’s family as I explain in moments of serious stress what are the best options for their mom right now. I’ve been fighting not to cry as I hold an emotional daughter. I know that I can cry later, but certainly not when life-saving interventions are my top priority. After all, I’m fighting to keep mom around.
I’ve been fighting my own emotions as the continued stress of hour after hour of chaos mixed with nursing skills are performed over and over, and over. I fight the urge to not breakdown as more and more is demanded of me to keep my patient at the level of care she needs to be, and the worry over if I’m doing everything right tries to crush me.
What if I make a mistake in all this rush? Indeed I’ve been fighting time. There just doesn’t seem to be enough of it despite the realistic length of twelve hours.
I’ve been fighting the urge to walk away at my most frazzled moment, but I think we both know I could never do that. There’s no way I could leave my patient in their hour of need. Or anytime for that matter.
So what you cannot see when you see me laughing is that I’m doing that so I will not cry. I’m doing that to combat the emotional and physical unraveling of the past eight hours so that I will not completely fade away. My spontaneous joy is battling against fatigue, burnout, and stress. I’m fighting to keep my love for my job. Because honestly, some days you really have to fight.
But I understand that you may not see that. You will see me sitting, and that is all you’ll see. You will be unable to fathom how my day has gone thus far, and in your understandable blindness to my frayed nerves you will be unable to allow me that moment of much needed rest. Instead you will feel obligated to keep me busy.
So while I understand chart audits, follow up phone calls, and tidying the unit are important tasks I will ask that this one time you just let it slide. After all, though I look relaxed for the moment we both know that it’s only the calm before the next storm.
Please allow me that brief time on dry land before I am thrown back into the raging sea.
Sincerely,
Your Exhausted Nurse
Denise says
Love it.. Love it!! SLAM!!!
brieann.rn@gmail.com says
Thanks!
Carolyn says
Nailed it!!! Great read! !
brieann.rn@gmail.com says
Thank you!
Shae says
Respectfully, maybe you should try and put yourself in the shoes of a nurse manager before ragging on them in a letter like this…. A large majority of staff nurses have no idea the immense amount of stress, pressure, and politics nurse managers take on and shield you from. To you they seem like nurses who no longer know how to be nurses or remember what it’s like… When the truth is most of us wouldn’t last a second in their shoes. We go home after 12 hours…They are on call for their unit 24/7, 7 days a week, 365 days a year, (I’m sure you don’t fully realize that)..they are responsible for and have to answer for everything that happens in that unit. They fight for you and stand in front of the fire for you. So as a fellow staff nurse and a daughter of a nursing director I think you should walk a mile in their shoes. I respect and understand the feeling of fraying emotionally and being in the middle of the storm that can be a 12 hour shift… But this is a little childish. Maybe you should thank them instead of criticizing. Just some food for thought.
brieann.rn@gmail.com says
Thanks for the comment. I didn’t see it as “ragging” on a manager, but rather as telling the staff nurse’s side of the story. I do know what they put into it, I’ve done it myself in the military. After my experience I decided I did not like management. So definitely props to them all. I think you’re taking this beyond what I intended. It’s not a stab at management. It’s just me speaking out loud.
Retno says
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Tj says
Agreed. As anursing executive director, the heat that we take is immense and it’s constant. Unfortunately we don’t get to sit and unplug we are always on always waiting to defend, always having to be in the spotlight. It is mentally stressful and it hurts as well I think we should all say we’re all exhausted.
Tracy says
Brieann,
At first I thought your side of the story was to anyone coming upon you sitting there, then went back & read the title.
I too feel the need to defend my “idialness.” I for one did not think you were griping to management, I thought you were asking them to stop & look at the whole picture before making assumption of you not doing anything at that moment.
It is hard to be “On” for straight 12 hours, worse when you have a critcal patient & family you have to deal with. You are not just taking care of the patient anymore…..you are also taking care of family. Sometimes its 2….sometimes 8 or 10 extra people.
Yes the managers have been were you are now, Shae & Tj…..but on the other hand when nurses are working short, with 10-15 patients apiece….it is rare for a manager to come in & help out. When they already there, yes I have seen them come out & help, but again it is rare & only have I seen this being done in the last 5 years. Sink or swim….that is a nurses motto. This is the only profession I know of that we eat our co-workers. Instead of telling her she should walk in a managers shoes…..how they stand in front of firing squad all the time, maybe we, you, Shae & Tj should stand behind/with Brieann & help get things change so more nurse can be hired to work the unit. It has been routine to have 1 RN-1 tech for 10 patients. In ICU its 1 RN for 2-3 patients. That is the norm for most units. Then you have to work around all the tests/prodcedures that needs to have done and if that is not enough….you have to also deal with family. Also on the rare occasion you are taking care of the spouse too.
So please Shae & Tj help your fellow nurse to get things changed, so patients have better care, nurses have time to sit & speak/listen to their patients needs/wants/companionship. And on that occasion when that nurse needs a break of do nothing, because of traumatic event…they can.
Sincerely,
Tracy, RN
I have worked in Nursing for 20+ years from Nursing homes to hospitals. Worked med/surg/tele, onc to now current ED. My management now that I have….is the best I have ever seen. So hopefully things will change, but it has to come from management….they have to put in the request for additional staff. Put in the leg work, paperwork to show the additional staff is needed. I am sorry I regress & I am on another soap box. What I am saying is….We/Us nurses need to support one another.